Merry Mix-Up (Holiday Hearts)

17. Jade

17

JADE

D ecember 17th

The dress hung on my body form, gracefully filling my living room with a touch of Christmas beauty. It felt odd and out of place among my quirky design palette, but I liked it. I found myself enjoying the tranquil beauty of how plain the skirt was and how the satin toppled to the floor and spread out in a small semi-circle. After the fitting with Naomi, I had a few alterations, and I was soaking up my time with a task to avoid dealing with my emotions about Newt.

He asked me to be exclusive with him, which meant he wasn't looking at this like a fling at all. It both pleased and troubled me because I knew he was catching feelings. I was giddy at the thought of his actually entertaining the idea that I could be his girlfriend. But I was sick in the stomach at the thought too, because he had no idea who I really was. He knew my personality—I never shied away from that with him—but I just gave it a different label and a slightly different package.

I was afraid when he saw me with color-streaked hair, or toting my tailor's tape measure instead of a textbook and black hair, he'd freak out. He thought he was falling in love with a business major who had her future planned out. In reality, he was falling for a seamstress at worst, or a fashion designer at best. I still had no clue where my journey in this industry would take me, but for now, it was mentoring with a local shop owner to get my designs out there. I didn't even have my own line yet. I spent most of my time doing alterations for her customers on her designs.

The disappointing thought that Newt would just reject me because I had no real plan for life yet only soured my mood. I dropped my pincushion and plopped onto the couch about the same time my phone started to ring. It was early, before nine a.m., but when I saw the caller ID say " Jade's phone " I knew it was Amber. I only changed her name in my phone in case Newt or Naomi was around when she called.

I picked it up and swiped to answer. "Hi," I sighed, feeling ambivalent. I should have been enjoying this part of the dressmaking, but all I could think about was Newt and how much I wanted what we had to be real.

"Oh, my God, Jade. Why didn't you tell me Derek was in Danville! Are you insane?" Amber sounded frantic and slightly out of breath, but still tired at the same time. I gathered she had awoken to messages from Derek.

"Uh, it was late and I figured you were sleeping or something. I planned to call. I just thought I'd let you sleep in a little." What did she want me to do? Call her after midnight to tell her that her plan was backfiring? My night had already been ruined at that point. Why ruin hers too? Besides, after sex like that, I knew I couldn’t have held it in. I'd have told Amber what I did with Newt in that storage room and she'd have flipped out on me and ruined that moment too.

"My God, Jade. He texted me like seventeen times in the past five hours. What is going on? He's demanding to come see me and bring me soup." For once, she wasn't angry with me, so that was good. But her frantic tone meant she was worried that her very real, very loving relationship with her boyfriend was going to be hurt. I felt sorry for her.

"Calm down, Sis. I had to tell him I was sick. He tried to kiss me. I turned my cheek, so don't freak out." The memory roiled my stomach. Derek was nice, but he wasn't my type. "He drove me home, and that was that."

I picked at the tatty gold fabric of the old sofa I'd thrifted and tried not to feel so hollow or empty. I should have been reveling in joy about how in love I was feeling, but the gloom cloud only foreshadowed suffering.

"This is horrible. What am I going to do?" I could picture her pacing and running her hand through her hair. I didn't want to tell her "I told you so", but the words were on the tip of my tongue. I forced them back and sighed.

"I don't know, Amber. I'm kinda dealing with my own shit. I'm literally falling in love with Newt, and he asked me to be exclusive, so I think he really likes me too." The confession spilled from my lips, drawing a whimper from her. I could tell she was crying now, though I didn't ask her to confirm it. She was probably beating herself up for all of this, but I was to blame too. I went along with it instead of trying to make it possible in a different way.

We could have just had me stand in as me the whole time, took my phone and FaceTimed her at every event. It wouldn’t have been the same, but it would have given Naomi a special memory. But here we were, neck-deep in a lie that could go really wrong, really quickly.

"Why don't we just tell Derek the truth?" After the incident with Mom's car, I was a big advocate for the truth at all times. Lies just got messy, and you had to tell more lies to cover the previous lies. It wasn’t worth it.

"I can't!" she hissed, and I could hear the defensive anger wanting to come out. I had opened my mouth about Newt at the wrong time. She was too sensitive and feared Derek being hurt by this.

