Love in Slow Motion

53. Reed

53 REED

The city is too loud and too bright. I feel like that guy in Clockwork Orange with his eyes pinned open. I want to go back to the lake house, where it was quiet, where the sunshine felt different, where I had her with me.

A big hand lands on my shoulder, and I fight not to grimace at the contact.

“What do you think of this place?” Jack asks. “The seating area is way bigger than I thought it was going to be. And those pink walls…”

“I might want to keep the pink walls.” My voice sounds hollow. That’s what I feel like. Like a suit of armor standing in an empty hallway with nothing inside it.

Jack grins, looking around at the bustling corner we found a good spot on. We’re just north of downtown Boston, on a street that’s lined with shops. This is going to be a perfect location. Now if only I could feel… anything . “Whatever you say, man. So, what do you think? You want to make them an offer?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Most of the investors stuck with me after I announced my change of plans, but a few pulled out. Even so, I’ve garnered enough trust in the last few years that the investors put in enough money to fund the whole project. Now I have to prove that I can do this without a partner and without tagging onto a five-star restaurant downtown. And maybe I can’t, but here goes.

Jack’s smile finally falls. I thought he wasn’t paying attention to my disposition, but I guess I was wrong. “Hey, we don’t have to end the search here. There’s no hurry. We can keep looking if you’re not feeling this place.”

I shake my head. “No. Let’s pull the trigger. I want to keep moving forward.” I have to keep moving forward. If I don’t, there will be nothing left of me. I’m afraid I’ll waste away.

Jack nods. “Yeah, okay. I’ll let them know, and I’ll keep you updated.” He shakes my hand, and then I’m left there, standing at the edge of the sidewalk, trying to decide what to do now. This is always how it is. When I have the distraction of work, I’m fine. But the second I’m alone, the world goes quiet, and all I’m left with is the glaring realization that I might have to live the rest of my life without Quinn.

Like she knows that I can’t handle it right now, Sabrina calls. I stare at the screen, wondering if I should ignore it. She’s been calling for days, but the idea of trying to have a conversation with her right now after everything that went down at the lake house feels insane.

But if I don’t answer soon, she might come to Boston, and I don’t think I could handle that either.

“Hey,” I say, putting the phone to my ear.

“Finally!” she shouts, and I realize she’s probably standing on a curb in the city too, just in New York instead of Boston. “I know you’ve been ignoring me, but me and Mom have been really worried about you. How are you? How are things in Boston?”

I feel like an ungrateful asshole for even thinking that things aren’t going well. They are. I’m going to have a running business again soon, and for the most part, life is running pretty smoothly.

But it all feels like it’s for nothing because I have a massive hole in my chest.

“Everything’s good,” I say, but I sound like someone saying their pain level is at an eight while they’re bleeding out.

“Reed, come on. You can talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Everything was so quiet by the time we all left the lake. I’m pretty sure Mom is never going to speak to Chase again, which is probably fine, all things considered.”

I haven’t even thought about Chase. He lifted out of my life so easily. It was a clean break after everything came out. “Is there an update?”

Sabrina sighs. “Mom paid the woman who filed the lawsuit. Not to protect Chase but just so that that poor woman could have some peace. It’s all over, but Chase is still out there in the wild, primed to make even more terrible decisions.”

Chase is lucky he didn’t leave that lake house in a body bag, but I don’t say so. “I’m sure Mom is disappointed in all of us.”

There’s a pause. “Why would she be disappointed in you ?”

I run a hand over my face. “I don’t know, Sabrina. Maybe because Quinn and I lied to her for a week? Maybe because I was sleeping with Quinn under everyone’s noses? Maybe because I made a move on my brother’s ex?”

“Yeah, keyword being ex . Look, I know it probably feels a little backwoods talk show, but it’s not your fault that the person for you just happened to also be married to your brother. These things happen. What are you supposed to do, stop loving her because she was your sister-in-law?” There’s a beat of silence. “Actually, as that’s coming out of my mouth, I realize how weird it sounds.”

I groan and turn, pushing back into the empty building on the corner that’s going to be mine very soon. Inside, my voice echoes off the walls. “I love her so fucking much, Sabrina.”

“Then why aren’t you doing something about it?”

I stare at the shadow on the wall where the last business’s name was washed onto it by the sun. “Because she needs space. I made a mistake doing all of this when the ink had barely dried on the divorce papers. I should have taken my time, waited until she had really healed from her marriage. I’m the one who fucked up here.”

“You didn’t fuck up. You were just…eager. That’s hardly a cardinal sin.”

I nod, even though she can’t see me. “And what about you? Did you tell Mom about Lydia yet?”

“I did, yeah.” There’s a smile in her voice now, thankfully. “She took it really well. She didn’t fire Lydia, but she’s making us get a new place so she doesn’t accidentally hear us having sex or something.”

I smile out into my empty building. “See? I knew she wasn’t going to have a problem with it.”

She’s quiet for a long moment. “It’s hard to ever really know what someone would do in this life.”