Learning to Love (New Zealand Sailing #1)

Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Ellie

It feels a bit strange to think of Sam’s house as my house as well. Daisy has settled in well, and I’ve met a few of the neighbours already. Naveen and Carl from next door already offered to pet sit Daisy, and judging by how she acts around them, wagging her tail like crazy, I think I'll take them up on the offer.

Corinne, a friend of a friend, took my old room in Tayla’s house, and everyone couldn’t be happier. Though it feels like I haven’t left the house in Hillcrest at all in the last few days, as I’ve hung out with the girls more while Sam has been away training.

Corinne has a wicked sense of humour, and is always entertaining us with tales from her various places of work: the opera where she performs as a soprano, photoshoots as a plus size lingerie model, and the small café where she moonlights as a barista.

Sam texted to let me know that he’s coming back early tomorrow due to the weather, so I have one more chance to spend time with the girls.

“Ladies, how about we crash a party?” Corinne is always up for going out, but Tayla and I are homebodies.

“Nah, check out this weather. The last thing I want is to go out through the rain”. Tayla whines, gesturing at the drops hitting the window pane. The large Nikau tree in the middle of the roundabout of our small right of way sways dangerously.

“What sort of party?” I try to be polite.

“Something about ocean conservation. You’d be into that, Ellie”. Corinne and Tayla laugh. “More like a fundraiser, I reckon, but we could always go for the drinks and nibbles”.

“You’re so funny, girls. We need to muster up a donation, I think, but I’m keen to go”. I’m thinking about what I could wear.

“Ok, it’s settled. Tayla, move that fine ass of yours into gear”. Corinne shepherds us to get dressed, and in exactly two hours we’re all made up and dressed to impress, packing into an Uber, on the way to the Sky Tower.

“I’ve only been once up here, on a date”, Corinne confesses. She seems nervous.

“Must have been one hell of a date”. Tayla straightens her figure hugging dress.

The doorman takes down our names, and we are whisked up in one of the elevators 53 floors above Auckland City, to a panoramic area. It looks very atmospheric, the wind and the rain swirling outside the massive windows.

Tayla insists on a selfie with all of us. “I haven’t dolled up for nothing, ladies. Say cheeeeeeese”. We take some seats, and I notice a couple of girls insistently looking at us.

“What’s up with those chicks right there? Do any of you know them?” Corinne voices my thoughts exactly.

“Nah, they don’t look familiar to me. Maybe some models you’ve worked with or something?” I ask Corinne.

They start making their way towards us, and there’s no escape.

“Are you Sam Northcroft’s girlfriend?” It feels like they’re circling me like eagles. Tayla starts laughing, and says something inaudible to Corinne.

“Yes. What’s up?” I aim to be friendly but brief.

“You look different in real life, than on Instagram… Smaller”. The tall one frowns. “Does that mean he’s very tall?”

I’m taken aback, and Tayla and Corinne laugh harder. “Erm, I suppose he is”.

“Ok, ladies, you had your answers. Ellie’s going to tell Sam she met you, alright? Have a good evening.” Tayla rescues me from one of the most embarrassing situations I’ve had recently, and I’ve had plenty.

The girls leave unsatisfied.

“That was… weird. I don’t get what they wanted, what’s the point”. I shrug my shoulders, and check my phone again. No message from Sam this evening, but sure enough I’ll see him tomorrow.

“Probably wanting to see what he sees in you”. Corinne seems serious, and her words make me turn towards her.

“I know I’m short, don’t have to keep reminding me”. My laugh is a bit strenuous. “My mum’s short, my dad’s short, I can’t help it. Don’t have the lanky genes, like Sam’s ex”.

“One word, two letters. E-X”. Tayla winks at me. “There’s a reason that she’s an ex and you’re not, so I wouldn’t worry too much about her”.

“We are proud to welcome Gold Olympic Rowing Medallist and all-round good New Zealander, Laura Killarney, here in Auckland, Tamaki Makaurau, the city of a hundred lovers. Tell us, Laura, how can we love our ocean a bit more?. The host’s announcement drops like a bomb right in my ribcage. Corinne and Tayla gasp, and the two girls who came by earlier snicker.

Laura, a tall leggy blonde, makes her way confidently towards the stage, thanks the host, cracks a few jokes to warm up the audience. I watch her mesmerised how she works the room, then her tone becomes more serious as she starts talking about ocean conservation, and at the end urges everyone to donate as much as they can. She’s very animated, and I find myself quite liking her. I really don’t understand how Sam could break up with someone like her, sporty and easygoing.

The host announces some raffle or another, but I stop listening, lost in a world of thoughts.

“She was something”. Tayla’s words break through my reverie. “But I wouldn’t compare myself to her, in your shoes, obviously Sam wants something different, and that’s you”. She points at me.

“Don’t sweat it. Let’s get a drink”. Corinne is ever practical.

