One Big Happy Family

Chapter 16

16

Blair escaped as soon as dinner was finished. She probably should have stayed to help with the cleanup, but she’d needed time by herself to deal with what Julie had said at dinner. It was a living, breathing nightmare, and she didn’t know what to do about it. Talking about her being or not being pregnant was bad enough, but the rest of it had been so humiliating. Diarrhea and breasts? Why had Julie gone there?

Nick walked in and crossed to where she sat on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sitting next to her. “I don’t know why she said all that.”

“I don’t, either.” Blair shifted so she was facing him and ignored the ominous gurgling and pain in her gut. “It was horrible. Yes, I didn’t want cheese. My IBS is unhappy and the cheese wasn’t appealing, but it’s a huge leap from me not eating Brie to being pregnant.”

His gaze was steady. “You’re not, right?”

“No!” She stood and walked to the far end of the room. “Nick, I’m not. Believe me, you’d be the first to know. There’s absolutely no reason for her to think I am. It was just cheese!”

He walked over to stand in front of her. “Because it would be kind of great if you were.”

“I’m not.”

He pulled her close. “This has been a sucky vacation. We should have gone to Hawaii.”

She hung on to him. “You don’t mean that.”

He drew back. “Yeah, I do. You’ve had to hang out with your mom and that hasn’t been easy. I nearly killed mine. The whole point of this was to spend time with family and deal with my dad, but with everything going on, I’ve barely thought about him, which makes me a bad son.”

“You’re not.”

He touched her face. “You don’t get to say.”

“I know things. You’re a good, good man and he’d be proud of you.”

“He’d be happy I was leaving the tow business. My point is this isn’t the good time we were hoping for. Like I said, we should have gone to Hawaii like we planned.”

“But we didn’t.” She put her hands on his solid chest. “We should learn from these lessons so we don’t have to repeat them. No more keeping secrets from the people in our lives.”

“I agree. It was a dumb move on my part. If I’d told my mom like you wanted me to, she wouldn’t have a broken arm.”

“She’s going to make a full recovery. I hope you can let the guilt go.”

“I will, but not for a while.” He kissed her, then groaned. “Jeez, poor Dana. That whole thing about Jared went badly.”

Blair held in a wince. “It did. Axel knows it was all a lie, and now she has to deal with that.” It almost put the pregnancy/constipation/diarrhea/breast comments in perspective.

“You all right?” he asked.

“Like you, I will be.”

“For what it’s worth, my mom is going to feel really bad when she figures out what she did.”

“Julie feeling bad isn’t anything I want. She said it, I was uncomfortable and I’ll get over it.” She looked at him. “I know she didn’t mean to embarrass me. That’s not who she is.”

“We need to keep her away from drugs.”

“Apparently!”

He kissed her again. “We’re going to watch an action movie downstairs. Want to come?”

“No. I’ll stay here.” She pressed a hand to her stomach. “I want to stay near a bathroom for the next hour or so. You know how I react to stress.”

“Okay. I’ll be up when the movie’s over.”

After he left she tried to get comfortable on the bed, but she couldn’t escape her swirling thoughts. Telling herself her mother-in-law had been the painkiller form of drunk didn’t make her comment go away. Pregnant! Why had Julie gone there? It was a pretty big leap and had come out of nowhere. Now everyone was going to be watching her and speculating—if not about her being pregnant, then about whether or not she was constipated. The last thing she wanted was to talk about her IBS more than necessary.

There was a soft knock on the door. Blair briefly hoped it wasn’t Julie coming to apologize.

“Yes?”

The door opened and her mother stepped in. Gwen gave her a tentative smile. “Nick’s downstairs, so I knew I wouldn’t be interrupting the two of you. I wanted to see how you were feeling.”

Under normal circumstances, Gwen was the last person Blair wanted to see, but oddly enough, she didn’t mind having her mother here.

“I’m okay,” she said, sitting up. “As much as I can be.”

Gwen carefully closed the door behind her, then sat in the chair by the window. “That was quite the announcement at dinner.”

“I’m not pregnant.”

Her mother surprised her by smiling. “I think we all know that. The look on your face was about being shocked, not being discovered. I can’t imagine what she was thinking. You often have to change what you eat because of the IBS. Julie should be used to that. It must be the painkillers. She doesn’t seem to have any tolerance at all.”

