Lost the Handle (Nashville Assassins: Next Generation #8)

Chapter 35

Chapter

Thirty-Five

Quinn

One of the perks of being Elli and Shea’s son is the around-the-clock access I have to Luther Arena, where my mom’s team, the Nashville Assassins, plays. While it’s summer and usually concerts, Monster Jam, and other events take place here instead, the ice is out for a charity hockey tournament Shelli is putting on to raise money for the Assassins Foundation. The tournament starts this weekend, and Dad is dropping the puck. It’s going to be a good event, will raise lots of money, and the winner of the tournament not only gets bragging rights, but they get a suite for an Assassins’ game this season.

It was my idea.

I lean back in one of the seats that my siblings and I used to sit in to watch Dad play. Right by the penalty box. They were Mom’s season ticket seats back when she was just a fan of the Assassins. After having us, she bought the whole row. I have so many memories of sitting here. When Dad would get thrown into the box, we’d make faces at him until he’d laugh. It only happened one time in all the years we messed with him, but we felt like we’d won the Stanley Cup that day. We still make fun of him for it. I smile to myself, the memory warming me and distracting me from the predicament I got myself into.

I came straight from the surgery center, needing to clear my mind, and Luther Arena has always been that place for me. Ava hasn’t answered my text yet, but she did like it to let me know she will get back to me. Usually when she’s busy, she’ll answer from her Apple Watch, not that I bother her much. I would have gone home, but I feel this weird guilt in my chest when I’m with Emery. I feel like I’m betraying Emery by talking to Ava now that we’ve gotten back together. Like I’m basically cheating on her with my fiancée, which I realize is a whole lot of backward and fucked up, but I hate disappointing Emery.

This is all such a fucking mess.

I should have said no when Ava offered. I should have just taken a year off until I got my head on straight again. I should have known Ava would use what she did for me against me. I shouldn’t have been such an idiot. Fuck, there are a million things I should have done. Chased after Emery. Told my parents the truth. Admitted when I started struggling. Not lied.

Not agreed to marry someone who isn’t Emery.

I’ve known since I was a kid that Emery was someone important to me. She had a way of getting under my skin, making me take notice of her. I’ve always found her so beautiful, so stunning and fierce. When I hit puberty and sex was the only thing on my mind, I’d always imagine Emery when I’d get off. A smirk pulls at my lips as my eyes drift shut, remembering the first time we kissed.

“I don’t know why you like this movie. Sparkling vampires? Please.”

Emery snorts beside me, shaking her head. Her hair is up in a huge topknot, and she’s wearing her dad’s Assassins shirt with a pair of short black shorts. I can’t help but take notice of the curve of her thighs, even if they’re hidden under a blanket. “This is prime literature turned into a blockbuster. It’s amazing.”

I don’t agree, but still, I watch it with her as she cuddles into me. In my grandparents’ home, they have an oversized chair that Emery and I always gravitate toward. With my grandma’s hand-crocheted blanket over us and snacks in our laps, we have spent many nights like this. Just us two. It’s really late, but I’d choose Emery over sleep any day.

We’re at the part where Sparkles and Bella kiss, and my eyes wander over to Emery. She has this look of wonder on her face, a sneaky, romantic grin on her lips, and hearts in her eyes. Is it pathetic I’m jealous of Sparkles right now?

Probably.

I decide I want her attention. I’m not usually this bold with her, but I want her to look at me like that. Her hands are linked in her lap against her knees, and without thinking too hard, I move mine from my thigh to between hers. She stills beside me, her breathing picking up as I slide my hand into hers and thread our fingers. Emery looks up at me, her eyes that were so full of wonder for Sparkles now only on me. I’m practically gasping for breath at the sight of her. Her lips are parted, her eyes wide and dark, as a flush creeps up her neck toward her cheeks. When she licks her tongue along her lips, I track the movement, and I know I have to kiss her.

My heart slams into my chest, and I feel like the luckiest guy on earth. She watches as my eyes move from hers to her lips and back. Unable to control myself, I turn my body toward her, and her breath hitches. With my free hand, I cup her jaw, rubbing the swell of her cheek with my thumb.

“I want to kiss you,” I admit, my voice heavy and throaty.

“Turned on by sparkly vampires, I see?”

Any other time, I’d laugh, but I’m lost in her eyes. “Turned on by you.” Her pupils dilate as my thumb falls to her lips. “Can I?”

Emery’s lips quirk at the side. “You never have to ask, Quinn.”

Blood rushes to my head, but I don’t hesitate. I drop my mouth to hers and taste heaven for the first time in my life.

The hum of the Zamboni is comforting, and while it doesn’t ease my racing heart, it’s easier to focus on than the full fucking chaos in my head. I wish Emery were here. Not for any specific reason but to be near me. Maybe I should have gone home. Maybe my need for her nearness is greater than my guilt. Unable to stop myself, I dial her number.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she says, and I hear something in her voice that has my brows rising.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” she coos. “I just left Stella’s.”

“Did you see the pink monstrosity she claims is the bedroom she shares with her husband?”

She snorts. “Yes. It was a lot.” We share a laugh, and I let my head fall back, her giggles sending heat through my body. “She’s pregnant.”

My lips tip up. “Wow, that’s awesome. Congratulations, Auntie Em.”

“Thanks,” she gushes, and my heart skips a beat at the excitement in her voice. “I’m the last one without kids.”

I scoff at that. “No rush.”

“No?”

“No, not at all,” I tell her. “I have lived three lonely years without you. I want to get my fill of you, and then I’ll share you with some kids.”

Her laugh is soft, lyrical almost. “How many do you want?”

I love big families. We each come from one, and growing up, all my dad’s teammates were more family than friends. It was always loud and pure mayhem. I love kids too, and I’ve always wanted to be a dad. I want to be the kind of dad my dad is for me. “As many as you’ll give me.”

She giggles. “So, we’ll play it by ear.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“I love you,” she tells me, her heart in her voice.

I swallow past the lump forming in my throat and rub the middle of my chest. The guilt is overwhelming. “I’m sorry, Em.”

She pauses for a moment. “For?”

“For all this shit.” I lean forward onto my legs. “I feel like I’m cheating on you, and it’s slowly killing me.”

“Oh babe, no. I think you’re actually cheating on Ava. I’m the mistress ,” she teases, but I shake my head, emotion burning my throat.

“Never. You’re my heart.”

“Quinn.” Just my name on her lips has me wanting to run from it all. Take her far away and have it be just us. “It’s okay. I should be the one apologizing to you.”

Before I can ask why, I hear steps behind me. I turn to see my dad coming down the aisle with his brows drawn. “Hey, my dad just showed up,” I tell her, my eyes meeting his. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she answers. “I love you.”

I know I shouldn’t say it back, but she’s said it twice already, and I don’t want her to think anything but the truth. “Love you more, lovebug.”

My dad’s brows shoot even higher as he arrives at the aisle where I’m sitting. He puts his hands on his hips and stares down at me. His huge body towers over me, but we’re actually the same height. The same dark hair is brushed to the side, the same blue eyes…and while I look a lot like my mom, I have my dad’s most prominent features. “Well, I know you don’t love Ava. So, who was that, my boy?”

I’m a firm believer in fate. I needed my dad, and here he is.

Just as I knew I had to kiss Emery that day, I know I need my dad.