One Big Happy Family

Chapter 18

18

Julie stood in the entryway to the kitchen feeling crabby and out of sorts. She hurt all over, she hadn’t slept well, and as far as she could tell, Tiffany and Gwen were doing their best to mess up breakfast.

It was a casserole, along with scrambled eggs and sausage, and cut-up fruit. How hard could that be? But even as she watched, Gwen was slicing the pineapple too thick while Tiffany seemed intent on doing a thousand things that weren’t keeping an eye on the sausage.

“You might want to turn those,” she said as calmly as she could, when what she really wanted to do was shriek loudly, then grab the spatula from Tiffany and flip the meat herself.

Tiffany looked at her and smiled. “I just did. They need to brown on this side now.”

The fingers in Julie’s good hand twitched a little. “Are you sure? Did you want to check?”

Gwen looked up. “I’m sure I’m prepping the pineapple all wrong. Come tell me how to make it better.”

“You’re doing fine.” Julie managed to speak the lie without clenching her teeth. Everything about this was so annoying. She should have stayed upstairs, in her room, only Heath had been sleeping after a night of what she was sure was her being restless. The man needed his rest.

“Who made the casserole?” she asked. “Are you sure you remembered to put everything in it?”

“I don’t know.” Tiffany smiled at her, while still ignoring the damned sausage. It was sausage. It needed to be turned.

“Dana had it mostly done when I got upstairs. She said she’d done it all right, but maybe she forgot something. I guess we’ll find out.”

Gwen glanced at Tiffany. The two shared a secret smile that really bugged Julie, although she couldn’t say why. Something was going on for sure. She’d never felt so out of place in her own house.

She started to step into the kitchen, only to stop herself. First of all, a third cook always made things crowded. Second, she had a broken arm and really couldn’t do much. Third, they were handling the meal, even if they were doing it wrong.

“Oh my God, I can’t stand it,” she said loudly. “Turn the sausage. Turn it. Turn it now!”

Tiffany picked up the tongs. “Do you need to take a pain pill? You’re kind of on edge this morning.”

“Bitchy,” Gwen said calmly. “The word you’re looking for is bitchy .”

“I’m not a bitch,” Julie snapped, only to realize the force of her reply might mean she kind of was. Not that she would admit that to either of them. Oh, saying she was sorry to Tiffany was easy enough, but to Gwen? No way.

“But you are in pain,” Gwen told her. “You need to stay ahead of it. If nothing else, aren’t you supposed to be taking an anti-inflammatory?”

“Now you sound like Heath.”

Gwen smiled. “That’s a lovely thing to say. Thank you. But you didn’t answer my question about the anti-inflammatory.”

The woman was so annoying, she thought, eyeing the giant chunks of pineapple she was shoving into a bowl. The pieces were huge. Why bother cutting it at all? Why not just toss the fruit on the table and they could rip it apart like dogs?

Julie glared at her. “I have pills to take with breakfast.”

“Good. They’ll make you feel better.”

“I feel fine now. You don’t get to say how I feel.”

Tiffany and Gwen exchanged another look. What? Were they getting friendly? Julie didn’t want that, but didn’t know how to stop it.

“Madeline gets cranky when she doesn’t feel well,” Tiffany said as she once again began to ignore the sausage. “And unreasonable. Don’t take this wrong, Julie, but you’re the most together person I know. It’s kind of nice to know you’re just as flawed as the rest of us.”

“I’m so happy my broken arm brings you pleasure.”

The second the words were out of her mouth, Julie felt a wave of shame. “I’m sorry. That was horrible. I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning.”

“You didn’t sleep, you hurt all over and you’re too stubborn to take your medication.” Gwen smiled at her. “Did I miss anything?”

Julie’s instinct was to repeat “Did I miss anything?” in a mocking voice, but something told her that doing that wouldn’t give her the high ground in this discussion.

“I need to be doing something. I’m in charge here.”

Tiffany waved the tongs. “And yet you’re not. Now take your crabby self to the living room and wait until breakfast is ready.”

“I can’t go in there. Axel might be sleeping.”

“I’m not,” came the call from that direction of the house. “It would be tough to sleep through all the talking.”

