Love in Slow Motion

52. Quinn

52 QUINN

Brooke stares at me wide-eyed from the other side of her balcony table. She sets her glass of orange juice down. “Holy shit. That’s the wildest story I’ve ever heard. I can’t believe Reed hit him.”

I stare down at the plants lining the balcony she shares with Clay just outside of Boston. The second her lease was up, she moved across the hall, and I have to say, Clay’s apartment is much nicer than Brooke’s old place was. “I’m actually really not surprised,” I say. “I think Reed made himself pretty clear, you know?”

She taps her fingernails against her glass, and even though I’m not looking at her, I can feel the weight of her stare. “He did make himself clear, Quinn. So, why are you here talking to me instead of shacking up with him right now?”

I scrub my hands over my face. The morning heat is starting to get more intense, and my hands come away sweaty. “It’s not that simple, and you know it. There are too many variables here.” I set my hands flat on the table and study my fingernails. And then I throw them back up in the air, my body laced with adrenaline and sadness and confusion and frustration that nobody can see reason but me. “I can’t just divorce one man and then move on to his brother. That’s not how life works. This is not a soap opera. Reed will get over it. I’ll get over it. He’ll meet someone and I’ll…”

I’ll what? I think between Chase and Reed, something inside me has been broken beyond repair. I don’t know if I can ever see myself being close that way with anyone else again. The risks are too great.

“You never told me it was Reed.”

I look up at her, all gold and pink in the morning light. “What?”

“After the Halloween party. I remember it. You told me the next day about the guy that ghosted you. You never told me it was Reed.”

I told her about meeting a guy in the hall because she was my best friend, and we told each other everything. But months later, when I discovered that Reed and Chase were brothers, I never mentioned the connection or Reed’s identity. “I guess I didn’t think it mattered.”

She watches me closely, her elbows resting on the table between us. “I don’t think that’s true. I think you knew it mattered too much.”

She’s right, of course. It felt like a detail I needed to bury so that nobody would know the situation I had found myself in, so nobody could accuse me of wanting Reed more than Chase, even though it was probably true. “I felt stupid for liking someone that much so quickly. And then felt even more stupid when it turned out to be Reed.”

“But you never got any kind of closure. Maybe those feelings never really went away. I know they didn’t for him.” My eyes meet hers, and I see the knowing in them. “He’s always loved you. He told me as much when we saw him at Aeronaut. But it wasn’t like I could tell you.”

That night at Aeronaut. My picture in his office. I saw it then; I just didn’t want to. “My feelings didn’t go away either.” I can say that confidently now, even though it feels scary to admit it. That truth that I’ve been hiding inside for so long. “Reed made—makes—me feel like no one else does.”

“How does he make you feel?” This is what Brooke does, forces people to confront their feelings for their own good. It’s what she’s best at.

“Like I matter.”

Agony crosses her face. “Of course you matter.”

“I just mean, he hears me. And he sees me. My whole life, everyone talked over me and forgot about me and made me feel like a burden they had to shoulder. But Reed…he makes me feel important.”

She nods like she understands. “You love him.”

“Of course, I love him.” There’s no use hiding any of it anymore. “But what I need right now is for my life to be less complicated.”

She nods. “So you’re selling the house.”

“So I’m selling the house. I’ll take the first job I can get, I’ll get the cheapest apartment I can find, and I’ll just…take some time to breathe.”

At this, she smiles. “Time to breathe sounds like a good idea.”

Just then, the balcony door flies open and Clay sticks his head out to smile at us. “I brought croissants.”