Married to the Vampire Prince

Chapter Nineteen

Grace

The more I thought about my relationship with Silas the more grim my thoughts became. A week had already gone by since he had fed on me, and soon another week would pass. I would have to bare my neck to him again. I should be dreading the intimate act, and yet… here I was, finding myself excited at the prospect of being bitten again.

I didn’t know what to think about Silas and my marriage to him anymore. My feelings confused me.

On one hand I couldn’t deny being physically attracted to him; I always had been. From the first moment I had seen him, standing in the entrance of my old, rundown house, I had realized he was a man whose looks I fancied. Then as I eventually learned more about him, my attraction to him deepened even more.

So herein was the problem I now faced – if the kindly Silas I knew was just a fa?ade masking his real brutish self, the dangerous war hero,then the pull I felt towards him should have immediately ceased. After all, I had already decided that I couldn’t live a lie and pretend I didn’t know the truth about his nature.

Yet when Silas’ fangs had pierced my skin last week, I had felt pleasure and come just like always whenever we had sex. I should have been repulsed by his touch, but my experience had been the opposite; I craved my husband just like I had before realizing who he really was.

Silas’ behavior hadn’t changed since I had discovered his violent side, either. I watched him from the sidelines as he continued commanding the war camp, leading people into battles and returning with a grim expression.

Other than that one instance of showing his brutish side while defending me, he remained the calm and collected Silas he had always been as my husband – outside of the bedroom of course; in there, he had been the most passionate man I had ever known.

My observations made me wonder if I hadn’t made a hasty decision in pushing him away. He had fought to protect me, after all, and I didn’t actually have any confirmation that he felt no remorse for killing our assailants. All I really had were assumptions.

Maybe I should speak to him about my thoughts and worries?

No – what if doing so only confirmed for me that he really was a monster? How could I continue to be his wife if all of my worries and fears were proven right?

I craved the truth, yet at the same time I wanted to run from it.

Today I was sitting outside, reading a book on history with Ruth seated near me. She had come to the frontlines after realizing the war would be prolonged. She wanted to keep me company and continue my studies. Nobody had told her to do so. She just enjoyed our companionship, she had said, and so had made the decision to join me all on her own.

I couldn’t focus on the reading, though. With a sigh I closed the book and looked at Ruth, who’d been immersed in her own reading. “Ruth, can I ask you something?”

The vampire lady put away her book and gave me her full attention. “I’m always here to answer your questions.”

“It’s not about history, though,” I wavered. “Not directly anyway.”

Ruth arched her eyebrows. “What is it, then?”

“I wanted to ask about my husband. We’ve had a… falling out, of sorts, lately. I know the relationship between you and I is technically just teacher and a student, but I really have nobody else to confide in. If you don’t mind…” I trailed off. I felt like I was imposing on Ruth.

She smiled, showing her fangs. “I consider you a friend, Grace. You can talk to me about anything.”

Warmth filled my heart. “Really?”

I felt really blessed that such an impressive, respected vampire noble lady considered me her friend.

“Yes,” Ruth nodded.

“Alright, then… I’m worried that my husband is not who I thought he was,” I started. “I mean, the way the media and society views Silas… They say that he’s a ruthless cold-hearted man, but I… during our few weeks of marriage together, he’s shown me nothing but warmth and kindness. So I can’t help but wonder which image is the real him?”

Ruth gave me a long look. Silence continued between us. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

Finally she spoke. “Have you considered that your husband may be both – an affectionate man towards those he cares about as well as a dangerous vampire towards his enemies?”

“I… Is it possible for one man to be so complex?” I asked, but the question felt silly to me.

“Of course,” Ruth said. “You have to consider the fact that the Prince has many more years of life experience than you do. He has been faced with many difficult choices and, whether he wanted them to or not, they have shaped him.”

I lowered my head. “I’m awfully judgmental, aren’t I?” Shame washed over me.

“I wouldn’t say that. You’re just young, so you have a different perception of the world; a simpler one. In a way, you’ve been sheltered from the many evils of the world of vampires. You have lived most of your life unaware of the complicated way the society of vampires operates.”

I raised my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Vampires live up to a thousand years. Once they pass a hundred years, insanity encroaches on their minds; if they don’t drink ruby blood they begin seeing and hearing things that don’t exist. Shadows, we call them. So vampires secure a source of ruby blood by marrying a human who has that special quality. That reason is why your husband had to look for someone to marry – and he ended up with you.”

I sighed. “I still don’t understand why he chose me.”

