Midnight Daffodil (Poisonous Petals #1)

Chapter 16Olivia

sixteen

OLIVIA

I t had been hours since I left Luke. Hours since I broke his heart for no reason. I returned to Vera’s, needing a moment away from all the chaos and volume. Needing time to figure out why I couldn’t seem to stop fucking up.

My mind drifted back to the previous night. Everything we shared in those secret moments still warmed me. He talked about his past as if I was his future.

God, the way he moved inside me was like everything I’d ever been missing.

I shook my head. Luke and I spent so much of the night tangled in one another's arms. But like treacherous waters that were rough on the surface, Matt’s wrath would cut through us both like a knife.

Matt was a shitty person, a selfish, uncaring lover, an even worse man, but I stepped out on him. As far as I was aware, he’d never done that to me, regardless of the options he had. I was the one he chose .

Tears streamed down my face all morning and afternoon, my chest heaving with sobs. Lost in a fog of self-pity, my mind was a whirlwind of confusion. Did I genuinely want to go back to Matt, or was it something I felt like I had to do?

Vera didn’t ask questions or talk the entire time we drove. She didn’t even ask me why I was there. She gave me my space. I basked in the quiet as I stood in Vera’s huge bathroom.

Examining my reflection in the mirror, I noticed marks left by Luke’s powerful grip, each bruise a testament to the passion we shared. Though seemingly unchanged, my body carried the tender echoes of our time together. As I sat down, the lingering soreness reminded me of the intensity of our connection.

I felt stupid. I kept proving how dumb and naive I was, and Vera miraculously hadn’t grown tired of me. Luke would most likely hate me after I used him to heal my emotional wounds. Wounds I denied for years, only offering them a patch. Wounds I expected one night of fantasy to heal.

Good job, Olivia. Look what you did.

I wrapped a plush robe around me, stepping past Noodle to the kitchen table to retrieve my phone. I finally entered Luke’s number in it and tossed the well moisturized original. I scoured through empty envelopes, mail, and cans of cat food, anxious to keep my mind and hands busy.

Being with Luke was the happiest I felt in years. Did I really want to let that go?

I gagged with the threat of vomit.

Looking at me with his big kitty eyes, Oatmeal loudly meowed as he pawed a can of his food on the counter.

“At least you still love me,” I said, scratching his tiny head, opening the food. The sound of the can summoned Noodle and Olive. I opened one for each of them, setting it in their bowls.

“Hey now, I still love you too,” Vera called out from the doorway.

“I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I just got here. And I got us wine and Chinese.” As she spoke, she set her things down on the counter. “Thank you for feeding my children.”

I nodded, peeking in one of the takeout bags. The smell of fried rice, General Tso’s chicken, sweet and sour chicken, and crab Rangoon wafted up to my nose.

“You haven’t eaten anything all day. Also, I think it's time we talk about what the hell is going on. Why were you at Officer Ryde that pipe’s house? And why were you crying like a mad woman when I picked you up at seven in the morning?”

I knew this was coming. Vera poured us two glasses of wine and started taking out forks. “No plates. We’re going to eat this college style. On the floor, cross legged, right out of the containers.” Her green eyes sparkled at me as she said it.

“Fine. And fine, I’ll tell you everything if you swear not to judge me.”

“When have I ever judged you, girl? We all do things and people,” she winked, “that we aren’t proud of.”

“It’s not that I’m not proud of it. It’s just I feel guilty, I guess,” I admitted.

We sat down and opened the food. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until the first bite sent my stomach rumbling.

We talked all about what had been going on with Matt. I finally let it out, revealing every secret I had kept from her over the past few years. True to her word, she didn’t judge me. Instead, tears welled up in her eyes as she cried with me, wrapping me in a warm embrace. She whispered sentiments of how happy she was that I was still here, and for the first time, I felt a surge of strength and acceptance.

I poured out every detail, even confessing how I touched myself in Luke’s bathtub like a dog in heat. I wanted to be with Luke, to escape the role of doormat for Matt.

“Can I say something?” she asked as we nibbled at pieces of Chinese food left in the containers between emotional outbursts.

“Sure, anything.”

“I know you feel bad about sleeping with Luke, but do you really feel like it was cheating? Have you and Matt been in a relationship this entire time, or have you been coexisting, afraid to leave?” she asked, stuffing more fried rice in her mouth.

I thought for a moment; she asked a great question. One that I didn’t know the answer to. “You don’t think it’s kind of fucked up what I did?”

“You don’t think it’s kind of fucked up that he punches you?”

She had a point.

“Look, I’m not gonna tell you that just because a relationship is going through some shit that you should jump into bed with someone else. But I think you have a circumstance that most wouldn’t blame you for what you did. Plus, it wasn’t a random one night stand. You’ve had run ins with Luke over the last year. You feel something with him that you probably never felt with Matt,” she continued as she fed Olive a piece of broccoli, “and if I could gather anything by the way he was looking at you when you were leaving his house, there’s more to how he feels about you too.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do,” she said, smirking. “You’d have to be blind not to see it. Which you probably were with your fucked up eye.”

I laughed. “How dare you bring up my injury!”

“Seriously, I don’t think Luke sees anything else when you’re around. The way he hovered over you when we were picked up off the street,” she sighed, relishing in the memory. “It was like he didn’t even notice me there. And do I need to remind you that he beat the ever loving shit out of Matt the first time you met him?”

Another point made.

“He doesn’t manhandle you.” A smirk played across her lips. “Until you’re begging for it underneath him.”

“Shut up, I didn’t beg!”

Another lie.

She mocked my voice then. “Oh, Sergeant, please, oh please, fill me with your penis colada.” She howled.

Penis colada?

“Ew, God, you’re gross. Where did you even get that from?”

She gasped for breath between laughs.

“What would you prefer? Baby gravy? Jizz? Meat juice? Cock snot?”

“Vera, I’m gonna throw up. Please stop,” I begged, wiping tears from the corners of my eyes.

“Okay, but promise me this.” Her tone turned serious once again. “You need to leave the situationship you have with Matt. I know it’s scary. But you aren’t alone.”

She was right.

“And with all the love I could ever muster.” She paused warily. “You’ve made a lot of excuses. I know you can’t just leave, but you have to for your safety. You can get a job. A bank account. An apartment. But one thing you can’t get is a new life.” Vera’s voice broke, her green eyes drowned in unshed tears. “I can’t lose you.” She took my hand and squeezed.

“Okay. I know what I need to do,” I said to her.

I was out of time.