Madness (Madness #1)

Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

“You’re lost, Alice… forever,” the masculine voice taunts me as I lie chained to the bed in solitary.

His words echo inside my head, and the sterile white walls seem to close in on me the longer I’m laid here with only the two voices in my head and Chesh for company.

I struggle against the restraints, feeling my mind fracture with each tick of the imaginary clock, but they hold firm, digging into my wrists.

“Tick, tick, tick goes the clock, clock, clock.” Queenie laughs, and I sigh, bashing my head against the soft padding under me .

“Don’t be like that, Alice. I told you to embrace your legacy, but all you’ve done is squander it. You are the son of thee Alice, and here you are, locked away down in solitary because you couldn’t control the madness.”

“Mad, mad, mad.”

“Will you shut up,” I hiss, “Can’t think straight because you both won’t stop bloody talking.”

Their laughter mingles together, echoing around me, a cacophony I can’t escape.

Chesh materialises at the foot of my bed, his grin wide, wide, wide, and his rows of pointy teeth seem to gleam in the fluorescent light.

“Ah, but thinking straight is a tad overrated, is it not?” Chesh purrs, his voice dripping with silky sarcasm, “Think back to Alice, Alice. She holds the key to your escape from Wonderland.”

I groan, the sound seeming to be swallowed by the shadows that lurk in the corners, “You’re not helping Chesh. I need to get out of here; I’m losing my mind.”

“Out?” Chesh’s grin widens, “Why on earth would you want to get out, silly? The key is inside of Wonderland – the only way out is through.”

Queenie’s voice cuts through my mind like a knife, “No escape. You’re trapped, trapped, trapped.”

I close my eyes, trying to drown out the noise, “I’m mad… I’m utterly mad.”

“Mad, mad, mad.” She chants, her voice a twisted lullaby, like Alice used to sing .

Chesh’s eyes twinkle, his floating tail swishing back and forth, “You are more than madness, Alice. You are the legacy of Wonderland. Embrace this so-called madness, listen to what you are trying to tell yourself, and perhaps you will find your way.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Then you will be left here. Lost and forgotten just like the others in Wonderland.”

“Lost, lost, lost!”

Chesh begins to fade, his parting words a whisper that seems to still the air in the room, “The key is within you, Alice. Find it, and you will find your way to escape.”

Left alone with the two voices in my head and the infernal ticking of the ticking that doesn’t exist, I try to bring myself back from the edge, but it’s no use.

I can feel my mind fracturing, and no matter how hard I cling to the last edge of sanity, I can see no way out.

“Tick, tick, tick,” Queenie mocks, and I sigh, tired of the noise.

I’ve not known quiet for years, if not for the voices in my head – it was Alice screaming out nonsense as she drew the nonsensical map on the living room wall.

Her face appears before me again, twisted and decaying. “Follow the white rabbit, Alice.” She whispers, her eyes wild and unblinking though her mouth does not move, “He knows the way out.”

The white rabbit… the elusive escape.

I chuckle darkly at the memories of her ramblings.

Silly Alice, the only white rabbit in Wonderland, is Thatcher, and he’s just a rabbit.

In this place, there are no rabbits, only endless corridors and locked doors where the shadows reach for you in the night.

It’s a maze… a trap as they make your mind spiral until you are crazy… bonkers… utterly fucking mad.

The only bright light in this place is Red; the others a glow around her that helps keep me a little bit sane as we all come together to love her… “To protect her, Alice. Your legacy will protect her. The question is, are you willing to sacrifice yourself to do so?”

I open my mouth, intending to answer, but the door to the room swings open and Abe appears.

His body is still a blue caterpillar, and he crawls into the room, his face clouded by smoke.

“Are you ok, Al?” he asks.

I nod slowly. Queenie and the masculine voice grow louder, fracturing reality and making me lose myself, “I think so.”

Abe takes a long drag from his pipe, the smoke curling around his antennae, “You know, Al…” he blows out the smoke from his mouth, and I cough, “Wonderland is a treacherous place if you do not know how to navigate it. It’s easy to lose oneself in here.”

I glance around my room down in solitary; the walls seem to pulse and move as if they are alive, “I just want to know what is real.”

Abe chuckles, “Real or not real? None of that really exists down here in Wonderland.”

As he speaks, the room seems to shift, the floor turning into a sprawling chessboard just like the one in Jameson’s office. The black and white squares appear to stretch endlessly.

“Focus on the pieces you can move,” Abe says, “Some knights, some pawns. But don’t forget the most important part…”

“The king?”

He shakes his head, “The queen Al. The queen is the one who protects the king… but who protects her?”

“Nobody protects her, Alice, apart from the player who does not want to lose the most important piece on the board. Red is your queen, and you must protect her by playing the game.”