“I guess not.” Blair picked at the comforter. “Plus, my stomach’s been off lately and she knows that. I’m guessing somehow the thoughts got a little twisted in her brain.”

“Not to get too personal, but what are you doing for birth control? I know you can’t be on the Pill.”

Gwen was right—it interfered with her other medications. Or rather they interfered with it.

“Right now we’re mostly using condoms. We tried an IUD, but it made me bleed too much.”

Her mother’s expression was carefully neutral. “Blair, I’m not interfering, I’m just asking. What does the word mostly mean in the context of using condoms?”

Blair felt uncomfortable with the conversation. Yes, they were both adults, but this was her mother and they were talking about sex.

“I, um, know we have to use them consistently, and we do. I know they’re not foolproof, but they’ve been successful for us.”

“I’m glad they’re working out.”

“Me, too. And, well, the week after my period, we get a break from them.”

Her mother stared at her. “Excuse me? What kind of break?”

“You can’t get pregnant right after your period, so we take advantage of that.”

Gwen’s eyes widened as her mouth dropped open. “You don’t use birth control for a week?”

“Just after my period. I keep track.”

“Your body doesn’t work that way. You can ovulate during your period and drop an egg right after. Darling, your father and I wanted children very much, but we were going to wait another year. I went off the Pill and we used an almost identical method. And you’re the result. There’s no week off. Besides, you were never very regular with your periods. Has that changed?”

“What? No.” Her head spun with the information. Was her mother right? Could she ovulate during her period or right after? She thought it was two weeks later. Were they really taking a chance?

“I’m not pregnant,” she said, more to herself than her mother. “I can’t be.”

“I’m sure you’re not. You didn’t eat cheese, Blair. That’s hardly a sign.” She paused. “Although you have been tired. Julie’s comments aside, are you noticing any changes in your body? Do some smells bother you?”

Blair thought about how she’d had to leave the kitchen a few times because whatever was cooking made her nauseous.

“Nothing comes to mind,” she lied. Pregnant? No. She couldn’t be. It wasn’t the right time. There was too much going on.

Her mother surprised her by smiling.

“What?” Blair demanded.

“I’m just thinking of the future. I look forward to saying my baby is having a baby. I love the idea of grandchildren.” Her smile faded. “I know I don’t deserve that. But it would be nice. A chance to start over and begin to earn your trust again.”

Not anything Blair wanted to think about. This nicer version of her mother was almost more difficult to deal with than the one she was used to. At least old Gwen was predictable. “We should change the subject. I’m not pregnant.”

“When was your last period?”

“I have no idea.”

Which also wasn’t true. Blair had an app on her phone. Without looking at it, she would say her best guess was about six weeks ago. But that was often the case with her.

Her mother leaned toward her. “I’m not pushing. I’m offering. I could go into town tomorrow and get a pregnancy test. It would be easy for me to go by myself. I doubt anyone would offer to go with me. You’d have a bit more of a problem getting away.”

Blair knew that was true. Nick would want to drive her and most likely Dana or Tiffany would join her. Maybe even Paul. There was no way for her to sneak off and buy the test.

“I’m not pregnant,” she said, for what felt like the eightieth time.

“But you’d like to be sure.”

“You can’t know that.”

Her mother watched her without speaking. Blair squirmed on the bed.

“All right, yes, I’d like to know, but not now. Not here with everyone around. It’s only a few more days until we head back to Seattle. I’ll get a test when we’re home.”

“That sounds like a good plan.”

Blair waited to see if her mother would say something to make her feel bad, but Gwen only smiled at her.

“If you change your mind, let me know. I’ll go out and get the test. Otherwise, I won’t say anything. I’m sure you’re right. It’s just your IBS acting up. Oh, what about your medications? Would you have to go off them if you were pregnant?”

“No. My doctor is really careful. It’s why my symptoms aren’t as well managed as they could be. Once we have our family, Nick will get a vasectomy so there’s no accidental pregnancy and I’ll switch to more powerful drugs that will help a lot more.”

“You have it all planned out.”

Blair touched her belly. “I hope so.”

