Chapter 30, Luv (Un)Arranged (Luv Shuv #3)

Chapter 30

Song: Phil Le Aaya Dil

- Rekha Bhardwaj

Kriti

I was working on my laptop in the kitchen when Aakar returned from work and dropped his usual kiss on my head. It had been two days since our big fight.

“Hey, jaan. How was your day?”

I gave him a small smile, my cheeks blushing every time he said jaan. “As usual. Just came home from the evening walk with Pappa and the uncles. You? All good at work?”

He pulled the chair beside mine and took a seat. “I must say, I’ve been extremely busy these days.”

“You have?”

He opened his office bag and nodded. “Of course. I have this teacher in my house who’s handed me a punishment.”

My heart started to pound. I never thought he’d actually do it. “No, you didn’t.”

He gave me a wide smile. “Of course, I did. What kind of a husband do you think I am, wife?”

He pulled out a notepad and handed it to me.

With shock still etched on my face, I looked down at the notepad and opened to the first page. And there it was. Two little sentences. Six words. Written in one line. A thousand times.

I love Kriti. I trust Kriti.

Tears gathered in my eyes and dropped onto each page that I turned. Pages and pages of I love Kriti. I trust Kriti. lined the notepad. I didn’t know why I was crying when he was the one who had shouted at me.

But this, I really didn’t think he would follow through. I should’ve known better. This was Aakar. My honorable, always-keeps-his-word husband. Of course he wrote it. More tears dropped on the pages as I flipped through each one of them, tracing the words with my fingers. Aakar pulled me closer into his arms, brushed his lips against my forehead, and whispered, “I love you, baby. I trust you.”

His words were as much a balm to my soul as they were like the heaviest rock lodged in my heart. Because I was terrified of what might happen to that trust if he found out about Abhi.

As the days passed, I started finding a rhythm in my new life. I woke up, got an hour to myself as I prepared my tea and read my romance books, got ready for school, went to school, came home, chitchatted with Maa and the aunties while having chai, worked on the next day’s class or corrected homework, had dinner with everyone, spent time with Aakar—sometimes we had sex, sometimes we just sat and worked on our own projects—and went to sleep.

Life was good in terms of my routine.

But it had its own challenges in terms of dealing with the health of the men of the house. The doctor had given each man their dietary instructions, exercises, and a strict order not to smoke.

Every family member was on high alert, and the men were under Aakar Mishra’s strict scrutiny.

Each family member was given orders and times to be on the lookout for Pappa and the uncles. Since Aakar was with the men for most of the day, he had a handle on things in the office. Abhi was under strict orders to go to the office at least three days a week.

Ria got the men to exercise in the morning while I was responsible for accompanying them on their evening walks. The ladies had taken up the dietary requirements, not budging an inch after the lies and betrayal from their husbands.

Speaking of lies, it took me a few days to gather enough courage to apologize to Maa and the kakis, and all of them were so kind, saying they knew their husbands well and how persuasive they could be. They didn’t blame me at all, unlike my dear husband.

I was on a walk with the uncles and Pappa, and Abhi decided to join in, dragging Karan with him. The moment the men saw Karan, they burst into claps on his back, welcoming him into their fold, saying Where have you been, beta? Haven’t seen you in so long. Don’t you stay away for so long.

Tears gathered in my eyes at seeing Abhi watching Karan surrounded by the elders, receiving so much love and warmth. Our eyes met, and Abhi shook his head helplessly. His eyes screamed See how much they love him? Would they show him this love if they knew the truth?

No, they wouldn’t. But I had to talk to Abhi. Had to ask him to tell Aakar. So when the elders started to walk in front of us, first, I pulled Karan into a bone-crushing hug. His bashful smile had me pinching his cheeks. “How can you hide from me so much, Karan? I’m here for you and Abhi, always.”

Karan’s eyes filled with so much gratitude, so many emotions, as he shakily whispered, “I know, bhabhi. I’m sorry for staying away for so long. I was terrified and embarrassed. No one in my life knows. No one except Abhi.”

“I’m so sorry I barged into Abhi’s room that day. I already apologized to Abhi, but I really wanted to apologize to you personally.”

