Married to the Vampire Prince

Chapter Seventeen

Grace

We returned to the Estone forces’ encampment. As we walked through the camp, people’s eyes widened. Silas and Luke were covered in blood from head to toe; the blood of our enemies. They hadn’t failed to protect me, but they had definitely managed to scare me in the process. Silas, who had killed so many vampires with cold efficiency, had especially rattled me. What had really made me afraid was seeing the blank look on his face as he had slaughtered enemy after enemy.

Had Silas felt anything while killing those people in cold blood?

The idea that he actually didn’t feel affected at all by the murders he had committed scared me. How could taking so many lives over the course of his life – breaking necks and ripping out hearts - not faze him? The blank look on his face during the ambush made it seem like he had no regret or remorse for his brutal actions.

All this time I had thought that deep down Silas was like me. Sure, I knew we were of different species, but I’d spent some time around various vampires lately – Silas, Lukas, my teachers, the King and Queen – and had gotten to know them better. They all seemed to be kind people. They had checked in on me and asked me questions about how I was adjusting to my new role. Still… they were vampires, and I had forgotten what that fact meant.

Vampires valued strength and power. They were strong and powerful. That was why they led our society. They respected humans, but they were far different from us deep down.

Vampires killed without remorse, just like how Silas had killed without a second thought.

Everyone had told me Silas was a cold-blooded man, someone who had used brutal actions to end the previous war between Estone and Rosworth. Yet, the more I’d learned about Silas and the more time I’d spent around him, the more I had grown to think that assessment of him was wrong. I saw someone else in him – a kind, gentlemanly person with a warm smile. Now, however, I had to wonder if being a vicious soldier was his true nature and his kindly husband act was nothing but a lie.

It must be a lie, for a kind man couldn’t also be a dangerous killer. Those two personalities didn’t coexist in a person. Silas couldn’t be both versions of himself.

I now had to believe what people had told me about him. After all, it made sense that he couldn’t deceive the whole country into thinking he was a kind and caring person, but deceiving me had been almost effortless for him. I felt so stupid, so na?ve.

I couldn’t believe that the kind side of Silas was genuine anymore.

Silas put me down inside our tent gently. There was a bedroll on the ground and a table with two plastic chairs nearby. Our clothing and most important possessions sat in a chest. We only had the bare necessities here in the war camp.

I hadn’t minded earlier. All I had cared about was getting to be around Silas again. After all, I had enjoyed his company; that lie of a personality he had shown me.

I felt so betrayed now.

“Grace,” Silas looked at me with a concerned expression.

I ignored him and turned around. My clothes were soaked in blood from his hands. I needed to get undressed and wash myself. I felt so dirty.

“Grace, talk to me,” Silas tried again.

I didn’t turn around. “Is that a command?” I asked in a cold voice.

Silas paused. “What do you mean?” He asked after a moment.

“I’m asking if I have to talk to you,” I said. “Our marriage pact was sealed solely with the promise of me giving you my ruby blood. As long as I keep that part of the deal, I don’t have to talk to you or be intimate with you anymore, right?”

“But… I really didn’t mean to scare you. I was only doing everything in my power to protect you,” he said. I could sense from his voice how lost he felt.

I steeled my heart. I wouldn’t pity Silas. He was the one who had shown me a false image of himself all this time. He had made me believe him to be someone he was not.

It hurt me to let go of the hope that I had married a kind man. I should have known better.

“Don’t put the blame for your actions on me,” I huffed.

“I’m not-”

I interrupted him. “I didn’t make you kill people in cold blood. That choice was all you. You’re a monster.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. It hurt me to call him a monster. It pained me to believe he was one. I didn’t want to know the real Silas now, the violent brute. I wished to still believe his true nature was the wonderful man who had held me in his arms.

Yet all those experiences had clearly been a lie.

Silence fell between us. When I didn’t hear him move for a while, I wiped away my tears, made my expression blank and finally turned around to face him.

I saw Silas standing by the entrance to the tent with a pained expression on his face. I’d never seen him look so hurt before. He was someone who could control his emotions well, but here he was in front of me, his heart completely bared and obviously broken.

I felt his pain as if it were my own. I didn’t want to have pity for him, but my heart ached regardless.

A few heartbeats later, Silas’ expression closed. When he spoke his tone was cold and emotionless, like the killer society said he was. “You’re right. You don’t owe me anything but your blood. And I fed on you a few days ago, so I don’t need to be around you for another two weeks.”

I nodded, biting my lip. “I’ll be ready for you to drink my blood again when the time comes.” My voice shook slightly towards the end. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

The sweet intimacy that I’d had with my husband would be no more from now on. I would never again feel perfect pleasure at being in his arms. The act of feeding would be just him taking blood from my vein. I hoped I wouldn’t become aroused or orgasm under those circumstances – either outcome would be awkward.

I had pushed Silas away as much as I could, and from the look on his face I had succeeded at dividing us.

Yet, part of me still really wanted to reach out to him; to embrace him, to take away his hurt.

No, I had to put a lid on those feelings. The man I had longed for was just a fabrication after all.

I had at least wanted a harmonious marriage, but that future would be impossible too now.

I felt so many doors closing for me; so many needs and wishes of mine would go unfulfilled from now on.

At least I wouldn’t be living a lie.

Small comfort, that was.

Silas nodded. “If that’s everything, I’ll take my leave.”

I clenched my fists to keep myself from reaching out to him. I bit my lip to keep myself from calling his name and asking him to wait.

He turned around and walked out of the tent, the flap closing behind him.

Only then did I allow myself to fall on my knees. I put my face in my hands. A powerful wail escaped my lips. I sobbed, my body shaking.

I didn’t want this ugly divide between us to happen. I didn’t want to push Silas away.

Yet, I had to do it. I had to protect myself at all costs, even if doing so meant breaking my heart.

Silas was a vampire. I was human. The two of us were too different.

He was a powerful, strong man; the Prince of a country, a King of the future. He lived by a different set of rules than I did. To him, killing was commonplace. If he needed to murder someone to achieve his goal, he would do so and think nothing of his actions afterwards. The cold-blooded, ruthless killer, the war hero – the Silas of history and the media.

That person was his true self.

He was also way too old for me. Maybe I couldn’t understand his way of thinking partly because of the hundred year age difference between us. That gap in our perspectives was not something either of us could change unfortunately.

I was a human woman who came from a poor family that didn’t matter one bit in the politics of Estone. Therefore I had not received societal education. I didn’t know about the country’s history or courtly etiquette, I didn’t know how to sing or to play instruments, I had no idea how to embroider or dance. I wasn’t fit to be a Princess, much less a Queen later on. I didn’t even know how to talk to vampire nobles correctly.

For some reason, Silas had chosen me to be his wife. He had told me it was because he liked the way I looked. With my long black hair and petite face though, I was cute but definitely not a real beauty.

I didn’t understand Silas’ way of thinking at all.

Either way, his logic didn’t matter at this point. I had ruby blood which my husband needed to drink to ward off insanity. The special blood in my veins marked my only true value.

So from now on our relationship would be a pure business transaction; a simple exchange of blood.

My heart ached. I felt like I had lost something precious and beautiful.

I had to stay safe and live in reality though, I reminded myself. I could live through a little bit of pain.

I got up and started cleaning the disturbing blood off of my body.