One Big Happy Family

Chapter 17

17

After dinner, Julie stood in the middle of the bathroom, tired, but not clear what to do next. The pain meds were fading, and she hurt all over. Not just where she’d fractured her arm, but down her hip and leg and across her back. The ache was deep and throbbed with every heartbeat. Generally she wasn’t a fan of drugging herself, but maybe she should rethink that philosophy. Last evening a lovely nurse had given her a shot of something amazing. Now that she was home, no such magical creature would show up to rescue her from what she thought could be a very long night.

Adding to her general discomfort was a nagging sense of...she wasn’t sure what in the back of her mind. It was as if she had to tell someone something. But somehow she couldn’t quite remember what was bothering her.

“I need a shower.”

Just being under the warm spray would make her feel better, she told herself. Once she was clean, she could crawl into bed and try to sleep. Everything would be better in the morning.

She stepped out of her slippers and undid her jeans one-handed, but her sweater was more complicated. Yes, technically, it buttoned up the front, but she couldn’t seem to work them easily, and pain jolted through her arm when she accidentally bumped it. She wanted to rip off the thick cotton, but that wasn’t going to happen when she couldn’t even undo a damned button!

She tugged and spun and nearly lost her balance, which had her reaching out to grab something stable, only she ran into the vanity instead, jamming her already bruised hip into the corner.

The instant and intense agony nearly brought her to her knees. She gasped even as her stomach gave a threatening lurch, as if warning her she’d reached her pain threshold.

“I can’t,” she whispered, tears burning. Despite the warm floor, cold started to seep into her, making her shiver. She felt sick and exhausted and fragile—all sensations she didn’t allow in her regular life. She was tougher than a few bruises and a broken arm. She had to be!

The bathroom door opened and Heath walked in. His brows drew together as he stared at her.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking a shower. Or I will be as soon as I get off this stupid sweater.”

“You can’t take a shower by yourself. You’re still in shock from the fall and probably hurting because the pain meds are wearing off. You haven’t slept, so you’re exhausted. How are you supposed to wash yourself with one hand? What if you slip?”

She glared at him. “I can do it. I’m capable. I don’t need help.”

“Too bad, because I’m not leaving.”

“I’m not interested in giving you a show. Leave me alone. I’m fine. Just let me take my shower!”

Her voice was oddly loud, and she had the feeling the tears in her eyes were more than threatening. Any second now she was going to start crying like some weak, ineffectual, useless person. She wasn’t a crier, never had been. She dusted herself off and got on with whatever needed doing. Her father had taught her that years ago, and it was a lesson she used every day.

But instead of stepping back, or better yet, leaving her to deal with the situation herself, Heath only shook his head and put his hands on his hips.

“Not happening. I’m staying here and helping you, whether you want it or not.”

“Then I’m going to scream.”

“That’ll probably bring your kids running, which will be embarrassing for them and you, but if it’s what you want, go ahead. I’m not leaving and you’re not showering alone.”

“You can’t be here,” she snapped, irritated by his stubbornness. “Go away. Go!” She used her good hand to point to the door.

Heath watched her. “What is going on with you? Why are you being so difficult? It’s just a damned shower. You’ve been injured, Julie. Why are you so pissed? I’m not the bad guy here. I just want to help.”

“Well, you can’t. I don’t need help.”

“All evidence to the contrary?” He moved toward her, stopping when he was in front of her. “You’re shaking.”

“I’m fine.”

He gently moved her to the tub surround and had her sit. “Okay, start talking. What’s this really about?”

She stared at the hem of his sweater because it was easier than looking at anything else—especially him.

“I’m independent.”

“I know that. It’s part of why I like you so much. You’re strong.”

She looked up at him. “I don’t ask for help.”

His gaze met hers. At first he seemed confused, but then his eyes widened. “Ever?”

She turned away. “It’s not my thing. I’m the one everyone comes to when they need something. I’m in charge. I know what needs to be done, and I do it.”

He crouched in front of her and lightly touched her cheek. “Hey, I get it, but come on. It’s a shower.”