"Okay, well, I don't see why not…" A loose gold thread pulled out of the sofa, leaving a small hole, and I scowled at it. I felt like my love life was in about as good of shape as my couch, and I was picking it apart one thread at a time, all thanks to my sister's harebrained scheme.

"I just can't, Jade. Okay? He would be hurt that we never told him from the beginning. He thinks I'm home. He flew all that way to see me for Christmas and I'm still in California." She sniffled and sounded defeated. "You have to convince everyone that you're really sick."

I scowled again, but this time, not at the thread. I knew I had to be realistic about my chances with Newt, but the idea of convincing him I was sick so I had to lock myself away and not see him made me feel upset with her. I didn't want to stop seeing him, especially if when the truth came out, he pulled away. It was one week until the wedding, and that meant only seven more days of enjoying him as myself, if I could get him away from everyone else while Amber was here in town.

"I don't want to do that," I whined, but she was insistent in her "older sister way". It was annoying that a few minutes made that much difference.

"You have to. I've already sent Derek a message saying I'm really sick." I heard her fingers touching buttons on her phone and knew she had me on speaker. She was actively torpedoing my relationship with Newt.

"Amber, don’t do that!"

"Too late," she blurted out. "It's sent, and you can’t date Newt, anyway." She sighed, and I lay down on the couch and rested my head on the armrest.

"But I really think I'm falling in love…" I pressed my eyes closed and listened to her explain again why it wouldn't work.

"He thinks he's dating Mav. Jade, he could be really hurt and angry with you and me. And Naomi would get hurt too. You have to know how upset he'd feel to find out you were lying to him the whole time… Besides, now that Derek is in town, he's going to find out 'Mav' is dating Derek. What will he think then?"

I didn't want to think. I didn’t like any of this. I had a big heart and I wanted to help everyone in this situation end up happy and unaffected by it all, but I was at my breaking point. I deserved a happy ever after just like Naomi, but I was being shelved again.

"He could think it's funny, like that movie we watched as kids where the twins swapped places."

"Jade, you're not thinking rationally. Naomi won't even think this is funny. I just have no choice. You're right. Maybe this was a bad idea from the start, but we have to see it through. The earliest I can make it back there is Saturday." She huffed and grumbled a few words I couldn't understand, and I heard her texting again, probably to Derek who was being insistent.

"The twentieth? That's only a day sooner than you originally planned. That's three days. You expect me to stay inside and do nothing for three days? What about taking the dress to Naomi?" I sat up and gritted my teeth so I wouldn’t say something I'd regret. I didn't want to not have any time with Newt for three days.

"I'll do it when I’m back. I'm already changing my flight to Saturday. I hoped to have the day to work on my thesis more, but I guess I have no choice now." I heard more typing and her frustrated mumbling and gave up.

I was going to have to pretend to be sick now, and I hated that. She would tell Naomi, a germaphobe, and that would be that. I hated this, and I wished I were a heartless bitch who could blow the whole thing and get what I wanted—Newt. But I couldn't, and even if I could, there was no telling how he'd react or if Amber was right and he'd end up being so angry he just left town.

"Fine," I grumbled and put her on speaker phone. I was already composing my text message to Newt telling him why I'd be MIA for a few days. My heart felt really sad about the whole thing, and I knew I'd have to make excuses to him the way Amber was making excuses to Derek.

"You're the best, Jade. Thank you for doing this for me. I know this goes way beyond your paying me back for the car incident. I definitely owe you one." Her empty I owe you wasn't ever going to be enough. I didn't want her to be indebted to me. I wanted to have the fairy tale I thought I was living.

I hit Send on my message and slumped back onto the couch. "Tell me I'm not insane and that Newt could actually like someone like me?" Amber might have been a little crazy at times, but she was my sister and honestly, the only one I had to talk to about stuff like this.

"I have no clue what to say, Sis. He's way older than you, filthy rich, driven, and has zero intention of being tethered to our little hometown. But I believe if he says he wants something, he really wants it. I'm so sorry…" Her words trailed off as tears streaked down my cheeks.

I was falling in love with Prince Charming, but I was the ugly stepsister, not Cinderella. It hurt.