Mix-Up under the Mistletoe (Glenbriar #11)

Chapter Seventeen

Rafe

Sunday, December 22 nd

Morning

S nowflakes fell past the window, drifting in chaotic angles, mesmerising Rafe as he stared at them from his warm position in the bed. Daylight, huh? They must have slept long. He spooned Tilly, tracing a circle on her bare shoulder, and running his palms gently over her soft, warm body. His right arm was practically dead from having her sleeping on it all night, but it didn’t make him want to move. Was this insanity? Hooking up with her at all was insane, given that she worked for a rival business, but it wasn’t that. Because this didn’t feel like a hookup. Nothing that had happened with Tilly could be dismissed so flippantly.

Being close like this felt so right, so good.

People were moving about outside the room and chatting. But hey, Sunday mornings were made for this and shouldn’t be rushed. Rafe couldn’t move anyway, not without wrenching his arm out from under Tilly and that would disturb this moment too brutally. This had to be enjoyed at leisure and in comfort.

Mum had made up this bedroom like a log cabin and lying here with Tilly as the snow fell outside was a Christmas dream come true. If this is what Christmas is all about, then count me in. Marnie could sing all the Christmas carols she wanted if it meant he could spend Christmas with Tilly like this every year.

She stirred beside him, and he gently nuzzled her earlobe, still smoothing his palm over her silky skin. His body was primed to take this further, and he would happily let the moment develop into more, but should he? What in hell’s name was he doing? Tilly wasn’t actually his girlfriend. She wasn’t someone he should be in bed with, cuddling up to and contemplating ways of making love to. He was quite literally sleeping with the enemy… She might be waking up to the idea that working for 1-Quick Getaways wasn’t the best idea, but that didn’t mean they had a future together. And it was crazy to be thinking stuff like this about a woman he barely knew. He’d had some casual hookups, but none of them had felt like this. He hadn’t made time in his life for a serious relationship in a long time, so why was he contemplating it now with someone who shouldn’t technically be here at all?

‘Hi,’ Tilly said quietly, turning her neck a little to see him.

‘Morning.’ He leaned in and kissed her cheek, slipping his hand under her arm and cupping her breasts as he pulled her close. He was so hot for her. Christ. This was what she did to him. She let out a sigh that struck him low in the gut, charging him with more lust.

‘How long have we slept?’ she asked.

‘Dunno. I didn’t bring my phone through. I’ve no idea what time it is.’

She stretched, reaching over to the nightstand, and lifted her phone. ‘Nine-thirty.’

‘Well, it’s Sunday morning.’ He nuzzled her. ‘Best day for a lie in.’

Tilly let out a little laugh. ‘Sounds perfect, but I need to pee.’ She threw back the covers, jumped up, and ran to the bathroom. He chuckled, stretching his dead arm and flexing his fingers.

‘Don’t drop any bottles on your foot,’ he called as she shut the door. As soon as it clicked shut, he cringed. Hopefully none of his family were outside the door. They didn’t need to know he was in here.

When Tilly came out, he traded places with her, keeping a blanket around his waist as he crossed the room. His arousal had died a little with Tilly gone, but he wasn’t sure he needed her to see what was going on and he really needed the bathroom.

A moment of cold dread passed over him when he came out. What if Tilly wanted him to go back to his own room? Maybe that was actually the sensible course of action. But heat returned to his body almost instantly when he spied Tilly back in the bed, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets, sporting a quite adorable bedhead.

‘Staying in bed today, are you?’ he asked.

‘You did say you wanted a lie in.’ She looked a little shy. ‘Though I think I’d enjoy it more if you were here too. Will you come back in?’

‘How can I refuse?’ He got back in beside her and she shuffled over to him. Putting his arm around her, he leaned his head on hers, his focus falling on the little tree they’d decorated yesterday, the silent witness to what they’d done here last night.

They fell into an easy kiss, long and slow. Rafe threaded his fingers into her hair as her hands slid over his chest.

‘This has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had,’ Tilly whispered through the kisses. ‘Not that my previous ones have been anything much.’

Rafe pulled her close, rubbing his palms over her back. ‘Tell me. If you want to.’

‘About what?’

‘Your not so nice Christmases.’

‘You really want to know?’

‘Sure, if you want to share.’ He kissed her softly on the cheek, then the neck. ‘Tell me anything.’

‘Well, all my childhood Christmases took place in a care home. Maybe not my first two or three. I must have been at home with my mum then, but I don’t remember.’