Julie immediately started toward the living room. She could fight with Axel. He was fair game. Okay, sure, shot, but he was feeling better and he kept breaking Dana’s heart, so there was that.

Unfortunately, the second she saw him, she knew that he, too, was in pain. Worse, he’d been injured on the job, so whatever happened to him was her fault.

“No,” he said sharply as she sat in one of the chairs, careful not to bump her arm. “No sympathy. I’m tired of it.”

Something in his gaze warned her not to go anywhere mushy, but whether he meant that for his protection or hers, she couldn’t say.

“Who’s being sympathetic? You’re the fool who got shot.”

“Damned straight.”

She eyed his leg, but couldn’t see anything through his sweatpants. “Is it infected?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Because it’s not like you have any medical training.”

He surprised her by grinning. “That’s more like the boss I know. As for my bullet wound, the last time I looked, it was healing well.”

“But it hurts.”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She shrugged. “I say that in defense of my daughter.”

“I accept it in the way you meant it.” He nodded at her arm. “Still bad?”

“You have no idea.” She remembered the bullet. “Okay, maybe you do. I can’t believe I fell. I’m normally so aware of my surroundings.”

“Everyone slows down as they get older.”

She glared at him. “Excuse me?”

One corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re over fifty. It was bound to happen.”

“I was feeling bad for you. Thankfully that’s over.”

“Good. You’re not responsible for what happened.”

“I’m the one who sent you out there.”

His dark gaze settled on her face. “I volunteered. This kind of shit happens. I’m fine. Let’s move on.”

“I know I said this before, but I mean it. When this contract is up, we’re done doing repos. They’re too dangerous and not worth the money.”

She gently shifted her arm, trying not to wince as pain shot through her. “You heard about Nick not wanting to go into the business?”

Axel’s expression was unreadable. “Someone mentioned it. You thought he was going to take over or at least start to learn the business side of things. What happens now?”

“I don’t know. I’m not ready to sell. That would be too drastic.” But she didn’t like the idea of going it alone for the next twenty-plus years.

“You should take on a business partner.”

She snapped up her head. “Work with someone?” She thought about what had just happened in the kitchen. “I don’t seem to play well with others. Parker Towing’s been my responsibility for a long time now. Giving half of it to someone else... I can’t see how that would work.”

“You wouldn’t be giving it, you’d be selling a piece of it. Maybe you’d like not having to deal with everything that goes on in a day.”

“Maybe, but I don’t see anyone handing me an envelope full of money.” She struggled to her feet. “I have to go talk to Blair.”

Amusement darkened his eyes. “What time did you realize what you said last night?”

“Shut up,” she muttered as she made her way to the stairs. Three, she added silently. She’d awakened suddenly, filled with horror and guilt for embarrassing her daughter-in-law.

She walked down the hall and tapped on the still-closed door. Blair opened it and frowned slightly.

“Are you all right? Do you need something?”

Julie told herself to just say it. Apologizing wasn’t anything she enjoyed, but she’d been totally in the wrong. More important, she loved Blair.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I was drugged, which I mean as an explanation, not an excuse. I was so awful. Even if I really did wonder if you were pregnant, I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. Plus the other things I said. I embarrassed you and made you feel bad. I would never do that on purpose. I swear.”

Blair reached for her and gently hugged her. “It’s okay. I know you weren’t yourself.”

“Whoever I was, I don’t want to be her again. Ever!”

Blair pulled her into the bedroom and shut the door. “I’m okay. I was a little stunned last night, but I’m over it.”

Julie searched her face, wanting to be sure. “You shouldn’t forgive me so easily. I deserve to be punished. Plus, I’ve been so crabby this morning. I’m snapping at everyone. I think it’s the guilt.”

“Or the pain. Are you taking your meds?”

Julie sank into the chair by the dresser. “Why is everyone on me about what I am or am not taking?”

“So that’s a no. Julie, come on. You need to let your body heal.”

“I know. I’m taking some at breakfast, even though I don’t like taking pills. I mean, look at what happened last night.” She leaned forward. “I really do feel awful.”

“I’m fine.”

The words sounded normal enough, but there was something in Blair’s eyes.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Julie asked. “Is there something? Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine.” Blair settled on the edge of the bed. “It’s just after dinner last night, I was kind of freaked.”

