Me and My Christmas Familiar (An MM Monster Christmas)

Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

I n a handful of seconds, Lachlan’s whole world had been upended. He lay in Jack’s bed, facing the wall, back to Kit as he pretended to sleep. He didn’t move. But sleep would not come.

Thoughts and feelings smashed through his head, exploding and muddling together until he didn’t know which way was up and he struggled to draw breath into his lungs.

Kit was a shifter. His sweet cat familiar was a shifter.

And right now, Kit was a very handsome man sitting on Lachlan’s bed, staring at Lachlan with so much longing and love that it vibrated through the bond.

Lachlan squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel his familiar’s yearning.

But was Kit even his familiar anymore? Could a shifter be a familiar?

He’d never heard of it. Familiars were animals. That was the way it went. He would have to ask Grady.

Because maybe now that Kit had shifted into his human form, he wasn’t Lachlan’s familiar anymore. His chest tightened. It felt like a band wrapped tightly around his ribs and squeezed until they might crack. Lachlan didn’t want to lose his familiar, his cat, his Kit.

But Kit wasn’t just a cat anymore. He was a human too.

The whole time, since the moment he’d seen the poor kitty in the street, Kit had been a shifter. When Lachlan had held Kit, stroked him, fed him, and hugged him, he had this whole other, hidden form Lachlan knew nothing about.

Lachlan couldn’t wrap his mind around it. It didn’t make sense. How could his sweet cat also be this ridiculously attractive man?

Lachlan tried to think of everything he knew about shifters. He realised that whilst he knew many shifters, he didn’t know that many specific details, just that they could shift from human into their other form. Like Wulfric could shift to his wolf form.

Lachlan’s chest ached. It felt like a gaping hole had opened inside him.

And the worst thing was all he wanted to do was hold Kit, his cat, in his arms, stroke his soft fur and listen to his purrs as they comforted and calmed him.

But in those few seconds when Kit had shifted, the Kit he knew had disappeared.

His head hurt as he tried to process and think of what to do now. He willed sleep, wishing to escape his tumultuous thoughts and feelings.

He’d not heard Kit move. Still, he sensed Kit’s intense, wishful gaze on his back. But he couldn’t look at Kit. He couldn’t bear to once again see the distress in his green eyes, or the agony etched into his face. The memory still tore at him.

But Lachlan hadn’t known how to respond. The man spoke to Lachlan like he cared for him, like he knew him, like he loved him. He wanted to touch Lachlan, hold him, and be with him.

But Lachlan didn’t know the strange man in his room.

He loved Kit, his cat familiar. How did Lachlan feel about Kit the human?

And when Kit had pleaded to sleep together in the same bed, the idea of this beautiful man being so physically close had terrified Lachlan. If he truly had been a stranger, just a man in the bakery interested in Lachlan, perhaps they could have gone on a date.

Lachlan would definitely have been interested in a man like Kit. But of course, a man as beautiful as Kit would never have been attracted to Lachlan if they’d just randomly met.

He just wished Kit were a cat, a true and proper cat. Not a shifter. Then, right now, they’d be cuddled together, asleep in Lachlan and Kit’s bed, both happy and content with life. That was all Lachlan wanted.

And maybe he’d have been content if Kit had been a shifter but just remained a cat forever. After all, he’d been one for years now. It would have been simple. Easy. Then they both could be blissfully happy.

Ignorant but happy.

Guilt twisted sharply in his belly.

Kit was a shifter. He had two forms. A cat form and a human form.

It would be wrong for Kit to remain in one form forever just to please Lachlan. Surely it would be unethical to deny Kit half of himself, even if Kit had done so for so many years.

Lachlan just wanted to stop thinking. He wanted it all to stop. He wanted to fall asleep and wake and realise it had all been a terrible nightmare and Kit was just a normal cat.

Then suddenly, he woke. Despite all the thoughts that scattered and frayed in his mind, he must have fallen asleep.

The room had lightened. He lay on his back, facing the beamed ceiling.

He turned and looked to the other bed.

Kit sat on the bed, facing the window. His whole body sagged forward, as if on the verge of collapse. Sorrow pulsed steadily from him.

“I think I remember more,” Kit said in a soft, toneless voice.

Lachlan sat up. “What?” he asked, voice rough from sleep.

“I lived on a farm with my parents. I grew up there. No one else was two-formed. Just us,” Kit said. “We were both cat and human. We did not use the word shifter . My parents told me to keep it secret. They said others would claim it to be the result of dark magic and witchcraft.”

Kit’s brows lowered. “As I grew up, I played with the kids from the village. I had friends. Then I had a lover. I was to marry him, a man named Peter.” Kit paused. “My parents warned me.” The muscles in Kit’s throat clenched. “But I trusted Peter. I loved him. So I told him the truth.” Tears spilled from his eyes.

“He called me cursed. He…he called me so many names. He ran away from me. Then that night, he returned with others from the village, friends and people I’d known my whole life.”

The tears streamed down his cheeks. “They burned down our farm and our fields.” His voice shook. “They hunted us with clubs and spikes. They killed my parents.” Kit choked. “They almost killed me, but I just got away.” He raised a hand to his half-missing ear.

Lachlan didn’t need their bond to know the grief Kit felt. It radiated off him.

Lachlan had heard rumours of human settlements in far-off places where they killed any who weren’t purely human or were human but practised magic.

“I ran and ran and ran. Through forests and along rivers. For days and nights and weeks and months. Then I was on a ship.” Kit kept speaking in that toneless, blank voice.

“Then I was back in a forest. The days grew colder, colder than it had ever been. For a while, I shifted back and forth. But I stayed a cat whenever I saw people.” He paused. “But the memories and pain were always so much stronger in my human form. So I stopped changing into my human form. I remained a cat.”

Kit sagged even further forward. He wrapped his arms around his stomach. “I didn’t remember before last night. I haven’t remembered any of this in years.”

“I’m so sorry.” Unable to remain still, Lachlan rose from the bed and stepped towards Kit. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so sorry you have to remember all that.” He placed a hand on Kit’s arm.

Kit leaned into the touch. He let out a shuddering breath. Lachlan squeezed his arm.

When Kit didn’t say anything else, Lachlan asked, “Did you sleep at all?”

Kit shook his head. He hesitated. “I thought that maybe if I returned to being a cat, I could sleep with you.” Red-rimmed eyes gazed up at him.

But before Lachlan could answer, Kit made a noise. “But I couldn’t find my cat form. I couldn’t turn back. I tried and tried and tried. I don’t understand,” Kit whispered. “I can’t be a cat again.” Kit’s lip trembled.

“But you don’t love me if I’m not a cat,” Kit whispered, and more tears fell. “I have to be a cat again. I have to.”

Lachlan opened his mouth. His vision blurred as tears welled in his own eyes. He wanted to say something to take away Kit’s anguish and misery.

He wanted to tell Kit he could love him as a human.

But it wouldn’t be true. Lachlan didn’t know what he felt for this man. And he couldn’t lie to him, for both their sakes.

Lachlan closed his eyes and let out a breath. “I…” He couldn’t think of what to say. He didn’t know how to fix any of this. He stood there for several moments, just trying to work out what to do.

Finally, he said, “We should get something to eat.” Then he released Kit’s shoulder. He turned and left the room before he broke down completely.