Meeting Mr. Christmas (Collier’s Creek Christmas)

Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Noel hunched over his table, tucked in the corner of the bar. The lights were low, the wavering candle flames cast deep shadows, the jazz the quartet played was moody and sombre, music for the lost, lonely and lovelorn. It was an odd choice for early evening on Christmas Eve, but Noel was glad of it as it matched his mood. A few people had called out to him, wishing him a happy holiday, but that had been all; no doubt they sensed his mood wasn’t in keeping with the festive spirit that had taken hold of the town and was shaking it by the throat. He looked at his watch. At almost 7:00pm, he should have been well into his date by now. The same guy as yesterday. It had been fun. Or kind of. Or not really. But at least it had banished thoughts of Jed for a while.

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Christmas. You never know, you might just come to believe it.

The set finished, the music replaced by the hum of chatter punctuated with laughter. Everybody was in good spirits, the countdown to Christmas Day already underway. Noel groaned. How was he going to get through it? How was he going to sit next to Jed and pretend everything was okay between them, that everything was as it had always been, just two best buds hanging out together, when nothing was the same and never would be again?

Jed… And where was he this evening? In Randy’s or Jake’s Tap, or in any of the other bars that had sprung up over the last couple of years. Drinking and laughing, he’d be the center of attention with a pretty girl in attendance, just like it’d always been. A girl Jed would slip his arm around and pull in tight for a long, slow kiss?—

“Fuck.” The word was more of a hiss, pushed out between hard clenched teeth. He squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed hard, trying to scrub away the image of Jed doing what Jed always did. And that was the problem. Jed would always have a pretty girl and some day one of those pretty girls would become a fiancée, and then a wife, his long ago foray to the other side of the tracks forgotten as though it had never existed. But it would always exist for Noel. It would never be forgotten. He massaged his chest over the sore patch, where his battered and bruised heart beat out its sad little rhythm.

“I can’t go on like this,” he whispered to nobody in his dark, shadowy corner. Everything had changed, no matter what paper they’d attempted to plaster over the cracks. He couldn’t live a patched-up life. He couldn’t wait for what was never going to happen. Noel swigged back his beer. His life had to change, and only he could change it by doing something radical that would put him on a completely fresh path. In the new year, he was going to visit with his folks in Florida, where he’d talk to them about relocating. They’d love that. A new start, they’d say, and he’d agree, keeping his secret that his new start could also be called running away.

He called for another beer, swirling around the rich flavors in his mouth. It’d be his last, then he’d go home, cuddle up with Peter, maybe give him his Christmas gifts early before climbing into bed and hiding under the covers. Happy fucking Christmas.

Closing his eyes and slouching down into his seat, the band started up again. Not the mellow sounds of before, but a jazz rendition of a popular upbeat carol. Noel groaned. Sure, it was more suited to the season, but it wasn’t suited to him .

The music, the rumble of chatter, the warmth, and the beer that had hit a near empty stomach pulled him into a light doze. The hubbub of the bar faded to no more than a soft background hum. He’d leave soon, head out, go home… just a few minutes more…

“Hey, Noel.”

Noel groaned. What kind of fuckery was this? He didn’t want to hear Jed’s voice, not when Jed was some place else, with that pretty girl on his arm. It wasn’t fair. He pushed himself deeper into his seat.

“Wake up, babe.”

Closer this time. Babe… It was a joke name, couldn’t remember how it’d started… always rolled his eyes when Jed called him that at the same time he hugged it tight. A weight pressed down on his shoulder, accompanied by a light shake. Noel’s eyes snapped open.

Noel blinked as he stared up at the flesh and blood Jed who was staring down at him. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with your girlfriend?” The pretty girl on his arm who… he rubbed his eyes as he pushed himself out of his slouch. A dream, as he’d hovered in the no-man's-land between sleep and wakefulness. But sleep was fading fast.

“Girlfriend?” Jed shook his head and chuckled. “There’s no girlfriend.”

Noel didn’t roll his eyes, not this time, not like he’d always done. Because something was different, this time something had changed, but he didn’t know what.

“How did you know I was here? Odette’s isn’t your kind of place. You meeting someone?”

“Just kinda guessed it was where I’d find you when you weren’t home.” He pulled out the chair opposite and sat down at the small table. “It’s different. Reckon I could get used to it. Reckon I could get used to a lot of things.”

“Why would you want to? I mean, why force yourself to like something? If it’s not your thing, then it’s not.” In the warm bar, Noel shivered as Jed gazed at him across the table. They were talking about the bar, about the jazz that had never been Jed’s thing. That was all. It really was.

“I’m not forcing myself. I like it, just didn’t want to admit it even though I always knew. Time to be honest, I guess.”

Noel nodded, shook his head, and nodded again. The music. They were still talking about the music. Weren’t they?

“I saw you here last night. When you were on your date.”

“You did?” Shock jolted Noel’s chest. Why had Jed been there? What had he seen? The questions pushed at Noel, jostling to be asked, but his tongue had turned to lead.

“Hmmm. I didn’t stay too long. So, your date. Are you seeing him again?” Jed tilted his head to the side, his deep gray eyed gaze unflinching.

“I…erm… No, I won’t be seeing him again.” Noel cleared his throat, coughing away the rasp in his voice. “I cancelled. Should have been meeting him here, but… no.”

