Love in Slow Motion

40. Quinn

40 QUINN

The house is so still, so quiet that I can hear static against my ears. I can hear Chase breathing. I’m certain he’s still awake. I feel sick to my stomach. All I can think about is what’s happening in the basement, the fact that Amina is sleeping in the bed where Reed and I have been having sex for the last three days.

It’s not like I think Reed would jump into bed with her because she’s there , but what if they realize that they still have feelings for each other? What if they realize they’re still attracted to each other?

What if Reed remembers that whatever is going on between us can’t keep going on once this week is over? There’s no way.

Except…

He remembers Halloween. It feels like that changes everything. How could it not? The thing is, I don’t know how it changes things. Why did he lie about remembering me? Why did he act like he didn’t know me when we met in New York?

“Are you still awake?”

My whole body jerks at the sound of Chase’s voice. I’ve been so caught up in my head that I forgot that he was still awake. I roll over to face him and feel a little shocked when he’s already turned in my direction. It’s strange that I don’t feel the way I did when we first got here. All the anger I felt, it sort of just shriveled up and disappeared. Now, I feel…nothing.

“What is it?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s sort of nice having you here. It’s weird that you’ve been sleeping in the basement.”

“You’re usually asleep when I move down there. I didn’t think you noticed I was gone.”

“I noticed.”

His face is awash in blue moonlight, and I think of how many nights I spent lying in bed alone, wondering when he would be home. Never sure if he was working late or out drinking with friends. He would never answer his phone, and I would never complain. Maybe a part of me didn’t mind that he was gone. Maybe the loneliness I always felt wasn’t for him.

“Did you ever really love me?” I don’t know why I ask. None of it matters anymore. But I don’t feel like I understand why Chase and I did the things we did to each other. I don’t know why I married him when I was so unsure, and I’m not sure why he married me when he knew I wasn’t enough for him.

After a long silence, he says, “You fit perfectly into my life. I mean, look how happy my family is to have you here. You and me, we made sense.” He stops, blinks at me. “Did you ever really love me?”

There’s no reason not to be honest, after all this. “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know what love is.”

He shakes his head as best he can with his cheek pressed to his pillow. “You’re one of the most loving people I know. You’re so good with my family, and you were there for your mom when no one else was. You’ve been taking care of my family all week. You came here to make sure I got the money, even after everything I did to you.”

I’m surprised when a tear rolls out of the corner of my eye. “I came here for me, Chase,” I say, confidently.

“Sure, but you could have found a way to get that money. You could have blown the whistle on this whole thing. Blown up my whole family. But you haven’t. Because you love them.”

A sob rises up my throat.

I told Madison I didn’t know what I wanted, but it was a lie. I know what I want. I want someone to love me. Really love me. Someone who understands me and someone who laughs at my jokes and someone who doesn’t sigh when they answer the phone and someone who rushes home because they want to see me so bad.

I don’t realize I’m all-out crying until Chase reaches out and sets his hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t,” I say between sobs. I cough away the lump in my throat and sit up in the bed. “I’m just going to go for a walk.”

“Quinn?”

I stop halfway to the door and turn around. He’s sitting up in the bed, his hand reached out toward me.

“I’m really sorry I ruined your life.”

It feels manipulative, like he wants me to tell him he didn’t ruin my life, even though maybe he did. So I don’t say anything. I open the door and go out into the hallway.

Down the hall, the light is still on in the living room, but when I get out there, the room is empty. Someone must have left the light on before they went to bed. I’m standing there, trying to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do next, wiping the tears from my cheeks, when Reed comes out of the hallway leading down to the basement.

For a moment, we just stare at each other. And then Reed seems to come unfrozen. He stomps toward me, his voice low when he asks, “What’s going on? Why are you crying?”

I put a hand over his mouth to get him to be quiet and then drag him toward the front door, where the entryway serves as an alcove for us to hide in.

He has his hands on my face, brushing away the ridiculous tears that I can’t seem to stop. “Did Chase do something?” he hisses.

I yank his hands away. “You lied to me.”

His hands fall to his sides, and it processes for the first time that he’s still dressed in what he was wearing all day. That he doesn’t look frazzled at all. He wasn’t downstairs having sex with Amina in the bed we’ve been sharing, that much is obvious.

“You said you needed the money for your new restaurant.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, like he’s trying to figure out how to structure his thoughts. “I do.”

“You said you already have investors. Surely it can’t cost more than half a million to open a restaurant.” I’m trying to keep my voice down, but I’m feeling hysterical, and we can both hear it. After that conversation with Chase, I know I can’t listen to anymore Lynch men lie to me, especially not Reed. Not when I’ve opened up to him this week.

His face changes, one eyebrow going up, cockily. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so confident in that information.”

I want to growl at him. Now is not the time for him to be cute . “Reed, what do you need the money for?”

“What?”

“You said you need your mom’s money, but you weren’t telling me the whole truth. Why do you need it?”

“I never said I needed it. I just let you assume.”