“He must have felt drawn to you. His reasons are his own, we can only speculate. No matter what prompted him to make the choice in the first place though, you accepted his offer and now the two of you are married. Thus you have become part of the vampire society, even though you never had exposure to it in your life until now.”

“It was overwhelming, and it still is,” I admitted.

“It will be for a long time. That’s why you have your tutors to support you as well as your husband. Now, back to the topic of vampire society. Imagine living for a hundred years or more, taking part in one or more wars. War is inevitable in the vampire world. Be it out of boredom or greed, many try to take what is not rightfully theirs – often the territories and resources of other countries.”

I nodded. Her explanation made sense.

She continued. “So, twenty years ago, the Estone-Rosworth war happened. Before that event, your husband was very different from how he is now. He was much more cheerful, and he didn’t have to manage any rumors about his nature spreading through society behind his back. He was a vampire, so of course it was common knowledge that he was capable of killing another just like any of us, but he had no proven record of taking anybody’s life.”

My eyes widened. I listened to Ruth’s words intently.

“In a way, you could say that until the Estone-Rosworth war happened, the Prince was sheltered as much as yourself. After all, a long time had passed since any other war had happened in Estone, so the Prince had never had to experience battle before. So when Rosworth attacked and your husband got saddled with commanding Estone’s forces, he had to face the horrors of war for the first time. One such horror was having to personally engage in combat – something that normally wouldn’t be expected from a General.”

“Why did he go onto the battlefield then?” I asked.

“He was well-trained and always considered powerful, even though he had never taken a life before the war. He and Lukas Carter thought that the Princes’ personal involvement in battle might tip the scales of war in Estone’s favor. They were right – when Silas came to the battlefield, he turned into an unstoppable war machine and turned the tide of the conflict. He had to kill back then so we could win and he could survive, no matter how harshly doing so affected him. From the sidelines, though, it seemed like he had turned off all emotions, that he was unaffected by taking so many lives with such violence. But I’ve always suspected that assumption was not the case.”

“Why?” I asked. “Why do you think he’s not a monster?”

Ruth scrunched up her nose. “Is everyone who fights in a war a monster? Or just those who have a high death count? Or maybe only those who are particularly efficient at killing? Either way, any vampire in the Prince’s place would have been called a ruthless killer. Silas didn’t ask for the war, he only ended it in the only way he knew how.”

I nodded. Her thinking made sense.

Ruth continued. “After that battle, your husband withdrew into himself. He became detached from society and started avoiding others. More battles like that one followed as the war lingered, and so his death count increased. People started to fear him and whisper that he was dangerous. Everything he did was to protect the country and the people, yet all the media did was demonize him. I think it was ungrateful. As I told you once before, to me Silas is a war hero. He should be praised for what he’s done, not ostracized.”

I bit my lip. “I might have made a terrible mistake. I just… didn’t think one man could be both warm and cold, but now that you’ve explained things to me it all makes sense. Maybe the war broke Silas, in a sense?”

“It definitely did,” she confirmed my suspicions. “I’ve seen how he acts around you, though. Your presence is healing to him. Or it was, before you had your falling out.”

I hid my face in my hands. “Oh lord, what have I done?” It finally dawned on me just how much I must have hurt Silas. I had been so judgmental of him without trying to understand him.

“You’re young,” Ruth said. “You’re bound to make mistakes.”

I shook my head. “My age doesn’t excuse my behavior. I hurt Silas.”

Ruth nodded. “From the look on his face, you did, unfortunately.”

“How can I fix this?” Panic rose in my heart. “What if he doesn’t want to speak to me anymore? What if I’ve destroyed our relationship forever?”

“I wouldn’t assume so much,” Ruth said. “Talk to him. See what he thinks.”

“I need to apologize,” I nodded. “I can’t go to him now, though – he left for the battlefield again this morning. But as soon as he’s back, I will approach him.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Ruth smiled again.

“Thank you for talking things through with me,” I squeezed her hand, trying to show my gratitude.

Ruth looked down at our hands with a puzzled expression. “You’re so young, Grace. It’s refreshing to see things from the perspective of someone who hasn’t been jaded by centuries of living.”

“How old are you, Ruth – if I may ask?” I stared at her, my eyes full of curiosity. I had never asked her the question before, although I had often wondered.

“Over three centuries,” she chuckled. “Old compared to you.”

“I’m glad you consider me a friend, regardless.”

She nodded, squeezing my hand back. “Of course I do. Good luck with talking to your husband.”

“I’ll need it,” I sighed. “I made this mess, now I have to fix it. At least I know where I went wrong. That’s the first step to making things better.”

I just hoped Silas really would still want to speak to me.