Noaz (Van Doren #2)

11. Briar

11

brIAR

There’s a slight tremble in Noaz as they lean against me. Their grip on my shirt at my sides is super tight. I hug them securely, making sure they know they’re safe in my arms.

Noaz takes a deep breath. “I’m really relieved that we want the same thing. It felt like I’d never meet that person. I was really losing hope.”

I huff. “I understand that.” Since breaking up with my last girlfriend, who outright accused me of sleeping with Honey Bee to explain why I wouldn’t end our friendship, I’d taken a break from looking for a partner. Disappointment had turned to exhaustion and once I reached a point where I went into a relationship expecting it to end like that, which begged the question—why bother?

They nod. “You came out of nowhere,” Noaz murmurs. Their arms wrap around my waist and they hug me tightly. “My heart aches because I think… I think this is it. Here is where I’m meant to be.”

I brush my lips across their cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong because you’re saying it like a sad realization, not a happy one.”

Noaz chuckles. “Sorry.” Taking a deep breath, they step backward to look at me. “Five years ago, I submitted an application for adoption at two agencies. I keep them current and renew them every year.”

“Sounds good,” I say, smiling.

They’re chewing the inside of their lip. “Yes, well. One of them called today. There’s a woman who’s chosen me for their unborn baby.”

I’m grinning, but Noaz still looks… spooked? Is that the word? They’re definitely not as happy as I think they should be. “That’s great.”

“Yeah?”

Obviously, I’m missing something. I brush Noaz’s cheek. “I think so? I’m not sure why you’re upset.”

Noaz turns away and heads for the window. “Because it changes everything. It felt like a breath of fresh air when everything inside me agreed I wanted you. And you’re not afraid of my elephant trunk.” They glance over their shoulders with a playful smile that makes me laugh, then turn back to the window. “But this really does change everything. We were two people heading toward the same goal. The same future. And I’m so fucking excited about it. But in four months, I’ll have a baby and that really does change everything. A newborn will mean all of my attention needs to go to my baby, and… where does that leave us?”

Ah. I study Noaz’s profile for a minute. Their shoulders are tense. Their hands are clasped around the hem of their shirt.

A baby. My insides twist as I think about what that means, but honestly, I don’t see a question here. What I see is a series of events that have drastically changed .

“I don’t want to lose this,” Noaz whispers when I don’t answer.

I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around them from behind, pulling them snugly to my chest. Noaz rests their head against the side of mine. “The only thing this changes for us is our timeline.”

They inhale and hold it before twisting to look at me.

“I think we agree on the fact we’re sure about where we’re headed.” Noaz nods. “We haven’t been in a hurry because we’re sure.”

Noaz sighs. “Yes, but?—”

“So, I repeat, all this changes for us is our timeline. Instead of waiting for a baby until later in our relationship, we’re having one in four months.”

This time, when they inhale, there are tears in their eyes. “You want to do this with me?” they ask, voice a trembling whisper.

Once more, I press my forehead to theirs. “With every cell in my body, Noaz.”

They close their eyes; when I feel a teardrop fall onto my hand I hug them tighter.

“We’re going to be a family,” they whisper and finally, I hear excitement. I hear happiness.

But until they said those words, the implications of what was happening hadn’t actually registered. Yes, I knew what I was saying, and I meant every word. I mean every word. But hearing those words—we’re going to be a family—put the reality of the situation in context.

We’re going to have a baby! Together!

Chills shiver down my body. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is where I’m supposed to be in life. Like the moment you walk into a house you’re touring and you just know —this is the one . Or when your eyes meet your future partner, it feels as though the worlds align.

Everything inside me says the same thing. This is it. This is what I’ve been looking for since I was six.

“We are,” I agree, and maybe squeeze a little too tightly as I try to keep my emotions in check. I’m not sure if I want to cry or laugh hysterically.

Noaz takes a deep breath and this time, it’s to release all the tension from their body. They turn in my arms, their dark eyes looking deeply into mine. “You’re really truly sure?”

“Since I was six,” I promise. “I’ve been sure that this is exactly what I want. It’s just taken me this long to find you.”

Noaz bows their head. “I feel like I’ve walked into a fairy tale. You’re far too good to be real.”

I grin and kiss their forehead. “What do we need to do to move forward?” I know there are a lot of things we need to do, and it feels a little overwhelming. Which step is the first? Which is the most immediate, most important one? What do we prioritize?

“I need to fill out the confirmation documents,” Noaz says. “I came over here to tell you as soon as I finished the call.”

“In fear that this was ending. We’re going to have to work on that.”

