Merry Mix-Up (Holiday Hearts)

24. Newt

24

NEWT

D ad's old pickup truck bumped along the fresh coat of ice on the roads from last night's storm. Naomi beckoned me again, this time after having been told off by Jared for backing out of the ceremony. I felt awful, but I didn't see what the big deal was. They had the other four attendants and if Naomi was smart, she'd have cut Amber off too.

When I pulled up in front of Naomi's place, I didn't want to get out. I figured she'd pull the little sister card and try to force me to still be a part of the ceremony. I loved her, but she was lucky I was even willing to agree to come to it after what happened. I'd have to tolerate Amber, but it would be from a distance, not up close and personal like it would have been. I shut off the truck and sat there staring at the house. I wanted to just turn it back on and keep driving until I was in Chicago.

The truck cooled off substantially and I began to get cold too. I had to face up to Naomi's frustration with me and pray she understood. She knew what my ex had done to me and she knew how it affected me. It should have been obvious to her how I'd react to a situation like this, whether or not she understood how much it hurt me. I slid out of the truck and shut the door, then headed up the walk.

Naomi met me at the door but didn’t say much as I tracked snow in on my shoes. This time, I kicked them off and shrugged out of my coat. She hung my coat on the back of a chair and stood with her arms crossed over her stomach as if she were waiting for me to say something. I was told to come here. It wasn't like I wanted to come. I stood staring at her blankly, waiting for the lecture to start.

"How are you feeling?" Her thoughtful question came with a look of concern. The way her hair swept down over her eyes partially and the fact that she had no makeup on surprised me. Naomi was the epitome of class and style. She never let herself be seen like this by anyone, except maybe Amber. The only time I ever saw her without hair and makeup was when I surprised her like yesterday morning.

"I'm feeling like someone I trusted and cared about lied to me after knowing what happened to me in my past…" I crammed my hands into my pockets and stalked forward into her living room. It was a bit more put-together today. Most of the decorations had been moved out of the room, probably to the hall where I was supposed to have gone last night to help decorate. The fact that I didn't show up must've been the clue to Jared that I wasn't going to be the best man anymore.

Naomi followed me to the couch where we both sat down. She had cleaned up quite a bit, and I figured she was having someone over today. This was more her style, to make sure she made herself presentable and her house hospitable. Probably a learned trait from Mom.

"I know what you think, Newt, but I promise you, Amber would never cheat on Derek. There has to be a reasonable explanation for all of this." Naomi tried to lay her head on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off and curled my hands into fists in my pockets. She was wrong. The sex Amber and I had was very much real, and the connection I felt was so tangible I could sense the frayed ends of it floating in the wind where she was supposed to be.

"I know you're trying to help, but it's not helping. Is this why you made me come over? You want to convince me that I'm wrong?" I shouldn't have been angry with her because she knew nothing about it, but all the frustration and hurt feelings I had toward Amber were piling up and it just started pouring out at my sister.

"No, Newt, I promise, I wasn't trying to say you were wrong. I just know Amber, and if she says there is a logical explanation, then there is." Naomi sat up and pulled her knee up onto the couch as she turned to face me. "I talked with her and she's on her way over. I want you to?—"

"No," I told her as I pulled my hands out of my pockets and stood up abruptly. "I'm not talking to her. You set me up. You just wanted me to be here so you could corner me into listening to her." I stormed over to the door and shoved my feet into my shoes before reaching for my coat, but I was too late. The doorbell rang as my coat was dangling from my hand. "Dammit, Naomi."

"Please, Newt. Just stay here. You don’t have to have some major sit down or anything. Just hang out while I try on the dress, and maybe you'll see that I'm not wrong."

Anger pulsed through my veins as Naomi opened the door and stood aside. "Hey, Mav," she chirped happily as if we hadn't just been bickering. "Come on in."

My entire body was one tight string ready to snap at any second. I stepped back with my coat still in my hands and watched Amber carry the dress bag in. This should have been an ecstatic experience for my sister full of joy and laughter. But she stood with her back to me, hand on the doorknob, and her shoulders were slumped. I couldn't help but feel like I had played a role in ruining this moment for her.

Now I would feel foolish trying to sneak out without saying anything, and I'd already lost enough of my dignity. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much this was affecting me. I coolly put my coat back on the chair I'd taken it off and leaned against the wall, watching them interact.

"Jade finished up things last night…" Amber draped the dress over the back of a chair, which was odd to me. She always seemed so particular when I visited their apartment. The dress was never just lying somewhere. It was always on the dress rack or hanging up somewhere, at least after Jade had it tacked together.

"I can't wait to try it on again." Naomi's voice was flat and dull, not the usual squealing of delight or jumping and clapping. She was hurting, and if Amber couldn't see that, I wondered if she even cared at all—about Naomi or me, or anyone other than herself, for that matter.

"Let's go put this on you," she told Naomi, but her eyes flicked to meet mine and there was something distant about the expression on her face. Hollow and cold. I didn't see the expressiveness or the connection we had, and I wondered if I'd been reading into things too far all along.

