Maddy’s Christmas Wedding (Little Duck Pond Cafe #37)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

We were a subdued party the following day, flying back home. A complete contrast to the excitement (for the others, at least) of the outward journey.

When we’d flown out to Lapland, I’d already been wrapped in nightmare imaginings after what Marcus had revealed, although I’d tried to put on a cheery face. The mask had clearly slipped more times than not, though, because since I confessed everything to my friends, they’d let me know how worried they’d been about me, knowing something was wrong.

Arriving back in the UK, I was dreading seeing Jack. I’d missed him so much and yet it was weighing heavily on my mind that there was so much I needed to tell him. The problem was, every time I thought about the fall-out that was certain to happen, I felt chilled to the bone, and I knew I couldn’t do it. Not yet. Not until I’d processed the whole thing properly in my own mind.

It was all so ironic. I’d thought it would be Dad and his balance issues that could put our wedding plans in doubt. I would never have wanted to walk down the aisle without him by my side.

But in a weird twist of fate, it had ended up being Marcus – my other dad – who’d turned my life upside-down with his news.

Talk about truth being stranger than fiction!

The thought of telling Jack was killing me. So I was relieved to get a text from him soon after we landed in London, saying he was having to work late but that he wanted to take me out for a bite to eat when he got back around eight. That meant at least I’d have some time to myself to work out what I wanted to say before he got back.

I just needed to get home now. As soon as possible.

So of course it was Sod’s Law that as we were heading for the exit to go and find the car, someone should tap me on the shoulder and say, ‘Hey, fancy meeting you here!’

We all swung round and a familiar face was beaming at us. It was Kate, whose wonderful house we’d stayed at the year before on a girls’ trip to Silverbells, a pretty little village about thirty miles from Sunnybrook. It had been quite a spooky time, around Hallowe’en, and Kate had made dinner for us one night. She lived in Chancery House, a lovely big house in its own grounds so even though there were five of us visiting, there’d still been room enough for us to stay the night.

We’d kept in touch regularly since then, and Kate had come with her husband George to stay at Ellie and Milo’s glamping site for a long weekend in the summer, and on the Saturday night, we’d all gone out to Carlo’s for dinner and a catch-up. They’d been excited to tell us that the owners of Chancery House, which they’d been renting, had decided to sell – and they had bought it!

I liked Kate a lot, but being anxious to get home now, I found myself only half-listening as everyone chatted around me. They were talking about the Christmas show that was held every year in Silverbells and Kate was saying it was a take on Cinderella and we should get tickets to see it because it was going to be really special.

I was aware of Jaz introducing Laurel, who hadn’t met Kate before, and then Kate saying something about starting a new career and having been on a course in Glasgow. And then Fen telling Kate the wonderful news that Ellie was pregnant.

I’d been going over in my mind what I’d say to Jack, but Kate’s loud squeak of delight at this news brought me back to the present and the chat going on around me.

‘Oh, that’s so amazing! She and Zak must be over the moon.’

They talked about that for a while as I worried about Jack. And then, just as I thought we’d be going, Jaz said, ‘So, come on, then. What’s this new career of yours, Kate?’

My heart sank. I just needed to be away. But Jaz was the driver so obviously I had to wait for everyone else. Then my mobile started ringing and it was Mum, so I had a legitimate excuse to say, ‘Sorry, it’s Mum. I’d better get it.’ They barely noticed, they were so busy chatting.

As I walked off, I heard Kate talking about problems with bouquets and rings. Maybe she was going to be a wedding planner? They’d probably be talking about that for ages – and about Ellie being pregnant, of course – and I really wasn’t up for it. The trouble was, I wasn’t really up for talking to Jack yet, either, but I was going to have to.

Mum was phoning to find out if we’d had a good time and got back safely, and we chatted for a while, and by the time we said goodbye, the others were ready to go.

It was almost five by the time Jaz dropped me off at home.

Relieved to be back at last, I dumped my bag in our bedroom and went straight to the fridge, and for once, I didn’t feel at all guilty that it was a bit early to start on the wine. I needed this. Taking a swig, I slumped on the sofa and threw off my scarf.

It felt weirdly mild. I’d grown accustomed to the face-freezing Arctic temperatures, and the bulky snow gear I’d worn when I was there had felt almost like a buffer against the world. But now, in my thin jumper, back on familiar ground, I felt oddly exposed.

