Lost In The Dark (‘Lost’ #1)

CHAPTER 17

ADDY

“Are you ready, princess?” Jordan called up the stairs to me. I had been excited when he asked me if I wanted to go out for a walk in Central Park that morning, after we all ate breakfast. Asher and Eli had headed out to the office for the morning, and I had been trying to decide if I would spend my day reading or watching trash TV again.

It wasn’t that I was bored. I knew I was still in too much pain to do much more than just sit and relax, but Asher and Eli had been going into the office every morning for a full week now and I knew soon they would be going for full days. That meant it was time for me to start thinking about what I was going to do with my life, and that was a daunting prospect considering the mess I knew I was.

Thankfully, I had still had company in the house all week, which helped my thoughts from spiraling too deeply. Jordan was home more since he had left his job, and as Adam had said to me, he was always home, which was a relief, since I just didn’t feel ready to be left alone in the huge house yet.

I was getting antsy though. The future couldn’t be put off forever and I knew soon I’d need to make some tough decisions, and that terrified me. There with all of the guys I had found a bubble of safety. Yes, the horror of the last two years still haunted me almost constantly, and still often succeeded in pulling me deep into the darkness, but between those episodes I had found peace in that house. I found myself smiling and laughing often, and I had no fears about my safety, with all of the security in place. The idea that I would one day soon need to move out and find my own place was a terrifying scenario. I honestly wasn’t sure I could do it, but I knew the time was fast approaching. I couldn’t just continue to hide out there, constantly taking from my brothers. I was twenty-six years old and I needed to stand on my own two feet.

“Addy? You okay?” Jordan called up to me again when I failed to answer him. I shook my head, realizing I had zoned out again. How could I even consider finding a job when I continued to do that so often? And then there were the flashbacks and anxiety attacks. I was a walking, talking disaster.

“I’ll just be a minute, Jordan,” I called back. I was already feeling anxious about leaving the property to walk around the park. The idea of me living alone was laughable.

I pushed back the thoughts and worries and finished tying my hair back. Eli had ordered me more clothes the other day, and amongst them had been the knitted headband I held. It was the softest wool and a beautiful deep purple color. He’d told me I could wear it over my ears to keep them warm, instead of a hat, so I’d decided to try it out.

I’d told myself again and again as I changed from the leggings and hoodie I’d been wearing, into tight fitting jeans and a cute black sweater, that I wasn’t dressing up because I wanted to look good for Jordan. It was a lie of course, but one I was deluding myself with pretty successfully.

It had been almost a week since the moment I had with Adam and thankfully, we seemed to have pushed past it. Adam hadn’t mentioned anything, leaving me to wonder if I had just blown the whole thing out of proportion, like I had with Kane. I had no idea. It was hard enough to think straight with the craziness going on in my head between very regular flashbacks and nightmares. I’d decided to let it lie and not worry about it, and the rest of the week had gone by uneventfully.

Adam and I were good, him being just as kind and patient with me as he had always been. He and Jordan had been with me most days and they had tried hard to keep me company and make me smile. When an episode hit, if Asher and Eli weren’t home, they were always there with me, to hold me and get me through it.

I’d come to rely on them as much as I was leaning on Asher and Eli. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I needed to learn to rely on myself, but everything had just been so tough, and having people to support me felt too good to turn down. Again, I just deluded myself with reassurances that it was just a temporary weakness.

So I’d taken their kindness and friendship and clung to it tightly. It was the light when the darkness engulfed me and it, along with the love I got from Asher and Eli, seemed to be the only thing keeping me afloat at times.

I just wished my feelings for Adam and Jordan weren’t so confusing. The fact I was attracted to them had become glaringly obvious to me, and that was a shock in itself because I was pretty sure I had never been interested enough to really be truly attracted to any man. I’d honestly never been that interested in the idea of a relationship. I’d tried it once when I was in my early twenties and that had not gone well. Ever since I’d just been happier alone. But now, I didn’t understand it, but I was drawn to both Jordan and Adam. I couldn’t fail to appreciate how handsome they were every time they walked into a room, but more than that was their personalities. They were kind, and funny, but also so intelligent and intuitive. They could always make me smile, and when I was with them I not only felt safe, but I also felt able to relax and just be my weird, slightly awkward self.