I feel like I’m moving through a tunnel of lights and colors. Nothing makes sense. All I want is the whole truth. It doesn’t matter if it’s important or if it’s my business. I don’t care. Nothing is what I thought it was when I woke up this morning, and I just want to know what the hell Reed is keeping from me. “Then why are you here?”

All the cute is gone, leaving behind just the serious cut of his jaw. “I’m here because I want to be.”

“ Why are you here, Reed ?”

“I’m here because my family is here.”

I’m so frustrated that I’m afraid I’m going to start crying again. “Just tell me, Reed. Why are you here? Why do you—” I take a deep breath, force the words out of me. “Why do you have that skeleton tattoo on your hip? Why did you have my picture in your office at Aeronaut? Please, just tell me the truth. Why did you pretend not to know me at that first Thanksgiving?”

He takes a step toward me, using his body to pin me to the wall, his hand coming up to wrap gently around my throat. “Because I needed to pretend that night never happened, Quinn. I needed to pretend I didn’t meet the girl of my dreams in that hallway because that was the only way I could handle seeing you with Chase. You know why I’m here, Quinn.”

The lump in my throat is so big, I’m afraid I’ll choke. I shake my head. “I don’t?—”

“You know , Quinn. I got that tattoo because you were already under my skin. I came here because Chase said you needed the money, and Mom wouldn’t give it to you unless I was here. I came here for you. I came here because my idiot of a brother let you go, and I saw an opportunity. I saw the chance that I should have taken five years ago, the chance to make you mine. Because that is all I want in this life, Quinn, for you to be mine. I saw my shot, and I took it. Because I’m in love with you. Because I’ve always been in love with you. And you’re finally mine.”

Tears slip down both my cheeks just before he slams his mouth down on mine. I’m immediately wrapped around him, trying to get as close to him as I possibly can. Closer. Closer . I want to let him absorb me into his skin.

This can’t be real. That’s all I can think as he buries his hands in my hair and slips his tongue into my mouth, pushing against me so hard that I can feel the heavy racing of his heart, the thickness of him against my hip.

He loves me. How can he possibly love me?

I should ask more questions. I should get some much-needed clarification. But instead, I hike my leg up onto his hip and let him grind me into the wall with his pelvis. He groans quietly, his hands clutching my jaw and then sliding underneath my hair, holding my scalp like it’s something precious.

We have to talk. We have to figure this out.

A loud thump sounds from somewhere in the house, and we break apart, fixing our clothes and wiping at our mouths. And then we both just stand there, not moving, not breathing, waiting to see if someone is going to come around the corner and ask us why we’re hiding in the entryway.

But nothing ever happens. The house goes back to being quiet and still.

Reed walks slowly to the end of the alcove, looking out both ways before turning back to me. “I should get back to my room,” he says quietly, and that feeling in my stomach appears again. He wouldn’t touch Amina after all that, right? He wouldn’t tell me he’s in love with me and then make a move on another woman.

“You and Amina…” I say, crossing my arms.

He stares at me with a blank expression. “You think I would do that to you?”

I know how awful it must seem that I would be suspicious, but considering what I’m going through with Chase, I don’t know who I can trust anymore. He opens his mouth to speak, but another loud bump from down the hall catches our attention.

Reed sends me a confused look and then starts to walk down the hallway. I’m not sure whether or not I should follow him. I start down the hallway and see that the light in the guest bathroom is on, but the door isn’t closed all the way. Light is spilling into the long hallway. I hear a shuffling from inside and start to worry that maybe Sabrina or Lydia is up and feeling sick. Why else would the door be partially open like that?

Reed stops and nods for me to go ahead of him, probably assuming it’s safer for me to look in case one of the girls is inappropriately dressed or something. I push the door open enough to see in the mirror and find myself looking right at Lydia and Sabrina. Sabrina is propped up on the edge of the sink, and Lydia is on her knees in front of her, her face buried between Sabrina’s legs.

I gasp, and both girls jerk their heads to the side, their eyes meeting mine in the mirror before I have a chance to close the door. “Oh, my God. I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry.”

I turn and grab Reed’s hand, pulling him back down the hallway before he can see anything he shouldn’t.

“What’s happening?” he asks, but I keep moving, feeling like we should be as far away from Lydia and Sabrina’s business as we can get right now.

“Wait,” I hear Sabrina whisper from behind us. “Please wait, Quinn.” I turn to look at her, halfway in the bathroom and halfway out of it. She’s buttoning her shorts and then Lydia is rushing out of the bathroom behind her, wiping her mouth with a towel.

I feel the moment Reed realizes what happened, his hand tightening around mine. And then Lydia and Sabrina’s eyes fall to where Reed and I are connected, and it’s like we’ve all been struck by lightning. We stand there in shocked silence, none of us able to meet each other’s eyes.

Lydia’s eyes finally find mine. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes wide, and I don’t think it’s because she and Sabrina were just getting hot and heavy. She looks terrified.

