Merry Little Hate Notes

Chapter Twenty-One

HOLLY

“I’M JUST CHECKING TO MAKE sure you’re still alive,” I informed Carmen as I walked across the parking lot into work on Monday morning. The blustery air whipped at my cheeks, reminding me that winter was here to stay and Christmas was just two weeks away. It felt weird that I was checking in with Carmen after a busy weekend. For years, when it felt like I had no life, it had been the other way around. Not that I hadn’t texted her in the last few days, but I needed verbal confirmation she was okay and hadn’t become a victim of Mr. Light and Love.

“Of course I am,” she laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, after leaving you to enter Marco’s love mobile, I just wanted to be one hundred percent sure it’s you I’ve been communicating with.”

“Yes, it’s me, silly. And just in case you’re worried, we only talked.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

She tittered mischievously. “Okay, so maybe it was a little more than talking. He’s so amazing.”

I didn’t want to rain on her parade, but I had to agree with Brandon on this—he thought Marco was a phony. Sure, the guy was an incredible yoga instructor, but something was off about him. “Are you sure?” I asked, cautiously.

“Uh, yeah. You didn’t like him?”

“I hardly got to talk to him. It just worries me that he seems to love the attention of all the ladies. You don’t want another Tiger Eyes situation, do you?”

“Marco’s nothing like that pig. Marco is enlightened and on a spiritual journey.”

I bet he felt enlightened. More like spiritually aware of his own sexual prowess. But who was I to judge? I was dating a man who’d made me believe a lie for almost half my life. “Just be careful and promise me you won’t decide to take your love on tour around the country in his motor home.”

“That’s definitely not happening. As much as I can’t wait for my parents’ heads to explode when they meet him, I have standards. One being that I need a bathroom that’s bigger than a closet.”

This was true about Carmen. She was a creature of comfort, and as much as she liked to disappoint her parents, she loved living the kind of life her parents had always afforded her. This made me feel better. “I’m glad you’re thinking straight,” I teased her.

“Oh, ha ha. Honestly, you don’t have anything to worry about. I know Marco isn’t the one. Speaking of the one . How goes it with Brandon?”

“I’m not sure Brandon is the one either,” I whispered as I walked into the building and up the stairs to the third floor. I also wasn’t sure he wasn’t, but I didn’t want to say that out loud. It scared me a little how connected to him I felt, like we were a part of each other.

“Please. I think you’ve known he’s the one since before I met you. There’s always been something between you.” She wasn’t wrong.

“Well, if you must know, we spent most of the weekend together and we got a Christmas tree.” Then I went on to tell him about the tragedy of my life. I hadn’t planned on that, but it had felt so good to share it with someone else and acknowledge the pain it had caused. Even better was the way Brandon held me and, like always, did his best to make me feel better. He had a magic touch. Although, I think my story freaked him out a little bit. He seemed to gaze thoughtfully at me often on Saturday and Sunday while we drove around looking at Christmas lights, making cookies, or even watching some of my holiday favorites— While You Were Sleeping , which Brandon finds creepy, and Elf , Christian’s favorite. Not to say Brandon wasn’t wonderful and affectionate, always holding my hand or wrapping me up and letting me snuggle into his chest. But no kissing, which was a bummer. It’s just that I got the feeling I’d worried him or something.

“Shut the front door! Holly Hollydays is back.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say that, but I’m working on it.”

“I’m so proud of you, chica. We need to do a yoga date soon so you can catch me up on Brandon and so we can look for an apartment together.”

“Yes, we do. But be warned: We haven’t closed any of our deals yet.” I was actually getting worried about whether any of them would close—especially Artemis, which was the biggest account. It felt like Blake Vanderbilt had ghosted me.

“You will,” she promised. “This is so happening for us.”

I hoped she was right. I was still wary, even though this past weekend had been all sorts of magical. Even the hard parts. “I’d better go.” I had arrived on the third floor.

“Okay. Call me soon.”

“I will, after I catch up on the bathroom gossip.” I hadn’t seen anything on the news over the weekend about Rita burning Amy’s house down. Which I was selfishly disappointed by, seeing as Brandon wasn’t letting me out of our bet. I’d hoped to wake up with laryngitis this morning, but sadly, I was more than healthy.

I tossed my phone into my bag as I strode across the floor to my favorite desk. There were only a few other people here, but it felt as if they were all staring at me. Had someone seen Brandon and me at Costco? We should never have shared that ice cream while we waited to check out—it was pretty flirty. I was done for. Krista and Jane were probably talking about me in the bathroom now. I needed to check that out. But first, Brandon.

He was covertly smiling at me when I approached. “Good morning, Holly,” he said, extra formally.

We’d decided it was probably best not to advertise we were dating, even though I feared the dang cat was already out of the bag .

“Good morning. Did you have a nice weekend?” I shed my coat and deposited my bag on my desk while pretending I didn’t know he’d left my house at one a.m. after we fell asleep on the couch together. We’d talked a lot about Christian. I hadn’t realized how much my brother haunted Brandon, how life had never been the same for him. I’d falsely assumed he’d just gone on and lived his charmed life with hardly a thought of me or my brother. Sure, Lauren had said things over the years, but I hadn’t wanted to believe Brandon was anything but a jerk.

“ Very good. How about you?” he asked.

“It was all right,” I teased.

He looked down his nose at me, a hint of a smile playing on his handsome face. A face I wanted to kiss the heck out of. You know, once we discussed the TED Talk and it was respectable for me to do so. I figured since we were spending so much time together, he would have mentioned it by now.

“It definitely had its moments,” I amended.

“That’s better.” He slid his hand across his desk to my desk. Through the cracks between his fingers, I could see a bright-blue sticky note.

