Mix-Up under the Mistletoe (Glenbriar #11)

Chapter Sixteen

Tilly

T illy entered her room and switched on the light, swallowing back her disappointment. What was she imagining now? Did she think Rafe was going to sleep with her? That was just plain crazy. Why would he? It all came down to her being needy and clingy again.

She pulled off her sweater and tossed it away, then unbuttoned her jeans and slipped them down. After splitting with her last boyfriend, she’d seen a therapist. The breakup had hit hard, and she couldn’t come to terms with his accusations on her own. She’d sought help. When had loving and caring become needy and clingy? Sitting on the end of the bed, she tugged her jeans off her ankles. Wearing just her lacy bra and pants, she stared at the wall in front of her. The one that separated her room from Rafe’s. Putting her head in her hands, she recalled what the therapist had told her. The words had hit like a train and were still raw in her mind, like she’d just heard them. Her boyfriend had been right. She was everything he’d said, and she always would be.

‘Your childhood has left a scar. You have abandonment issues, so you attach to others fast. But it isn’t love. It’s known as limerence. You can’t fully fall in love until you get to know a person. It happens to people like you because your needs were not met as a child. You feel a longing for a connection. So, you look for relationships and attach too quickly.’

She got to her feet, hooked off her bra, and kicked off her knickers. When she’d finally processed the words, she’d realised they were true. Her relationships had come about quickly, often been one-sided, and what she’d thought was natural progression was desperation. She’d pushed boyfriends to move in or take the next step, when it was far too early. Her acute craving for love and stability forced her actions.

But not anymore. Now she was careful. She recognised the signs and stepped back. She’d been hopeful about Mitchell, but she’d let him walk on by, not pushing herself forward, and taking it on the chin when it turned out he had someone else. Good sense had prevailed, and she’d saved face. Could she do the same with Rafe? Was this any different?

‘People with abandonment issues often seek partners to provide them with a sense of self, security and validation.’

Yes! Exactly what she desperately wanted. It never seemed like a bad thing, but rushing the situation was what caused the problems. She picked up her clothes, put them on a wicker chair in the corner, and headed into the shower room.

She hadn’t gone back to the therapist. Her words may have been true, but they hadn’t helped. Tilly had felt a whole lot worse after and even now the words haunted her, as though looking for love was something she shouldn’t be doing because she’d never find it… or understand it. Her past wouldn’t allow her to feel love properly and all that would happen was infatuation, followed by disappointment. Wasn’t Rafe a prime example? She was currently in the infatuation… disappointment would surely follow.

She started the shower, enjoying the heat of the water and the cleansing properties of the steam. She worked up a lather on her skin, rubbing in the delicious orange scented shower gel, and letting it soothe her. As she lifted the bottle to apply some more, it slipped from her soapy hands, and fell to the floor, slamming her foot on the way down.

‘Ah,’ she screamed, bending to grab the offensive bottle. The water blasted on her head, soaking her hair and running into her eyes. She placed the bottle on the little shelf, but it didn’t take, and fell again with a slam on the shower tray. Seriously? Since when had she become so uncoordinated?

She rinsed off the foam, turned off the shower, and got out. That bottle had it in for her, and her toe was throbbing.

She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself. As she opened the door to the main room, a knock made her jump and squeal.

‘Tilly?’ Rafe’s voice said in a low tone from the other side of the door. ‘Are you ok?’

She opened the door, clutching the towel tight, her hair dripping, only to find him in the same predicament. How hot did he look with a fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist? The shirtless man on the book cover was nothing compared to this. His toned body was lean, but not shiny and fake. A smattering of coarse hair covered his chest, tapering down his abs, which were defined, but not so much that he looked like a bodybuilder. It was a rugged, outdoor body, rather than gym-honed. And Tilly was staring, drinking it all in.

‘I… um… What are you doing here?’

‘I came to see if you were ok. I heard a bang, then screaming.’

She groaned, her toes still smarting. ‘I dropped the shower gel bottle on my foot.’