“It represents the fact that I’m weak. I’m not weak. Not ever. I don’t need anyone.”

“What about when you were married to Eldon?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. I think we’re all clear that I was the strong one in that relationship.”

“Do you think you’re stronger than me?”

Even exhausted, sore and still a tiny bit dizzy, she recognized the danger of answering that question incorrectly. But she was too out of it to come up with the politically correct response and went with the truth.

“I think we’re both about the same level of strong. But I do some things better than you.”

He flashed her a smile. “Like organizing Christmas for a hundred people? Yes, you do that much better than I would.”

He started unfastening her sweater buttons.

She pushed his hands away. “I can do that myself.”

“You can,” he said easily. “But you don’t have to. You said it yourself. We’re partners. Right now you need a little extra, and I’m happy to give it. Sometime in the future, I’ll need your help with something. It’s how this works.”

Partners? She’d never said that word. She wouldn’t. “We’re not partners. We’re dating.” She paused. “I might be willing to go so far as to say you’re my boyfriend, but that’s absolutely all.”

He surprised her by chuckling. “Admit it or not, it’s true. We’re good together. And right now I’m going to take care of you because I can, and helping you makes me happy.”

He carefully removed her sling, then eased her sweater down her arm. She did her best not to react but couldn’t help the gasp of pain when the fabric slid off her swollen forearm.

She hadn’t bothered with her bra in the hospital, so all that was left were her panties. But before helping her to her feet, Heath stripped down to nothing, which was a very nice distraction from how awful she was feeling.

“The spirit is willing,” she murmured. “But I’m just not sure I can do much more than lie there.”

“We’re not having sex,” he told her. “Not until you’re feeling better.”

“Then what...?”

He drew her to her feet and pulled off her panties, then got the water going in the shower. Once the temperature was right, he guided her inside, then joined her.

“I’m going to do all the work,” he told her. “You just stand there.”

“I can do it myself,” she said stubbornly.

“I’m sure you can, but now you don’t have to.”

Heath bathed her, even carefully washing her hair and using the good conditioner. When he was done, he turned off the water and wrapped her in a thick, fluffy towel. He quickly dried off and pulled on pj bottoms, then got her into yoga pants and a loose T-shirt. Once the sling was back in place, he wrapped her in a blanket while he carefully blew out her hair.

After pulling back the covers, he got her a painkiller and a glass of water.

“Don’t argue,” he said, holding out both.

“You’re so bossy.”

“Yes, I am.”

After she took her meds, he helped her into bed. He got extra pillows so she could lie on her back and rest her arm on her chest, without it sliding off. Only then did he carefully get in beside her.

“But it’s early,” she protested, feeling her eyes start to close. “You can’t be tired.”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Oh, right. You stayed until visiting hours ended, then were back early this morning. But what about your kids?”

“They’re fine. We talked earlier. They get you need my help right now.”

He had been a help, she thought, even as her mind started to drift.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep.”

“I didn’t expect you to be so good to me. It’s nice. Weird, but nice.”

He chuckled. “I’m happy to defy expectations.”

“Even in bed. I knew you’d be good, but you’re even better than I imagined.”

“You are, too.”

She waved away the comment with her good fingers. “I don’t think I’m the one bringing the spark. Okay, sure, I’m up for nearly anything, but you’re the one with the magic.” She thought about what he’d said before.

“I’m not sure about the partner thing, though.”

“You don’t have to be. I’m sure enough for both of us. Go to sleep, Julie. I’ll be right here.”

Dana didn’t sleep much. Every time she tried to relax in bed, she started replaying the conversation she’d had with Axel in her head. She wasn’t sure which surprised her most—his casual assumption that they would get married or his belief that she would leave him because he didn’t fit in. Regardless, his actions proved he’d been making the decision for her—which had propelled her to the top of the stairs more than once in the night. Each time she’d talked herself down, knowing it wasn’t smart to try to have it out with her ex-boyfriend at two in the morning. Better to tell herself he didn’t matter and try to convince herself that he was just a fool who’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Which should have made her feel better, only it didn’t. Mostly because she had no idea if he’d been telling the truth or just playing her. Stupid man!

