Meeting Mr. Christmas (Collier’s Creek Christmas)

Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

The soft scratching at his bedroom door dragged Jed’s gaze away from the ceiling, which he’d been staring at for what seemed like hours. The scratching grew more frantic, accompanied by a low whine.

“Okay, mutt, okay. I’m coming.” Jed barely got the door open before Gomer slipped inside and jumped up onto the bed. “You know you’re not supposed to be on the furniture.” Gomer answered by having a scratch. Jed smiled, his first in what felt like forever, as the shaggy-haired mutt whose long skinny legs were a strange fit for his stocky little body finally settled.

Jed flopped down next to Gomer and ran a hand over the rough fur as with the other he picked up his cell, just as he’d done so many times before. He was bored and restless, and had been hanging around the house like loose ends. There were friends he could call, girls he could meet. The options were all there, but none appealed to him. Because he knew what was missing. Or whom. He let his cell drop from his hand.

“What a mess, Gomer. What a goddamn fucking mess. And you know whose fault it is? Mine. All of it.”

Gomer lifted his head from between his front legs and stared up at Jed.

“He thinks I’m just another asshole straight guy who wanted to take a walk on the wild side. But that’s not true because I’ve never been interested in guys. Never even wondered. If I had, it would have been easy enough to take that walk because this is Collier’s Creek, where just about every other man is gay.”

Gomer barked, wagged his tail, and tried to stand up before deciding it was too much hard work.

“Me and Noel, we’ve been best buds since we were in diapers, right? We’ve always kind of shored each other up.”

Jed scratched Gomer behind his ear, who snuffled his contentment. Him and Noel, shoring each other up. It was so true. He’d been Noel’s protector against high school bullies and fuckwits who’d seen Noel as easy prey. But that hadn’t been all. He could always make Noel laugh — usually at his own expense — when Noel was getting het up over something or nothing.

“I’ve always had his back, Gomer.” Jed looked down at his dog, who stared up at him through old eyes which were now clouding with cataracts. “Like when he came out to his parents and then to our friends. I even went with him to the gay-straight alliance school group. Or at least the first couple because if I hadn’t, he’d have ducked out. But he’s been there for me too because that’s what best friends do, right?”

It’d been Noel who’d persuaded him to take the plunge into floristry when his future had looked bleak, nothing more than an unbroken line of low paid, low-skilled jobs. But Noel had done so much more. Always smart, always top in all his subjects, he’d quietly and without fuss helped with assignments, his explanations as clear as a mountain stream when all the teachers’ had been muddy ditch water. Jed’s lips twitched in a wry smile. Noel was the reason he’d ended up with okay grades and not totally flunked high school.

All that mutual support, being each other’s strength whenever and wherever it was needed, now hung in the balance because he’d been an asshole and panicked. He dragged the back of his hand across his eyes to wipe away his shameful tears.

“Hey, you dumb mutt. Watch the equipment, fella.” Jed gave a shaky laugh as Gomer climbed into his lap, his big clumsy paws on the ends of his stick-like legs mashing down on Jed’s crotch before he settled, a warm and comforting weight in Jed’s lap.

Jed cuddled Gomer tight as he buried his face in Gomer’s fur, breathing in the old dog’s familiar scent.

“I miss him, boy. I miss him like I’ve never missed anybody in my whole life. And it goddam hurts, like it’s a physical pain. It’s only been four days since he came to the house, but it feels like forever. No messages, no calls. That’s never been us. Or not until now.” Jed sat up straighter and looked down at Gomer, who returned his gaze. “I know it’s me who should call, not him, but the truth is I’ve been too scared and ashamed. But I have to try to put this right between us. Me, not him. And… and tell him how much he means to me. Because it’s always been us, joined at the hip. It’s what everybody always said. Jed and Noel, Noel and Jed. So it’s what I should do, right?”

Gomer blinked his wise old eyes and said nothing.

Jed hunched against the snow and the biting wind, his gloved finger glued to the button on the front of Noel’s apartment block. He’d picked up his cell so many times, hesitating before calling, only to toss it to the side. If he was going to try somehow to put right what had gone so wrong, he needed to look Noel in the face. The adrenaline which had sent him out into the freezing, snowing night was fast draining away as much as the hope that Noel was home to buzz him inside. He let his hand fall and stepped back. The snow was coming down heavier, and Jed had no idea what to do next. He looked up and down the quiet street in the hope he’d see Noel hurrying towards him, Peter tucked in his carrier. But there was nobody, the bitter wind and the swirling snow keeping all sensible folks indoors.

So where... Jed felt the breath being punched from his lungs. A date. He knew it. It was a visceral thing, crawling through his veins. Noel, meeting up with another loser who didn’t deserve him. The choked laugh ripped through Jed’s throat. He tasted it in the bitter sourness that filled his mouth, but most of all he felt it in the hard clench and vicious twist deep in his chest.

Who ’ s the loser now, buddy?

Turning away, he stumbled along, with no plans and no idea for where he was going, feeling more lost and alone than he’d ever felt before.

A while after, the noise greeted him before he’d even turned the corner of the block. Two days until Christmas Day, the whole town was in an excited, festive mood, and Jake’s Tap was no exception. Jed wasn’t sure how he’d ended up here, because it wasn’t where he wanted to be, just like he didn’t want to be at Randy’s, or any of the other places where he was known. Hey, Jed, where ’ s Noel? Haven ’ t seen you guys hanging out together…

A bray of raucous laughter, so loud Jed was sure it made the door shake, was like a shove in the chest and he stepped back. He was in no mood for the good humored cheer of the bar, so maybe he’d just go home. Yet, he hesitated. He didn’t want to listen to his mom’s chatter about the holidays or watch one of the true crime shows on TV his dad loved so much. He needed somewhere quiet, somewhere he could think, somewhere he would be left alone to brood over a beer in a dark corner to try to work his way through this mess he’d created. There was one place he knew, the answer obvious.

He turned away from the Tap and all the noisy cheer it contained, the sounds fading as he turned the corner and made his way along the snow banked street.