Merry Mix-Up (Holiday Hearts)

16. Newt

16

NEWT

D ecember 16th

It felt good to get out and let my feet hit the pavement. The street teams hadn't cleared all the sidewalks, but the roadways were mostly clear and I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks. My lungs craved the burn of exertion, so I did my typical three-mile run and got back to Mom and Dad's house before they were even out of bed.

I slipped in the back door and into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee while I caught my breath and stretched. I was soaked with sweat, so I peeled off the layers of clothing I'd worn to keep warm and dropped them in the laundry room. Nothing felt quite like the rush of adrenaline from runner's high. Not even the most incredible sex, which was pretty amazing when it was with someone you cared about.

The coffee maker finished about the same time my thoughts rolled around to Amber. Last night's party was fun, but after I pulled her into that storage room for the quickie, I never saw her again. Someone said she didn't feel well and that she rushed out looking a bit green, but I had my doubts. She was acting off the whole night, though, and her friends knew her better than I did. I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was either pulling back from me because I was moving too fast or that she was having her own doubts.

We had been mutual acquaintances for a very long time, as long as she'd known Naomi, obviously. But maybe dating for two weeks was too soon to ask her to commit to exclusivity. Maybe she wasn't as certain as I was about what she wanted. If so, that was okay. I just wished she'd tell me. I'd still commit to not dating anyone else as we figured things out. In time, Amber would decide if I was the right one. I felt a little foolish for pushing her.

However, if she was having doubts because of something I said or did, I didn't know how I'd respond. I couldn't think of anything I did lately that would have upset her besides rushing. And since I was sworn to secrecy, it wasn’t like I could ask Naomi for advice about her.

I carried my coffee up the stairs to the bathroom and removed the rest of my sweaty clothing. The shower heated up quickly, and I stepped under the flow to wash away the stress and get clean. All I could think was that Amber was more of a slow-burn type, which seemed to be the opposite of what she had put forward. We'd already had sex a few times despite it being only roughly three weeks since I even "met" her.

In my book, that was moving pretty quickly, which I was fine with. I wasn’t like this with other women. But when she and I clicked, I felt like fast was the only way to do things, as if she'd be snatched up right in front of me and I'd lose my chance. She was young and beautiful, and any man would be a fool to not look at her twice.

I washed up, but the more I stewed over her reaction to my asking her to be exclusive, the more I had the urge to talk to her. I couldn’t get it out of my head that somehow, I'd upset her. If that were true, she'd go running to her best friend to vent and that would upset Naomi—or if Amber really was the type of friend she said she was, she would hold it all in and suffer alone. Since she ditched the bachelor party, that was more likely the case.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist for the short trek up the hallway to my bedroom, and when I got there, I didn’t even put clothes on. I flung myself over the bed and took my phone off the charger. I had to make sure she was okay, so I sent her a text and waited for her to respond.

Newt 7:47 AM: Hey, good morning, beautiful. I missed you at the party. Are you okay?

My thumbs hovered over the keyboard, poised to send another message, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn't want to come across as sounding desperate or clingy. I just wanted to know what was going through her head. I didn't even know if she was awake, either, which made the almost ten-minute wait excruciating.

Amber 7:56 AM: Morning…

Amber 7:56 AM: Feeling sick. Sorry I ditched.

The thermometer emoji she sent me made me half smile. She used it like punctuation and it just felt fitting for her personality. I was ready with a response immediately.

Newt 7:57 AM: Party wasn't the same without you, but Nomie was so drunk she never knew you left.

This time her response came more quickly, and I sat up in bed to be more comfortable. It would have been much easier to just have a phone call, but I figured she preferred this. I was a decade older and not exactly fully informed on all the trends these days.

Amber 7:58 AM: That's good. I didn't mean to disappoint anyone. They looked like they were having fun.

Amber 7:58 AM: I wasn’t running away from you… promise.

Three dots appeared as if she were typing something, but then they vanished and no message came through. I waited, hoping she'd just say whatever it was, but I assumed after a few minutes that it was one of those messages a person typed and deleted because they didn’t know how to phrase it. But the fact that she was promising she wasn't running away was a good start.

I wasn't sure where to take the conversation. When we were face to face we could talk for hours, but this felt awkward.

Newt 8:02 AM: Want me to come over? I can bring soup or maybe some warm bread. I can take care of you.

This time the three dots appeared then vanished, then appeared, then vanished again. It looked to me like she was really struggling to compose her thoughts. But now I had the reassurance that it wasn't me or something I did, so I felt a bit better, even when she texted me declining my offer.

Amber 8:05 AM: That's so sweet, Newt, but I really am sick. I don't want to get anyone else in the wedding party sick. I'll suffer through, but if Jill or Sara get a sniffle, they're drama queens. I'd rather just suffer alone. But you can feel free to send gifs or memes all day and I'll smile at them between naps. Jade is taking care of me.

Discouraged but not entirely deterred I tried to convince her.

Newt 8:06 AM: You sure? I hear I'm pretty good at nursing. Should have gone to med school. And I have a nice, healthy immune system too. Haven't been sick in ages.

Amber's response was prompt this time, and it was final. She wasn't going to be persuaded and that was okay. I respected that she was feeling sick. It made sense to me now why she'd been so out of sorts last night.

Amber 8:06 AM: No, please. I'm really tired and I should just sleep. But thank you. Feel free to DoorDash me some hot coffee, though.

There were a dozen hearts and smiley faces on that message, and I decided that was exactly what I'd do. If she didn't want visitors, I could swarm her with flowers and coffee and even a teddy bear if I could find one at a store that used the delivery app.

Newt 8:07 AM: Rest, then. I'll check in on you later, and I'll have coffee at your place at 9:30.

It was my turn to throw in a heart emoji and a smiley face, and then I switched apps to get her delivery order ready to go. I hated that she felt like she'd rather be alone than with me when she was sick, but we hadn't been together long enough for her to feel comfortable. Hopefully, in time, that would change. Until then, I could do everything in my power to shower her with affection and attention and hope she saw how I felt about her through those means. It wasn't quite the same as offering her a back rub or getting her water and medication, but it would have to do.

I had already decided that she was worth waiting for, so even if this was just some lame excuse to keep me at arm's length by putting on the brakes, I was okay with that too. Maybe she didn't know how to communicate that I was moving too quickly for her comfort, and maybe I could learn a lesson from that and just be a bit steadier and more even for her. If this was the love I believed it could be, we had all the time in the world.