Noaz (Van Doren #2)

9. Briar

9

brIAR

One of the things I miss about living by the coast is grass. I hear there’s grass in northern Arizona, but what’s in southern Arizona is just not the same thing. I miss seeing fields.

I had the idea to bring Noaz to a field, so we could watch the stars tonight. Except I couldn’t find that much grass. I’m sure it exists, but I couldn’t find it.

That’s fine, though. All I was really looking for was a wide-open space with limited light pollution. It took me a while, but I found somewhere to take Noaz.

He and the Van Dorens have lived in Arizona since Jalon took over the Van Doren Empire. I learned that from Loren. But their primary residence is in northern Arizona, in a place called the Sherwood Forest Estates. I’ve learned it’s not truly grassy up there, but there are trees. Not just cacti, but trees.

The road I take to get to the place in the desert tonight is rough, unpaved. But it is better than I thought it’d be. I won’t lie—leaving the paved road with street lights was a little unsettling. Knowing we’re moving away from civilization.

There are houses dotting the desert here and there, thinning out the further we get from Tucson. We had to drive quite a while to get out of the city, though. The urban sprawl just keeps sprawling!

Finally, I find a place that has some cactusy-looking foliage; they’re like a cross between a tree and a cactus. If they’re not Joshua Trees, they’re definitely a relative. But this place will definitely do.

It’s dusk when I park and shut the car off, the sun close to falling below the horizon. From the back seat, I pull out the cushions I brought for us. The kind that fold in different configurations to accommodate sitting or lying flat. I choose the lounge position so we can be comfortable.

There are three single-person cushions that lock together with snaps. After laying down a large blanket, I set the cushions now big enough for four people in the middle of the blanket. Next comes the cooler with snacks and beverages. Lastly, I bring out a couple blankets and pillows.

I don’t plan to spend the night, but if we doze, that’s okay.

Though I don’t let Noaz help me set up, they’re watching me with a smile. When I’m satisfied with the arrangement, I offer my hand.

Every time Noaz smiles, my heart flutters.

We slip out of our shoes at the edge of the blanket and climb onto the cushion. I have the ends propped slightly, so we’re not flat on our backs. We settle without the blankets for now. The temperature drops dramatically in the desert at night and while we’re not quite at the peak of summer yet, chances are good we won’t need to use them at all. It reached 100? today. Gross. But without humidity holding suffocating heat in the air, we might want the blanket …

The thought makes me laugh.

Noaz lays their head on my shoulder, cuddling against my side with their hand resting on my stomach, and I cover it with mine.

I’m so filled with happiness. Ending each night by going back to my own house feels like it gets more difficult every time. Noaz is just… everything I’ve wanted in life.

I kiss the crown of Noaz’s head and sigh as I stare at the stars, holding them tightly to me. “This has been the best month,” I say quietly.

Noaz sighs, nodding.

“You’re an incredible person, Noaz. I’m so happy you came into my life.”

I feel their body still. Not stiffen, exactly, but as if every little bit of animation left it. A minute passes and Noaz shifts so they can lean up on their forearm. Their expression as they look down at me is contemplative. Maybe a little… troubled?

Reaching up, I brush their hair aside, securing it behind their ear. “What’s wrong?”

Noaz takes a breath. “Okay,” they start, then stop, chewing on the inside of their lip.

When they don’t continue, I brush my thumb over their bottom lip until they stop worrying it. “Tell me.”

Noaz nods. They sit up and swing their leg over my lap, sitting on top of me and planting their hands on either side of my head as they lean over. Their hair falls around us like a curtain, shutting out the world, so it’s just the two of us.

“This is probably going to come out a little… jumbled, so please bear with me. I’m thirty-four, so I’m past the point in my life where I want to date around. I’m ready for the next chapter. For a family—a man who’s going to love me until the end of time, babies, a house. Actually, I already have the house, but that’s not the point. I’m saying I don’t want to just date to date. I don’t have time for that anymore. That’s not the life I want. I only want to date with the intention of it going somewhere. Date to get to know someone to see if we’re compatible. You’re so damn sweet, Briar, and I’ve never met anyone like you. No one has made me feel as special and accepted as you do.

