Madness (Madness #1)

Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I lean back in my chair, my eyes narrowing on Abe as he paces back and forth in front of us.

The session has ticked on for nine hundred seconds… a full fifteen minutes, and I’m on the verge of losing my sanity if he doesn’t start the session soon.

The familiar ticking of the watches on my ankles helps me to count, allowing me to regulate my breathing so the itchiness under my skin doesn’t take over.

There’s a plan for every session, and Abe seems to like to push it later and later each week to drive me over the edge .

Red clicks her nail against the plastic chair, breaking the silence, “Are we going to start anytime soon?”

Abe doesn’t say anything for a moment, taking a pull from his pipe and blowing out a suspiciously blue cloud, “What were the circumstances that found you here?”

Desmond and I exchange a glance; the story of how we were dropped off at Wonderland is something we try not to dwell on – too painful to remember.

Abe looks between us both expectantly, raising a bushy eyebrow.

I clear my throat, breaking the heavy silence, “It’s not something we like to talk about,” I start cautiously, my voice cracking. Desmond nods in agreement, his eyes dark and stormy as memories assault us both.

Abe’s haze sharpens, his interest piqued by our obvious reluctance to share. “It is precisely why you are here, isn’t it?” he prods firmly.

Desmond shifts uncomfortably in his seat, “Maybe it’s time we faced it.”

Taking a deep breath, I look to my brother for strength and let my mind drift back to that day when everything changed for the worse.

“Our parents always wanted a little girl,” I begin, “and when they found out they were having twin boys, they were livid. They left us to ourselves, and we only ever had each other to rely on while they tried for another kid. ”

I stop, unable to continue, the words lodging in my throat.

“They had their girl…” Desmond croaks out, “And we were forgotten about. We snuck into the new nursery, wanting to see our baby sister. She was beautiful, but our parents found us in her room, and Dad lost it. He got into Dusty’s face, screaming, which made the baby start screaming, too, and I couldn’t take it anymore. It was always me and Dus against the world, and I pushed him… hard.”

“So you attacked him?” Abe says, pointing his pipe at Desmond, and I growl in response.

“He didn’t do it on purpose! My dad had his belt in his hand, ready to strike me like he always did, and Des defended me!” I shout.

“They paid to put us here; we were never admitted because of the reasons listed on your stupid piece of paper,” Des nods his head at the clipboard, crossing his arms over his chest.

“He was just trying to protect me,” I add, my voice trembling, “Dad was always so angry, so quick to lash out, and Desmond was the only one who ever stood up to him. Mum never did.”

Abe lowers his pipe, his expression softening for the first time since we started therapy. “It must have been hard growing up in such a volatile environment.”

My eyes well up, “It was. But Des… he was my hero. He took the brunt of Dad’s anger so many times to keep me safe.”

“Sounds like Desmond played a crucial role in how you both ended up in Wonderland, but it’s important to acknowledge the sacrifices he’s made for you.”

Desmond shifts uncomfortably, “I did what anyone would do for their twin.”

I reach out to my twin, placing my hand on his arm, “You did more than that. You saved me, you continue to save me, and I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”

Abe sits, leaning forward, and takes another pull from his pipe, the smoke travelling up to the ceiling and seeming to curl around him, “You both have been through a lot, and it’s amazing that you both have managed to stay strong and not lose yourselves to Wonderland.”

Desmond finally lifts his eyes to look at us all, “I just want our sister to be safe. It’s all I think about now.”

Abe smiles warmly, “How about we find a good place to start with healing those feelings? It often begins with the desire to see the people we love happy.”

Abe looks to Harry next, eyeing the frizzy ginger hair sticking from the hat he always seems to wear.

“And you?”

“A speak tae animals, and mi parents thought a needed tae git professional ‘help,’” he says, but Abe raises an eyebrow, urging him to continue .

Harry sighs, “When a wis ten, my brother took his own life. He wis battling terminal cancer that had spread throughout his body, and he didnae want oor parents tae pressure him into pursuing treatment. So…” he hesitates, swallowing thickly, “he hung himself, and a was the one who found him.”

“I’m so sorry Harry. That must have been incredibly difficult for you. What was his name?” Abe asks softly.

Harry’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, “Um…” Red reaches across, holding his hand, and nods her head, urging him to continue, “It was Thatcher.”