I knew I wouldn’t act on my feelings. I couldn’t. Having feelings for them was one thing, but the idea of getting intimate with either of them, or any man for that matter, after the memories I had recovered – that seemed impossible and I was pretty sure it was something I would never want. No, all we could ever be was friends, which was good, since I seemed to be falling for both of them, and wouldn’t that have been a complicated mess!

Then there was Kane. I had feelings for him too. I hadn’t seen him since that day in the garden, when he’d blown up at me about my text, but that hadn’t stopped me thinking about him and longing for him to just come through the door of the house. He got me the way no one else could. He not only saw my darkness, but he also seemed to know it personally and, on my worst days, he had been the one I wanted to run to. But I knew I couldn’t. He’d made that clear. I was a job to him and nothing more. Whatever I felt, or thought I felt, was not and would never be reciprocated.

God, I was a mess! Feelings for three guys! How did I even let that happen? Who had feelings for three guys all at once anyway? I knew I had to stop it in its tracks and get a grip, but I just couldn’t seem to. It was like my mind was not under my control any longer and that was a scary feeling.

Thankfully, I had my first appointment with the trauma counsellor coming up, and I really hoped this woman, who Asher had assured me came highly recommended, would be able to help me gain back some control of every aspect of my life before it totally ran off of the tracks and into the abyss I felt opening wider and wider beneath me, with every moment that passed.

“Addy?” I jumped at how close the voice was and looked to the doorway where Jordan stood looking at me with concern. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to check on you. You’ve been a while. Are you feeling alright?” he asked.

“I’m good,” I nodded as I straightened the hair band over my ears and stepped away from the mirror. “Sorry. I got lost in my head.”

“You do that a lot. Do you want to talk about anything?” he offered as he took a couple more steps into my room and stopped a few feet from me. He looked great in the black jeans and cream sweater he wore. His hair was, as always, styled perfectly in place and not for the first time I wished I could run my fingers through it. He was wearing heavy boots and the chrome of his oversized watch was catching the sun that came through the window. I looked into his eyes and smiled a little. I loved the way the flecks of gold sparkled in his irises when the light was just right.

“I’m fine. Are you sure this is okay though? Us leaving the house? Is it safe?” I worried as I nervously pulled at the sleeve of my sweater.

“I cleared it with Kane. He’s going to drive us and stay close, while another car with two guys follows. It’s safe, princess. I promise.” He stepped closer and took my hand in his. His skin was so warm compared to mine, and I wished he’d just pull me into his arms and press me against his heated, hard body. “I would never let anything happen to you. You know that, right?” he asked softly.

“I know,” I nodded, my eyes still locked on his. “It’s just kind of scary I guess. I haven’t left this property since the day I got here, and Kane said people could be after me. I know how lame I sound but I….I’m not strong enough to be taken again, Jordan.” A tear slipped free and I felt pathetic showing how very weak I was feeling, but I couldn’t hold it in. It was something he was good at, pulling the truth from me. He didn’t even have to say anything and I found myself pouring my heart out to him.

I tried to drop my eyes, but he wasn’t having that. He cupped my face between his hands softly and held me there until my eyes met his again.

“No one is ever taking you again, you hear me? None of us will ever let that happen. Kane will have our backs, along with the other security guys, and I’ve trained with Asher and Adam since I was old enough to keep pads on my hands. You’re protected, Addy. I would never take you out if I weren’t one hundred per cent sure of that.”

“I trust you,” I told him. “And I do want to get out of this house.”

“Of course you do. It’s a really nice house, but you can’t stay cooped up here forever. After everything you have survived, you deserve to get out and live. I intend to help you do that,” he told me with a bright, beaming smile that was infectious.

“You’re right,” I agreed with a nod. I quickly swiped the tears from my cheeks and smiled shakily. “But, just…maybe we take baby steps, okay?”

“Fine. I’ll give it a few weeks before I take you out to my favorite club,” he teased. “Come on. Kane’s waiting for us.”

He pulled me from my room, and I tried to focus on how good my hand felt wrapped in his much larger one, more than the worry flooding me over seeing Kane again.

Adam was waiting for us as we reached the living room. He looked as nervous as I felt about me leaving the house, but when Jordan had suggested he come with us if he were so worried, he’d declined, saying he had some errands to run.

“All set?” Adam asked as he stood from the sofa and looked me up and down.