By five she’d given up on sleep, so got dressed and crept downstairs. It had been Blair’s turn to assemble the breakfast casserole, something she’d forgotten to do, Dana realized as she checked the contents of the refrigerator. No doubt her sister-in-law had been freaked out by Julie blurting out “You’re pregnant—are you constipated?” at the dinner table.

“Oh, Mom. You’re such a lightweight.”

And poor Blair, Dana thought, locating the recipe and then collecting ingredients. Her friend wasn’t the type of person who enjoyed being the center of attention. She was much happier sitting back and letting someone else be the star. Her low-key nature and steadfast loyalty made her perfect for Nick. When they were ready to have kids, they would both be great parents.

While she cut up day-old French bread, she allowed herself to think about having children of her own. Not with anyone in particular, because honestly, who would that be? Just generically. She imagined feeling happy and loved, touching her rapidly swelling belly.

In her mind’s eye she felt more than saw the man she loved coming up behind her and pulling her close. But the second he touched her, the vague image became incredibly specific and she had to shake off the longing. Axel was incapable of sticking around long enough for milk to expire. No way he would ever stay long enough to be a father.

She wanted kids, she thought sadly. She wanted a good guy in her life and all the normal trappings. A house, maybe a dog. Rufus was great—so one like him. She wanted a strong marriage, but how was she supposed to make any of her dreams come true when she couldn’t even figure out how to fall out of love with a man who kept breaking her heart?

She whisked together eggs and milk, then added seasonings. All that was left was the bacon.

Tiffany strolled into the kitchen. “Hi. You’re up early.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“I’m an early riser.” Tiffany looked at the various bowls and the big frying pan on the stove. “This is for the breakfast casserole?”

“It was Blair’s turn. I think she forgot.”

Tiffany winced. “I can’t say that I blame her. Poor Blair. She was so upset. And Julie was on a tear. I know it was the drugs, but still.”

“Mom doesn’t do anything by half.” Dana shook her head. “At some point she’s going to remember what she said to Blair and feel awful.”

“You gotta love how Julie never holds back. I respect that.” Tiffany glanced at the clock. “Weren’t you going out with Nick this morning? Isn’t it time? I’ll finish up here.”

“Thanks. You’re right. We’re supposed to leave now.”

As if he knew they were talking about him, Nick walked into the kitchen.

“There you are,” he said, unscrewing the top on a thermos and pouring in coffee. “You ready to go?”

Dana looked at Tiffany, who smiled. “Scoot,” she said cheerfully. “I’ll finish this and get it in the oven. We’ll be sure to save you some to heat up when you get back.”

“Thanks.”

Dana followed her brother to the front of the house. They put on coats and hats, then stepped into snow boots. Once in Nick’s truck, she took charge of the thermos.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” she said.

“Me, too.” He glanced at her as he started the engine. “The whole point of coming up here was to honor Dad. With everything happening, I feel that kind of got lost.”

“He knows we’re thinking of him. Plus, he would have loved that the cabin is jam-packed with people. Dad enjoyed a party and a crowd.”

Nick drove toward the main road. “I’m not sure what he would have made of Axel being here.”

Dana glanced at her brother, but he was staring out the front window. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about Axel.”

“But you’re okay?”

No! How could she be with Axel around? But she didn’t want to have that conversation with her brother at any time, and certainly not this morning.

“I’m doing great.”

It was still dark out, but there was a hint of light on the eastern horizon. Light snow fell from the sky. Nick turned on the radio, pushing buttons until he found one playing Christmas carols.

“Remember that Christmas Dad wanted to get you a bike?” her brother asked.

Dana smiled at the memory. “Mom said they should wait until it was my birthday, in the spring, when I could ride it. They fought about it so much, I found out.” She remembered not liking that her parents were arguing, but she’d been excited about the bike.