“You do. You’re going to be a great mom.” Gwen raised a hand. “In the future, when you’re ready.” She rose and started for the door.

“I’m not like you,” Blair blurted.

Gwen turned back to face her.

“I don’t know how to be around kids. I’m not really good with them, like you are. I work with old people all day.”

Her mother smiled. “It’s not hard. You’ll figure it out. And when the time comes, you’ll have lots of support. I hope...” She pressed her lips together. “I hope by then, you and I will have started to be more connected and you’ll let me help, too.”

Yesterday, Blair would have blanched at the thought, but tonight it was a little less scary.

“Thanks, Mom. For everything.”

“Anytime.”

Dana loved the family cabin. It had always meant good times and happy memories. When she’d been old enough for sleepovers, she’d often brought friends with her in the summer. She’d learned to ski and snowboard up here, she’d had her first real kiss the summer she’d turned fifteen. Then her dad had caught her and eighteen-year-old Thomas and he’d banished the kid from sight and threatened to go to his parents if he ever came back.

She loved the traditions, the quirks, such as sound carrying from floor to floor if you forgot to close a door. She loved the wood accents, the big kitchen, the way it felt cozy in a winter storm. But tonight of all nights she really, really wished there was a way to get from the bottom floor to the top without using the big staircase that went directly by the living room. The living room that had been turned into Axel’s space. Because going past it meant the possibility of running into him, and based on what had happened at dinner...well, if she never saw him again, it would be too soon.

Why had she thought the whole Jared/Jason fake-boyfriend thing was a good idea? Why hadn’t someone tried harder to stop her? Okay, sure, Heath had said something, but he hadn’t been talking loudly enough, and now she was stuck with the specter of the lie sitting out there for Axel to mock her.

She briefly debated hiding downstairs until she was sure he was asleep, but knew that was the coward’s way out. Better to gather what was left of her dignity and march upstairs as if she had every right to be wherever she wanted in the house. Which she did, so there!

She went up the stairs as quietly, yet confidently, as she could—an uneasy combination that nearly caused her to slip. Once she reached the main level, she quickly glanced around, then relaxed. Axel was nowhere to be seen. She took the three steps to the staircase leading up and turned, only to practically run into the man.

“Dana.”

That was it. One word, just one. Every part of her began melting. Her heart said to linger, her hormones danced. Even her brain, which should know better, pointed out he was one good-looking man and that mouth of his knew how to do magical things.

“Axel.”

She kept her voice as crisp and disinterested as she could, reminding herself to keep her chin up and her shoulders square. She was powerful and in charge. She didn’t care about this man at all.

“We need to talk.”

Her first response was to point out they, in fact, did not need to do anything together. He was here by chance, not invitation. He was nothing to her. Nada. Zip. So what conversation was there to be had?

“Please.”

Oh, if only he hadn’t said please , she thought as the last of her pathetic defenses crumbled. She thought about running for her bedroom—she doubted he was well enough to take the stairs just yet—but that wasn’t the mature response. Better to let him say what he wanted to say, pretend to listen and then run.

“Fine. We’ll talk.”

She turned and led the way to the small craft room behind the kitchen. Once they were inside, she deliberately closed the door, then faced him.

“So talk.”

He carefully lowered himself to a chair. The faint tightness in his body told her that he was in pain. No doubt he was playing the tough guy and not bothering with enough pain medication. Because that was so like him.

She found herself wanting to ask about his condition or even offer to get him something to make him more comfortable, like a pillow.

Ack! No. She wasn’t going to take care of him. He was just some guy she barely knew—at least that was the ultimate goal, because in truth, he seemed to be the man she couldn’t stop thinking about, most likely because she was still desperately in love with him. Which was probably a topic she should address first.

“I’m not in love with you,” she blurted. “I’m totally over you. Whatever we had is gone, mostly because you killed it. I’m sorry you were hurt and I hope you make a full recovery, but other than that, you have no place in my life.”

“What about Jared? Or was it Jason.”

She’d never been a particularly physical or violent person, but at that second, she found herself wanting to slap him across the face. She didn’t—it wasn’t who she was—but for a second, she imagined the sting on her palm and knew it would feel good.