We walk up to the bar, I pick up one of the pear and ginger margarita cocktails on offer, and as I turn to comment on how amazing it looks, I land face to face with Laura. She’s at least a head taller than me, and I’m wearing heels. I can’t feel more intimidated.

“Hey. How’s it going?” Laura seems open and friendly, so I decide to throw caution to the wind.

“Not too bad. What about you? I’m Ellie by the way”.

Laura smiles. “I know who you are”. She says it in a funny voice, and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I can see from the corner of my eye that Tayla and Corinne are letting out deep breaths they’d been holding in.

“Why is Sam not here tonight? Tell him I said hi.” I find that a bit strange, as I’m not sure as to the nature of their relationship.

“He’s away training.” As she gets ready to leave and mingle, I stop her in her tracks. “Hey, before you head off, quick question. Why did you guys break off the engagement?”

She looks at me with a mix of sadness and impatience. “You had to go there, huh”. Crosses her arms and shakes her head, choosing her words carefully. “We shouldn’t have been engaged in the first place. Sam… he’s away a lot. I can train at home, he can’t… If you can cope with him never being there for you, going around the world while you stay at home… then good luck”. She moves away, her last words haunting me like the most unfriendliest of ghosts.

I walk back to Tayla and Corinne, who can tell something’s wrong.

“Do I need to follow the bitch into the bathroom and give her a piece of my mind? What did she say to you?” Tayla’s always got my back.

“Nah, she was friendly. I was just dumb enough to ask why she and Sam broke up. It’s because he’s always gone”. The girls both hug me wordlessly, and as we leave and make our way back to Tayla and Corinne’s through the rain, I wonder what will become of Sam and I.

Sam

It's absolutely pissing down with rain, and it's taking so much longer to get home. Traffic is crawling from Whangarei southbound; a journey that usually takes four hours has taken six and counting. We're not even in sight of the Harbor Bridge yet.

On one hand I'm excited to go beyond the bridge, home into Bella Vista and see Ellie when she comes home from work. On the other hand, I'm absolutely dreading telling her about the Round the World Ocean Race, because I don't know how she'll react. I should have told her I'm in the running for a place, and that I would definitely take it if they chose me.

We finally make our way over the bridge, and thankfully I'm one of the first drop-offs. I open the door to the house, and Daisy starts barking and wagging her tail in excitement.

“Missed you too, girl. What have you been up to?” I give her pats and rubs, and she lies on her back lapping up all the attention.

There are still a couple of hours left until Ellie comes back home from daycare, so I unpack, put a wash on, get changed and go out briefly for some groceries. I'm going to surprise her with a cooked dinner. My skills don't stretch very far, or as Corey says, I can cook enough not to starve, but I'm going to push the boat out tonight.

After looking up some recipes online, I choose something that seems fancy, but easy enough to prepare: Salmon Wellington - fish in puff pastry. I buy ready-made pastry, of course, and set about making the dish, ready to pop into the oven when she's on the way home.

I go through my emails, studiously avoiding the Round the World Race details one. My brother just saying Hi. Some media requests. Some contracts. Nothing amazing. I flick the race email open and scan quickly the details. 1st March start, but early departure advised. How early is early? Like two weeks early? Or like two days early? Surely there's some training involved. I ponder on this for a while, and don't hear the key turning in the lock.

“You're home, darling”. Ellie rushes towards me and I'm engulfed once again in the nearness of her. My arms wrap around her automatically, like they always do, and a shiver passes through her while we kiss.

“Are you cold? Let's turn the heat pump on. It's unusually cold for January. This rain is just ridiculous, it hasn't stopped for two days”. I want to look after her, I want her to be comfortable in our house.

“What's this?” She's looking at the salmon dish.

“Oh shit. That should have been in the oven by now”. I'm panicking now as I was trying to impress her with some nice home cooked food, and it's slowly going to pot.

“That's ok, let's put it in now, and we can have some cheese on crackers while it's cooking”. In one sweep, Ellie makes everything better.

“I love you, do you know that?” I can't seem to take my hands off her.

“Love you too. I'm impressed with the food, looks yum”. She stands up on her tiptoes and gives me a kiss. “Now tell me, how was training?”

I swallow a knot. Now would be a good time to tell her. I can feel Corey and Florian urging me from afar.

I stroke her hair while she nibbles on a cheese cracker. “It was good. We saw the Brits training as well, and could glean a bit into their racing style… but then it started raining heavily so we came back”.

I can't do it. I can't. “And how have you been?”

Ellie looks at me with her brilliant eyes and smiles. “I've been well. Last night we went to this ocean conservation charity event. You'd have liked it, probably. Or maybe not, cause you don't like going out”. Her laughter makes my heart soar, even if it's at my expense.

“Oh? Tell me more”. I kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her lips.

“I can't concentrate when you do this”. Her eyes are half shut, and her lips slightly open, inviting me for more kisses.

I bite her lip gently. “What about this?”

“Hmmm… Your ex Laura was there”.

That's a mood killer if I ever heard one. “Did she say something to you?” Laura doesn't hold a grudge as far as I know..

