Lost in Me (Lost Duet #1)

Chapter Twenty-One

Shawn

I look down at the ground. We have been in the jet for thirty minutes already, and I feel like it has taken forever to get to this point. She has already been with him for too fucking long. Jesse is hours ahead of us, and I fear the damage he has already done to Emory.

Some of my men went through the house checking every single room, and when they made it to the basement and sent me the pictures, my heart fucking sank. He was down there the whole fucking time. I can only guess what he heard, but down there, all the vents lead to the same fucking place, so I can guess he heard everything.

He knows Emory and I are engaged. He knows about her being pregnant. He knows every fucking time I left that house to go find him. He heard every time I claimed her and made her scream and moan my name.

I didn’t think he would be able to take me off guard more than he already has, but once again, I underestimated him as he has underestimated me. He is a patient motherfucker, I will give him that, because hearing everything must have made him fucking go insane.

I don’t know exactly how long he was down there, but from the pictures my men sent me, my guess is it was a long ass time just waiting and listening. He could have taken her a million times over, but he didn’t. Why? It’s a question I fear will never be answered, and honestly, I don’t know if I would ever want to hear his answer. I am already on edge, and my emotions are becoming more and more unhinged with each second.

When Emory first came to me and I agreed to protect her, I thought I fucking knew everything there was to know about Jesse, but once again, I was wrong. Prison changed him just like prison changes all of us. Society thinks locking us up will make us think and want to change our behaviors, but it really just makes it worse.

Society made Jesse who he is today, and now Emory is paying the price. I fucking tried. I tried to keep her safe, but once again, I failed. Jesse has always been ten steps ahead of me, and now I know why—because he was always listening. He knew exactly where we were and what we were doing. All the men I had outside didn’t change the fact that he wanted her. It didn’t change the fact that he took her. I have so much power and money, and in the end, none of it matters because he still got what he wanted.

We all know he is waiting for us. He would be stupid to think I wouldn’t fucking come for her. I don’t know how this is going to play out, but I do know I will do everything in my power to save her, and if that means me and my men die, then so be it. I will gladly die for her.

I have never had a reason to give up my life, not since my mom, but with Emory, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. She has changed me in the best possible way. She helped me see what I really wanted in life—no, what I really needed in life—the money, women, and drugs don’t matter, none of it fucking matters.

She has opened my eyes to a different future. A future I will fight for until my last breath. She thinks she is a ghost and there is nothing left of her after Jesse, but I see her. I fucking see her, and now that I do, I can’t unsee her. I don’t want to, and no matter what happens when we get to that fucking house, I don’t regret a damn thing because it brought me to Emory. We have moved so fast since that first night in my house together, but I wouldn’t change that either. She opened my heart wide, and now I am naked and vulnerable, but I have never felt more alive than I have with her. She is my Fallen Angel—the Angel I never deserved but I will fight for.

“Shawn,” Ethan states, sitting next to me, pulling me out of my repeating thoughts.

I turn my head and look at him. He hands me a hunting knife.

“These are fucking perfect for Jesse,” Ethan states with a smile.

The only person I know who enjoys killing as much as I do is Ethan. He gets off on it just like I do. Since finding Emory, I haven’t felt the need to kill. She turns me on and makes me not need that escape, but now that Jesse has her, the old me is coming out, the me that needs to kill, enjoys it, gets off on it.

I have thought of a million ways to kill Jesse, ways to make him suffer and cry. Ethan bringing the hunting knives changes my plans a little, but carving into him and watching him bleed will make this so much more fun.

“Yes, they are,” I state softly.

“We will get her back, brother. There is no fucking way he can take us all on.”

I slowly nod, not knowing what to say. There is no way he can take us all on, that is true, but he doesn’t have to take us all on. All he has to do is take me on, and he knows the one thing that would bring me to my fucking knees. He has the one thing that could break me without him even touching me. He has Emory.

He knows I wouldn’t do anything to cause her harm, and I know he is going to try and use that against me in the worst possible way. One thing I have learned about Jesse is that he thinks everything through, and he has no problem taking Emory’s life if it means I won’t have her.

“We should be there in a few hours,” Ethan states, staring at me.

I turn my head and look out the window at the world below us. Most of those people have no fucking idea about the nightmares some go through. Most of the people below us live a normal life without the violence, drugs, and chaos they are living. I have never lived that way, and honestly, I don’t know if I know how to live like them, but I will try for Emory.

She deserves a fucking normal life—a life filled with laughter, happiness, and joy. A life where she doesn’t have to be afraid or on guard all the time. A life I plan to give her.

“Where the fuck in Oregon are we going?” Ethan asks.

I take a deep breath as I continue to look out the window. I have looked over Emory’s file a million times, and remembering every detail she spoke and shared makes me sad and angry. What she had to go through with Jesse makes me sick. I should have killed him that first day he came into the center. I should have just broken his neck and got rid of the body, but I know for a fact if I did that, Emory wouldn’t look at me the way she does now. It would have changed our story in the worst way, and I didn’t want to risk it. I couldn’t.

I turn my head and look at Ethan. “Klamath Falls. The ranch house is about thirty minutes outside of Klamath in the middle of the woods,” I state calmly, tightening my grip on the knife in my hand.

The ranch house was given to Emory a long time ago, and it is the place Jesse made her nightmares start. It is in the middle of nowhere. He made sure to soundproof everything in the house to make sure her screams would stay within the walls of the house. I am surprised by how many details Emory shared, but I also understand she had to get it out. She had to process it and move on, and for a short time she did. And she will again. I will make sure of that. Once this is over, once I see the light leave his eyes, I will help her move on. I will remind her of the life we spoke of, the life we want to create for our unborn child.

I will help her heal. I will help her forget about Jesse and all of this.

“You really did read her file,” Ethan states in an amused voice, making me smile. He always knows how to get me out of my head. He knows how to make sure I don’t lose myself in my thoughts. That is why I trust him and call him my brother.

Ethan was an addict. He wanted a way out, and I gave him one. He has always been loyal. He has always been willing to do whatever I need him to do without question, and I know I can trust that he and my men will follow through with whatever I ask of them. I don’t need to worry about them backing out. After all, we are a fucked-up family.

“Did you doubt it?” I ask, allowing my own amusement to shine through.

“Nope, not really. Just surprised,” Ethan states in a calm voice.

“Why?” I ask, curious. I like hearing Ethan explain things. He always seems to see things no one else does.

“I have seen you with a lot of women over the years, but none of them have affected you as Emory has. You love her, and she loves you. You deserve to be loved, brother,” he states softly.

I slowly nod. Once again, not knowing what to say, he knows who I am, what I have done, and what we are about to do, and still he believes I deserve Emory’s love. Honestly, I don’t know if I deserve it yet, but I will spend the rest of my life earning it.

Emory deserves to be treated like a queen. She deserves to be loved and honored in every way, and I will do my best. I will show her every day how much she means to me and what I am willing to do for her. I know she knows, but I also know she needs to be reminded. After this, she will need me to remind her of who she is and remind her that she doesn’t belong to Jesse.

She is no longer his Dove. She is my Fallen Angel, my strong foundation, my fucking air to breathe.