Married to the Vampire Prince

Chapter Eighteen

Silas

Over the next two weeks, Grace and I barely ever talked. I had requested that a separate tent be erected for me so that we wouldn’t have to sleep in the same bedroll, which meant I barely saw her anymore. I assigned guards to watch over her, people I trusted, though the thought of not protecting her myself bothered me.

She didn’t want to see me, though. She made that preference very clear with how she looked away from me each time we passed by each other in camp.

She had called me a monster.

That insult was the most painful blow she could have dealt me. After all, it was true – I was a monster, a disgusting vampire who was capable of brutally killing others. I’d had to become that person to protect Estone, to ensure our victory in the previous war. I was still disgusted with myself, but I couldn’t escape that part of who I was.

Every time I killed, it pained me to feel like I was becoming more and more of a monster. I remembered every death I caused. Each of them haunted me while I meditated at night. As a vampire I didn’t dream, so at least I didn’t have nightmares. Yet, my mind still had to process my actions, and the killings pained me severely.

My conscience made me feel somewhat human… I at least knew I should feel guilty about killing others. If not for that awareness, I knew I would have turned into a completely unfeeling war machine. I didn’t want that life. I wanted to be a man, a person – to be loved.

I loved Grace. I longed to embrace Grace, to feel her warmth, to see her smile and to comfort her when she was feeling down. I wanted to embrace my humanity next to her so that we could walk through life together, meeting both the good and the bad side by side.

She had been right to remind me that she owed me no such future, though. Our marriage was just a formality to secure her ruby blood which I needed. I didn’t have the right to demand that she care for me or give me her body, her warmth, her love.

The time when I needed to feed again drew closer, but I kept avoiding Grace. Truthfully, if I hadn’t needed her blood, I would have continued to give her space. Yet as shadows began to appear at the edges of my vision, I realized I could no longer avoid my need to drink the ruby blood. I didn’t want to go mad. I couldn’t go mad, not when the whole war effort depended on me. I had to be responsible and approach my wife.

For the past two weeks, more attacks had come from Rosworth. We continued battling them on the plains at the border and thankfully repelled each and every assault. We still hadn’t secured a serious victory, but we knew our odds would be better once we launched an attack together with Athalis. For now, we were content to have our people regaining experience in how to fight while we also learned more about our enemy’s tactics through combat.

Only when the shadows at the edges of my vision started morphing into smiling people, signaling my impending descent into insanity, did I finally visit Grace’s tent.

She was sitting on the bedroll, reading a book. She raised her head and gave me a surprised look before her expression turned blank.

“It’s time, isn’t it?” She said in her soft, beautiful voice.

I nodded. “May I?” I asked the loaded question. May I approach you? May I come closer to you? May I drink your blood?

Grace tapped the bedroll next to her. “Come here.”

I hated having to drink her blood right now. I knew she was afraid of me. This act would probably just be another reminder to her of the fact that her husband was a monster and had to perform a grotesque act just to survive.

Still, I needed her ruby blood, so I came close and sat down next to her.

Grace moved her black hair away, exposing her neck.

I swallowed hard at the sight of the white column of her neck. The small act of submission moved something in my heart. I felt my dick get hard as well. I had been connecting feeding with sex lately, but I had to suppress that instinct now. Today I was just supposed to break Grace’s skin and drink her blood. Hopefully I wouldn’t cause her too much pain by doing so without the pleasurable hormonal rush of a sexual act.

“It may hurt a little,” I said, giving her an apologetic look.

She bit her lip, and my gaze wandered to her mouth. I wanted to kiss her. I wished to make love to her.

I couldn’t, though. The monster that I was had no right to embrace her.

“Alright,” she said in a small voice.

I smelled her fear. She was afraid, but only slightly. There was another smell coming from her too, one I recognized – arousal. This whole situation wasn’t easy for her either.

I ignored my growing erection and leaned down to her neck. I bit her as gently as I could. The delicious taste of her blood filled my mouth. I drank greedily.

Grace moaned and grabbed my shoulders. She shuddered.

I stopped drinking and licked her wound closed. My vampire saliva had healing properties.

I pulled away and looked at Grace. Her eyes were closed, and she had a look of pure ecstasy on her face. She was holding on to me for dear life. The scent of her arousal was even more potent.

I blinked, processing the sight before me.

My bite, even though not connected to a sexual act, had made her come regardless.

Grace was breathing heavily. I held her in my arms until she calmed down. When she was back to her senses, she pushed against me, and I let her go.

Her eyes were full of anger. “You said it would hurt. Not…” She waved her hand, blushing furiously.

“I’m sorry,” I lowered my head. “I didn’t think you would come, considering that we weren’t having sex while I bit you. I didn’t know…”

“You’re over a hundred years old,” she threw that fact in my face. “How could you not know?”

She got up but wavered, her legs unsteady. I quickly got up and caught her.

She didn’t push me away this time, instead holding on to my arms, trying to steady herself. I felt that she wanted to run from me but couldn’t, given that her body was still weak and overwhelmed from the orgasm.

“I’m really sorry,” I apologized again. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

I hadn’t meant to show her my monstrous side either a couple weeks ago, yet I had done so anyway. There were so many things I didn’t want to let befall Grace, but somehow I was letting every single one of them happen anyway. It seemed I was destroying everything I touched these days; everything connected to Grace, at least.

“This is ridiculous,” she huffed. “How am I supposed to give you my blood if the exchange can’t be impersonal?”

The thought that she didn’t want me to bring her pleasure stung, though I understood her reasoning. With the distance we now had between us, we were nothing more than strangers, bound by an uncomfortable contract.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, even though I couldn’t change the situation.

For some reason, Grace’s body liked my bite, and neither of us would be able to avoid her physical reactions.

“Get out,” Grace spat.

I nodded, letting go of her carefully. She stood steady on her feet now and glared at me.

“I’m so very sorry,” I repeated. I walked to the flap to the tent and out into the fresh air of the evening.

I had no idea how my relationship with Grace would be able to continue from now on. One fact was certain though – there were no divorces in vampire marriages. Besides, selfish bastard that I was, I didn’t want to let Grace go. I wouldn’t be able to stand knowing another man could possibly have her the way I had once had her.

She was mine.

Except she didn’t want to belong to me. She didn’t want to be in my arms. She didn’t want to receive pleasure from my bite or cock. She had made that much clear.

If only we could go back to how we had been before the war. I wanted to return to that easy, comfortable relationship we had slowly been building.

I was a monster though, like she had said, and monsters didn’t deserve warmth.