“What game?” I ask out loud.

“The Game of Wonderland.”

Abe pulls up a stool next to my bed, his body barely fitting on it, “How did you end up here?”

“I…” I swallow, closing my eyes tightly, “I killed Alice.”

“Did you mean to do so?”

I shake my head, “I never meant to lose my head.”

“No, but she lost hers, didn’t she?”

“Off, off, off!” Queenie shouts on repeat, throwing me back to the night that started this whole crazy journey.

“Tell me what happened, Al. Tell me how you ended up here in Wonderland.”

I stare at the ceiling, the restraints keeping me in place, and I know it’s finally time I had this conversation.

To say the words out loud even when I do not want to.

“The voices… they wouldn’t stop,” I begin, my voice trembling, “Alice was demented… absolutely insane, and the voices told me she was going to get worse… so much worse.”

“And did she?” he prods.

I nod, a tear slipping from my face, “She always did, but she thought we needed another Alice, one that would be free from the madness. The voices in her head, they were twisted… wrong, and they convinced her that a pure bloodline was the way to do it.”

“And then what happened?” he asks, pulling another drag from his pipe, the tobacco glowing and illuminating his face.

“She locked me in my room that night and crawled into my bed…” I choke on my words, desperately trying to push everything down, “She… she had done it before, but this time she want ed to go further, and I just wanted it to stop.”

Abe pauses, lowering his glasses to look at me, “And you killed her?”

“I don’t remember. The voices grew relentless, screaming at me, and I blacked out as Queenie was screaming off, off, off.”

“Do you know what you did to Alice?” he asks, flipping the page on his clipboard. I shake my head, “You pulled her head from her shoulders. Beheaded her…”

He doesn’t need to say anymore, and I squeeze my eyes closed until the tiny white sparks appear behind my eyelids.

“Off, off, off!”

“You did what had to be done, Al.”

“I don’t feel like I did. I killed Alice. I don’t even deserve to be here,” I sniffle, the tears soaking the pillow below me.

“You defended yourself, and we can work on the voices while we have sessions,” Abe reassures me.

“Do you think you can make them go away? I’m tired of how loud it is,” I say.

“You need us, Al.”

“I don’t need you. I need peace – for you both to leave me alone so I can live my life,” I plead, “please, I just want to be normal.”

“I’m going to leave now, but I’ll be back tomorrow, ok?” Abe says, stretching up from the chair, the lower half of his body crawling across the floor.

“Ok,” I whisper, not wanting to be left alone but knowing I can’t make him stay either.

He leaves, the soft click of the lock like an alarm in my head as the voices grow stronger – both wanting my attention even if it means I can no longer think straight.

“Hi, excuse me,” a voice whispers into the room, waking me from my sleep.

A woman with long brown hair and glasses creeps into my room.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Yasmine. I’m Bander and Hare’s friend,” she says, stepping closer, “I promised them I would come check on you.”

“Oh. I’ve not seen you around here before,” I reply.

“That’s because I’m neighbours with Bander,” she chuckles at her joke, and I smile in response.

“Have the others come down?” I ask hopefully, though I know it’s no use.

She shakes her head sadly, “Red took not well. Threw up all over the floor in the cafeteria, would you believe it?”

I try to sit up, forgetting the restraints and fall back onto the mattress, “Sick, how? Is she ok?”

“Oh, she’s fine…” she looks around the room, “but, if you believe in rumours…”

“I don’t. ”

“Well, if you do… there’s a rumour going around Wonderland that she’s pregnant.”

I shake my head, trying to sit up again, “She can’t be. Not in here.”

“Will you stop that? The restraints aren’t going to move, no matter how much you struggle.”

“But she’s pregnant!” I exclaim.

“No, she might be, but you know what the flowers are like. It’s either an eating disorder, pregnant or she’s got some flesh-eating disease that’s eating her from the inside out,” Yasmine laughs again, “it’s ridiculous.”

“If the baby is yours, it’s going to be mad just like you.”

“Mad baby, mad baby, mad baby.”

If Red is pregnant, then she needs to get out of here, and all I can do is hope that the others will help her and go with her.

“Can you get me out of here?” I ask Yasmine, who’s watching me with wide eyes.

“I can’t. I’m already risking too much coming in here, but I can never say no to Hare,” she explains, “he’s far too cute.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Anytime,” she whispers again, slipping back out the door and leaving me with the silence once again.

“If she’s pregnant, you cannot go with her. Look at what you did to Alice.”

“Off, off, off!”

I don’t reply, but the voices have a point .

I’m far too much of a danger to her to leave with them, and I’m terrified that I would do to her what I did to Alice.

No… it’s safer if I stay here in solitary, where I belong.

I can’t hurt anyone here, and Wonderland may be the only chance I have at being normal.