Noaz (Van Doren #2)

10. Noaz

10

NOAZ

I’ve been smiling like a clown for days. So many days. We haven’t had sex yet. Hell, we still haven’t officially moved beyond kissing. Not even the night in the desert under the stars while we kissed naked and pressed against each other.

Despite that, I’m feeling much more confident in what we’re doing and feel like I can trust Briar at his word now. Not that I didn’t think I could before, but I’ve gone through a lot of men who earnestly say one thing and it changes as soon as we’re naked.

Even better, it feels as though we’re moving toward the same goal. The same future. There’s something deeper and more intimate about our relationship now, which I find as amusing as I do mesmerizing since we haven’t actually been intimate yet. It’s like our lives finally lined up, and we’re not moving parallel, but we’re on the exact same path. Our footsteps are synced.

We talked about what we want in the future. As corny as it sounds, we’re even reading the same book. From the same page. The same word. Our wants and needs and hopes and all that jazz are the same. Or at least variations of the same thing.

It feels far too good to be true. I keep wondering if maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe Matteo Smith magicked himself out of the chair and shot me and I’m lying delirious on the cold concrete floor as my blood seeps out of my body, carrying with it all the pieces of my future I’ll never have.

Before Briar came into my life, I think I was at the point where I thought this was never going to happen for me. It’s hard to go so long with so many disappointments and still believe the dream you wish for with all your soul will ever come true.

I hadn’t admitted that to myself. Not in a conscious way, but the thought was always there, whispering in the back of my head. Too quiet to hear, but I already knew what it was saying.

Now it feels like my heart won’t stop trying to beat its way out of my chest. I’m borderline having palpitations just thinking about Briar. He’s the prince from every fairy tale. It’s like I plucked him right out of a dream.

We’re not jumping the gun or anything. We’re still taking our time and getting to know each other. Enjoying these first days of our relationship without rushing them.

Though we haven’t had the conversation outright, I don’t think we’re just dating anymore. It feels far bigger than that. There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re together.

The door behind me opens, and I turn. I was wandering the house aimlessly this morning and found myself in the dining room Jalon uses for a conference room. It overlooks the backyard, and I’d been staring out the window.

Jalon gives me a smile as he steps inside and shuts the door. “Everything okay?”

Nodding, I can feel the smile on my face. Too big. Too giddy. Are my feet even on the ground right now ?

He chuckles. “Glad you’re in here. Oxley fell off the grid after an interception. Arath thought he took care of it, but Kairo is being Kairo.”

My shoulders fall. Fucking Kairo.

I pull out a chair as Jalon sits. He holds up a remote to turn on the big screen hanging from the wall. Honestly, he’s done a good job of making this room into a working space big enough for the whole family.

Behind me, shades lower, closing off the windows and eliminating the glare from the sun. They’re not fully down yet when the ringing of an incoming call comes.

Jalon taps a button on the remote, and Arath’s face appears on the screen. He’s larger-than-life right now, which suits him. I’ve always thought he was the most like Jalon. There’s just something refined about him.

He’s in his own conference room, though it’s empty right now. He’s dressed much like Jalon in a rich-man suit that’s supposed to look everyday casual. They’ve both missed the mark. They look like rich men.

“Hey, No No,” Arath says. “Enjoying your break?”

I nod and though I try to keep my smile contained, I fail miserably.

Arath grins. “Good.”

“How’s your hostage?” I ask.

His smile turns sly. “He’s fine. A little frustrated that he’s a target without cause. The sweet, innocent soul isn’t privy to the ugly world.”

“As he shouldn’t be,” I say with a sigh. “I like how we protect people from that as much as we can. There needs to be more of us.”

Arath hums.

“So?”

“They orchestrated an interception a few days ago. Shots were fired. When the dust cleared and Oxley’s crew cleaned up, Oxley had vanished. Nori called me when he didn’t check in later. I called Oxley. He apparently witnessed a man being shot and instead of taking him to the hospital, he took him home. He’s been watching over him since and has decided to take a break.”

“Huh,” I say.

Arath nods. “Yes. Strange set of events, but here we are. However, I made the mistake of asking Kairo to check in on Oxley’s squad a few times over the next couple weeks and to leave Oxley alone.”

Jalon shakes his head as I sigh.