“I just need my coat, I think.” I tried not to stare, but it was hard when he looked so good in his workout clothes. He obviously planned to hit the gym when we left. He spent hours down there, in the huge home gym which was set up in the basement. Asher too when he had chance. It had very quickly become clear to me why they were both as built as they were.

“Here, honey. I have your gloves too. You’ll need them today.” He told me as he held out my coat and the padded gloves Eli had insisted I needed, since my hands were always so cold. “I packed a bag too. There’s some snacks, water, and a thermos of hot chocolate.”

“Thanks dad,” Jordan laughed. “You pack first aid supplies and snake anti-venom too?”

“Fuck you,” Adam gave his brother a gentle shove. “I just wanted to make sure you had some stuff. Addy gets shaky if her blood sugar drops. You know that.”

“Thanks, Adam. I’ll be fine,” I tried to reassure him.

“Just make sure you don’t get too cold. You tell Jord if you need to go back to the car, okay?”

“Jesus Adam, relax. We’re both adults. I think we’ll survive a walk around the park,” Adam snarked as he grabbed the backpack and threw it over his shoulder.

“Fine. Just make sure Kane stays in sight. Call me if you need anything.” Adam leant in to kiss my cheek when he was done talking and it was hard to miss the worry written all over his face.

“See you later,” I told him with a smile, and I was relieved when he returned it.

We left the house, and outside an SUV was sat on the drive. I looked into it and saw the outline of Kane behind the wheel. I was dreading getting into the car but when I slid into the back, he didn’t even turn to look at me. He asked Jordan if we were ready to go, then we were moving. He was acting like I wasn’t even there, and even though I told myself that was for the best, it still hurt. He had told me he saw me that day in the pergola, in the garden, but now it seemed he just didn’t want to see any more. I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see myself right then.

***

Driving into the center of New York had been crazy, especially for a girl from a tiny town that considered itself lucky to have a Costco open on the outskirts, a few years back.

I was relieved to get out of the traffic as Kane pulled up outside central park and got out of the car. I tried not to look at him when he opened the back door. Thankfully, Jordan stepped out first, then reached in to take my hand and help me out.

“Okay?” he asked me as I stepped onto the packed sidewalk and instantly pressed closer to him.

“It’s busier than I expected.”

“The park will be quieter,” Jordan assured me as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side. It helped. I felt safer pressed against him.

I watched as one of the other security guards appeared and slid into the drivers seat of the car, then drove away, leaving us stood with Kane.

“Where’s he going?” I asked.

“We can’t stay parked here. He’ll stay close and I’ll call him when we need the car,” Kane answered. I glanced up at him but purposely avoided his eyes. I knew I’d get pulled in if I focused on those captivating green/brown eyes. I just nodded and looked all around me instead. The park was behind us, and huge, towering buildings surrounded it. The traffic before us was crazy and there seemed to be people milling about everywhere

I could feel the familiar tingling in my toes and the ends of my fingers, my anxiety rising.

“Jordan…” I whispered as I grabbed at the bottom of the thick padded coat he wore.

“I’m here, beautiful. We’re okay. No one is going to hurt you,” he told me as he grabbed my other, still cast hand, and brought it to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “Time to live, remember?”

I took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes again. He was watching me patiently. I knew if I told him I couldn’t do this, he’d take me straight back home without question, but he was right about me living. I wasn’t sure I ever had, not when I considered my life before I was taken, and definitely not during the years I had spent taking care of my mother and suffering her constant abuse. I had survived. I had gotten by, but I had never really lived and I wanted that.

“I’ll call the car back. She can’t do this,” Kane grumbled as he ripped off the leather glove he wore and pulled a cell from his tight jeans pocket. That was the final push I needed. He didn’t think I was strong enough and I hated that. Him doubting me made me feel like a complete failure. But I wasn’t. I was strong enough, or at least I could be. I was strong enough to try anyway.

“No! I’m okay,” I said as I sent Kane a determined glare. “Let’s go,” I told Jordan as I returned my gaze to him and smiled a little.

“You heard the lady,” Jordan said as he glanced behind him to Kane, then we were moving into the park and away from the crowded sidewalk.

“Adeline!” Kane called behind me, and I turned to him with annoyance. “You don’t have to prove anything. If you can’t do this there’s no shame in it.”

“My name is Addy,” I ground out through clenched teeth. “And I’m not trying to prove anything.”