Noaz looks at me, their lips quirking. “Won’t happen again. Promise.”

“Good, I would rather you not feel that way again. I’m glad you came to me to share your doubts right away instead of thinking about it for too long. But I don’t want you to doubt me at all. I don’t want you to doubt us. ”

Once again, Noaz’s eyes get glassy. They shake their head minutely. “I won’t,” they whisper. “I might have had your reaction been anything other than what it was, but I know without a doubt the stars knew what they were doing.”

I raise a brow, trying to follow along. “Not gonna lie, I’m not sure what the stars are doing, but I’m still glad I alleviated your doubts.”

Noaz laughs and closes their eyes. I take this opportunity to admire how absolutely breathtaking they are. How just looking at them like this has my heart racing.

“Let’s fill out the paperwork.”

Noaz nods. “I have to grab my computer.”

“Mine’s right here.”

I bring them to my desk and, together, we sit in the chair, Noaz on my lap between my legs. Opening the laptop and waiting for it to boot up, I press my lips against the back of Noaz’s shoulders. This is happening.

A wave of breathlessness has me holding my breath and my arms tightening around Noaz’s waist. As we sit in the quietness of my bedroom, waiting for the computer to wake up, so many thoughts flood my head. There are so many decisions to make. So many directions we could go. So many things to do. I feel like sitting here isn’t the best use of my time.

Our timeline has its first deadline. In just four months, we’re having a baby. Four. That’s not enough time to even wrap your head around it.

I watch in a kind of daze as Noaz navigates to the browser and pulls up their email. I’m only barely seeing what’s on the screen as they begin typing in .

Name: Noaz Alann Van Doren

Date of birth: November 10, 1987

Sex: Male

“It’s simpler this way,” Noaz explains as I tilt my head at that answer. “Fewer questions. Less bureaucracy. Less chance that someone’s going to find an issue with my application.”

I grit my teeth a little, but don’t question them.

Almost right away, Noaz stops. They’d gone through the rest of the personal information—Social Security, Marital Status, etc.—and stopped at Address.

“Is this the time to start talking about the big things that would normally be a year off?”

Chuckling, I nod. “Probably a good idea.”

Noaz shifts in my lap. “I have a house on the Van Doren Estate up in Sherwood Forest. Four bedrooms, five-and-a-half bathrooms. It was built with my family in mind. Do you… have somewhere you want to live?”

I shake my head. “My family is in Anaheim. I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going back in any permanent fashion. If it’s unsafe for my friends to exist there, I have no interest in being there.”

“And what about your friends?”

Oh. Yeah, that’s something to consider.

“We can buy a house down here. I think there’s even one for sale a little deeper within this cul-de-sac,” they offer.

“You don’t think…” I pause as I consider what I was going to suggest. Both houses we live in have extra bedrooms. Here, not ju st because Oakley moved out, but we’ve always had one downstairs across from Levis’ bedroom. And across the street, the house is a monstrosity.

However, both homes are filled with people. I wonder how that’ll look on an application. Or during an inspection. Do adoption agencies have inspections?

“Put your house down for the address,” I say. “Legally, it makes sense right now. I agree we need to talk about it further and see what we think, but for this purpose, I think that one is fine. It’s what you used initially, right?”

“Yes,” Noaz says as they begin typing the address. “I like that we don’t have to change it. I think the less I have to change, the easier it’ll be for final approval.”

But the very next section has Noaz pausing again. Partner. The cursor hovers over ‘name.’ “Do you want to…?”

“Yes.”

Noaz sighs, relaxing into me. I give them the information to fill out and use their address so it reflects that we will be living together by then, but then they pause again. “I wonder if the marital status matters. Like, does it look more secure if we’re married? A more stable household?”

I don’t have an answer for this. “Is there someone you can ask?”

After chewing on their lip for a minute, Noaz shifts in my lap until they can pull out their phone. They dial and put it on speaker.

“This is Vanessa,” the voice answers.

“Hello, Vanessa. This is Noaz Van Doren again.”

“Hello, Mr. Van Doren. Everything okay?”

“Yes. Sorry. I’m filling out the paperwork and I have a question. ”

“Sure.”

“Everything has stayed the same except my relationship status.”

“Unless you’re in a long-term committed relationship, that’s unnecessary to disclose,” Vanessa says.

Noaz nods. “Right. We are in one.”

“Wonderful. You can definitely add your partner.”

“My question isn’t just about whether to add him to my paperwork, but whether it looks better if we’re married or not.”

