Mark (Next Generation Carter Brother #9)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Mark

The night caught up to me at six this morning. I had stayed up all night, hoping and waiting for Freya to turn up at the door. Liam, who got in at two this morning, went to tease me about waiting up for a girl, but one look at my expression made him pause and think twice. If Freya had been anyone else, I would have thought fuck it, move on. But I can’t move on. And it’s driving me insane. What if seeing what she did was too much for her? What if she can never look at me again without seeing me between her sister’s legs? What if I can’t get her to believe what really happened? Because if I were in her shoes, and given her past, I wouldn’t believe me either.

I rub sleep from my eyes before checking the time on my phone. “Fuck!”

“Bro, too early,” Liam groans, shoving the pillow over his face.

“It’s fucking ten,” I growl, throwing the thin blanket off me.

I pull on yesterday’s shorts and grab the closest T-shirt before racing out of the door. I can worry about the hygiene crap when I sort this out with Freya. I check her room first, knocking softly, and when I get no answer, I head upstairs.

The ship is massive and not very many people remain as I walk through the most popular places, so I head back up on deck, feeling defeated.

There’s a storm brewing in the distance, rumbling just like the feelings brewing inside of me.

I let out a dry laugh, scrubbing my hands down my face. All the women I’ve had in my life, but it’s this one who has me trapped in my own mind. Who has brought out emotions I didn’t think I was capable of. She has me tied up in knots.

All the teasing I gave other family members about being pussy-whipped has slapped me back in the face. Because here I am, ready to knock on every door on this cruise, hoping she’s the one behind it.

“Fuck, what’s happening to me?” I whisper.

When I’ve made a mistake in the past, I’ve never wallowed in it. I’ve moved on, learnt from it, or grown up because of it. This one feels like I’m stuck in a time loop, changing the sequence of events so I don’t end up outside my room alone or invite Esther in.

“You’re growing up,” Dad answers, startling me.

I spin around. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be out exploring.”

“Me and your mum thought we’d stay around and wait for you to come out of your room.”

“I slept in,” I admit, my shoulders dropping. “I can’t believe I let this happen. Dad, I don’t know how to make this right.”

“Be honest with her. You did nothing wrong, son,” he states, leaning his forearms on the bars, glancing out at sea.

I turn around, doing the same. “Then why do I feel like I have? Why does it ache inside when I think of how hurt she must have been? I know it wasn’t what she saw, but she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know how fucked up her sister is, and honestly, she hasn’t known me long enough to know I’d never do something so messed up like that. Shit, Dad, I can’t stop playing it over and over in my head, worried about how she’s doing.”

“Son, love isn’t all rainbows and flowers. I mean, you can’t get a rainbow without a little rain. You’ve already got your answer on what to do. She hasn’t known you long enough to know you, so show her. Show her who you are to the core. We can see she is different to you because we’ve watched you grow and move through women. But she’s not seen that. She doesn’t see she’s the exception, the one who makes all the others before her seem like a past memory.”

My lips part, my eyes widening slightly at the surprise he can read me so easily. Because that is how I’ve been feeling. All of this is out of character for me because life is meant to be lived and I don’t regret living life to the fullest. But now none of it feels like I was living it up… it feels like I was passing through that moment in time.

“How…” I shake my head. “It’s like you knew what I was feeling.”

He laughs before smirking over to me. “Malik felt like he had finally woken up when he met Harlow. Mason…” He sighs like he’s remembering the moment. “Denny turned his life upside down, but it got him to open up his heart and let someone else really in. Myles, he found the missing piece to his heart and soul. Max, he learnt it was okay to love and be loved. And when I met your mother… she made me realise I was good enough, and helped me realise I didn’t need to be everything to everyone. We’ve all been in this position, son. We’ve all made bad decisions or done stupid shit. Hell, Mason ran Denny off because he was scared to admit he loved her. And your uncle Max… Jesus, he loved Lake that much, he made her hate him so she wouldn’t stay for him. He knew how much getting her family back meant to her so he selflessly made the decision for her.”

“I don’t think using Uncle Max as an example was the right thing to do.”

He snorts in agreement. “My point is, when we find that one person who changes the way we see things, how we feel, and turns everything upside down in the best possible way, there is always a way to fix things. Because they are worth the mountain you need to climb to do that.”

He’s right. The part of me that wishes I could give up and move on is coming from the part that is frustrated that I fucked up. But the other… the other wants to fight for everything we’ve shared and how we felt the past week and a bit.

“And trust me when I tell you, the Carters climb the highest mountains to fix stuff,” Mum replies. Her hand rubs down my back and I lean into her touch. “But as the woman he was climbing it for, I can tell you now, it made me love him more. But what he still fails to see is that he gave me more than I ever gave him. He gave me a family, my four sweet, caring and beautiful children. He gave me love. But most of all, he filled my grey-coloured life with colour. Don’t forget, whatever she has given you, I can guarantee you’ve given it to her. Love is a balance.”

I clear my throat at her admission. “Thank you, Mum.” I step back but grip the bars in front of me. “Any chance you’ve seen Freya or her parents? There’s a mountain I need to climb.”

It’s Mum who is clearing her throat. “You didn’t tell him?”

“Tell me what?” I question.

“I haven’t had chance yet.”

Anxiety about what it is slivers in the pit of my stomach. “Tell me what!”

“Honey, Freya isn’t on the boat,” Mum replies hesitantly.

I relax at her words. “That’s okay, I can wait until she’s back.”

She tilts her head to the side a little and does that sigh I’m so used to when she’s about to tell us something we don’t like. “Mark, you don’t understand. She’s not here.”

“She’s probably exploring and taking her mind off things. I can wait, Mum.”

“Son, what your mum is trying to tell you is that she left the island and isn’t coming back.”