Across the table, Jed’s lips turned up in a crooked smile as his eyes narrowed, all his focus trained on Noel as he leaned forward. “Reckon you should get rid of that app because you’re not going to need any more dates.”

“What do you mean?”

But Jed didn’t answer. Instead, he ducked down to pull something from the paper carrier he’d put down by the side of the table, the one that proclaimed Floristry by Lucian Blaxston .

Jed pulled out a beautifully wrapped red rose.

“Flowers have a language. This single red rose. Do you know what it says?”

“I…” Noel looked from the flower to Jed. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t breathe, not when he knew, what everybody knew, what red roses meant.

“You asked me if I was here to meet somebody. I am. I’m here to meet you, Noel Christmas. Nobody else. Only you.”

The flower lay between them, a gauntlet laid down for Noel to pick up, or not.

“What… what is it you’re saying to me, Jed?” Because he had to be sure, he had to know, he had to have Jed spell this out to him. He needed razor sharp clarity in a way he’d never needed it before.

Jed exhaled a deep breath, his steady gaze faltering for a moment, before it fixed once more on Noel, sure, steady, and unwavering. “I want to be your date. I want to be your date here and now. I want to be your one and only date. It’s what I always wanted, but I just refused to listen to myself, to that little whisper that’s always been there.”

Noel blinked and blinked again. “But… but I’m a guy.”

Jed threw his head back and laughed, the sound so rich and loud, heads turned in their direction.

“I think I kind of know that. Oh, babe. Sometimes you’re priceless, but that’s just one of the things I love about you. Always have, always will.”

Love… The word beat out a hard rhythm in Noel’s heart as it echoed in his head.

“I was thinking that this could be our first date. The one where I bring you a red rose, and maybe get to kiss you?” Jed’s voice was low, gravelly and so full of desire, Noel’s heart thundered with the wingbeat of every goddam butterfly on the planet.

Jed leaned across the tiny table, across the single red rose which spelled out love. Noel’s eyes dropped to a close as Jed rested his hands on his cheeks, holding him gentle but steady, as lips met lips. Noel sighed, surrendering himself to what his heart had been crying out for since its very first beat. It was the sweetest, most heartfelt kiss he’d ever had. It was the most important kiss of his whole life, and Noel could have lost himself in it forever.

He eased back and out of Jed’s light hold.

“I need you to be sure, Jed. Sure about you, and sure about me.” Noel looked down, his gaze falling on the rose. It would be so easy to give into this moment, to throw himself into Jed’s arms and offer up his heart. Christ, how many times had he longed to do just that? But things had changed between them. In the course of one night their relationship had shifted onto ground that was new territory for them both. He looked up and met Jed’s gaze across the table.

“Every time I saw you with a girl, I wanted to cry. Every time you smiled at her, every time you took her in your arms, every kiss you gave her, I wanted that to be me. It ripped my heart out every goddam time—no, hear me out.” Noel raised both hands, palms out, warding off Jed’s interruption. “I used to cry into my pillow, stifling the sobs so my parents wouldn’t hear, knowing that I couldn’t have with you what it was I really wanted. Because you liked girls, and I got it, but it didn’t make the pain any less real. I never want to have to cry into a pillow again, Jed, so you have to be sure what it is you want from me, because I can’t and won’t risk you waking up one day and asking yourself what the fuck you’ve gone and done.”

“I am sure,” Jed said, his voice low, rough, and unsteady, his gray eyes beseeching. “About me, and about us. I’ve been forced to do a lot of hard thinking, and look at who I really am. Noel, I know what I’m asking. Of both of us. And I get why you’re holding back, because if I were you I’d be doing the same. You weren’t my walk on the wild side. You were never an experiment. I freaked out, and I’m so, so sorry. How I reacted, and what I did. Running out like that. I was scared and confused. But I’m not scared and confused now. You’re who I want, Noel, and if you can give me a chance, I’ll prove it to you for the rest of our lives.”

Noel’s heart hammered so hard he feared his ribs would crack as Jed gazed at him, both hope and fear in his eyes.

“Babe? Say something. Please?”

“I… I…”

“My god, it’s about time you two ripped the blinders off. Watching the pair of you in the coffee shop, making eyes at each other when you thought the other wasn’t looking… Man, it’s been painful.”

Noel snapped his head up. Cameron stood smiling down at them, a few steps away from the table. Oh, god. What had he heard? His tongue had tied itself into a knot. He looked over at Jed, who was looking up at Cameron with his usual confident smile spread over his face.

“And there was I, thinking I was being subtle.”

Cameron laughed. “Sometimes I just wanted to bang your heads together. But it was kind of sweet, too. Happy holiday, boys.” Cameron gave a backward wave as he left, making his way to the door where his husband Greg was waiting for him.

Jed’s smile faded, like the hope in his eyes. He bit down on the side of his thumbnail.

Noel leaned forward, easing Jed’s hand away. “What was it you said about the rest of our lives?” He stood up and held his hand out to Jed. “Let’s go home, where you can tell me again.”

Jed’s eyes widened. “You mean that?”

Noel nodded, his throat too thick to answer, as the biggest, brightest smile he’d ever seen spread out over Jed’s face, chasing away the last of his fear. Jed took his hand. It was warm and strong, and fit just right, as it wrapped around his own.

Home. The word on Noel’s tongue tasted good, sweet and full of promise. It was where he was meant to be, with the man he was meant to be with, and where he wanted to stay.

Forever.