“I’m sorry,” Julie began, but Blair stopped her.

“No, that’s not my point. My mom came to check on me.”

Julie didn’t know what to say to that. “Okay. Did she make it worse?”

“No, she was supportive and nice.”

Julie was careful not to say anything flippant or mean about Gwen. “Supportive is good. She’s your mom. She should be on your side. So things are better.”

Blair shook her head. “To tell the truth, I don’t know if they are. She says she regrets not having a relationship with me and I want to believe her, but there’s a voice in my head that says I should never trust her. She turned her back on me for years. I was right there, begging her to be my mom, and she didn’t listen. So what’s different now?”

Julie was torn. Part of her agreed with everything Blair was saying. Of course she should be cautious—Gwen wasn’t to be trusted. But she also knew what it was like to find out that she’d screwed up as a parent. Nick should have been able to come to her and tell her he was having second thoughts about taking over Parker Towing. But he hadn’t. Whatever the reason, he hadn’t been comfortable being honest. She was his mom—he should know he could tell her anything.

“Do you believe she has regrets?”

Blair shifted uneasily. “Sort of. She said when she came to the wedding, she felt like a guest rather than the mother of the bride.” Her gaze dropped. “She said a lot of things.”

Julie could imagine. “She was upset because you and I are tight and I was the one you turned to.”

Blair’s eyes widened. “How do you know everything?”

“I don’t, but it’s not a big leap. I was happy to help you with the wedding. You and I get along, and we don’t have the dramatic history of most mother-daughter relationships, so it was easy. If I suggested something you didn’t like, you had no trouble telling me you wanted to go in another direction.” She thought about the day and how wonderful it had been.

“You were such a beautiful bride, and everything worked out perfectly. Your mom would have noticed that, as well. Now that I think about the day from her point of view, I’m not surprised she realized what she’d been missing.”

“You’re not weirded out?”

Julie frowned. “About what?”

“My mom suddenly wanting to be in my life. You don’t see that as taking away from our relationship?”

“No. Am I supposed to?” Julie smiled at her. “Blair, you’re my daughter-in-law and nothing will ever change that. Plus, we’re friends and I trust that relationship will withstand you reconciling with your mom, assuming that’s what you want. I’ll support you either way.”

“I can’t go back, and I don’t know if I can forgive her for abandoning me all those years ago.”

“There’s no back. There’s only forward. You’re not that little girl anymore. You’re an adult who has created a wonderful life. The forgiveness is your choice. Forgiving someone is about you, not them. It doesn’t mean excusing what they did. It means letting go of the anger and need to punish—for your own sake. Do you want her in your life?”

“No.” Blair looked at her. “Is that awful?”

“You feel what you feel, but I wonder if you really mean it.”

“How can you say that?”

“If you weren’t willing to let her in a little, you wouldn’t have anything to do with her. But you brought her to Christmas.”

“She’s my mom. I couldn’t leave her by herself.”

“So she matters.”

Blair groaned. “I don’t know. Maybe. I wish I just hated her completely. Then this would be easier.”

“Yes, but you’d be a smaller person. The real problem is she’s your mom. However badly she’s treated you in the past, she’ll always be your mom. One day you’ll be a mother yourself and understand all the complications that come with that. You need to think about what message you want to pass along to your own children. What lesson are you going to teach them and even yourself if you lock her out of your life?”

“But what about what she did?”

“She was a hundred percent wrong in that, and the two of you need to talk about it. If you really are unable to forgive her, then you probably need to talk to a psychologist about how to deal with the emotional trauma. Maybe you need to take her with you and process what happened in a safe space. If she’s not willing to own her part in what she did, then I say the hell with her. But if she gets it and wants to make amends, then maybe you two could find your way to have something like a relationship.”

“That sounds so mature. I’m not sure I’m ready.”

“Take your time. You know I’m on your side in this, right?”

“I do, but what if I don’t want to give her another chance?”

“Then don’t.” Julie paused, wondering how blunt to be.

“Just say it,” Blair told her. “I can handle it.”

