Lost in Me (Lost Duet #1)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Emory

I can feel the chains digging into my wrists and ankles, reminding me that this is not just a nightmare. This is not just in my head, this is real. This is my reality now. I tried to run from it. I tried to move on, but in the end, the results were the same. I am back in this room. Chained, abused, and broken, and this time, I don’t know if I will make it out alive. I don’t know if I have the strength to fight. I want to fight, I want to survive, but Jesse has consumed my thoughts once again and has taken pieces of my body, and the wound I thought was finally healed when I found Shawn is now bleeding wide open.

I slowly open my eyes as I lay on the bed. I hear the locks on the door one by one. They are opening for Jesse. He holds the keys—the keys to my prison, the keys to my freedom—but that word no longer has meaning. I was stupid to believe I could escape my past. My past is about to be staring me right in the face again, and I fear what my past has in store for me next.

The door slowly opens. He steps inside, closing the door behind him. I watch him turn slightly and lock the main deadbolt. My heart shatters a little more, but I guess I have to get used to being locked in a room and chained. My heart sinks as I see him only wearing a pair of black sweatpants. I know what that means. He only wears them when he has things planned for me, things that will only make me feel more ashamed and humiliated. His chest is bare, showing off several tattoos he must have gotten when he was in prison.

I see my name tattooed across his chest with dead roses surrounding it. A statement he wants to make clear that I never once left his mind and the entire time he was locked up, I was the only thing on his mind. Prison changed him into this or at least increased his change. He was always this monster, and I didn’t see it until it was too late.

He was a good liar when we were young. He groomed me and used me, and I let him. I thought what he and I had was love, but Shawn has shown me the truth, and at least I know now what it could have been like.

Jesse wants what I have already freely given to Shawn, and I have nothing left for Jesse. I am unable to give him what he craves the most, because it isn’t mine to give anymore. It belongs to someone else.

I shove my face into the pillow, trying to prepare myself for whatever he has planned next. I know whatever he has planned will make me cry, make me scream and beg for him to stop, and just like all the times before, he won’t stop. My screams and cries will just encourage him to continue. The boy I once knew died a long time ago has been replaced with the man who is about to break me.

I hear his footsteps, and then I feel his hands grab my arms. He makes me sit up, but I keep my eyes shut as he moves me to where I am now on my knees, the chains digging into my flesh from this position. The chains are keeping me in place. I know if I try and move, they will just cut deeper into my skin.

I feel the bed shift as he gets on. He releases his hold on my arms, and I don’t need to open my eyes to know he is lowering the sweatpants. I can tell by the way he is breathing he is already turned on. I know what he is going to force me to do. He likes to play games, the kind of games that slowly break me into pieces to where I am nothing but his plaything, his sex toy. He takes being possessive and controlling to a whole new level. He knows what he likes, and he will make me do whatever he wants to make sure he gets off.

He doesn’t care what it will do to me. I am already naked, and he has a way of making me feel even more so, if that is possible. I am exposed to him in every way, and still, it isn’t enough. He will want more and need more, like the addicts Shawn deals with. Once he felt the pleasure of my body, he could never get enough, and now he is chasing that feeling again, and I am just here for the ride.

He says he loves me. He says he needs me, but that isn’t true. He is a liar, a very good liar. Love isn’t like this. This is an obsession in the darkest form.

He hasn’t forced me to have sex with him, but I know he is building up to it. One thing he says is true: he is a patient man and will do everything he can think of before forcing me to have sex.

He won’t force me until he knows I am broken—shattered to where he knows I won’t fight him, that I will just let him have me. He knows I am not at that point yet, and I will make sure I don’t let myself get to that point. I will hang on as long as I can.

I feel his hand grab my throat, forcing me to look up at him. I tighten my eyes, taking a deep breath. I feel his other hand on the back of my head, making sure I can’t pull back. I then feel the tip of his dick touch my lips. I try and pull back, but his grip tightens on my throat, making sure I can’t. The hand behind my head pulls me forward, making the chain dig in a little more.

“Open your fucking mouth,” he states through gritted teeth. I know he is trying to control himself, trying to take things slower than he did before when I was in this room, but I can tell from his voice he won’t be able to hold back much longer. It will be like it was before and probably even worse.

I feel my heart sink as he grabs my hair, pulling and forcing a small cry from my lips just enough that I feel the head of his dick slowly enter my mouth.

“Don’t act like you don’t like this. I know you were always meant to be on your knees for me,” he states in a low voice, sending chills down my spine.

I feel the tears escape my eyes and begin to roll down my face as his dick goes deeper causing me to cough or at least try. I try to block out what is happening to me, what Jesse is forcing me to do. I try and focus on Shawn—his smile, his laugh, his sweet, soft kisses, the way I felt so safe when he held me close.

“Open your fucking eyes. You need to remember who the fuck you belong to,” Jesse states, snapping me out of my thoughts and back to him.

I don’t want to, but I know what happens next if I don’t. I slowly open my eyes and look at him. He is looking down at me as he pushes his dick deeper into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. He tightens his grip on my throat and hair as he begins to push in and out of my mouth.

I keep my eyes on him, watching him watch me. I don’t see love or remorse, no guilt or shame. This is the man I was going to marry. This is the man who said he would take care of me and protect me. This is the man who protected me when I was bullied in high school, and now he is the man forcing me to give him head, forcing me to submit in a way a woman should never be forced.

“You belong with me, Emory. You belong to me. It is time you give in and just say yes. Tell me who you belong to,” he states, moaning the words.

I can’t move much, but I can move enough to kind of shake my head, forcing him to pick up his pace, hitting the back of my throat.

“You are doing this. You are the reason. You want me to stop. You know what you have to do!” he screams. I feel the rage radiating off him. Nothing I do at this moment will calm him down. I know that, so I don’t do anything. I just continue to look up at him, pleading with him, begging him with my eyes, but I know it won’t get me anywhere. His mind has been made up. He wants what he wants, and he will do anything and everything he needs to get it.

This is my life now. This is how I will die in this room, being violated by a man who doesn’t care, by a man who only wants to use and abuse me.

****

Jesse finally releases my hair and my throat. He pulls his dick out of my mouth, then pushes me back down onto the bed. Before I can try and move, he is on me, pinning me down. His hand is back on my throat, and his free hand is next to my head, keeping him a few inches from me.

“I forgot how well you suck dick. At least that you haven’t forgotten,” he states with an amused voice as more tears escape my eyes.

He leans down and connects his lips to mine. The kiss is hard and cruel as he forces his tongue into my mouth, tasting both himself and the blood. He wanted to make me bleed, and he has. I taste him in my mouth. I taste my own blood from him pushing in and out of my mouth.

I close my eyes once again, trying to focus on Shawn. His breath on my skin, the sweet words he whispered in my ears. The way his skin felt against mine. The way his tongue danced with mine, the way he made my heart, soul, mind, and body melt into him.

I feel Jesse’s hands start to explore my body as he forcefully deepens the kiss, trying to steal me away, but I won’t let him.

Shawn, please, sweetheart, hurry, I can’t do this. I need you, please, Shawn.