“But for this whole month, all you’ve done is kiss me. Don’t get me wrong, I love how you kiss me. It makes me weak in the knees and steals my breath. I also love it when you hold me. I’ve never felt so wanted. The thing is, you’ve made zero indication you want anything beyond that. I don’t want a sexless relationship. You said you’re okay with there being a snake in my pants, but I need to know if that’s really the case because you’re so damn easy to fall for, and I’m afraid of falling and it breaking me when this doesn’t work out.”

I grip their hips and roll us. Noaz gives a startled yelp as we tumble so we’re sideways on the cushions with Noaz lying under me. A burst of laughter leaves their mouth, but I cover those pretty lips with mine and kiss them until their arms wrap around my neck. I hold them close, kissing them deeply while I try to work through all the information they just spilled.

My heart races, not because I’m overwhelmed, but because it felt like those words were coming straight from my mouth. I could have said all the same things and meant them.

Mostly.

When I pull back, I have to take a moment to catch my breath. Maybe I got a little carried away. Kisses are definitely distracting.

“I’ve known since I was six that those were exactly the same things I wanted, Noaz. Everything. I wanted a wife and kids. A happy home and a career. So many people dream of adventure and riches and whatever. But I’ve had one dream. I never imagined it would be so damn difficult to find. I’ve found myself as part of a strange generation where people aren’t ready to settle down. They don’t want a family—partially because of how expensive the world is to live in, but also because their priorities are different. Then there’s also the fact that literally everyone I’ve dated is stupidly jealous about my friendships.”

Noaz chuckles. “I bet.”

“But what you said, Noaz, I want all that. I want the same things. I’ve never dated to date and despise hookup culture. I’ve only ever asked someone out with the hope they might be the one my heart’s waited for.”

Noaz’s arms tighten around my neck, bringing my face to theirs. I lean my forehead against theirs and sigh. “I’ve been mesmerized by you from the moment I caught a glimpse of you through my window. It sounds corny and cliché, even in my own head, but all those visions of the future with my wife and family—they’re you. I haven’t been waiting for a wife. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Fuck’s sake, Briar. Why do you have to say all the right things all the time? You’re a walking, talking Hallmark movie.”

I laugh and brush my lips to theirs. “Sorry. I’ve been told that for years. Maybe I’ve missed my calling. I should totally write for television.”

Noaz laughs. “You truly should. But make it queer. There aren’t enough queer Hallmark movies.”

“Noted.”

“You’ve skipped one topic entirely.”

“What’s that?”

“My magic wand. ”

I laugh again. “You can say dick, you know. We’re both adults.”

“Yes, but it’s far more amusing when I call my dick something else. I’ve learned to live for those moments. Take humor where you can, you know?”

I do know.

However, I don’t answer for a minute. I’m lying on top of Noaz, between their legs, because that’s how we were sitting when I rolled us. There’s definitely no missing that they have a dick in this position, and I’m definitely not bothered by it.

“I wasn’t intentionally trying to make you feel that way.”

“I know,” Noaz says. “But I meant what I said. I don’t want a sexless life. It’s not the most important thing, but it’s definitely important to me.”

I brush my fingers over their cheeks. “Same. That’s how I feel about it. Generally speaking, I’ve never been in a hurry to get to sex. Like you, I’m looking for compatibility when I date. I have a goal. I was probably fifteen or sixteen when I realized how difficult meeting that goal was going to be when every single damn girl was hell-bent on making me end my close friendship with Honey Bee. All those fantasies about marrying my high school sweetheart flew out the window and I had to shift my newly discovered sex drive to the back of my mind because getting off was good and all, but it wasn’t going to help me find what I was looking for.”

“You were really looking for your future wife at fifteen?” Noaz asked, amused.

“Honey, I’ve been looking since I was six. The girls loved playing house with me because I was all about being Daddy.”

Noaz laughs .