“I love you. I think you’re amazing, and I also know how softhearted you are. I’m afraid if you don’t give your mom another chance, the guilt is going to eat you up. How sad would it be to suffer even more because of her?”

“That would totally suck.” Blair sighed. “I’ll think about what you said. I don’t like what you’re telling me, but it’s possible you’re right. I have my future to think about.”

“And my grandchildren, because in the end, this is all about me.”

The cold air hurt her chest, but getting out of the house felt good. The sky was blue, the houses and trees covered in snow. Blair glanced over at her husband.

“I’m glad you suggested we take a walk,” she said. “I’ve been inside for too long. How was your time with Dana this morning?”

He took her hand in his. She was wearing lined gloves and of course he wasn’t.

“Good. Sad. We talked about Dad and how much we miss him.” He looked at her. “There was always going to be a last Christmas—I just didn’t know when it was. I should have paid more attention.”

She stopped and stepped in front of him so they were facing each other. “You didn’t know he was going to pass away in January. No one knew. I know we’re supposed to live like every day is our last, but while that sounds like a really great way to do things, it’s not practical or realistic. Your dad knew you loved him and enjoyed being with him. He was proud of you and excited for your future. You don’t have any behavior to regret.”

“I miss him.”

“I know. I do, too.”

Eldon had always been kind to her. Thoughtful, in his quiet way.

Nick touched her cheek. “How are you doing? Have you talked to my mom?”

They started walking again. “She came to see me this morning and apologized for the whole ‘you’re pregnant’ thing.”

He grinned. “It was a showstopper.”

Blair tried not to think about the shock and embarrassment of the moment. “I know it was the drugs talking and we’re fine. I mean, seriously, who can stay mad at your mom?”

“If she’s not the one you’re upset with, then who is?”

“How did you know—” She bumped her shoulder against his arm. “You know me too well.”

“That’s not possible. Besides, I love you.”

“I love you, too. And I’m not upset, exactly.”

He exhaled. “That means it’s your mom. What did she do this time?”

“Nothing bad. I’ve just been thinking about what she said before. About wanting a second chance. And she was really sweet about the not-being-pregnant thing.”

“Your mother is never sweet.”

“Maybe that wasn’t the right word.”

“It wasn’t.”

She understood that Nick was protecting her—that was his way—and while she appreciated the gesture, she couldn’t help remembering how good Gwen had been offering to get a pregnancy test. Something she didn’t want to discuss with Nick until she knew more. Getting his hopes up seemed mean. She wasn’t pregnant. She was sure. Sort of.

“I talked to your mom about my mom,” she said.

“I don’t think I like that.”

Blair looked at him and smiled. “You mean because she was rational, fair and might have said some hard-to-hear truths?”

“That’s what she does best.” He looked at her. “I know she was reasonable, and I’m not sure Gwen deserves that. She’s hurt you over and over.” He put his arm around her. “I don’t want to make you feel defensive, but in this discussion, you’re the only one I care about. I’ve held you while you’ve cried, Blair. I’ve seen what she can do to you and that was from a distance. Imagine how bad things could get with her here and you making an effort.”

“I love that you worry about me.” He’d always been that way—totally there for her, no matter what.

“But?”

“Your mom pointed out that I have to think about myself. If I cut her off for real, will I feel guilty for the rest of my life? She’s not wrong to ask that.”

“My mom’s rarely wrong. It’s pretty damned annoying.”

She laughed. “Not for me.”

“Just wait. It’ll happen.”

“Maybe. In the meantime, what about when we have kids of our own? How do I explain to them I don’t talk to their grandmother? How do I tell them they have to work out their problems with their friends when I’m not willing to do that myself, with my own mother?”

“I don’t have an answer for that.”

“Me, either.”

She shifted so she could take his hand again. They continued walking, their feet crunching in the snow. Blair thought about all she’d been through since they’d arrived at the cabin. Her emotions were a roller coaster—at least when it came to her mother.

“I know Julie’s right about how the guilt will affect me,” she said slowly. “I’m just not sure how to deal with it.”

“You don’t have to decide today.”

“You’re right.”

Maybe that was the best solution. To take her time. If she was to allow her mom back in her life, if she wanted to let go of her resentment and anger, there was a lot of work to be done. On both sides.