Finally, Sabrina lifts a finger to her lips and nods toward the back door, the one leading out to the pool. All four of us move slowly, like we don’t want to turn our backs on one another. Once we’re outside, the bugs squawking loudly, Reed says, “What the hell is going on?”

Sabrina’s abrasive eyes shoot between me and Reed. “I think I should be asking you the same question.”

“They’ve been sleeping together all week.”

Reed and I both jump in surprise when Lydia speaks. Her voice is usually so quiet, but she’s not being quiet now.

Sabrina spins to face her. “You knew about this?”

Lydia gives her a little expression like she wants to tell Sabrina to calm down. “I’m not a snitch, Sabrina.” Lydia focuses her eyes on us, stepping around Sabrina with her hands clasped in front of her. Sabrina must be at least a foot taller than her. “I heard Quinn sneak down to the basement that first night, and then I heard you arrive, Reed. I went down to the basement to see if you needed anything, but when I realized you were both in the bedroom with the door closed, I just left it alone.” She shrugs gently, not a hint of judgment in her tone.

Sabrina’s tone, however, is so heavy with judgment when she speaks again, it’s a wonder she doesn’t choke. “So, what, the two of you are going behind Chase’s back?” Sabrina waves a hostile hand in my direction. “You’re cheating on my brother with my other brother?”

My stomach lurches. “It’s not?—"

“Hey.” Reed steps between us, so all I can see is the jut of his shoulder blades through his thin shirt. “It’s not like that, okay? You don’t talk to her that way.”

“You’re one to talk, Reed. You’re fucking your brother’s wife.”

I shove Reed out of the way so that I can see Sabrina. “Chase and I are divorced.” Of anyone in the house, I feel confident that Sabrina at least will understand what I’m going through. She knows her brothers. She knows Chase. But there’s still a chance that she’ll think I’m disgusting or totally fucked up for sleeping with one brother when the other brother, who I was still technically married to when got here, is upstairs the whole time.

Sabrina goes silent, her arms falling down to her sides. Her mouth pulls down into a frown, and her eyes go glassy. “You and Chase got divorced? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why are you here pretending like you’re still married?”

I sigh. “Chase cheated on me. We didn’t tell anyone because I need the money your mother is offering us to help me pay for the house in Boston. I got it in the divorce, but I’m on the verge of losing it because I can’t find a job.” When I say it all out loud like that, one thing after another, it’s practically vomit-inducing. I’ve pretty much lost everything. Maybe I never had anything to begin with. I glance over my shoulder at Reed, who’s watching me with soft eyes.

“God. That’s…a lot.” Sabrina crosses her arms and looks down at the ground, like she’s trying to process.

Beside her, Lydia says, “Maybe I should go inside and let you all talk.” She slips quietly back into the house, and as soon as she’s gone, Sabrina’s eyes drift back over to Reed and me.

“Listen, you guys can’t tell Mom about Lydia and me.”

“Why?” Reed asks. “Why are the two of you sneaking around?”

Her chin trembles and she lets out a heavy sigh, planting her hands on her hips. “Because Mom will fire her and Lydia needs this job. You know Mom would never agree to keep employing her kid’s girlfriend. But Mom pays her a fortune and Lydia has family to take care of, okay? A mom and a brother, and if I’m the reason they aren’t taken care of?—”

“Hey,” Reed says, stepping forward and grabbing Sabrina by both shoulders. “We’re not going to tell Mom anything. I swear.”

His words stab me in the gut. I think about how odd and difficult it’s been to sneak around with Reed all week. Have they been doing the same thing while we were here? Or have they been doing it back in New York, too? “How long have you two been together?”

“Since I moved back to New York to be with Mom. So like, six months.” Her eyes go watery again, and she reaches up to grab onto Reed’s wrists. “Please, Reed.”

I answer this time. “Sabrina, he said we wouldn’t tell, and we mean it.”

“We should head back in,” Reed says, letting his arms drop. He holds the door open for us and we file back in, trying to stay quiet. Although, apparently, being quiet never did us any good because Lydia was always around the corner, seeing right through us.

Sabrina and I turn for the hallway, but Reed goes the other way, back toward the basement. Our eyes meet across the expanse of the living room, and I know he’s thinking exactly what I am. That we need to talk. That he told me he loves me, and I have to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with that information.

When we’re standing outside Chase’s bedroom, Sabrina turns and leans against the wall. So quietly I almost can’t hear her, she says, “I’m sorry about Chase.”

I shake my head. I’m not sorry about Chase. I’m free of Chase. But now I’ve landed right into a million other problems.

“Are you in love with Lydia?”

She stares back at me. And then she nods.

I smile. “I’m happy for you two.”

“I’m happy for you and Reed.”

The lie rolls right off my tongue without my even trying. “It’s nothing serious. We’re just having a good time while we’re here. It’s not like something permanent would even be an option. Could you imagine trying to explain that to Chase and your mom?”

She grimaces. “Then I guess we’ll both just have to take this all to the grave.”