Red’s sharp intake of breath has understanding dawning on all of us, “And how quickly after Thatcher’s death did you start talking to animals?”

Harry thinks for a moment, “A few months, maybe? A got really quiet in school and lost mi friends, who started bullying me. Soon after that, mi brother’s rabbit became mi only friend, and he started talking to me.”

Red squeezes Harry’s hand, her eyes shining with empathy, “That must have been so hard for you,” she says.

Harry nods, his gaze distant, “It was… it still is.”

“That must have been confusing,” Abe starts, “how long until you told your parents? ”

Harry shakes his head, “A was tae scared. A thought people would think a was lying or crazy. So, a kept it to maself for a long time.”

The therapy room falls into silence, each of us thinking about how we got here. Finally, Abe breaks the silence, “Thank you for sharing with us. Therapy is done for today, but we can continue it tomorrow.”

Red exhales in relief, and Abe watches her knowingly, “See you, Abe,” Red shouts over her shoulder, rushing from the room like if she’s made to stay there a moment longer, she’ll reveal her deepest secrets.

We all stop at the TV room, and Red’s friends, who we dubbed as the flowers, hover around a dazed Al, who gazes at them as if they are about to pounce on him at any moment.

“So, where are you from?” Rose asks him, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

“I do not know,” he responds in a monotone voice.

Bud shuffles closer on his knees, his pierced eyebrows knitted in concern, “You do not know, or you do not remember?”

Al doesn’t register our presence as we all sit around him, and I sit next to him, stealing the other side as Red sits on the other, “Al?”

“Hmm?”

“You can just ignore the nosey buggers, y’know?” I try to joke, but when he slides his blank stare my way, my concern grows .

“White came in and took him…” Tulip says, “he came back like this, and we’ve been asking him questions ever since to try to keep him focused.”

“Do you know where you are from, Al?” Red asks him, her hand clutching his tightly. Her face is furious, but she keeps her voice calm as she talks to him.

“No, it’s all… foggy.”

Tulip speaks softly, the gentler one of the trio, as she places a hand on Al’s knee, “Maybe it’ll take time to come back to you, but we’re all your friends now, so we’re here to help you.”

“What about your name? Do you know your full name?” Rose asks.

Al blinks slowly as if he’s trying to pull something out of the deep rabbit hole, “Alice.”

“Thee Alice?” Bud exclaims.

“No. I’m just Alice,” he responds.

All of our brows knit together, expecting his usual response of ‘Al,’ but he makes no move to change his answer, and I grow more concerned for one of the only people in this place I call my friend.

Red softens her grip slightly, her eyes searching his face for any signs of the old Al in there, “Do you not go by Al?”

Al shakes his head, frustration evident on his face, “Not allowed. The white queen with the big, big, big head said I have to be Alice now. Always, always, always Alice…” he punches the side of hi s head, “Not a legacy. Never a legacy… Alice… Mum was mean.”

“Come on, let me take you to your room,” I say, clutching his arm in mine and coaxing him from the room away from watchful eyes that like to pry into our business.

I turn the cold handle to Al’s room, and the picture Hare drew for him is now ripped in two and laid in pieces on the floor.

Clothes are strewn everywhere, and his bed has been flipped over.

Al stands there motionless, staring at the destruction with no emotion on his face.

“Al, what happened?” I ask, my voice trembling as memories of my father’s anger when he would destroy our room in retaliation for whatever he thought we had done flash in my mind. I push it to the side, though, wanting to be there for my friend.

He slowly turns his head towards me, his eyes vacant, “The white queen with the bloody, big, big, big head,” he whispers, his eyes darting around the room as if Nurse White is going to appear out of nowhere. “She came and turned everything upside down… She wanted Alice’s plans. Escape, escape, escape. Fly, fly, fly away on the dragon.”

“Al!” I shout, grasping his face with my hands, “You’ve lost your bloody head.”

“I’m mad, Dusty… I’m utterly mad. ”

I shake my head, “You’re lost. A pawn in her game in this fucked up place.”

“I’m scared, and I feel funny… funny, funny, funny. The voices in my head are real, and they want me to…” he stops, clutching his head, his hands overlapping mine.

I can feel how he’s trembling, his skin cold and clammy, “Come on, let’s get you to lie down. Maybe sleep will help.”

I fix his bed, remake the duvet and decide that the clothes can be left until later.