“A married couple adoption will almost always be more favorable. Financial stability. A secure household with two parents. But it’s not completely necessary, especially in this situation where a woman has already chosen you.”

Noaz nods slightly. “I want my partner on my application. We’re…” Noaz glances at me, confused about how to express what we already know without it sounding like we’re jumping into the deep end without a float.

I know what the world would think. Likely the same thing this agency would think.

“We’re getting married,” I say.

Noaz inhales, lips parting. Eyes wide as they look at me. A smile fighting to spread.

“Congratulations. Will your wedding happen before the birth?”

“Yes,” I say before Noaz can answer.

“How soon? That will determine how you fill out the application.”

Fuck. Uh… “Three weeks? ”

Noaz looks like they’re going to fall over. I mouth the word ‘ breathe ,’ so they suck in a breath.

“Okay, in that case, go ahead and mark your marital status as married. I’ll make a note in your records.”

When Noaz still can’t speak, I answer. “Will do. Thank you for the guidance.”

“Absolutely. Any other questions?”

Noaz still doesn’t answer, so I say, “That’s all for now. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. We’ll talk again soon.”

The phone call ends, and Noaz is still staring at me with glassy eyes. “Is that okay?” I ask.

“You… really?”

“Again, all we’re doing is moving up the timeline,” I murmur, pressing my lips to their cheek, tangling my fingers in their hair. “When I realized you weren’t who I thought you were, I was already imagining you as my spouse.”

“Where did you even come from?” Noaz whispers. Then they pick their head up. “Wait. Who did you think I was?”

“Jalon’s girlfriend.”

Noaz’s eyes get wide. They burst out laughing. “Ohmygod.”

My door opens and Honey Bee says, “Hey, so we’re talking about dinner and—oh! Jeezus, please tell me you’re not like…”

I twist the chair to look at her. Honey Bee’s face is pink and her hand is over her eyes. I shake my head. “We’re fully dressed, Honey Bee.”

Her fingers spread as she peeks at me. “I should have knocked. ”

“You should have, but since I’m low-key breaking our house rules right now, I’m going to let it slide that you didn’t.”

She drops her hand with a grin. “Sure. You staying for dinner, Noaz?”

Noaz glances at me, shrugging.

“Yes,” I answer.

“Okay, cool. We’re talking about Vietnamese food. Any objections?”

We shake our heads.

“Cool.” Honey Bee spins to leave, but pauses and turns to look at us with narrowed eyes. “What’re you two doing? You have a very suspicious expression.”

I don’t look at Noaz because that’ll only add to the suspicion. Before I can answer, Noaz blurts, “We’re getting married.”

Honey Bee’s eyes widen and her jaw drops.

I laugh as Noaz winces. “Sorry,” they mutter, pressing their face into my neck.

“You’re—Seriously?”

“Yes. In three weeks. Want to start planning a wedding?”

After another moment of staring at me in shock, she breaks out into a beaming grin. “Fuck, yeah, I do. What colors? Theme? Budget?”

“Uh…” Noaz says.

“Let’s start with something simple. Invitations. Three weeks from Saturday.”

“Yes! Where?”

Where? Good question .

“Van Doren Estate,” Noaz answers.

“Okay. Okay, good.” She gives a little screech as she practically flings herself across the room and wraps her arms tightly around our necks before slapping a kiss on my cheek. “I’m so fucking excited. It’s going to be beautiful. I’ll have invite options for you this evening!”

Then she’s out the door, shutting it behind her.

“Did you want to plan our wedding?” I ask, still staring at the door.

Noaz shrugs. “Under different circumstances, I might have, but I think taking that off our plates while we plan for a baby is a much better idea.”

“About that. We should tell them—your family and my friends so they don’t first hear about it when they receive Honey Bee’s invitation.”

They snort. “While I think that would be comical, I agree.”

“Also…” I pause to think about it for just a second. “I think we should move to your house.”

Noaz twists more fully in my lap. “Yeah?”

I nod, slipping their hair back behind their ear. “I’m heavily relying on gut feelings and it just feels like the right decision. When we head up for our wedding, we can stay there and get our baby’s room ready. Get the house ready. It also means taking a lot of big things off our plate and we can focus on the most important.”

The way they look at me has my heart fluttering. “You’re right,” Noaz says quietly, “we need to talk to them all. Maybe tonight after dinner?”

“Let’s do that. ”

For a few minutes, we remain stationary, cuddled together in my desk chair while I hold Noaz tightly to me. Their hands grip me almost desperately, as if they’re afraid if they let go, this will all slip away. It makes me hold on a little tighter because I’m not going anywhere. Ever.