“Yes. I made a mistake there. He wasted no time calling Oxley and giving him hell. I told Oxley to block his number for now and I’ve already spoken to his girl, Nori—the one he relies on the most. I’ve held off speaking to Kairo, though.”

“Let’s go, then,” I say and sit back in my seat. “Let the fireworks fly.”

Jalon gives the most unkempt response he’s ever dignified himself giving and only ever with me and Arath. He scowls, a low growl emanating from him. I try very hard not to grin.

Jalon dials. Kairo answers within three rings, his face coming up on the screen. There’s constant static background noise and Kairo is dripping wet with suds all over his head .

“What’re you doing?” Jalon asks.

“Taking a shower,” Kairo says as if it’s obvious. It is, actually. I can see the tile of his shower behind him.

“Why did you answer then?”

“Because you get pissy when I let you go to voicemail.”

“Five minutes, Kairo. Call me back.” Jalon doesn’t wait for an answer as he hangs up.

“To be fair, he’s not wrong,” I point out. “You do get pissy when we don’t answer.”

Jalon gives me a wan expression.

Since we were kids, Kairo has always had a chip on his shoulder. He’s been an absolute dick for as long as I can remember. Most of the time, he takes it out on Oxley. Oxley’s an easy target for him. Something that drives us all crazy.

I won’t pretend I’m a saint and have infinite patience with Oxley as Arath does. But I’m not a dick for the sake of being a dick, either.

We sit in silence while we wait for Kairo to call back. I can hear the quiet clacking of a keyboard as Arath types while we wait.

Exactly five minutes have passed when Kairo returns the call. He’s still dripping and shirtless, but he’s no longer in the bathroom.

He doesn’t greet us, just waits expectantly.

“I told you to leave Oxley alone,” Arath says. “Why did you call him?”

“To make sure he was all right,” Kairo deadpans. He doesn’t even try to actually lie to us .

“Kairo,” Jalon warns.

Kairo rolls his eyes. “He insisted on taking Anaheim and then vanished. What the fuck is that? Yes, I wanted to know what happened, why I needed to pick up his slack.”

“I didn’t ask you to pick up his slack. All I asked you to do was support his squad if they needed anything. I specifically told you to leave Oxley alone,” Arath says.

“He’s my brother. Why can’t I check up on him?”

“Because you’re a fucking asshole,” I answer. “You care about nothing and no one besides yourself. You get off on trying to make Oxley feel like shit. You’re a fucking scum piece of shit in this fami?—”

“Enough, Noaz,” Jalon says, his voice quiet but sharp.

I close my mouth and stare into the screen at Kairo as he scowls at me. The thing about our brother is he specifically says things to hurt people when he’s angry. I can see it on the tip of his tongue. He wants to. If Jalon and Arath weren’t on the call, he would.

To me, it’s my gender. He hates how I don’t conform. He despises the fact that the rest of our family is so supportive.

However, he has also only made one truly derogatory comment to me in my thirty-four years. And I knocked his teeth out for it. Literally. Didn’t even break a sweat, and dearest big brother Kairo had to have dental surgery.

He’s since shut up to my face.

“Do not call Oxley again,” Jalon warns, leaving no room for argument. “You’re on my last nerve, Kairo. You’ve worn your welcome thin. We’re about done putting up with you and your high horse attitude. ”

“You can’t cut me out?—”

“I now hold 100% control of Van Doren Enterprises, Kairo. Once I hit my fiftieth birthday. You know that. So yes, I can. And I fucking will. Don’t push me. Be a decent human being or you’re on your own.”

There’s a look of disbelief on Kairo’s face and I know he wants to argue. To fight. Instead, he sits in silence as he stares, a mixture of angry emotions streaming over his face like we’re watching a movie. Jalon disconnects his line.

I stare at my brother for a second. This man is fifty. He looks thirty at most.

“I hope I age as gracefully as you,” Arath says, obviously thinking the same thing I am. “It better be genetics.”

Jalon huffs, the hint of a smile on his lips. “Keep an eye on him, will you?”

“Already am, bro.”

Inclining his head, Jalon disconnects Arath’s call as well. Then he levels me with a look.

“Sorry,” I say, rolling my eyes. “He just pisses me off. I would love to punch him again.”

Jalon shakes his head. “Be the bigger person, please. Dealing with one thirty-year-old tantruming is enough.”

