Lost the Handle (Nashville Assassins: Next Generation #8)

Chapter 36

Chapter

Thirty-Six

Quinn

I chuckle to keep from answering my dad. “You know who.”

He grins, his eyes wrinkling at the sides. “What are you doing here?”

I shrug, stretching out my legs. “Just need to clear my head.”

Dad nods before he lowers into the seat one away from mine. He puts his hand on the back of the chair, his palm resting on my shoulder. “You all right?”

I shrug, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’ve been better.”

He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I, as we watch the Zamboni glide over the ice. It’s on the last section of ice when he says, “I bet we can go and drive that thing around. Maybe get both out and race.”

That has me grinning, and I know that’s what Dad wanted. His eyes crinkle as his eyes bear down on mine. He squeezes my shoulder, and I exhale a heavy breath. “Lovebug?” he asks, his brows rising a bit. “I haven’t heard that in a while.”

My smile stays in place as I nod. “Yeah, it feels good.”

“I bet,” he says slowly. “So, am I right to assume that what we all saw in the hall means the wedding is off?”

“It will be,” I say softly, and I feel a flush filling my features. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my dad’s head fall back and he thanks the heavens, but I ignore him. “I can’t marry her, not when I love Emery as deeply as I do.”

“I understand.” His voice is even, as if he expected this. Knew how it would play out.

Glad one of us did.

My voice shakes as I admit, “I shouldn’t have let her leave.”

He shrugs. “Sometimes you have to. I think there is even a song that says you gotta let them fly, and if they come back, it’s meant to be.”

I can’t help but snort. “Mariah Carey sang it. And that’s funny, ’cause Emery sang a very bad karaoke version of a Mariah Carey classic to me the other night.”

Dad grins. “That girl has always been someone you can’t ignore.”

“Yeah, even when I try my hardest.”

He squeezes my shoulder. “I understand what you did,” he tells me once our eyes meet. “I let your mom go, even though it was the last thing I wanted. I wore her engagement ring around my neck and waited for her to come back to me.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “Love isn’t easy, son. It’s a lot of give-and-take. A lot of patience and understanding. It’s hard, but when you find the person who makes it easy, you love them harder than you ever imagined you could. The reward is a life that you build with them.”

My lips quirk. “Emery has always been that person for me.”

Dad’s eyes sparkle with mischief. “I doubt you remember this, but when we went to the hospital to see Emery when she was born, I was holding her, and you came over and looked down at her. You moved her dark curls off her forehead and then touched her eyelashes.” I’m completely taken in by his words, sitting on the edge of my seat, listening intently as he reminisces. “Lucas watched you like a hawk, but I let you explore her face. You booped her nose, then her cheek, before you looked up at me and told me, ‘She’ll do.’”

I laugh, and I feel a smile take over my face. “She’ll do?”

Dad chuckles. “Yeah. I went, ‘She’ll do for what?’ And you told me, ‘She’ll do to be my friend.’” His laughter echoes throughout the arena as I grin widely at him. “You two were two peas in a pod, but it was Lucas who noticed how she started looking at you differently. I agreed and then said I noticed the same from you. I think it was right when you went to prom, with that one girl who Emery claims she didn’t trip, that things completely changed between you two.”

“She totally tripped her,” I huff out between chuckles.

“Oh, I know she did,” he laughs, shaking his head. “And now, here we are.”

“Here we are,” I agree. “She makes me happy, Dad.”

“I know, Quinn,” he says simply. “But what I want to know is why you got involved with Ava. Why did you propose to her?”

I forgot I’d said I did that. I press my lips together, looking away, ashamed. “I didn’t, Dad. Mom’s ring that you gave her when I was born is in a drawer in my place.” I can feel him staring at me. “I told her to tell everyone it didn’t fit and we were getting it resized, but that wasn’t the case.”

I don’t want to look at my dad, but I know I have to. When I do, I find him with his brows pulled in and confusion in his eyes. “What the hell is going on?”

It’s hard to breathe as I look out at the ice, but I know I have to tell him. “Emery leaving really fucked me up,” I admit quietly, my heart thundering in my chest. “I couldn’t focus on school. I wanted to drop out for a year, but Ava convinced me to stay in. Told me she’d help me, and since the world was shut down, it was easy to let her do everything for me.” I’m unable to look at him as I continue. “She got me through my classes, and things were fine. We were friends, I hung out with her and her partner, and we had fun.”

“Her partner?”

“Yeah. Yvette is her girlfriend.”