A grin spread across his face. ‘Ouch.’

‘It’s not funny; it was painful.’

‘Would you like me to kiss it better?’

His arm muscles looked strong, and his shoulders were broad. He was so fit… and hot. If he kissed anything, she might spontaneously combust.

Oh god, she was doing it again, but she really wanted him. He was like the most luxurious Christmas gift she could imagine, someone that was so far out of reach she wouldn’t normally even attempt to get him.

‘You want to? I mean…’ Her breathing was shallow and uneven. Her heart was hammering hard now, and she wasn’t sure what she was saying.

‘I’ll do anything you want.’

Their eyes met, and his pupils widened. His gaze was warm and strong, hungry but not threatening.

Was this still limerence? She was so obsessed with him she’d forgotten reality. ‘I’d like to kiss you again,’ she whispered. ‘But I don’t think I want to stop with a kiss.’ And that was the raw truth. She didn’t want to listen to the objections the therapist would surely be dishing out if she could hear Tilly now.

‘I can make that happen.’ He reached out and pushed a strand of wet hair from her face, just as he’d done earlier after they’d crashed sledges.

‘Then… You better come in.’ Tilly’s neediness was ready to pour out, and she had nothing to stem the flow. All she knew was that she couldn’t bear it if he left her alone tonight. She wanted him with her so badly, holding her and kissing her in this beautiful room with their special tree, the snow outside and wind gusting past the window.

‘Give me two minutes.’ He nipped back into his own room.

Tilly’s body was almost shaking as she closed the door. The anticipation burning inside was like nothing she’d experienced before. She towelled her hair and ran a comb through it. No time to dry it properly. Then she sat on the end of the bed. How long had it been since she’d slept with anyone? She tried to work it out. More than a year? Would he be able to tell? Her experiences to date hadn’t been that great. Maybe he’d expect fancy moves or things she’d never tried before.

With a gentle knock, he opened the door. Still wearing just the towel, he crossed to the nightstand and put something on it before coming to sit next to her.

‘Are you ok?’ he said. ‘You’re shivering. Are you cold?’

‘Must be,’ she said, though it wasn’t that.

‘Then let’s get you warm.’ He pulled one of the blankets from the bed behind him and wrapped it around her. She melted into his arms, and he held her close. His chest moved as he breathed steadily and deeply, and she let her herself move with it.

He placed a hand on her cheek and tucked her damp hair behind her ear. His breathing against her skin sent bolts of electricity through her, stoking the desire inside her higher and higher. She peeked up at him from the warmth of the blanket cocoon he was holding her in, and his gaze ran over her face. His fingers moved from her back to softly caress her neck, then her ear lobes. A short moan rose from her throat to her mouth until it escaped.

‘I can’t resist you,’ he said. ‘This is all kinds of crazy, but I feel like it’s meant to happen.’

‘Me too,’ Tilly whispered.

He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her, slow, deep and intense. His mouth was softer than she remembered, and warmth radiated through her. With a contented sigh, she twisted her fingers in his hair and pulled him even closer, wanting more. The blanket slipped from her shoulders and his warm palm slid over the skin where it had been.

He deepened the kiss, erasing every inch of doubt she’d had. This was what she wanted. Nothing had ever felt better than this. They both came up for air, panting, eyes locked on each other. She’d never been kissed like that before unless you counted that afternoon, but this was so much more. The closeness and intimacy made her tummy clench and fizz.

Rafe smiled, still gently stroking her. ‘I’m beginning to think you were sent here by an angel.’

‘Not unless Arnie’s an angel,’ she said, but she grinned back.

‘There’s that Tilly smile. So beautiful.’ He lowered his head until he was almost close enough for her to taste his little laugh. Then he kissed her again, his mouth slanting over hers, sensual and insistent, the intimate stroke of his tongue so seductive, so intoxicating, that the need inside her almost burst. She wrapped her arms round his neck and tugged him closer, letting the towel slip from around her. Her breasts brushed against his bare chest, sending tingles through every nerve end.