He quickly pulled me into a hug and said, “I’m glad you know, bhabhi. I’m glad we have someone in our corner.”

“Always, Karan.”

Abhi lightly coughed and started to walk behind the elders so as not to garner their attention.

Seeing that it was just the three of us, and now that I had both Abhi and Karan’s attention, I cleared my throat, making them both turn to look at me, and said, “Speaking of having someone in your corner…”

“Nope,” Abhi quickly interrupted. “Do not even think about it, bhabhi.”

“Hear me out, Abhi.”

“No, bhabhi. Absolutely not.”

Karan looked back and forth between the two of us with raised eyebrows, and when Abhi’s eyes met his, Abhi muttered, “She wants us to tell Aakar Bhai.”

Karan’s eyes widened, and he started shaking his head. “Bhabhi, no. Abhi’s right. We can’t tell Aakar Bhai. He’d kill us.”

I gasped, offended on my husband’s behalf. “He would not. He would stand by you and be in your corner. He’d understand.”

Abhi scoffed. “Bhabhi, in case you haven’t noticed, all Aakar Bhai ever asks me is if I have a girlfriend.”

I cringed because I had noticed that. “In his defense, he doesn’t know any better, Abhi. Heterosexual men in India don’t ever think about the possibility of a family member having a different sexual orientation. Aakar wouldn’t even have considered the possibility that his little brother could be gay. Give him a chance, Abhi. He’s seen you and Karan throughout the years. He knows how much you two mean to each other. I’m sure he’ll understand. He loves you and only ever wants you to be happy.”

We continued to walk a few feet behind the elders but still kept our voices low.

Abhi sighed. “I know how much Aakar Bhai loves us. He’d take a bullet for any of us. But he’d be so disappointed in me. And I really don’t think I could face him if he looked at me with disappointment or even hatred in his eyes. It would break me, bhabhi.”

“Oh, Abhi. He might be shocked, but surely, he wouldn’t look at you with hatred in his eyes. He could never hate you.”

“Please, bhabhi. I can’t tell him. Especially not now, with the health of Pappa and the kakas already stressing everyone out. Aakar Bhai has already lost his mind with his army general routine. This is really not the time, bhabhi.”

I looked at the three men walking ahead of us and sighed. “You’re right. Now might not be the best time. But please consider it. I know Aakar. He would support you, no matter what. He’d just be sad that it took you so long to share this with him.”

Karan looked at me then and asked, “Would you get in trouble with Aakar Bhai if he knows that you know?”

Abhi also turned to me at the question.

I quickly gave them both a smile. “You shouldn’t worry about that. It’s between the two of us. And I guess he would be sad and probably a little angry that I hid it from him, but of course, he would understand that it’s not my secret to tell.”

Abhi quickly put his arm around my shoulder and said, “And if he doesn’t understand, Karan and I will make him. Don’t you worry, bhabhi. We’ve got your back too.”

And I knew then. I knew I didn’t just love my husband. I loved his family just as much.

Aakar

The six-week spirometry test results for Dad and Navin Kaka arrived today. With all of our group efforts in getting them to quit smoking and putting them on an exercise routine and a healthier diet, we found some positive updates in their reports. Not only did that help Mom and the kakis breathe a little easier, but it also gave me hope that keeping them on this routine would definitely get Dad and the kakas healthier.

Abhi, Ria, Karan, Kriti, and I were in our bedroom eating ice cream to celebrate our efforts. Abhi and Karan sat on the floor leaning against the full-length wardrobe across from the bed, and Ria and Kriti sat cross-legged on the bed, while I was on the rolling chair near my work desk.

I was finally a little at peace, and seeing my entire family together and my cousins happy made something settle in my heart. It brought me a sense of accomplishment and joy that I never got when securing a client or hitting our yearly goals.

I looked at my cousins. Ria, talking and giggling with Kriti, Abhi and Karan lost in their conversation, the smiles on their faces, the days of worries forgotten. I turned to my wife, her wide smile, and the way she looked at my siblings as if they were her own, as if she loved them like her own.

