Merry Mix-Up (Holiday Hearts)

25. Jade

25

JADE

D ecember 22

It was dark outside again, but I was thankful it wasn't snowing again. No snow was forecast between now and Christmas, but it would still be white. Temps were forecast to be below freezing through New Year's. I sat in my living room hunched over my design desk with a few designs spread out on it. They were spring formals I hoped to piece together and put in a local shop for local promgoers, but my mind wasn't able to focus on them.

The chill just outside the window in front of me left frost on the glass and ice in my heart. Newt had refused all phone calls or messages from me since Friday morning, and I didn't blame him. Even when Amber got home, he hadn't responded. I thought Amber would have somehow gotten through to him, but he remained uncommunicative, even after Naomi had forgiven Amber and they were happy as clams again.

I sat brooding, though, wondering how everything always seemed to work out for my sister and never for me. Sure, Derek called to apologize. I let it go to voicemail and listened minutes after he left the message, but I didn't even so much as text him back. He was a total jerk and I was sure Amber had words for him. But they'd work things out and be fine, and I'd struggle to dig myself out of this pit of self-loathing after a while.

I picked up my pencil and made a few marks on the design, tweaking the shoulders of the retro 80s-style puffy shoulders and decided I hated the look so I crumpled the paper up and threw it. It was the fifth one I'd done that to tonight. Nothing looked good. Nothing felt good, and nothing perked me up. Not even the chai latte Amber brought by when she picked up the dress yesterday.

Tonight, they were all celebrating and going through the motions of the rehearsal. They'd walk down the aisle and pair off for the recessional. They'd eat dinner and enjoy a few drinks, and I wondered how that interaction was going between Newt and the real Amber. I wondered if anyone told him the whole story or if he had the same animosity toward her that he had toward me.

I couldn’t stop obsessing over it, and it was ruining my mental state. I dropped my pencil on the desk and went to the kitchen. I had some wine somewhere that I'd bought a long time ago, yet unopened. I just had to find it. I dug through the few cupboards and remembered I'd put it in the pantry when I was cleaning things out last week. So I went there to open it.

If Amber could go out drinking with her friends after all of that, I could drown myself in wine and hope I woke up with amnesia or something. I found the wine behind a box of cereal and went straight to the cupboard for a glass. My wine opener was lost—go figure—and I had to search for it too. By the time I got the damn thing open and a few ounces in my cup, my phone was ringing.

"Goddammit," I cursed and set the glass down. It was already nine p.m. and I'd been torturing myself all evening. I deserved a break, but Amber made me swear I'd be available in case they had issues. I couldn't even see why they'd have issues, but I promised her, nonetheless.

Leaving the wine on the counter in the kitchen, I walked back to the desk where my phone had Amber's name and face lit up on caller ID. It was late enough that I figured if they had any issues, it would have been before now, but I picked up my phone and swiped to answer anyway.

"Yeah, it's me," I grumbled, and Amber instantly sounded like her dramatic, frantic self.

"Oh em gee, Jade. We have a dress emergency. You need to get over here now."

I rolled my eyes. She made it sound like the end of the world when in reality, it was probably nothing more than a slipped seam or a too-long strap. "What is it? Maybe I can tell you how to fix it."

She was supposed to be able to handle all of this now. I wasn't supposed to be there. I wasn't even invited. As a person only attending the ceremony—which wasn’t likely now—I had no interest in being a part of their little rehearsal.

"Gosh, Jade, you don't have to be snippy. We just need you. It's like a strappy ribbony thing. And I'm not a seamstress." Amber's usual snarky twin routine was in full force, and I found myself scowling. I didn't want to go, but if there was a problem with the dress, I had to. Naomi's wedding was tomorrow and tonight was the only time I had to make any quick fixes.

"Fine. I'll come. Give me twenty minutes." I hung up without any further explanation and sighed hard. That glass of wine would have to wait. Duty beckoned me to the one place on Earth I did not want to be. But maybe I could slip in and out and I wouldn't have to see Newt.

Not only would I feel deeply ashamed and embarrassed, but I just couldn't handle the pain in his eyes. When he stormed off from the apartment last week, it took the air right out of my lungs. He wasn't supposed to find out like that. I was supposed to be able to tell him, but I kept Amber's confidence and now it was over. He'd never forgive me.

I put on a pair of black jeans and a red sweater. I wanted my crazy hair back but I hadn't even had the motivation to go to the pharmacy to get hair dye or bleach, so I still looked exactly like my twin, other than the rainbow shoes I wore. Those were something she'd never wear, so I chose them on purpose to make a point to her and myself. I was never doing a twin swap with her again.

Twenty-five minutes after I hung up on her, I was standing outside the lodge. There were only a few cars here—Amber's, Derek's, Newt's father's truck, and mine. It meant most of the wedding party had left, and probably, Naomi had ridden here with Amber or her brother. My shoulders sagged at the idea of walking in and seeing him, but I had to do this. I carried my seamstress tools in my messenger bag that hung on my shoulder cross-body and headed for the building.

When I walked in, everything was dark. I called out for anyone, but no one responded. I knew Amber was here somewhere, but not which room they were in currently. So I walked to the main hall, which was dim. Almost all of the lights were off, except for one near the very front of the room over the podium behind which the officiant would stand, or so I assumed. I stood near the entrance feeling lost. I thought about getting my phone out, but when I heard a door shut behind me, I figured it was Amber coming to look for me. I ducked back through the double doors of the main hall and almost slammed right into Newt's chest.