“Chill, Kane. She’s all good. She’ll tell us when she’s had enough,” Jordan added.

I turned from Kane and took another breath. I knew it wasn’t fair of me to be rude with him. It wasn’t his fault I had completely misconstrued our relationship, and he didn’t deserve me being a bitch, even if he had confused me by being so damned nice those couple of times.

Jordan and I set off walking and I knew Kane was close behind us. I could feel him, but I refused to turn and look at him again. He was the one to remind me he was just my protection and nothing else. I needed to remember that and treat him as such, even if the idea of it left me feeling a little bereft.

“You warm enough?” Jordan asked after a few minutes. He had his arm wrapped around me and we were pressed closely together as we walked.

“Definitely. I think this coat Eli ordered for me is for like Arctic expeditions or something,” I joked.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. He worries a lot, and that’s gone into overdrive since you came into his life.”

“I’ve noticed. I worry about him sometimes – worry he’s going to make himself sick. I know I’m a mess right now, and it will likely be some time before I’m better. He’s going to wind up giving himself an ulcer or something with all the fussing he does over me.”

“He’s always been a little that way. He likes to take care of others. He’s always the first one there if one of us is sick or hurt. When Ash came back injured, Eli refused to leave his side for weeks. Then your dad got sick, and even though he had done nothing but belittle Eli and make sure he knew he wasn’t good enough for his whole life, Eli still nursed him for as long as he could. Even when Asher brought trained nurses in, Eli barely left his dad’s side. I think it’s just who he is,” Jordan explained.

“I hate my dad, and I never even met him,” I growled. The idea of him making Eli feel inferior made me angrier than I think I had ever felt. Eli was the most amazing, sensitive caring person. He was also extremely talented and smart. His father should have been full of pride.

“Yeah, he was a piece of work, for sure. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t ever have to meet him.”

“I have no regrets on the subject,” I agreed. We walked a little further in silence as I tried to calm myself down. I hated the idea of anyone hurting either of my brothers, but especially Eli. I knew Asher could fight his own battles, but Eli seemed more sensitive and gentler. I worried about him getting hurt. “Asher said you guys have all been close for years,” I said changing the subject and hoping to find out more about them all.

“I’ve known them both my entire life. By the time I was born, Ad and Ash were already best buds. Eli’s a few months older than me, so we were kind of thrust together right away. He’s been my best friend ever since. I guess we’re all more like brothers really.”

“So does that make me like your sister?” I asked daringly. I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to see what his reaction would be. He had been flirting with me since the moment I met him, but for all I knew that could just be his way. I just wanted to know if he felt anything for me, like I was feeling for him, even though I knew I couldn’t act on it.

“What? No! Fuck no!” Jordan snapped. I looked up at him, feeling a little unsure and his face just dropped. “No, I…I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…I care about you a lot. But not like a sister. I…my feelings for you, they’re different.” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. It was cute how flustered he had become. I had only ever seen him full of confidence.

“Different how?” I pushed. I knew I was treading a dangerous line, especially considering I had spent the whole morning telling myself there was no chance of a relationship with any of the guys I was crushing on like a teenage girl. But I couldn’t help wanting to know.

“Just different, you know?” he shrugged as he looked down at me and watched my face closely. “I think you know what I mean, Addy. I’m not good at hiding the way I feel. You must know I like you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair nervously. “God, I feel like I’m back in high school,” he laughed.

“Me too, except I never had any of these issues in high school,” I laughed with him.

“I don’t know why. I bet you were a knockout, even back then.” He paused and faced me, grabbing a strand of my wild hair that had escaped and tucking it under the hairband.

“Not exactly.” I looked up at him again and became ensnared in his eyes and the way in which he was looking at me. There was heat there, I was sure of it, and he had admitted he liked me. I wasn’t making this up in my head, was I? God, even though I knew I shouldn’t, I so wanted to kiss him. I wanted to know what his soft looking lips would feel like against mine. I wanted to feel him hold me and take control the way guys always did in the romance books I read.

“Addy…” he whispered, and he was closer now, his lips so close to mine. I moved nearer, hoping he took it as a clear signal that I wanted this kiss. And he did. He leaned in and his lips made contact with mine. My heart was pounding and I felt all flushed, not daring to breathe in case I messed up this perfect moment.