In a way, being cut off from my normal life in a strange place had given me a breather for a while after Marcus had delivered his shocking news. I’d felt suspended in time amid those beautiful snowy vistas and fantastical pink and purple skies. But I was back to reality now. I could no longer use the excuse that I couldn’t tell Jack what was going on until we were face to face. Because soon we would be face to face – in the restaurant – and then I’d have to tell him everything. . .

*****

Jack was overjoyed to see me.

After we ordered, he took my hand across the table and looked into my eyes with such love and affection, I almost started crying right then. He’d obviously really missed me, and he started talking about the wedding, telling me that he’d phoned Jeanette at the venue to make sure the renovations were on track and asking me if I was sure I didn’t want the napkins printed with the guests’ names? Because there was still time to organise it?

I listened and smiled, amazed that he’d been so proactive in my absence. I wondered if maybe he’d been feeling guilty that it was Mum and me who’d done most of the wedding planning and organising, and now he was wanting to do his bit.

My smile was bittersweet as I listened to him talking about how he’d been phoning people on the guest list who hadn’t yet RSVP’d to say they’d be there.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked at one point. ‘You seem quiet. You did have a good time, didn’t you?’

‘Oh, yes. Brilliant.’ I pasted on a smile. ‘Yes, I’m just a bit tired after the journey.’

‘Of course you are. An early night, eh? I’ll make us hot chocolate and we can watch some crap telly.’

‘With marshmallows?’

He grinned. ‘With marshmallows.’

‘Perfect. I . . .’ I cleared my throat, trying to psyche myself up to break the news. But seeing his happy smile, I stalled. The painful tapping at my temples was becoming more insistent. I felt like running away. Just the thought of telling Jack there was a chance – a 50% chance – that all our plans to have a family might be dashed . . . I just couldn’t find the words to begin.

‘Mum’s getting stressed about the move,’ he said, changing the subject. ‘I phoned them yesterday and Dad says he’s starting to wish they hadn’t decided to downsize. Mum’s getting in a panic about the packing. Apparently, she’s been staying up till all hours making lists of things to take to the charity shop.’

‘Oh, poor Wanda.’ Jack’s parents had sold their large four-bed house in Birmingham and were moving out of the city to a smaller place in a nearby village. ‘I don’t blame her. It’s awful living in chaos when you’re in between places.’

He sighed. ‘I think she hates the thought of leaving the family home.’ He grinned ruefully. ‘I guess I’ll be exactly the same when it comes to us having an empty nest. I mean, how do you leave behind the place where you had such happy times bringing up your kids?’

‘You take the memories with you, I suppose,’ I said in a small voice.

‘Sorry. I’m being too sentimental, aren’t I? Okay, I’ll stop going on about kids.’ He grinned. ‘And we’ll definitely stop at two or three if that’s all you can handle.’

I swallowed hard. ‘Jack, I need to talk to you about something.’ I shrugged as if it was nothing, although underneath, I was feeling sick with fear.

‘Yeah? Actually, snap!’ he said. ‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’

‘A surprise?’

‘You go first. What did you want to talk about?’

I shook my head. ‘No, you.’

He nodded and fished in his jacket pocket. Bringing out a small box, he handed it over with a look of anxious anticipation. And when I opened it, my heart lurched with delight to see the contents – a white gold band set with tiny diamonds that sparkled in the candlelight.

‘It’s beautiful,’ I whispered, feeling the tears welling up.

Jack smiled, seeing me overcome with emotion. ‘It’s an eternity ring,’ he said, taking it gently and sliding it onto my ring finger. ‘I’m afraid you’re stuck with me forever now.’

I tried to laugh but my throat was all choked up and tears were slipping down my face.

‘Honestly, everything makes me cry these days.’ I dabbed my eyes on the napkin, knowing my mascara would look a proper sight now.

He chuckled. ‘You’re not pregnant, are you?’

‘No!’ I swallowed and tried to smile. ‘Look, I’d better just . . .’ I pointed in the direction of the Ladies. ‘In case the waiter thinks I’m celebrating Hallowe’en a bit late, what with my witchy eyes and everything.’

I fled from the table, and luckily there was no one in there, which meant I could sit on the toilet lid and sob and sob, and let it all out . . .