“Being completely honest, I’ll admit maybe I’m a little… shy about it? I’m not sure if that’s the right word. Hesitant comes to mind, but it doesn’t feel quite right, either. I’ve never been with someone with a dick and maybe I’m…” I pause as I try to find the right word. “Intimidated? Mmm, I think shy fits the best. Anyway, I’m not concerned about it. I’m truly not concerned.”

“You think that’s still going to be the case when I take off my clothes and it’s very evident that I’m not built like a female?”

It would be rash to answer immediately, so I don’t. Noaz deserves the entire truth, so I try to imagine how I will feel. The only thing I can honestly say is that my heart races at the thought of being naked with them.

“And when I’m hard? What then?” Noaz asks as if they’d heard my thoughts already.

My eyes drift between us, as if I could see where I’m lying between their legs. I can’t because we’re chest to chest, flush. I close my eyes for a minute and truly try to picture it. It feels disrespectful to imagine someone naked, though.

Maybe I am a little old-fashioned.

“Want to get naked now and we can see how I feel about it?” I ask, raising an eyebrow when I meet their eyes.

Noaz grins. They push me off them and while I was joking, I’m definitely not saying no. That should be answer enough, right?

They get to their knees and pull their shirt over their head. Then their skirt comes off. I’m left looking at them in small, black panties. Elegant and beautiful. Noaz’s thumb slips between the elastic under their navel and slides to their hipbone before pushing them down sensually.

I’m riveted. I can’t look away. My gaze follows their hand as they remove the fabric, sliding it down to their knees. Then they pause, kneeling before me, bared for my eyes.

I take Noaz in. They’re truly stunning. Thin with a hint of definition here and there. They have a smattering of tattoos over their body as if they doodled on their skin. Their long dark hair hangs down over one pectoral, leaving the other shoulder bare.

And yes, definitely a dick. There’s no mistaking that.

Pushing myself up, I get to my knees in front of them and let my hand rest on their stomach. Their muscles dance under my touch as I slowly bring my hand up, over their chest, and then back down and around to their lower back to pull them close.

“You’re breathtaking, Noaz. Just as I knew you would be,” I murmur.

Noaz shivers. “But are you still convinced you’re not bothered by my dick? No, wait. I don’t like that question. I take it back.”

I grin, brushing my lips along their jaw.

“Are you aroused by my dick? I think that’s closer to the question I need answered.”

“I’m not aroused by body parts,” I admit, bringing their bare body flush to mine. “I’m aroused by a person.”

Their breath is shaky. “Jeezus, Briar,” Noaz complains. “You make it impossible for me not to turn into a puddle. But I need the truth. I need a real answer.”

Since that was a real answer, I suppose they need to see the evidence to support it.

Dropping a kiss on the side of their face, I pull away a few inches. I grip my shirt and pull it out from where it’s tucked into my jeans. I lift the hem of my shirt over my head and drop it beside us. Noaz’s eyes drop to my hands as I undo my belt, their lips parted as they watch. I can hear their quiet puffs of breath.

I push my pants to my knees, and then my underwear follows. I’m not entirely hard, but I’m definitely on my way. There’s no missing that. Just as I don’t miss Noaz’s magic wand doing the same.

“Yes,” I answer again. Noaz’s eyes snap to mine. “I’m aroused by the person. I don’t care about the shape of your body, Noaz. It’s all about you.”

I know I’ve hit on something important. The way their eyes get glassy and their face shifts into something that looks soft but pained.

“Come here,” I murmur as I reach for them.

We awkwardly close the distance between us, both of our knees trapped by our clothes. I pull them against me, bringing my mouth to theirs. As soon as our skin touches, it’s fire. So hot. So intense. Noaz groans against my mouth as I wrap my arms around them, letting a hand drop to lightly trace the curve of their ass.

“Are you convinced now?” I whisper into their mouth.

Noaz nods. “Yes.”

“Good.” With my mouth locked on theirs again, I bring us back down so they're lying prone against me. I keep their body pressed to mine, feeling the way our cocks continue to harden, pressed together, as we kiss under the watchful stars.