“We should keep moving or go back,” Kane barked and I jolted back and turned to glare at him. He was about six feet behind us, and the look on his face was one I knew well – rage. He was definitely annoyed.

“Great timing there, bro,” Jordan called as he pulled me back against his side and started walking again, the moment gone. “Asshole,” Jordan cursed quietly.

I kept walking as I considered what had just almost happened. I had wanted the kiss so much, but deep down I knew it was probably for the best we had been interrupted.

“Jordan,” I began as I continued walking through the snow blanketed park. “I…I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I know, but I would have. The truth is, I like you too, but that’s all it can ever be. It would be unfair for me to make you believe any different.”

“Is this the part where you remind me you want to be a single, crazy, dog lady for the rest of your life?” he asked dryly.

“Well, yeah. I know we’ve turned it into a joke, but essentially it is my plan. I can’t be in a relationship; not after what happened to me. I hope one day I’ll be a little less messed up so I can make a life for myself, but I don’t think I’ll ever be okay enough to have a normal, functional relationship.” I looked to him, hoping he knew what I was getting at.

“There’s no such thing as a ‘normal’ relationship,” he told me. “Every single one is different. You think I haven’t already considered how all you’ve been through will affect you in the future? I have, Addy. I know what a long road you have ahead of you, but I’m good with that. I want to be at your side to help you make it to the end.”

“You barely even know me,” I scoffed.

“So let me get to know you. I’m not proposing. I’m not even asking for a date. I know you’re not ready, and I didn’t mean for things to go as far as they did a moment ago. I just needed you to know that I have feelings for you, and that when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting. In the mean time I’m here, as your friend, or whatever you need. I just…I feel this pull to you, like you were made for me and I refuse to walk away from that. Do I sound crazy?”

“No. I get it. I f-feel something too, but I just don’t think it can ever go anywhere. I’m sorry Jordan. I’m just too messed up,” I sighed.

“Stop saying that. You’re not messed up. You’re traumatized, and you have a right to be. It’s going to take time to deal with that, but I know you will because you’re strong and tough, more so than you know. I believe in you, beautiful,” he said with such confidence. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, as if cementing his words.

It was hard to believe what he said, but he’d said it with so much reverence, it made me want to believe it. It made me want to be as strong and tough as he saw me, just so I wouldn’t let him down.

“You want some hot chocolate?” he asked, changing the subject, much to my relief.

“Have you ever seen me say no to chocolate?” I replied with a grin.

“Come on,” he took his arm from around me, and instead took my hand, pulling me from the path which had been shoveled, and into the deep snow that covered what I assumed was the grassy areas. We came to a picnic bench piled high with about a foot of snow and Jordan started clearing it all from the top. He took off the backpack he wore on his shoulder and pulled out a blanket.

“I knew he would have packed one,” Jordan laughed as he laid it out on the wet table. “He doesn’t trust me to keep you warm. Still thinks I’m the same clumsy six year old who broke his cell phone tripping over my own feet.”

“Well, you do kind of become six years old again when the candy comes out,” I joked.

“Hey. That’s not fair. Everyone feels six years old again when they eat candy,” he mock pouted. I was startled when he wrapped his hands around my hips and lifted me onto the blanket covered table, but I didn’t panic. I trusted him.

“Maybe if they eat as much as you do.”

“You’re one to talk. Not so delicate when you get a hold of a bar of chocolate are you?” he laughed.

“Anyone who can open a bar of chocolate and not eat the whole thing is missing out on life,” I pointed out, and he just laughed.

He settled on the table top beside me and handed me a cup of steaming hot chocolate. He had one too, and even though the air around us was freezing cold, it was a wonderful moment. The area of the park we sat in was quiet, any sound around us muffled by the deep snow. The sun was shining and Jordan had one arm around me to keep me warm. It was exactly the kind of ‘living’ that I wanted to be able to do, and I felt so content as we laughed and joked, keeping the conversation light. The only thing ruining it was the constant feeling of Kane behind us. I could imagine the scowl on his face as he glared at us. I just didn’t understand if it was because he was jealous or pissed we were keeping him from other jobs.

“I guess we should pack up. I’ll be in trouble if I let you get too cold,” Jordan declared as he started putting the thermos and the mugs back into the backpack when we were finished.

“I’m really glad you talked me into doing this. Thank you. You were right – I needed to get out,” I told him as I handed him my empty cup and sent him a grateful smile.

