My Secret Santa Axton (Silver Ridge Christmas)

8. Breaking Point

Breaking Point

MEL

I storm across the bunkhouse site, my boots sinking in the snow. Axton's broad back comes into view.

"Axton!" I call out, my voice sharp in the crisp December air.

He turns, his green eyes widening slightly at my approach. "Mel? What are you?—"

I cut him off, holding up the locket that's been burning a hole in my pocket. "Don't play dumb. I know these gifts are from you."

Axton's jaw clenches, but he doesn't deny it. The silence stretches between us, thick with unspoken words.

"Why?" I demand, my voice cracking. "Why hide behind Secret Santa? Why can't you just talk to me?"

He looks away, focusing on the partially deconstructed bunkhouse. "It's a long story, Melanie."

"Bullshit," I spit out. "We used to be friends, Axton. What the fuck happened to us? What happened to you ?"

His eyes flick back to mine, and for a moment, I see a flicker of the boy I fell in love with all those years ago. But then his walls slam back into place.

"We grew up," he says flatly. "Things change."

I step closer, refusing to let him off the hook. "No. You don't get to dismiss this. You promised me, Axton. The night before you left for the military, you promised you'd write. Then you disappear, and you come back like… this. "

His face tightens, and I know I've hit a nerve. Good.

"Then you kissed me," I continue, my voice low and intense. "You made me believe we had a future. And then... nothing. Radio silence for years. And now you're back, acting like none of it ever happened. That we never happened."

Axton's hands clench at his sides. "Mel, I?—"

"No," I cut him off. "I want the truth. All of it. Why did you break your promise? Why are you pushing me away? And don't you dare say it's for my own good."

Axton's eyes search mine, and I see the struggle playing out behind them. Finally, he speaks, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, Melanie. I thought it was best."

The use of my full name, so rare from him, it makes me hold my punches. I take a shaky breath, trying to process his words.

"Best for who?" I ask, hating how small my voice sounds. "Because it sure as hell wasn't best for me."

Axton's expression softens, just a fraction. "I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did," I say, stepping even closer. We're inches apart now, and I can feel the heat radiating off his body. "You're still hurting me, Ax. Every time you pull away, every time you pretend there's nothing between us..."

I trail off, overwhelmed by the intensity of his gaze. For a moment, neither of us moves. Then, with a low growl, Axton closes the distance between us.

His lips crash into mine, and my world explodes into a kaleidoscope of sensation. The kiss is fierce and demanding as if we both need this.

My hands grip his shirt, fingers twisting in the fabric as he pulls me flush against his hard body.

" Fuck… ," Axton growls against my mouth, the sound vibrating through me.

His tongue traces my bottom lip, and I open for him without hesitation. The first slide of his tongue against mine sends electricity zaps through my body. He tastes like coffee and mint and Axton .

I press closer, desperate to feel every inch of him. My hands slide up his chest, feeling the solid muscle beneath his layers. His heart pounds against my palm, matching the frantic rhythm of my own.

"I've missed you, Ax," I breathe between kisses. "Missed this."

Axton's response is a deep groan that makes my knees weak. His hands roam down my back, leaving trails of fire in their wake. When they reach my hips, he grips hard enough to bruise, pulling me even tighter against him.

The cold temperature, us standing in the middle of the old bunkhouse, and the world is forgotten. For once, I have Axton right where I've wanted him for years.

With me .

"You're driving me crazy," he mutters, his voice rough with desire. His lips trail down my neck, teeth grazing my pulse point. "Can't think straight when you're around."

I arch into him. "Then don't think."

He captures my mouth again, the kiss deeper, hungrier. His tongue strokes against mine in a rhythm that makes my toes curl in my boots. I can feel his restraint crumbling, his careful control slipping away with each passing second.

"Mel," he pants, breaking away to rest his forehead against mine. "We shouldn't—this isn't?—"

"Shut up," I growl, pulling him back down. I pour everything I'm feeling into the kiss—all the frustration, the longing, the love I can't seem to shake. My teeth catch his bottom lip, drawing a harsh curse from him.

His hands slide lower, gripping my thighs and lifting me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist as he presses me against the bunkhouse wall. The rough wood scrapes against my back through my clothes, but I barely notice.

"Fuck," he groans, his hips pressing into mine. "You feel so good. Always feel so damn good."

I roll my hips, feeling his rock-hard cock cradle against my throbbing heat, drawing another curse. "Then why do you keep running?"

His whole body tenses. For a moment, I think he'll pull away completely. Instead, he kisses me harder, deeper, like he's trying to brand himself on my soul.

"Because I'll ruin you," he whispers against my lips. "Everything I touch turns to ash."

My heart breaks at the pain in his voice. I cup his face, forcing him to meet my eyes. "I'm not afraid of getting burned."