"Whoa," he chided, grabbing both my arms to steady me. "Slow down."

"You're not Amber…" I blurted out, stupidly. Obviously, he knew he wasn’t Amber.

"Neither are you…" His voice was gravelly and low, carrying an undertone of pain, though the light was so dim, I almost couldn’t see his expression. I felt the sting of the words, though, and my head dropped.

"Where is everyone?" My fingers curled around the messenger bag's strap and I felt a lump forming in my throat. It was good that I couldn’t see his face. I'd have been crying already. Crying because I wanted so badly to tell him I was sorry and for it to mean something, and also because I hated that I'd hurt him.

"Not here. I think they set us up." Newt didn't sound very upset about that, but I was fuming. I took out my phone and messaged Amber three times in a row demanding that she tell me what was going on.

"They're jerks. I'm sorry…" I typed so fast, I didn't even know what I was saying until Newt reached out and took my phone. He locked it and then handed it back. "How do you know they're gone?"

"I came in, did what I had to do, then left before the meal. That was three hours ago." His fingers brushed mine as I took the phone from him, and I raised my chin so I could look him in the eye.

"Why are you here, then?" I was confused. If he left hours ago, he had no purpose in being here right now. And if they were all gone, neither did I.

"They told me it was a ring emergency." His explanation threw up all sorts of red flags. Amber had set me up. He was right.

"They told me a dress emergency." I bit my lip and took a step back. "I'm sorry, Newt. We don't have to do this. You should just go home. You should enjoy Naomi's wedding tomorrow, too. I won't be there." I turned with my bag clutched in one hand and my phone in the other and started for the door, but his words stopped me mid-stride.

"Tell me what happened… In your words." He paused as I stood staring out over the parking lot where my car was thirty yards away and still warm. I could bolt, vanish so I didn't have to do this, but he was giving me a chance to explain. How could I hurt him again?

Looking down at my feet, I turned toward him. "What happened?"

"Yeah, from your point of view. Because I heard your sister's story and I just want to make sure she told me the truth." He moved closer, and my body grew stiff. Never in a million years did I think Newt would hurt me physically. But it wasn't physical pain I feared.

I fumbled with my words for a few minutes, not making sense, and finally, in an exasperated huff, I was able to spit it out. "Amber is my twin, obviously. She is Naomi's best friend and was supposed to be here doing all the things herself. I promise you, if she'd been the one here, you never would have done what we did." I cringed at my own stupid explanation. "She's literally so straightlaced, it's not funny. She has a boyfriend and she'd never cheat on him. The whole time, I was pretending to be her because of her schooling."

So many lies were told, lies upon lies. They all had to come out now, and I couldn't even begin to tell him how sorry I was or which things we shared were lies and which were the truth. I tried my best to lay it all out, but my heart was too heavy and I wound up crying.

"So it's true, then." Newt took a few steps closer.

"I swear I didn't want to do any of it, but I love my sister, and I care about Naomi's big day, even if I don't even like her as a friend." As I said it I hoped he didn’t take offense at that. He took another step closer to me, and my body started to get stiff on me. I didn't want him closer. It was going to hurt. I was going to cry harder.

"That's why you didn’t want to go out into the snow?" he asked, and I wilted.

"Yeah…" Amber loved the snow. I hated it. I wished it would never snow again.

"And that's why you loved the chocolate cake and lied to her about strawberry. Because Amber would have chosen strawberry." A few steps closer, and he was almost able to touch me.

"Yes." I didn't back away, but I did look away. I couldn't take it. My heart felt so raw. Admitting to all these lies felt like someone was pouring acid in my chest.

"And it's why your mom called you by your name and I corrected her to say your name was Amber. She called it a 'merry mix-up'." Newt stood in front of me, and all I could do was stare at the tops of his boots, damp from snow.

"Yes." Tears sluiced down my cheeks and I sniffled. The nail in the coffin hurt worse than anything else.

"And you led me to believe you were Amber just so you could keep your sister happy, but you didn't tell me the truth. Even though we were so intimate, so much that I fell in love with you."

My skin bristled, goosebumps forming on my arms. He fell in love with me? I raised my chin and looked him in the eye and nodded as I bit my lower lip so hard I tasted blood. The copper hints on my tongue were the only evidence, though. I couldn’t feel the pain. My heart hurt too bad to let my physical body feel pain.

"Newt," I squeaked, but he didn't look angry.

"You know what I think?" he asked, and I got a faint hint of peppermint on his breath. He'd had eggnog, and probably a good thing. It probably helped him calm down.

"What?" I asked, sniffling again. I used the back of my hand to wipe away my tears.

"I think we need to start over." He held out his hand. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Jade. My name is Newt Phillips. Naomi's older, very available brother."

I stared at his hand as tears streamed now. What in the Christmas magic was happening? With a shaking hand, I took his, and his grip was warm and so soothing, I almost clung to him.

"I'm Jade Lyons, Amber's twin. It's so very, very nice to meet you, Newt."

He didn't hug me or try to kiss me. It wasn't a moment like that. There were too many questions left, and unresolved anger, but it was a start, and after we talked for twenty more minutes, he walked me to my car and went home in his dad's truck—but only after I promised to go to the wedding.