‘Why were you put into care?’ He carried on stroking her as she seemed to steel herself to answer.

‘My mum was an addict, and she ended up in jail for a bit. We were taken away from her.’

‘That’s sad.’ He kissed the top of her head, holding her close, unable to imagine a life without loving parents. ‘You said “we”. Do you have a brother or sister?’

‘A sister. Ellie. She’s a year younger than me. By the time we were put into care, she was really difficult. We got foster homes, but every time we were put with a family, she’d do something stupid, and they’d refuse to have us. She’d get angry and lash out. She stole money, she keyed a car, and one time she attacked someone’s cat. It was one thing after another, starting when she was still so young. It never stopped. She’s in prison now.’

‘Jeez.’

‘Yup. I spent my childhood Christmases in care because of her. But I was terrified we would get split up.’ She let out a sigh. ‘Looking back, I’m not sure I made the right decision.’

‘Why?’

‘Quite a few of the foster families said they’d let me stay on, but not her, if I wanted to. But I always felt like it was my duty to look after her. Maybe it was just me being clingy, as usual. Clinging to the one family member I still had. It took me until I left school to let go.’

‘What do you mean by “being clingy as usual”?’

She huffed out a laugh and pulled away from him. ‘It’s what happens to people with attachment issues. Look it up and you’ll see.’

He frowned. Her voice had gone flat, and her words were full of self-deprecation. ‘I’ve heard of it but…’

‘It’s who I am. My relationships so far have been rubbish because I’m too needy and clingy. That’s what my ex-boyfriend said, and a therapist confirmed it.’

‘That doesn’t sound like something a therapist should say.’

‘Oh, she was nice about it. It just took me time to process. She explained about attachment issues, and I’ve read loads about it since. There’s not really a cure. It’s about managing the difficult behaviours. And I’m not exactly managing them very well right now, am I?’ She didn’t look at him as she spoke, wrapping her arms about herself and shaking her head.

‘Well, I’m no expert, so I can’t agree or disagree, but I haven’t seen you as clingy or needy. Loyal, yes. Keen to prove yourself, yes.’ Maybe a little na?ve and misguided, but now that made more sense too. ‘Somewhat reserved at times, but that isn’t surprising, given the bizarre circumstances.’

‘You’ve only known me a couple of days and already we’ve slept together. That’s pretty desperate, isn’t it?’

‘Takes two to tango, and I don’t think I’ve got attachment issues. I wanted this as much as you.’

She glanced up at him. ‘That makes me feel a bit better.’

‘You come across as sweet, fun to be with, gentle, and affectionate.’

‘Do I?’

‘Yes. I think you’re a little unkind to yourself at times, and the attachment you’re most guilty of is the one you have to 1-Quick. I understand more now. You’re loyal because they gave you stability.’

‘Exactly.’ She stared at him and furrowed her brow a little, like she was surprised by his words.

‘It’s just a pity the company that provided it is a business with questionable ethics. You really would be better out of there, though I accept it’s your call, not mine. But that’s my penny worth, for the record.’

‘You’re right. Work was always an area I thought was safe. I didn’t realise the attachment issues extended to that too.’ She let out a sigh. ‘Here was me thinking I was managing things.’

‘I’m sure you are.’ He put his arms around her and held her again. ‘It’s not a crime to need something or desire someone. God, if that’s the case, then I’m very needy right now, and I have a serious craving to cling to someone.’

Tilly chuckled. ‘Yeah, that’s not really what it means.’

‘Sorry, I get that. I was being unnecessarily flippant. Maybe you should see a different therapist if it’s bothering you. Get a second opinion.’

‘So, does that mean I am being too clingy?’

He shook his head gently. ‘I don’t think you are, but if you’re worried, then there isn’t any harm in speaking to a professional about it.’ If she wanted to cling to him, he’d be her rock, but he understood why she was worried. This situation felt odd enough without her added issues. No wonder it was confusing.

‘Yeah. I think I’ll find a new therapist.’ She ran her hand around his cheek and smiled in the way that melted him. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve killed the mood.’

‘I’m happy you told me. It’s important.’

‘You have a way of making me feel important.’ She blinked and looked away.

‘You are important. And special. I think the Christmas magic is working. It feels like you were sent to me for a reason.’

‘What reason?’

‘I’m not entirely sure yet.’