"You should be." His eyes are dark with desire and something deeper, more dangerous. "I'm not good for you, Mel."

"Let me decide that." I trace his bottom lip with my thumb. "Just stop pushing me away."

He captures my thumb between his teeth, then soothes the bite with his tongue. The gesture is so intimate, so erotic, it steals my breath.

"I don't deserve you," he says, but his hands tighten on my thighs.

"Bullshit." I rock against him again, drawing a sharp hiss. "You're just scared."

His eyes flash. "Damn right, I'm scared. Terrified of what you do to me. How much I want you. Need you."

Each word is punctuated with a kiss—my lips, my jaw, my neck. His stubble scrapes against my sensitive skin, and I want more.

"Then let yourself have me," I plead, my fingers digging into his shoulders. "I'm right here, Ax. I've always been right here."

He makes a sound like I've wounded him, capturing my mouth in another searing kiss. His tongue slides against mine, hot and demanding, making my head spin. I can feel his control slipping, feel the moment he starts to give in.

But then a door slams somewhere nearby, and Axton jerks away like he's been burned, setting me back on my feet with shaking hands.

His breathing is ragged, his eyes dark with desire. "I never forgot you," he whispers, his voice rough. "Or the taste of you."

My heart soars at his words, but before I can respond, he steps out of reach. The loss of his warmth is like a physical ache.

"This doesn't change anything," Axton says, his voice hardening. "We can't?—"

"Can't what?" I challenge, frustration raging inside me. "Be honest with each other? Keep it one hundred? Or we're back to this silent bullshit?"

"Fuck… Mel. Dammit," he says roughly, putting more distance between us."This was a mistake."

"Axton, don't?—"

His jaw clenches. "It's not that simple."

"It could be," I insist. "If you'd just talk to me, tell me what's really going on?—"

"Drop it, Mel," he snaps. "We have work to do. The bunkhouse isn't going to demolish itself."

I stare at him dumbfounded. How can he act like nothing happened? Like he didn't just kiss me senseless?

"Is that all you have to say?" I ask, my voice trembling. "After everything?"

Axton's eyes soften for a moment, but his voice remains firm. "It's all I can say right now."

I take a deep breath, steeling myself for one last attempt. "I deserve more than silence and shadows, Axton," I say quietly. "If this means anything to you, I need to know. Because I can't keep doing this dance. It's tearing me apart."

The vulnerability in my voice seems to catch him off guard. For a long moment, he just looks at me, his expression unreadable. Then, finally, he speaks.

"You deserve better than what I can give you."

"What does that mean?" He turns and walks away. "Ax! What does that mean?"

I watch him walk away, my lips still tingling from his kisses. My heart feels like it's being torn in two—part of it following him, part of it lying shattered at my feet.

"You're a fucking coward!" I yell at his retreating back.

Axton stops, and for a second, I think he'll turn around. I think he'll return and finish what he started, but then he walks again. This time with haste.

A bone-deep ache permeates my body, which I'm starting to think will never go away.

I touch my swollen lips, still feeling the ghost of his kisses. For a moment, I'd thought... but no. Axton O'Connor is determined to keep his walls up, even if it kills us both.

The worst part? I know I'll let him do it all over again. Because any piece of him, even these stolen moments, is better than nothing at all.

I straighten my clothes, trying to pull myself together. We have work to do, after all. A bunkhouse to demolish, a gift to build.

But as I watch Axton bark orders at his crew, his voice steady despite what just happened between us, I can't help but wonder if we're demolishing more than just this old building.

Maybe we're demolishing any chance we ever had at happiness, too.

I exit the bunkhouse, and the full weight of what just happened crashes over me. I sink to my knees, not caring about the cold, hard ground beneath me.

The locket dangles from my fingers, catching the weak winter sunlight. I stare at it, tears blurring my vision. It was supposed to be a sign, a glimmer of hope that Axton was finally ready to open up.

Instead, it feels like the final nail in the coffin of whatever we might have been.

I don't know how long I sit, lost in a swirl of memories and what-ifs. The sound of approaching footsteps finally pulls me back to reality.

"Mel?" Kenzie's concerned voice breaks through my haze. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing!"

I look up, blinking away tears. Kenzie's face softens as she takes in my state.

"Oh, honey," she says, crouching down beside me. "What happened?"

I open my mouth to explain, but a sob escapes instead. Kenzie wraps her arms around me, pulling me close.

"It's okay," she murmurs. "I've got you."

As I cry into her shoulder, I can't help but wonder if this is it. If I've finally reached the point where I have to let go of Axton for good.

The thought sends a fresh wave of pain through me, but I feel a tiny spark of acceptance underneath it.

Because I deserve better than this.

