Not Just for Christmas

Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

W hen Erin’s good friend and neighbour, Jessie, messaged on New Year’s Eve asking her to go over to her place early to help get everything set up for the party, she accepted eagerly. A distraction was exactly what she needed. Some time with Jessie and her positive energy would no doubt perk her up.

Since it wouldn’t be a huge party, she didn’t expect there to be much preparation, so was surprised to see Alicia and Irina there when she arrived. That was great, though. It was always a fun atmosphere when the four of them hung out.

They exchanged hugs and greetings before the girls sat back down in the living room.

“What do we need to do for the party?” Erin asked, not bothering to sit. “We could get straight to the food prep and you can fill me in on your news while we work.” Over the last week, the group chat had mainly focused on her, and she was keen to get properly caught up on her friends’ lives.

“There’s no rush,” Jessie said. “We’ve got ages before anyone arrives.”

“We thought we could relax for a while and catch up.” Alicia pushed her dark curls over her shoulders .

Erin sank onto the fluffy carpet beside the coffee table. She would rather be busy, but chatting with her friends was fine, too.

“How are you feeling now?” Irina asked with a sympathetic tilt of her head.

“Let’s not talk about me,” Erin said. “I want to hear everything that you guys have been up to over Christmas.”

Her three friends wore similar concerned expressions, and she caught a nervous glance between Jessie and Alicia.

“Wait,” Erin said. “Why does this feel like some kind of intervention?”

“It’s not,” Irina said nervously.

“Well.” Jessie grimaced. “It kind of is.”

Alicia leaned onto her knees, causing her curls to fall forward again. “We’re worried about you.”

“No need,” Erin said breezily. “I’m fine.”

“So what are you going to do about the situation with Lewis?” Jessie asked.

“I’ve decided not to think about it for now. I just want to enjoy the party, then I’ll get back to my normal routines next week. After that, I’ll figure out things with Lewis.”

“You’re going to let him get away, aren’t you?” Irina asked sadly.

“To be honest, it was probably just a Christmas fling. Which was great, but we have completely different lives and I’m not sure how a relationship between us would work.”

They all stared at her for a moment, then exchanged glances as though silently deciding who would be the one to say what they were thinking.

“It just seems pretty obvious,” Alicia said, wincing slightly. “You like each other. So you should date each other and see how things progress from there.”

“Yes.” She agreed in theory. “But what happens after that? Because I know there’s no way he’s going to move to London. He has a business and his family and he has a beautiful house. He won’t give all that up.”

“You don’t know that,” Jessie said. “Also, that’s not the only option, is it? If things did work out.”

“Of course it’s not.” She wasn’t an idiot. “If things work out, then of course the obvious solution will be for me to uproot my whole life and live with him.”

“You say that as though it’s a really terrible notion,” Jessie said. “Could you not imagine moving if things worked out between you? I always thought the Cotswolds were an idyllic place to live.”

An image flashed into her head of cosy evenings by the fire in Lewis’s cottage, and winter mornings in thick wool socks on his cold kitchen tiles.

Yes, she could imagine it, and of course it wasn’t terrible.

“I can’t do it again,” she said, a lump lodging in her throat and making it difficult to speak. “I can’t change my life for someone and hope they don’t decide to pull the rug out from under me. I can’t make my whole life revolve around a guy and hope that I don’t get hurt.”

There was a sympathetic pause before Alicia spoke. “We completely understand that you’re scared of getting hurt again, but this situation is nothing like when you were with your ex.”

“Isn’t it?” She swiped the tears from her cheeks. “Because I thought everything was great then, until it suddenly wasn’t.”

“Because you were young,” Jessie said gently, “with no life experience, and nothing to compare your relationship to. From what you’ve told us, it sounds as though you just went along with whatever he wanted because you were so besotted with him.”

“You won’t end up in that situation again,” Alicia said. “Because you’re a different person now. You won’t blindly make decisions based on some obsession that you’ve convinced yourself is love. You’ve got really good at making the right decisions for yourself, but that doesn’t mean you always have to be alone. If you want to be in a relationship, and that relationship feels right, trust your instincts.”

“And no one is saying you have to make any big decisions right away,” Irina continued. “But if spending time with Lewis makes you happy, then spend more time with him. Have a long-distance relationship for a while until you figure out if you want more than that.”

Tears spilled down Erin’s cheeks and Jessie slipped down to the floor to put an arm around her.

“I know that you’re right,” Erin said. “It just feels very scary. But like I told you, I’m not giving up on him entirely – he said he’ll visit me, so I’ll wait and see how things go. For now, can we focus on the party, or talk about you guys or something? You’re depressing me.”

“I don’t think it’s the conversation that’s depressing you,” Jessie said. “I think it’s the fact that you’re here when you’d rather be with Lewis.”

Irina wiggled in her seat. “Can I give her the present now?” she asked, a spark of excitement lighting her eyes.

“What present?” Erin asked suspiciously.

“You sounded so down on the phone yesterday.” Irina handed over a plain white envelope. “So we got you something to cheer you up.”

Erin guessed what it was before she pulled the train ticket from the envelope.

“You can be with him in a couple of hours,” Jessie said, her hand resting between Erin’s shoulder blades. “Pack a few things, jump in a taxi and you can be at his place in no time. See the new year in with him.”

“Thank you.” Erin sighed as she stared at the ticket in her hand. “That’s really kind, but I’m just not sure…”

“Oh, come on,” Alicia complained with a pout. “If you won’t go after him for yourself, please go after him for us. This time next year I would like to be hanging out in your millionaire boyfriend's hotel, having the time of my life, instead of spending the evening in Jessie’s tiny apartment where I have to prepare food and put up decorations myself. No offence, Jessie.”

“None taken, but why are you making out that you’re the only one who’s going to put any effort into the food and the decorations?”

“Because I know you two. You’ll start on the wine and stand around chatting while you watch me do all the work.”

“But you’re so good at it,” Irina said. “And you only get annoyed with us for doing everything wrong.”

They exchanged smiles and Erin couldn’t help but chuckle at the familiar banter.

“Go on,” Jessie said. “Go and see Lewis and stop pretending you don’t want to.”

She did want to see him, and with the train ticket in her hand all she could think of was the look on his face when she walked into the hotel. That and the idea that she could end this year with him, and wake up to start the new year with him.

And if she was honest with herself, starting the year with him was exactly what she wanted to do.