I feel his gaze, and when I look at him, he’s visibly shocked. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

I nod. “Her parents don’t approve and are holding her inheritance hostage if she doesn’t end things with Yvette. If she marries me, and we stay together for a year, then she gets her money and she can live the life she wants. With Yvette. She offered to get her uncle, Dr. Abrams, to take me in for my residency and even offered to pay me some of her money. I took her up on the offer with Dr. Abrams, obviously, but I declined the money because she’d helped me back when I needed it.”

I watch as he digests my words, his eyes searching mine. “Why didn’t you tell me or Mom you were struggling with school?”

“Because I shouldn’t have been. I was a pathetic mess. And instead of talking about it, I wallowed in self-pity and licked my wounds.”

“We could have talked about it.”

“Sure, but it wouldn’t have brought her back,” I counter, holding his gaze. “I’d already embarrassed myself. I didn’t want to embarrass you too.”

“Quinn, you were young. You should have let us help you.”

“I couldn’t,” I admit, emotion thick in my voice. My chest feels like it is cracking open. “Everyone else was off living their best lives. At my age, Owen and Evan were in the NHL, living away from home. I was home and I still struggled, all because I couldn’t handle being left behind by Emery.”

Dad grips my arm, and I meet his gaze. “I didn’t shower, didn’t eat, didn’t do anything when your mom left me. I tried to get over her with another woman and couldn’t get it up.” I grimace, and he laughs. “Sorry. But Quinn, hear me, please. When you hurt, it’s okay to do just that—hurt. I was miserable without your mom, and thankfully, I only had to wait a couple months. You waited three years. In silence, mind you, because while I knew you missed the girl, I didn’t know you had all this going on.”

I bite the inside of my cheek as I stare into my dad’s loving gaze. The man who is my hero. The man I strive to be. My chest aches as I admit, “I didn’t want to embarrass you or disappoint you.”

“Quinn,” he stresses, gripping my arm, “it wouldn’t happen. Life is fucking hard, kid. I get it. I’ve lived it, and now I’m doing it again with adult kids and grandkids. I’m sorry I was too consumed with my own life to notice you were hurting.”

I shake my head. “Dad, no. You are the best dad.”

He gives me a small smile, squeezing my wrist. “And you’re the best son. Quinn, no matter what, I love you, and I’m proud of the man you’ve become.”

I look away, remorse and guilt coursing through me, seeping into my bones. I know my dad loves me, and I knew that Emery would be right about how my dad would react, but he hasn’t even heard it all. In almost a whisper, I tell him, “If I don’t marry her, she’ll turn me in to the school, and I’ll lose my residency.”

He takes a deep breath in through his nose, his nostrils flaring with anger. Everyone is scared of a mama bear, but don’t fuck with Shea Adler’s kids. “I never liked her.”

“I know,” I answer in a small voice. “I offered to pay her inheritance, but she doesn’t want to lose her family. She doesn’t care that I’m in love with Emery. She wants me to keep Emery as a side piece, but you know that’s not happening.”

“Yeah, absolutely not,” Dad says on a chuckle. “Emery would hump you at the wedding in front of everyone.”

“Exactly,” I say with a scoff. “That’s totally something she’d do.”

I close my eyes as I inhale deeply. I’ve gone over my options a million times, and I don’t have many. “Dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Would you still love me if I walked away from medicine?”

I glance over at him, and the stricken look on his face feels like a gut punch to my soul. I look away quickly, trying to breathe. “Quinn, for a prodigy, you are as dumb as a box of rocks sometimes,” he chastises, and I look back at him, my eyes wide. “Nothing or no one will ever keep me from loving you. I just want you to be happy.” He cups the back of my neck, squeezing it. “Do what makes you happy, son. That’s all I want. I don’t care if you’re a doctor or a TikTok guitar singer or whatever you do on that app. I just want you to be happy.” He grips me again, shaking me a bit. “I’ll say this, though. I remember a summer a while back when you and Emery were coding together and the roaring laughter I heard, the insults, the cussing, and then the huge smiles I saw. Quinn, you were happy.”

I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m not sure if it’s from his intense gaze or the reminder of that summer. Emery and I had hacked in to our high school’s database and changed grades for some of her friends who were in summer school. Once we realized what we could do, we were off to the deep, dark web. We had convinced our parents we needed better computers, and we soon built a mega desk, with four monitors and a souped-up desktop. We had so much fun. We learned so much that summer, and I remember I kept thinking how gorgeous she was.

Things were changing.

And now, I want that feeling back.

I want Emery.

My phone rings, and I see Ava’s name.

A knot forms in my gut, but I disregard it. This is no time to ignore her. I know what I have to do. But I can’t even get out a hello before she says, “Quinn, we have a problem.”