“What’s this?” I whispered. This wasn’t how we played the game.

“New game. New rules.”

“What game is this?”

“You’re a smart woman. I think you’ll figure it out.” He removed his hand and started typing something out on his laptop, leaving the note behind.

I picked up the note to read it. You’re like visions of sugarplums. You keep dancing through my head. Oh. I had a feeling I was going to like this game. Major butterflies erupted in my stomach. I so badly wanted to wrap my arms around Brandon, but for the sake of propriety, I refrained. Instead, I pulled out the stack of sticky notes from my bag and grabbed a pen. Thoughts of Shakespeare ran rampant through my mind. While Shakespeare was the master of insults, he was just as good, or even better, when it came to expressing one’s heart. But he was too good for what I needed now. He could say I love you so poetically it could bring a tear to the eye, but Brandon and I weren’t there yet. Something cute and holiday themed was probably more appropriate at this moment.

I tapped my pen on the desk until this thought came to me. I am sMITTEN with thee. So I added a little Shakespeare language to it—I couldn’t help myself. Regardless, it was true. I was smitten with Brandon.

Casually, I walked past Brandon and sneakily placed the note in his hand like I was handing off secret launch codes or something. “I’ll be back soon.” I had to fight the urge to keep ahold of his hand. The zing of the connection almost won out, but I fought the good fight.

Brandon smiled and curled his fingers around the note.

I snuck a glance behind me to find him grinning from ear to ear as he read it. It gave me a certain satisfaction. And hope. Hope for the future and hope we could move past all the hate, even the good kind. If there was such a thing.

Still feeling like everyone was looking at me, I hustled to the bathroom to get the latest gossip, hoping I wasn’t the star of it. My two best sources for all the office drama were already there.

Krista and Jane were sitting on the couch in the seating area, whispering to each other. My heart beat triple time.

Jane’s head snapped up when she noticed me. She eyed me from head to toe, scrutinizing every part of me. I felt so exposed I almost ran out.

“I rarely give compliments, as I believe most people aren’t deserving of them, but I have to say, you’re actually beautiful. Never noticed that before,” Jane spat out, like those sweet words left a bad taste in her mouth.

“What a thing to say, Jane.” Krista rolled her eyes. “Holly’s always been beautiful. Although I will say, you are glowing today.”

“Are you pregnant?” Jane threw out with no regard for decorum.

“Jane, you can’t ask that,” Krista scolded her. “But are you?” Krista wondered out loud.

“No, I’m not pregnant.” Unless Dr. Bergman made a huge mistake at my last gynecology appointment and artificially inseminated me, like what happened to poor Jane in Jane the Virgin . Maybe that’s why Dr. Bergman gave me such an odd look at the grocery store last week. Yep, ran into him again. I smiled, amused by the conversation and maybe even a little flattered. This coming from my Jane, not Jane the Virgin, was huge and made me feel like Miss America. But that was not my objective for coming into the bathroom. “Sooo, what’s the word on the street?” Please don’t let it be me.

“I was just telling Jane that Joel says he can’t take the pressure anymore, so he dumped Amy. Her social media posts were so dramatic over the weekend.”

Feeling like I could breathe a sigh of relief, I responded, “What did she say?”

“Over the top stuff like, All I did was love him and try to be there for him. The selfies of her crying were the worst. I swear she staged the one teardrop rolling down her cheek,” Krista complained.

“Has Rita said anything?”

“Not that I’ve heard,” Krista replied. “But I have a feeling Amy will reach out to Rita to renew their pact to annihilate Joel. The guy should just quit and find a new job.”

“Do you think Rita would be amenable to that?” I had to wonder.

“Of course,” Jane growled. “They have sad, pathetic lives.”

“But entertaining,” Krista sang.

This was sad, but true, since their lives clearly entertained me.

“Anyhoo.” Krista eyed me. “What has you glowing?”

I shrugged, 99 percent sure I wasn’t accidentally pregnant. “Just happy,” I stammered, trying to play it cool but failing miserably. “I put up my Christmas tree over the weekend,” I said, like that would account for the glowing.

Jane glared at me suspiciously. “Uh-huh. Are you sure it has nothing to do with your Katherine Heigl–loving account executive? I saw the way he tried to comfort you after your massive Pictionary loss. He was pretty handsy and doe eyed.”

Crap. Brandon and I would have to be more careful. “I think he was the one looking for some comfort after you frightened all the men with your nutcracker picture.” I turned the tables on her so I wouldn’t have to lie—lying wasn’t my strong suit. Unless you count lying to myself for years about only having hateful feelings for Brandon.

Krista shuddered. “It was awfully realistic.”

Jane stood up, proud of herself. “Just wait and see what I have in store for the gingerbread house decorating today.”

Part of me couldn’t wait to see it, but the other part of me feared for the collective group. Poor, poor Gerald.

I backed up against the wall, feeling a little unsafe as Jane walked toward the door, staring unnaturally at me through her enormous glasses.

“Have a good day,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me.

“I have my eye on you and the pretty Heigl fan,” she warned. “Don’t be a Rita or an Amy.” She snapped her fingers at me like she was the leader of a girl gang. Maybe she was. Maybe she thought I was in her gang. Yikes.

I swallowed hard. I wasn’t like Rita or Amy, right? Brandon wasn’t dating anyone else. At least I didn’t think so—I’d never asked. I’d just assumed since he loved me and was moving back here to change my mind about him, it wouldn’t be in his best interest to be dating anyone besides me. Also, was I ridiculous for dating a coworker? The boss’s son, no less?

Probably the biggest questions were: Did I want to keep working at Elevate? And what did I want to be when I grew up?

I had a feeling it was time to start figuring that out.