“How’s the job going, Ria? You and Zayan getting along?” I asked, wanting to jump into the conversation.

Kriti put her head in her hand, shaking her head at my question. And I quickly realized why when Ria scoffed loudly. “Um. No. To get along with someone, you need mutual respect. Zayan has no respect for me, nor do I him. It’s a losing battle.”

Zayan was one of my best friends. And I knew that he had nothing but respect for my sister. He said so when I asked him if he could recommend Ria for a position in his firm.

“Did you try getting along with him?” I asked, knowing that Zayan would never instigate any fights, and Ria was a bit more volatile with her emotions.

Case in point, she glared at me like a ferocious lioness. “Did I try to get along? I was nothing but nice to him from the beginning.”

Before I could ask her any further questions, Abhi quickly piped in, “Don’t even try, bhai. It won’t end well. Trust me, when it comes to Ria Didi versus Zayan Bhai, Ria Didi is always right.”

Karan and Kriti looked at each other and started chuckling, whereas Ria had an appreciative smile on her face. “You’re learning, Abhi. I’m impressed. Don’t you forget this when you get a girlfriend.”

Abhi just shook his head with a smile. “We’ll see about that.”

“Maybe he’s already got a girlfriend,” I teased.

“Nope. No girlfriend,” he said, not meeting my eyes and looking down at his phone.

Now that I thought about it, he never talked about his girlfriends.

“What’s with all the secrecy, baby bro? You know you’re allowed to have a girlfriend, right? I’ll totally support you if Mom and Dad object. Just ask Akira.” I winked.

Abhi had a small smile on his face as he rolled his eyes. “Let it be, bhai.”

The way he was deflecting and not denying that there was no one made me want to know about it even more. I know we were about eight years apart, but I wanted my brother to be open with me.

“C’mon, what’s the harm, Abhi? It’s just us here,” I added.

Ria was quick to jump in. “Yeah, Abhi. It’s just us.”

“Exactly, c’mon, tell us, baby bro.”

Abhi slammed the ice cream cup on the floor beside him. “I said I don’t have a girlfriend, bhai. You know why? Because I’m gay.”

My heart stilled. My mind froze. It was like my entire body stopped functioning at those two words. Gay. Gay. Abhi was gay? No. No. He couldn’t be. My eyes were focused on him but I couldn’t see anything. Shock had my body in a chokehold, and I didn’t know how to get out of it.

“Are you going to say something?” Abhi asked, his voice shaking.

Was I? What did one say to that? What was I supposed to say when I didn’t even know how I felt about it? What was I supposed to say to make him swallow his words back?

“Fuck this,” Abhi muttered, a tear rolling down his cheek, as he got up from the floor and walked out of the room.

“Abhi,” Karan called out and looked between where he went and where I sat, my eyes glued to his retreating back.

Karan looked at me, and with a shake of his head, he turned around and ran after Abhi.

Ria was quick to run after him as well.

But my body was stuck. I was stuck. I had no words. My heart was beating a million miles a minute. My mind threw a thousand scenarios at me, showing me Abhi’s life as a gay man. Who would ever accept him? What would the world say? How would he ever have a normal life? How many people would frown at him, make fun of him, and inflict violence on him? How could he? How could he put himself through that?

I felt a sudden shaking of my body, and I realized Kriti clutched my shirt collar and was shaking me.

My eyes met her dangerous glare, and I was dragged out of the spiraling abyss of possibilities and threats I was pulled under. The feel of the cool air of the air conditioner touched the nape of my neck, and I could finally hear sounds around me.

When I looked at Kriti, scathing anger laced her words as she said through clenched teeth, “What the fuck was that, Aakar?”

Guilt and shame coursed through my body. “I’m sorry Abhi’s gay. You know I just found that out. I didn’t know…”

She frowned, and her tone dropped as she asked, “You think I’m ashamed of Abhi?”

“Aren’t you?” I asked, my mind spinning out of control. Words failed me. My mind failed me.

Only Kriti’s tightening hold on my collar kept me grounded. “How could you even think that?

“I don’t know what to even think anymore, Kriti.” I clutched her hand that was holding my shirt, trying to infuse some of her strength in myself.