“It’s unlike you to make fun of me,” she said stiffly. “But maybe I didn’t know you at all. After all, you kept telling me you loved me and wanted to be with me. That usually happened a couple of days before you ended things.”

He dropped his smile and his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

She pressed her lips together, determined not to speak.

He looked at her. “I hope you’re telling the truth. About being over me. I hope you’ve moved on. I was never the right guy for you. I kept waiting for you to figure that out, but you were determined to see the best in me.”

“So you led me on,” she snapped. “You lied about loving me?”

“That was never a lie.”

“So you meant it but you left anyway?”

She walked to the other side of the small room and turned to glare at him. “What is it? Just tell me once and for all. You’ve totally screwed up my Christmas, so let’s say you owe me. What is it? Why do you say all those things and then leave? You don’t cheat, so I don’t think you’re compelled to be with multiple women at the same time. Am I not interesting enough? Is the sex not what you want? Should I lose weight? Get a different job? When we’re together, it’s so good and you seem happy, but then you tell me it won’t work and you dump me and I just want to know why.”

Her voice rose with every word until she was shrieking at him. She consciously lowered her voice.

“Axel, if I ever mattered to you, tell me why. I deserve that.”

“You do.” His face tightened with pain. “You deserve everything good. I’m sorry. If you knew how sorry...” He turned away. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t.”

“Too bad, because you’re really good at it.”

“I’ve told you the truth and you won’t believe me. I’m not good enough.”

She sank into one of the chairs in the corner. “That crap again. I was hoping for a little honesty.”

“I am being honest. It’s the truth. I’m not in your league. Not even close. You think you know what would happen between us, but you’re wrong. One day you’d realize you made a mistake and that I was dragging you down. You hang out with professionals and smart people. I wouldn’t fit in.”

She stared at him, unable to understand what he was saying. “I hang out with my mother.”

“Not at work. Can you really see me at some party your accounting firm has?”

She looked at his gorgeous face, his thick hair and kissable mouth. He was tall, fit, broad-shouldered and walked with a confidence that straight women found irresistible.

“You’d fit in fine.”

“I wouldn’t. I’d say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. I’d embarrass you and you’d be ashamed of me. I’m not like you. I don’t have ambitions beyond what I do. I like my job and I like the business.”

“This is stupid.” She stood and crossed to the door. He grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him, then rose.

They were so close, she thought. Close enough that a single step would put her in his arms. How was it possible that even as he blew smoke up her butt, she still wanted him to hold her?

“I’m telling the truth,” he said quietly. “One day you’d wake up and realize you didn’t want to be married to a tow truck driver anymore, and you’d leave me. That’s why I walk away. I can’t do that, Dana. I can’t survive losing you. That makes me the biggest bastard on the planet, but it’s the stone-cold truth. I’m too weak to survive the inevitable. So I do it first, but because I can’t get you out of my head and my heart, I keep coming back.”

She blinked several times, trying to take it all in. She wasn’t sure what shocked her most—that he’d said the M word or that he’d admitted to a weakness.

He’d seen them married? She hadn’t been sure he’d ever imagined them lasting past the next full moon. This had to be some kind of play. Only except for leaving her, Axel had never been into games. Unless their entire relationship was a game and she was the one who didn’t know the rules.

“Let me get this straight,” she said. “You’re claiming to be in love with me and unable to forget me. In fact, you see us getting married. But you’re convinced that over time I would get tired of you and leave, which you couldn’t handle. Rather than discuss any of that, you told me you loved me, made me believe we were in a long-term relationship, then dumped me. Three times. Is that about it?”

“Yes.”

It was bullshit, she thought sadly. All of it. She didn’t know what kind of twisted mind came up with that, but whatever was going on, she really didn’t want to be part of it. She could believe a lot of things, but not that he was so in love with her, he couldn’t handle her leaving.

“I was hoping for a better story,” she said, stepping back. “I was hoping you’d tell me the truth. I should have known better. I may not be over you, Axel, but I have to say, you’re helping me get there. So thank you for that.”

She turned and walked out of the craft room, then up the stairs. Tonight she was going to cry and scream into a pillow, but tomorrow she would be a little bit more over him. Of that she was sure.