Ellie looks at me for a second. I can't tell if she's happy or sad, or anything in between.

The oven timer beeps, and I take out the salmon and let it cool on the rack.

Ellie pours two glasses of white wine, and hands me one.

“Cheers to you coming back in one piece”. She takes a sip watching me intently.

I need to muster up the courage. It's now or never.

“Ah… listen, I was going to talk to you about something”. I run my fingers through my hair, like I always do when I'm nervous. Ellie can read me like an open book usually, but I don't think she imagines what I have to say this time.

“I'm all ears”. She perches atop one of the breakfast bar stools and continues sipping her wine.

“A couple of months before I met you, I… applied to be on a race waitlist”.

She keeps watching me, waiting for me to continue.

“Yesterday I found out I was selected for the team…”

“That's great news, darling, I'm happy for you. What sort of race is it?” She seems genuinely pleased.

Oh boy. There's no easy way of doing this.

“You see… it's actually a Round the World Ocean Race… we sail around the world for up to six months. Every month we dock at a port around the globe for a couple of days…”

Ellie looks like she's going to be sick. Her face is ashen, and her lip is trembling. When she speaks, her voice is so small I can barely hear.

“And when do I see you again?”

Daisy senses that something's wrong and goes straight to Ellie's feet, and lies down.

“You could… come to the ports around the world each month. Brazil, Hong Kong, San Francisco… we could have a couple of days together on land, here and there”. When Corey suggested this, I thought it was a great idea. Now, seeing Ellie's stricken face, I'm starting to wonder what I have done.

“How long have you known about this? Why haven't you told me this was a possibility from the beginning? And more importantly what the hell are you thinking, Sam? I can't just drop my job like an old hat, to go around following you from port to port, while wondering if you're still alive”. I've never seen Ellie this angry. She stood up now and is facing me, her face looking like thunder.

“I'm sorry, ok. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a child. You could always quit your job, you don't need to work. I earn enough for both of us”. I put my foot into my mouth again, and Ellie is ready to burst.

“You wanker. Just like you, I love my job, and don't want to leave it for the world. The fact that it pays less than yours doesn't mean it's less important. You haven't answered why haven't you told me this was in the works”.

I don't have an explanation. Seeing her so upset makes me even quieter.

Now she's pacing around the room. “And what do you expect me to do, hang around this house for six months then you waltz back into my life fresh as a daisy? I'm telling you, no fucking way”.

“Darling, Ellie, listen. I'm really sorry I haven't told you about it, I don't have an excuse. It's not a long time in the grand scheme of things, you can come to some if not all of the ports. I'll pay for your tickets. I'll be safe, Corey and Florian are also going. We'll look after each other”. I hope to reason with her, I don't know what the alternative is.

A sob escapes her chest, and she runs towards our bedroom, Daisy and I hot on her heels. Under my shocked gaze, she picks out one of her suitcases from the wardrobe, and starts stuffing it with her clothes.

I'm in a daze. Only a few hours ago I was on my way home, excited to see her again, making that stupid salmon pastry thing. Now she's leaving me.

“Ellie… please” .

She looks at me through tears, her voice shaking but determined. “It's not going to work, Sam. We've given it a go, it's not worked”.

“Ok”. I'm speechless. I don't know what to say to keep her from leaving this house, from leaving my life completely.

“Where are you going to go?” I worry about her. Where is she going to stay? Tayla has a new flatmate.

“I'm going to crash at Tayla's in the spare room until I find something”. Ellie finishes packing a suitcase, she takes Daisy, and goes to her new car, a Toyota Corolla. She refuses any help from me, and throws over her shoulder on the way out that Tayla and Corinne will pick up the rest of her stuff at some point.

I stand out in the pouring rain, watching the love of my life driving away, and my heart breaks into crumbs.

I go back inside the house, now empty of Ellie, of Daisy, of everything I love. Instead there's that stupid salmon pastry on the rack, cold by now, and our two half empty glasses of wine.

I can't get myself to believe what just happened. Thoughts swirl in my head, and the walls in the house feel like closing in. I need to get out, get some fresh air. So what it's raining, we're not made of sugar. That's what my old sailing coach used to say.

I put my cap on, grab the keys, wallet and phone, and come out again in the New Zealand rain. I get drenched in the first few seconds, making my heart beat faster. I start running, to forget about the dull ache in my chest. I don't know how I'm going to get over it. I run to the Marina and back, and the streets are mostly empty. Running back up the hill gets my heart racing, but I still can't shake away the need for Ellie. Did she get home safely? Should I text her?

I get back home soaked and shivering. After a change and a shower later, I pick up the Salmon Wellington by hand like it was a sausage roll, and start biting into it. Not bad.

I message Corey and Florian that I want to leave early, maybe this coming weekend, a full 3 weeks ahead of departure. They're very excited, and don't question it.

The longer I can delay telling everyone about Ellie and I, the better. It's going to be like an all consuming hurricane, so I lay in wait for what's to come.