Better than stolen moments and half-truths. Better than a man who can't or won't fight for what we could have.

I pull back, wiping my eyes. "I'm okay," I tell Kenzie, managing a wobbly smile. "Or I will be, anyway."

She studies me for a moment, then nods. "I have a question."

I sniffle. "Okay."

"Who do I need to cut the fuck up?"

I stare at her and die laughing. "Girl, who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?"

Kenzie laughs, wrapping a quilt around my shoulders. "Your friend is right here, and you'd do the same for me."

"I know you fuckin' right."

We laugh. "Come on," she says, helping me to my feet. "Let's get you inside and warmed up. Then you can tell me everything."

As we walk towards the farmhouse, I slip the locket into my pocket. It's weight is a reminder of what could have been, but also of what I need to leave behind.

Axton made his choice. Now it's time for me to make mine.

Inside, Kenzie bustles around the kitchen, fixing hot chocolate and pulling out a plate of Mamma's famous snickerdoodles. I sink into a chair at the table, grateful for the warmth and comfort of home.

"Alright," Kenzie says, setting a steaming mug in front of me. "Spill."

I take a deep breath, wrapping my hands around the mug. "It was Axton," I say quietly. "He's been leaving me the Secret Santa gifts."

Kenzie's eyebrows shoot up. "Are you sure?"

I nod, pulling out the locket. "This was the latest one. It has to be him, Kenz. No one else would know..."

I trail off, remembering the day Axton gave me a sprig of lavender, telling me it reminded him of me. Sweet, but with a hidden strength. The memory brings a fresh ache to my chest.

"So what happened?" Kenzie prompts gently.

I take a sip of hot chocolate, letting the rich warmth soothe me before diving into the story. I tell her everything – the confrontation, the kiss, Axton's retreat.

"And then he just... walked away," I finish, my voice barely above a whisper. "Like none of it mattered."

Kenzie reaches across the table, squeezing my hand. "Oh, Mel. I'm so sorry."

I give her a wan smile. "I guess I should be used to it by now, huh? Axton O'Connor, master of mixed signals and emotional unavailability."

"Hey," Kenzie says firmly. "Don't do that. Don't diminish what you're feeling. You have every right to be hurt and angry."

I nod, blinking back fresh tears. "I just don't understand, Kenz. If he cares enough to leave these gifts, to kiss me like that... why can't he just talk to me? Why does he keep pushing me away?"

Kenzie sighs, her expression thoughtful. "I don't know, honey. But from what Everett's told me about Axton's past... I think he's carrying around a lot of pain. Pain he doesn't know how to deal with."

"That doesn't give him the right to jerk me around," I say, a hint of anger creeping into my voice.

"No, it doesn't," Kenzie agrees. "But it might explain why he's so afraid of letting anyone in. Even you."

I consider her words, turning the locket over in my hands. "Maybe," I concede. "But I can't keep waiting for him to figure it out. I can't keep putting my life on hold for someone who won't even admit he has feelings for me."

Kenzie nods, her eyes full of understanding. "So what are you going to do?"

I take a deep breath, squaring my shoulders. "I'm going to move on," I say, surprised by the conviction in my voice. "For real this time. No more pining, no more what-ifs. Axton's made his choice. Now I need to make mine."

"Are you sure?" Kenzie asks gently. "I know how much he means to you."

I nod, even as my heart aches at the thought. "I'm sure. I deserve someone who's all in, Kenz. Someone who's not afraid to love me openly and honestly. And clearly, that's not Axton."

Kenzie squeezes my hand again. "I'm proud of you, Mel. It takes a lot of strength to walk away from something you've wanted for so long."

"Thanks," I say, managing a small smile. "I just hope I can stick to it this time."

"You will," Kenzie says confidently. "And hey, maybe this is the universe's way of clearing the path for something even better. You never know who might be waiting just around the corner."

I laugh softly, shaking my head. "Always the optimist, huh?"

Kenzie grins. "Someone's gotta balance out all the brooding around here."

We fall into a comfortable silence, sipping our hot chocolate. As I stare out the window at the snow-dusted landscape, I give my sadness room to be felt and pass.

Letting go of Axton won't be easy. He's been a part of my heart for so long, I'm not sure I remember how to be without him. But I know it's necessary. For my own sanity, for my own chance at happiness.

"Hey," I say suddenly, turning back to Kenzie. "What do you think about a girls' night out? Maybe hit up that new bar in Missoula?"

Kenzie's eyes light up. "Now you're talking! I'll call Lolo and see if she can watch the twins since Everett's leaving for a business trip. We'll make a whole weekend of it!"

As Kenzie pulls out her phone, chattering excitedly about plans, I feel a weight lift from my shoulders. It's small, but it's a start.