‘Maybe this.’ She glanced back at him, then leaned in and pressed her lips against his. He returned her kiss, falling back onto the soft pillows and pulling her down with him. She lay on top of him, and their mouths worked together. The skin contact was electric but also affirming. It cemented the growing bond between them and strengthened the affection. If Tilly had attachment issues, she wasn’t having any trouble attaching to him, and he was good with that. Really good. The closer they were attached, the better.

He wanted to hold her, surround her, kiss her, worship her, and be deep inside her all at once. Blood charged through him as he cupped his hands around her bottom and pulled her close to the source of his desire. Satisfying a physical need was only part of this though, and his heart swooped at the deeply warming sensation that being close to her brought to his whole being.

By the time they were ready to go downstairs, it was almost eleven o’clock. Rafe thought it best if he and Tilly didn’t go together. His mum’s romance radar was already working overtime, and he wasn’t sure he could act normally – not when he’d just spent an hour having beautiful sex with a woman he couldn’t stop thinking about. Something would surely give him away. He went first, checking the coast was clear before heading to his own room to grab some clean clothes. If he could as easily put on a clear head, he would, but Tilly, Tilly, Tilly was all that his brain wanted to process.

He’d thought some physical exertion might stop some of his crazy mind games, but instead of satisfying the urges so he could move on, it seemed to have opened more doors and pushed out more questions and possibilities.

Nobody was in the kitchen when he went in, so he grabbed some bread from the bread bin and shoved two slices into the toaster. As he opened the dishwasher to grab a plate, his mum appeared.

‘Good morning, sleepyhead.’

‘Morning,’ he said.

‘You must have been tired to sleep this late.’

‘It’s nice not to have to get up sometimes.’

‘Very true.’ She glanced at the clock. ‘Do you think Tilly’s ok? She’s not hiding in her room, is she?’

‘I’m sure she’s fine. I’ll check in a bit.’ He turned his back to her as he spoke, feigning the need to look at the toaster, but convinced his mum could see right through him. ‘I think she squirrelled one of your books up there the other night; she’s probably reading it.’

How the white lies flowed.

‘Ah, yes. I hope she’s not starved for romance while she’s here.’ She started unloading the dishwasher.

Rafe didn’t reply. The little smirk on her face was already too much. He pulled his bread from the toaster and slapped on some butter.

‘Leave the dishwasher, Mum. I’ll do it once I’ve eaten. You relax for a bit.’

‘I don’t mind doing it.’ She stacked the plates on the dresser. ‘I wonder, do you think?’ She turned around. ‘You and Tilly.’

‘Me and Tilly, what?’ Was his face going red? He definitely felt a little warm at the neck.

‘Could ever get together?’

‘Why are you asking me that?’

‘Just hopeful, I suppose.’

‘I know you’ve been trying to engineer it ever since you thought she was actually my girlfriend. But really? Is it a genuine possibility in your mind?’

‘Why shouldn’t it be? It seems you like her and I’m almost certain she likes you.’

‘If only it was that easy.’

‘It is.’

‘Is it? Of course I like her but… Well, we don’t really know each other.’ That was true, even if they’d done quite a bit of getting to know each other over the past twenty-four hours. ‘Maybe she’s happy on her own. Maybe I am too. Maybe we’re just two lonely people thrown together who are compatible enough to enjoy a few stolen hours together.’

Hilary sighed and folded her arms. ‘Is that what—’

‘Morning,’ Tilly said from the door. ‘Am I too late to have something for breakfast?’

‘Not at all.’ Hilary spun around with a smile and rushed to greet Tilly. ‘What would you like?’

‘I can make myself something.’

‘No, no. You sit and I’ll make it.’

Tilly sat opposite Rafe and gave him a weak smile. He held her gaze, returning her smile, but her eyes seemed a little slack, like she didn’t want to look properly at him. Had she heard what he said? It didn’t bother him if she had. It wasn’t like he’d said anything bad, but what did she make of it? After all, it was true. They were just two lonely people who’d found solace with each other over a cold, wintery weekend. Setups like that were ok. It didn’t mean they had to do anything about it. Did it?

Could he walk away from this when it had run its course and go back to his normal life? He sipped on his coffee, watching Tilly over the top of it, and wondering. He liked looking at that face, those wide eyes behind the round glasses, that smile. He enjoyed her company too, her kisses, her vulnerability and her bravery at opening up to him.

Walking away wasn’t going to be easy. Definitely not.