“Mom refused to have anything to do with the purchase,” Nick reminded her. “She said it was totally on Dad, who forgot to pay the extra money to get it put together for him. So there he was, three days before Christmas, trying to figure out how to assemble a bike.”

“I hadn’t known that part,” Dana admitted, thinking that as much as she loved her dad, she knew there was no way he could put together something as complicated as a bicycle.

“I tried to help, but I could only get so far.”

“You were what? Eleven?”

“About that.” He grinned at her. “I called Grandpa, who came over and got it together in a couple of hours.”

“How didn’t I know that?”

“I guess it never came up. Mom came out at the end and Dad admitted he’d been wrong. It was kind of sweet.”

“Dad always went for the gusto when it came to the two of us,” Dana said with a sigh. “Remember how he learned how to fly-fish because you wanted to learn?”

“He did the same with your horseback riding.”

She thought about their long trail rides, up in the mountains. Her father hadn’t enjoyed the outdoors, but he’d shown up, enduring what had to feel like endless afternoons.

“Fortunately, my horse phase only lasted that summer. You still go fly-fishing.”

“Blair finds it relaxing.”

“She’s a good woman.”

They talked about the traditions they remembered. How their father would take each of them out to breakfast every other week, making sure there was plenty of time to talk and just hang out. Her dad had been the one to encourage her to go into accounting. Julie had initially pushed for Dana to join the family business, but her dad had known she couldn’t be less interested. Her mom had come around pretty quickly as well, but her dad had been the one to tell her to explore different options.

He’d been the one she’d sat and read with on snowy afternoons up at the cabin. Her mom and Nick had been the adventurers. When she’d been a kid, her dad had been the one to stand in line with her at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book.

They pulled into an empty parking lot by the park on the meadow. Their dad’s favorite of all the places they liked to go in the warmer months.

How many picnics had they shared up here? she wondered sadly. How many times had they laughed and talked over store-bought fried chicken and sandwiches from that shop by the lodge? Her mom and Nick would eventually pull out a Frisbee or a baseball and start throwing it back and forth, but Dana had sat with her dad and talked.

They got out of the truck. Dana had to take a couple of bracing breaths to let her body get used to the cold. The snow was letting up, and the sky was lighter now as night slowly turned into day.

She and Nick walked to the edge of the meadow and looked out over the expanse of snow.

“For a city guy, he loved it up here,” Nick said.

“He loved the family time more than the nature part. But he was always there for us. Remember how he used to get up so early to take you to hockey practice?”

Ice time was limited and a team took what it could get. Sometimes that meant meeting at four in the morning.

“He was never crabby,” Nick said quietly. “He would come and wake me up without once complaining. He and Mom didn’t have a great marriage, but they were both good parents.”

“They were. Dad loved us right to the end.”

Nick unscrewed the top of the thermos and poured coffee into the cup. He passed it to her.

“He was a good man. When Blair and I have kids, I want to be just as focused, just as present for mine.”

“You will be.” She took a sip and nearly choked at the flavor. “What did you put in here?”

“Whiskey.”

“It’s not even eight in the morning.”

He looked at her. “It’s for Dad.”

She took another drink and shuddered, then handed the cup to her brother. Nick took a long swallow.

They stood facing east, watching the sky brighten. The snow stopped, and the clouds shifted just enough for them to see a sliver of blue sky. Dana’s eyes began to burn.

“I miss him,” she whispered.

Nick put his arm around her. “Me, too. I wanted him to live a whole lot longer. We need him with us.”

They did, she thought sadly. Her dad would have known what to say when Axel showed up.

“He really was a good man,” she said.

“And he was proud of us, no matter what.”

She leaned against Nick. “We miss you, Dad. And love you.”

Nick cleared his throat. “You’ll always be a part of us. Love you, Dad.”

They stood there for a few more minutes, then turned and went back to the truck. Dana thought about turning around for one last look, but she knew her father wasn’t there anymore. He’d moved on—hopefully to a happier place. But he would always be in her heart.