He pats my hand and gets to his feet. He’s right, of course, but still. I should be able to throw a tantrum when I want to. Kairo can. Why can’t I?

My phone rings and I pull it out. I don’t recognize the number on my phone. There’s a moment when I brush it off, but something in my chest tells me to answer it. I’m expecting someone in New York. One of my crew. My heart stutters as I think that maybe something’s happened to Lorissa or Jeremy or my sweet, murder-hungry Tyra.

That’s what makes me answer.

“Hello?”

“Can I speak to Noaz Van Doren, please?”

I don’t recognize the voice, which does nothing to calm my nerves. “This is.”

“Good afternoon, Noaz. My name is Vanessa Mariano. I’m a caseworker at All For Love Adoption Agency.”

Now my heart nearly stops. Fuck. Did I forget to update my application? Shit.

“Hi,” I repeat. “Did I miss the deadline to renew?”

“Oh no. Everything’s fine. I am calling with some good news.”

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. I’m feeling lightheaded, so I drop back into the chair.

“There’s a woman who has chosen you for her unborn child. If you’re still interested in pursuing adoption, I can send you some information and the paperwork to proceed.”

Oh, my god! “Yes!” I say and abruptly lean forward. “Absolutely. I’m definitely interested.”

“That’s wonderful news. Gestation is currently five months as of tomorrow. Due date is October 22. I’ll send over information about the pregnancy and the paperwork to secure your child.”

I can barely hear her as blood whooshes in my ear. “Okay. Thank you.”

Vanessa reads out my email address, asking me to confirm it, and I do. “Do you have any questions for me right now? ”

I shake my head. “Umm… no?”

There’s a smile in her voice when she says, “I can imagine you’re overwhelmed with emotion right now. If you have any questions, please give me a call. My direct line will be in the email. All right?”

“Yes. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Van Doren. Congratulations on your new family.”

The call ends and I stare unseeing at the table. Oh, my god. Tears sting my eyes as so many emotions flood my chest, making it difficult to take a full breath.

My life is finally on track. I’m finally building the family I’ve always wanted. My perfect man. My child. The start of a perfect little family.

“Oh,” I say out loud as all the warmth falls like a lead balloon in my stomach. I have to talk to Briar.

While I know he’s on the same page as far as what he wants for the future, this shrinks the timeline drastically. It’s too soon. This could break our relationship before it’s even truly started.

I close my eyes, dropping my face into my hands. Fuck. I shouldn’t have wished on a star the other night. I should have just let the world catch up as it was supposed to naturally.

What if I have to choose between the two? This changes everything!

Even though I feel sick and kind of want to stop thinking about it and just hope it all falls into place naturally, I push myself to my feet and leave the dining room turned conference room. My feet lead me out of the house, across the street, to stand at Briar’s front door .

As if I’m being guided by a string, my hand rises and I knock.

I know he’s home. Briar works from home. Part of me hopes he went out for something so I can put this off. A sick feeling tells me this is going to break us. My heart hurts.

The door opens, and Briar is standing in front of me. His smile is handsome. So beautiful. It’s instant and warm when he sees me. I can feel that warmth in my toes. Especially when he cups my face and kisses my lips.

“Hello, beautiful,” he murmurs.

God, I can’t lose this!

“Hi,” I whisper. It sounds breathless.

“What’s wrong, Noaz?” Concern makes his eyebrows knit together.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Briar nods. “Okay.” He grips my hand and pulls me inside. Brek and Oakley are sitting on the couch with game controllers in their hands. Oakley smiles, but he can see the turmoil that Briar sees on my face, too.

“In private?” I say, giving Oakley an apologetic smile.

Briar nods again. “Sure. We can go upstairs.”

His fingers lace with mine, and he leads me upstairs. He usually comes to our house, or we go out, so I’ve never been this far into his house before. I crossed the street to bring him lunch earlier this week. So I’d been as far as the front room.

His bedroom is just how I imagined it. Masculine, neat, with a touch of sophistication. It could be in a design magazine for simplicity meets chic .

“What’s wrong?” Briar asks again once he’s shut the door and pulled me to his chest. “What do you need, Noaz?”

I close my eyes, resting my forehead against his, and send up one more wish to the stars I can’t see. Please don’t let this end.