“I’m glad you trusted me enough to come. Maybe next time we could try the zoo or something?”

“I’d like that,” I agreed as I got to my feet, wincing a little at the pain that still smarted from my ribs. They were getting better but it seemed to be taking forever.

“You okay?” Jordan asked. I turned to look at him, but before I could utter a reply, heat rushed over me, then everything just went black.

KANE

I was so close to losing my shit and I knew it. If Jordan grabbed her, or even just smiled at her in that fucking charming way he had been all morning, once more, I was going to snap and lose it.

They’d almost fucking kissed! Almost, because I’d yelled and stopped them. I knew it made me an asshole, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I was so fucking jealous. Which only made me a bigger asshole.

I had been a dick to Addy last week when I told her I was her security, not her friend, but I was just so messed up when it came to her, and pushing her away to keep her out of my life seemed to be the only way to handle it. Then I saw her face when I had said those bitter words and I had hated myself instantly. She had been crushed, thinking I was a friend, only to find out I was nothing but a complete bastard.

I should have chased her and apologized, but I had stopped myself, so sure it was better that way. If she hated me she’d keep her distance, and then maybe I could get over these insane feelings I had for her. I barely even knew her, for fuck’s sake, and yet I could not stop thinking about her. I knew I couldn’t have her, and yet the idea of anyone else having her sent me into a tail spin. It was all just so messed up and I had barely slept a wink all week trying to deal with it. The resulting exhaustion was just adding to the complete asshole I was being with her and I knew she didn’t deserve that. She had been through enough.

“ADDY!” I jolted from my thoughts and looked to where she and Jordan had been just a moment before. She was laid out in the snow, and Jordan was over her, clearly panicked.

What the fuck had I let happen? I’d got lost in my thoughts and something had happened. Had she been shot? This was why I had tried to push her away! I couldn’t do my job and have feelings for her.

“Kane!” Jordan yelled, pulling me from my damned thoughts again. I ran and dropped into the snow beside her. Jordan was holding her hand and trying to wake her.

“What happened?” I roared as I started running my hands over her body in search of a bullet wound.

“I don’t know! She stood up and winced. I asked her if she was okay and she just dropped. Do something!” he cried as he looked to me with nothing but fear on his face.

Not finding any bullet wounds, I pulled off my glove and felt for her pulse. It was there but barely.

“Her pulse is way too slow. We have to get her to the ER,” I was scooping her from the floor and standing with her in my arms before I even stopped speaking. My back up team, who had been holding further back, were running towards me as I turned. “Call Pierce, get the car here now!” I barked at them.

Addy was so cold and lifeless in my arms. If I hadn’t have felt her pulse a moment ago, I’d be sure she was already gone and that thought was more than I could handle.

“What happened? Why is her pulse slow?” Jordan demanded as he ran beside me, not once taking his eyes from Addy in my arms.

“I don’t know. She could have some internal injury from the car hitting her weeks ago, or she could have a condition we don’t know about. We just have to get her some help!” I yelled, all of my fear pouring out of me with every word.

As soon as I got to the gate the car pulled up and one of my guys opened the back door.

“Get in!” I told Jordan and he instantly jumped in and held his arms out for her. As soon as she was in his lap I touched her neck and checked her pulse again. “It’s still too slow. Keep your fingers on it and tell me if it stops,” I told him. He nodded, though he looked completely terrified.

“It’s not going to stop. You hear me, Addy?” I heard him say as I closed the door and ran around the front. Thankfully, my guy had anticipated me wanting to drive and was out and held the door open, ready for me.

“Follow behind us. We can’t rule anything out right now. Heads on a swivel,” I told him, but I was already starting the car before I’d even finished speaking.

I was wracking my brain as we sped through the city traffic as fast as I could. The idea that she had been poisoned hit me and I replayed the whole morning, wondering if I had missed something. She had been close to people passing by on the sidewalk. Could one of them have dosed her without her realizing? Had I missed something because I was so fucking filled with jealousy?

“We should call Asher,” Jordan said.

“We will, but you have to keep monitoring her pulse. Call him when we get her to the hospital,” I replied as calmly as I could.

“Stay with me, Addy. Please stay with me,” he pleaded quietly and I was thinking the exact same thing. My feelings for her were fucked up, but I needed her to stay around. Losing her would mean losing myself. That much I was sure of.