He continued kissing her, moving his hands across her skin, teasing them over her pebbly nipples before wrapping his arms around her.

She groaned and held her head back for a moment, before pressing her mouth to his throat and holding it there as she tried to catch her breath.

‘Oh Tilly.’ He lowered his forehead to her shoulder.

‘That’s me.’ A sudden sense of power surged through her and she tossed off the blanket and the towel fully, climbing across him, so she was straddling him at the end of the bed. She bent in and trailed kisses across his chest.

‘You are something else.’ He gave her a wicked smile. ‘And full of surprises.’ He flipped her onto her back, lying her on the soft bedding. She squealed as she felt the brush of his fingers on her inner thigh, then her breathing hitched. His lips traced a line along her jaw, to her neck and then her shoulder; the sweep of his tongue sent a jolt of electricity through her.

‘Oh god, Rafe.’ She slid her arms round him and tugged him down so she could kiss him. How could she let him know how much this meant to her? How much he meant to her. She needed to show him without being needy or clingy.

How is that possible?

He responded to her kisses, his mouth matching hers, his hands touching her until he found places that made her moan and squeal. The emotion she felt for him pushed her higher. She wanted to give herself to him. All of her. His caresses and kisses hadn’t stopped and the surge of warmth in her body grew until it peaked like an eruption of shooting stars. Tilly didn’t moan or scream. She couldn’t make a sound. Silently and with fitful breaths, she held onto the sensations as long as she could.

‘Are you ok?’ Rafe whispered in her ear.

‘Yes,’ she managed. ‘Very ok.’

‘And you want to keep going?’

‘Yes.’ They couldn’t stop now. She craved all of him. Even with all her limerence, neediness and clinginess, she’d never wanted a man as badly as she wanted Rafe now. Her body and soul depended on it.

He shifted a little, leaning over to the nightstand and lifting a condom packet. Thank goodness he was prepared. Tilly mentally chivvied herself for not having thought about it. Was she really that stupid?

Probably.

But she trusted Rafe.

He moved over her, his gaze locked on hers. Was he searching for something? Answers? Truths? Feelings? She met his gaze without flinching. Whatever he was looking for was in her eyes. Not breaking eye contact, she ran her fingers over the hard muscle on his shoulders. Her nails dug into him as he bent over, pressing a kiss at the centre of her neck and easing into her.

‘Oh my god…’ she gasped. It had been a while, but she let herself relax.

‘All ok?’ he said, his words like a breath on her neck.

She accustomed herself to the feel of him. ‘All good.’

‘So good,’ he said. ‘Too good.’

He lifted her hips off the mattress, holding her firmly, thrusting gently until they found the perfect rhythm.

With every stroke, every hasty kiss, Tilly got closer to the edge, and she couldn’t stop smiling. Was that normal? It just felt like such a perfect moment, not like the sex she’d had before, more like bonding. Was this her messed-up past talking again? How could she know?

‘I’ve not stopped thinking about you since the second I clapped eyes on you,’ Rafe whispered, kneeling between her thighs, looking down on her like she was the most beautiful thing in the universe. ‘You were meant to be here… With me.’

She whimpered through her smile, tremors building inside her, and her stomach coiled in anticipation. He glided his palms over her, around her hips, up her sides, and onto her breasts. Suddenly heat rushed through her veins and she let go of the ledge, unable to hold on anymore. He slid his arms around her, holding her close. She silently shook against him. He thrust again, building the tempo, until finding his own release with a low, satisfied groan.

Digging her nails into him and shaking, Tilly gasped for air.

‘You ok?’ Rafe kissed her neck, still holding her.

‘Yes.’ She forced the word out between breaths.

His hot body was one with hers and Tilly wanted to live in this moment forever. So what if she was clingy? Clinging to Rafe now seemed like the most important thing in the universe.

She would replay this moment over and over again in her mind for years to come. She never wanted to forget it.