"Sure," Naomi said, and she glanced over her shoulder at me. "Please don't leave. Beer's in the fridge," she said.

I couldn't promise her I wouldn't leave, but I did meander toward the fridge as they crated the dress into her bedroom and shut the door. As I cracked a beer open, I thought about the interaction. It was Amber, the same dark hair, full, pouty lips, stormy eyes. But she seemed indifferent and absent, not the least bit interested in me, or even nervous. It felt like she was a sociopath or something, unable to feel the emotion she should have been feeling, which was remorse or guilt.

Sitting on a chair and slurping the beer down, I listened to the interaction behind doors. At first it sounded a bit heated, though I couldn't make out any of the words they were saying. I was curious and wanted to eavesdrop, but I stayed planted on the chair. If I heard something that upset me, I'd just lose my cool and my ability to be here for Naomi. She asked me to stay and I would, so long as Amber kept her focus on my sister and didn't try to talk to me.

Then I heard laughter and joking. A bit of squealing seeped out of the room and frustrated me. Whatever Amber was telling her had shifted her mood entirely. Naomi was sounding like herself again, and it meant things were going forward as she originally planned, except I still had no intention of doing it. I couldn’t walk that woman down any aisle, even if it was just in support of my sister. I stood and dropped the beer bottle in the trash on my way to the door, but the bedroom popped open and Amber walked out.

"Newt, can we talk?" Even her voice sounded different, the way she enunciated my name.

I closed my eyes for a second and then opened them slowly and sighed. I was hoping to just leave town and not have to have this discussion—or argument. That was yet to be determined.

"You have five minutes," I said coldly as I walked toward my coat. She was lucky I was even giving her this much attention. I should have left and not even cared to listen to their makeup session.

"Newt, I need to explain something to you, and I'm not sure if you're going to fully understand, but I’m not who you think I am."

I rolled my eyes but my back was to her, so I knew she didn't see me. "You knew the entire time I was sleeping with you and we were sneaking around that my ex cheated on me." I turned and slid my coat on my arms and up over my shoulders. She had a look of sympathy but not of remorse, which only infuriated me. I wanted her out of my face.

"Newt, please let me explain." She stood between me and the door, and I wasn't about to just put my hands on her the way that douchebag had done the other day. I was a gentleman.

"Please move."

"Newt, you're right." Her confession stopped me in my tracks even as I tried to walk around her. I stopped and caught her gaze. "I did know your ex cheated on you. Naomi told me several times over the years how hurt you were. She worries about you."

"Then how could you?—"

"Stop. Please." Her tone was firm and pleading, and her eyes offered only compassion, still not the remorse she should have had. I stood still but I looked away. I couldn’t bear to look at her one more second. "I knew that, but Jade didn't."

Jade? What did her sister have to do with any of this? She was a hermit, isolating herself from everyone this whole time. She wasn't so close with Naomi that she got to be a part of the wedding, and if it weren't for the dress shop having nothing my sister liked, Jade wouldn't have been involved at all.

I didn't even want to hear Amber talking, but now I was curious what her excuse would be, so I said, "Go on."

"Okay, this is probably going to upset you, but I need you to hear me out." Amber sighed and continued. "I was so swamped with my finals and my thesis that I didn't have time to be a part of Naomi's plans. I didn't want to let her down because I care too much about her, but I just couldn’t come home. I made Jade promise to pretend to be me this whole time. You've been hanging out with my twin, not me."

"That's insane. I don't believe you." My throat constricted, and I forced myself to look at her again. I could see she really believed this spiel, and that was probably why Naomi was laughing. She thought this was funny, some prank they played, while she was really just lying to me.

"I don't expect you to take my word for it. I just want you to talk to Jade. She's really hurting." Amber pressed her lips into a thin line.

"But she has rainbow hair and?—"

"Hair dye and makeup, Newt. This isn't the first time we've done a twin swap…"

The words "Merry Mix-Up" stuck in my head. I stared at her feeling even more gutted than before. I dropped her off at her mother's house calling her Amber and even her mother corrected that. She called the woman I went sledding with Jade and I never thought twice. "But…" I muttered, and Amber, or Jade, or whoever the hell I was speaking with, touched my hand.

"I promise you, if you can believe what I'm saying and move past this, there is a woman who is feeling wretched and hating herself, and she loves you so much."

I backed away and barked, "Get out of my way." And without even stopping to say goodbye to my sister, I stormed out. It was too much. My brain was on overload. Why the hell would anyone do something like that to another person? Did they not think anyone would find out?

I stomped to the truck and slammed the door, then started it up and squealed my tires pulling out. It felt like one slap after another, and now I didn't even know what to think. If I believed that, then I had completely overreacted, but it was still an affront. Jade? I was seeing the wild child? I fell in love with the rainbow-haired one?

And I still loved her even though I was so furious. There was just no way I could ever trust any of this. I had to be alone for a while and think.