“Thank you,” he says as I tuck the blanket around him, “I’ve never had a friend before… well, not one that’s real, so thank you.”

“You have all of us now, Al. But I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me now,” I tell him honestly, then leave him to sleep.

Slipping from the room, I startle when the others are all standing outside waiting.

“Is he ok?” Red peers past me to catch a glimpse of him.

“He’s lost his mind a bit, but I think White’s drugging him,” I sigh, running a hand over my face, “we need to keep her away from him.”

Hare runs past at that moment, coming to a screeching halt when he sees the picture in tatters on the floor, tears well in his eyes, “Alice mad?”

“Naw, buddy, someone broke it. Can yi make him another ane to cheer him up?” Harry asks Hare, picking the pieces of paper up from the floor and stuffing them into his pocket .

Hare nods enthusiastically, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. “Yup, yup, yup!” he chirps, taking off and running towards the warden’s office where his drawing materials are kept away safely.

Red turns to me, “We need a plan and fast.”

Desmond nods along with me, both of us rubbing our temples, “We need to get him out of here.”

“And Red. She’s just as much of a target,” Harry says also, pressing closer to Red’s side.

“Then we need to talk to Jameson and Bander, too. Maybe they’ll have a plan.”

“Me and Des will go speak to Jameson. See if he has a plan,” Red says, squeezing Harry’s hand as they both leave.

Harry stares after them both, worrying his bottom lip, “I hope we can do something. I hate seeing them like this.”

“Me too,” I say as I slide down the wall to sit on the cold floor.

“What are yi doing?” Harry asks.

“Standing… well, sitting guard.”

Harry joins me, and I glance at him from the side of my eyes, “Whit? It may surprise yi, but a dae like the wee bastard. He’s just a wee bit mad, y’know?”

“Aren’t we all a bit mad in here?” Harry chuckles.

Before I can respond, the door behind me creaks open, and Al steps out. His eyes are wide, filled with confusion, looking as if he’s just stepped out of a dream.

“Where are you going, Al?” I call out, trying my best to keep my tone as gentle as I can.

He pauses, turning to where we are both sitting, “I’m following the white rabbit,” he says, “He said I have to paint the flowers… Alice will be mad, mad, mad.”

Harry and I exchange worried glances, “There’s no white rabbit, Al.”

Al tilts his head, “But the rabbit hole… it’s just down the hall.” He points down the dimly lit hallway, and I shudder from the memories of the horrid ward that no one should ever be in.

“Al, there is no rabbit, and there is no rabbit hole. It’s just wards… you’re in Wonderland, remember?”

Al’s eyes widen with panic, “No, no, no! Wonderland… you’ll never escape wonderland. Stuck, stuck, stuck… following Alice’s path… legacy… off, off, off with her bloody big head…” he shouts, taking off down the hallway and runs to the doors that lead to the outside before we can even catch up with him.

Both me and Harry chase him in a desperate attempt to stop him, to pull him back to the safety of his room, but just as we are mere inches away, the guard steps up to him, grasping his arm tightly .

“Dennis! We have another one for solitary!” the guard calls out, refusing to let go of a struggling Al.

“No, no, no! I’ll lose my mind… mad… utterly mad, mad, mad. Bonkers…”

“Don’t take him to solitary,” I beg, “his new meds just reacted wrong.”

“Cards… guards, guards, guards are silly cards, cards, cards,” Al rambles, and my heart breaks for my friend as the depths of Wonderland seem to claim him before we can save him.

“We’ll talk to Wocky. We’ll make sure you are ok,” Harry says, his eyes shining with sympathy.

The guard hesitates for a moment, glancing between us both before tightening his grip on Al, “Orders are orders,” he says gruffly, “We can’t afford to take any chances.”

“Chesh…” Al growls, swiping at thin air, “No time for a tea party. The flowers need to be painted… Alice said so.”

We watch helplessly as the guard drags Al away, his wild eyes darting around the room, lost to the voices only he can hear.

The slam of the door to solitary echoes as Red and the others come back, Jameson tagging along with them, who rushes past us to follow them down to the depths of Wonderland.

“Do you think he’ll get him back?” I ask.

Red nods, “He’s the warden, what he says goes. We need to give them a while for him to work his magic.”

“I want her dead, Red. He’s my friend, and she’s pushed him too far… she needs to die.”