I spin to my Dad. “What do you mean she left and isn’t coming back? When?”

“Early this morning. Lily was up on deck with Rose so Jaxon could sleep in. She saw Freya and Maya leave with their cases.”

“Why didn’t she come and get me?”

“She knocked but no one answered.”

I pull at my short hair, growling. “Fuck!”

“You’ll get to speak to her when we are home,” he assures me.

“That’s less than a week away,” I growl. “Esther is a fucking bitch. She did this on purpose. Who would do this to their own sister? God, she must be so messed up in the head.”

“Where are you going?” Mum calls out when I walk off.

“To find her parents,” I growl.

*** *** ***

Three hours later, I finally locate where her parents are hiding. A little café not far from the beachfront.

I’m in no mood for pleasantries when I pull out a chair, spinning it around to sit on it.

“Having a good day?” I question.

“You’ve heard?” Maggie guesses, unsurprised by my attitude.

“Yes, but what I would love to know is why she wouldn’t talk to me. Did you at least explain what happened or are you still burying your head in the sand?”

Maggie shares a look with Mitch. “She wouldn’t speak with us. We didn’t know they were leaving and only found out because Esther came to us at breakfast breaking down that her honeymoon is falling apart.”

“Is she really surprised? Since she’s the reason it’s going to shit. It’s the chain of events she put into motion that has caused all of this.”

“Which is why we are here and not in her room consoling her,” Mitch remarks. “We didn’t think our daughter was capable of such cruelty.”

“But you let Esther make you believe Freya was all this time. I’ve known her a short time and even I could see she wasn’t capable of the things Esther was saying.”

Maggie holds her hand up. “You don’t need to remind us of what we have done. We already feel bad enough.”

“But you didn’t follow her?”

“Do you really think she would let us see her if we did?”

I know they’re right but still, the show of action will mean something to Freya. “Does she know what really happened?”

“We did tell Mum, but when we last spoke, she told us Freya didn’t want to hear it,” Maggie explains.

“And before you rip into us, I’ll remind you that you are still here and not chasing after her.”

I glare at Mitch. I’m not her fucking parent or family but I’ve still tried, despite my parents’ protests. “Believe me, I’ve tried. There are no flights until the day we leave now. But you would have had time. The customer service rep told me I missed the last seats by an hour.”

Maggie wipes under her eyes as she lowers her head. “Sorry, it’s just been too much for us. Until you have children, you won’t understand how difficult this is. We love them both.”

“It shouldn’t be difficult. Your daughter is acting like an adolescent. Put her in a time out and keep her away from Freya. It’s practically parenting one-o-one.”

Seriously… I don’t even have children but it seems pretty simple to me.

“Again, son, until you have children, you won’t know how difficult this is. We have one daughter hurting, and the other… the other has done something unspeakable and we are struggling…” Mitch pauses, glancing away when the words seem to choke him up.

Maggie places her hand over his. “We love them both so much. And they’re both hurting. I know you don’t want to hear it, but Esther is hurting too. It doesn’t make what she has done right, but for her to do something that cruel, we missed something. We missed something important because our Esther would never do such a thing.”

“Oh my god, stop justifying her actions. Stop acting surprised. She’s already done this before to her. She may not have touched me, but her intentions were clear on what she wanted Freya to feel. You might not like she’s done it, but you are in a position to stop it. It doesn’t matter what you missed, because it’s not on you to fix it. And I do agree to some extent. Esther isn’t hurting though, she’s broken. Something inside of her is broken because I cannot fathom why she would do something like this to her sister.”

“We know,” Maggie whispers but it almost sounds a plea.

I take a moment to compose myself, and unclench my hands from the fists they had formed in anger. “My dad and uncles had a poor upbringing. What they went through is unimaginable, and it was caused by the two people who were meant to do everything they could to protect them. But they had each other. The formed a bond so strong, nothing could break it. We were raised to witness it. And seeing how other families were together, it made us appreciate what they gave us. It made us kids stronger too. People don’t even realise most of us are cousins because of how close we are. They think we are all siblings. So I may not have the best perspective, but I do know I would rather hurt myself before I hurt one of my siblings. Whether that be physically or mentally. And the same goes for my sister’s husband’s family. He has a great mum, and if his dad were still alive, he would be a great dad too. He will fight with his siblings, but at the end of the day, they would die for each other. So the bottom line is, you need to ask yourself why Esther doesn’t have that same connection, because as far as I can see, she lucked out by getting Freya as a sibling.”

“We’ve been asking ourselves the same thing,” Mitch admits. “It all leads back to Danny.”

“If that was the case, then Esther wouldn’t need to keep hurting her. She’s just married the loser.”

Maggie takes a sip from the glass on the table. “Then we don’t know. I’ve been going over it in my head to see if it was something we had done as parents, but if anybody had something to complain about regarding our parenting, it would be Freya. We haven’t been easy on her. And trust me when I tell you, it’s my biggest regret.”

I see my dad and mum on the corner, waiting for me to finish, so I do. “You need to get Esther help. Because even if Freya somehow has it in her to forgive her again, I’m not going to let Esther near her if I think she’ll hurt Freya.”

“You speak as if she will forgive you,” Maggie whispers. “I know what you’ve told us is true, but my daughter…”

“She doesn’t give people second chances,” I finish. “I know. But she’s never been up against a Carter before. I will win her back. I won’t stop until I do.”

“Then you will have our support,” Mitch discloses. “And rest assured, we will get to the root of Esther’s issues. We will make sure she makes this right.”

“Be sure that you do,” I tell him as I get up. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

I heard towards Mum and Dad, wishing this getaway was over already. I have places to be, a woman to see.

Because our entire future depends on her hearing me out.