“You need to go to Abhi and give him a hug and tell him you love him. Tell him you accept him. Tell him that nothing changes.”

Nothing changes? Nothing fucking changes?

That got me moving. I jumped out of my seat as I walked around our bedroom. “Nothing changes? Kriti, it changes everything. Every-fucking-thing. It changes how I see my brother. It changes the lives of every person associated with him. It would change the way people look at him. It would change the way people talk to him, talk about him. It would change the way people even associate with this family. It would destroy our family. What do you think our family would say about this? You think our family would accept Abhi, let alone someone he would love? You think people in our society know how to deal with gay people? He wouldn’t be just Abhi. He would become that gay boy . No. Absolutely not. I can’t accept that for him. I can’t let Abhi live a life like that.”

Kriti’s eyes widened in shock. Her fists were clenched so tight with anger, but I couldn’t comprehend how she wasn’t on the same wavelength as me. “How can you even think that? This is about your brother and his sexual orientation. He hasn’t announced this to the world. He’s shared this with you. You , Aakar. He wants your support.”

My heart started to beat faster at every word she spoke. My body started to heat and sweat gathered at the back of my neck at seeing Kriti so calm and collected at Abhi’s announcement. How was she not freaking out? How could she be so okay? How was she not losing her mind?

My mind spun out of control at the thought. I looked at her. Looked at how she was defending my brother. Looked at how there were no signs of shock on her face. Just fight. “You knew,” I breathed out.

Her eyes widened at that.

And I was sure. “Tell me, Kriti. You already knew about Abhi, didn’t you?”

I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to hear her admit the truth. Yet I kept looking at her face. The way she gulped, the way she turned her eyes away from me.

“Say it, Kriti.” My voice was numb. Every second of her silence was stealing all my trust in her.

I walked to her and held her shoulder. I pulled her closer to me, so close I could feel her heart pumping at my sternum. “You knew, didn’t you? You knew my brother was gay, yet you hid it from me.”

She turned her eyes away from me once more and mumbled, “Now is not the time for this.”

Fury raced down my spine, betrayal shattering every kernel of trust I had in my wife. It took an insurmountable effort for me to get the words out when all I wanted to do was scream and rage and shut off from the world. “I can’t think of a better time than this. How long have you known?”

She must’ve realized that it was futile to delay this conversation because she looked me in my eyes as she said, “Two and a half months.”

Pain so sharp echoed in my chest. It felt like her words had cracked open my heart, and I looked down at my chest to check if blood was pouring out onto my shirt. I turned to look at where Kriti’s hand lay on my chest. And I couldn’t bear it.

I couldn’t bear my wife’s touch. Words flew out of my mouth as if they burst out from a cracked shell and not me when I looked at my wife and said, “All I’ve ever asked for is your trust. Honesty. After so many fights. So much discussion. So many promises. The one thing I’ve asked for is honesty and openness to share everything with me. You promised. You promised after what happened with Dad and the kakas. I asked and asked…”

“Aakar.” Her teary voice would break me.

My own heart was shattering. “No. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t.”

“Your brother needs you right now.” Her words might’ve meant well, but all I heard was It was too late. My brother was gay. How did I not see it? How could I have stopped it? I was too late.

“My brother needed me two and half months ago, too, but you didn’t think about telling me then, did you? You just decided to deal with this yourself too, right?”

“It’s not like that, Aakar…”

“Don’t. Don’t say my name. I can’t even look at you right now.” I turned around and clutched my hair, the pain in my heart expanding to my head. “Fuck,” I yelled.

“Aakar, please…”

“I need you to leave.” My heart cracked down the middle as I said those words. Those five words poured out of me because I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t hurt. My life was unraveling around me, and I felt like I didn’t even know who was who anymore.

“You don’t mean that,” she whispered.

My vision swam as tears gathered in my eyes. “I don’t even know who you are anymore. I don’t know how many times I should put my trust in you. I need some time, Kriti. To think. To make everything all right. And I just can’t…I can’t deal with this right now. And I can’t see your face knowing you knew everything. So I need you to go back to your home.”

VOTE97

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