One Big Happy Family

Chapter 20

20

Julie woke up feeling pretty good. Her arm was still sore and swollen, but she’d been able to sleep and she felt more herself. She managed to brush her teeth and use a washcloth on her face, all one-handed, but still needed Heath’s help to dress. He stared at the sweater she’d laid out on the bed and shook his head.

“I know it’s Christmas Eve, but there’s no way,” he began. “Not with your arm...”

She pointed to the bright red pullover sweater with a giant Santa face on the front. “This is what I wear today. I’ve been wearing it since the kids were little. It’s my Christmas Eve sweater. I have to put it on or the holiday will be ruined.”

“Isn’t that a little extreme? You’re giving your sweater a lot more power than it deserves.”

She smiled. “The power doesn’t live in the sweater—it’s in the tradition. My kids expect me to wear this.”

He moved close and kissed her. “They know about your broken arm. They’ll understand.”

“It’s their first Christmas without their dad. Nick and Dana need me to be wearing my sweater.”

“You’re the most stubborn woman I know.”

“That’s very possible.”

He eyed the sweater, then her arm in its sling. “I haven’t got a clue how to make this happen. Put your arm in first, then pull it over your head somehow? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll be fine. I can’t get it on by myself, Heath. We have to do this.”

She slipped off the sling and tossed it onto the bed. Heath gathered up the sweater. She slipped her injured arm into the sleeve, trying not to wince as pain shot through her. Once the sleeve was in place, she held her arm tightly against her body, then shifted while Heath pulled the sweater over her head and helped her wrestle her good arm into place.

She only groaned once and ignored the fact that she was starting to sweat from the effort. Once the sling was back in place, she would be fine. A little coffee, a bit of Tylenol and she would be good as new.

“You’re gray,” he said, staring at her. “Are you going to pass out?”

“Me? Never. I need coffee. Go shower. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

“Julie, wait. I won’t be long. Wait for me.”

“I’ll be fine.” She did a little spin in place to prove her point, then wished she hadn’t when the room took a full two seconds longer than her to settle back in place.

“See,” she lied. “I’m perfect.”

Before he could say anything else, she slipped from the room, pausing only a second in the hallway to make sure she wouldn’t tumble down the stairs. She’d just gained her equilibrium when Dana’s door opened and Axel stepped out. They stared at each other.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened. Disappointment blended with anger. Why did her daughter keep giving in to this man? He’d proved he wasn’t good for her over and over again, but did she listen?

She opened her mouth, then closed it. What was there to say? Dana was a grown woman, capable of making her own very bad decisions. Julie wasn’t going to get into it with her or with Axel. Tomorrow was Christmas. She would pretend she hadn’t seen anything—at least until she and Axel were back at work. Then she would tell him exactly what she thought about him in a loud, scary voice.

She brushed past him without speaking and went down to the main floor. When she was in the kitchen, she started the oven, followed by the coffee maker, then pulled out the menus for the day, just to refresh her memory. She heard footsteps on the hardwood floor, but as she had a good idea of who had followed her, she didn’t bother turning around.

“We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. I’m busy. Go away.”

“Julie, please.”

She exhaled sharply, then looked up at the man watching her.

Intellectually, she understood the appeal. Axel was every woman’s definition of the irresistible bad boy. He had that faint air of danger, a bit of a swagger and a knowing smile that promised he was good in bed. Add to that an oddly gentle sense of humor, and very few women could walk away. The thing was she didn’t care about other women. She only cared about her daughter.

“You’re going to shatter her heart again, just like you always do. You don’t know what it’s like when you’re gone. You’re not there to see the pain and questions in her eyes. You’re not the one who holds her while she tries to understand what she did wrong. And no matter how many times I tell her that it’s not her fault, she still blames herself. You break her, Axel, and I help her put the pieces back together. And every time it happens, she’s just a little less herself.”

He hung his head. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t give a shit about your apologies. You’re nothing to me.”

He looked up. “I’m sorry to hear that, Julie. Because I asked Dana to marry me and she said yes.”

Julie eyed him warily. “Is that for real?”

“We’re talking spring. Neither of us want a long engagement.” He took a step closer. “I know you think I’m an asshole and I deserve that. I won’t excuse what I’ve done to her, but I want you to know I had my reasons. They were stupid, but still real. I’m putting it all on the line for her. I think we both know one day she’s going to wake up and realize she’s made a mistake, but until then, I’m all in.”

Was that what he thought? “You’re wrong,” she said. “Dana won’t leave you. You’re everything to her. That’s always been the problem. She’s a one-man woman, and you’re the man she picked.”

His expression was unreadable. “You must hate that.”

And me.

He didn’t say the words, but she heard them all the same. “I don’t hate you, Axel. I hate what you did to her. If you’re serious about committing to her and she wants to marry you, then you’re going to be part of this family.”

“Are you okay with that?”

She thought about all he had done and all the tears her daughter had cried. “She’s my little girl. If you’re the one, then yes, I’m okay with it.”

He didn’t look like he believed her, which was fine with her. She’d meant what she said, but if it took him a while to accept the words, that was good, too. Engagement or not, Axel deserved a little suffering in his life.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to make her happy.” He flashed her a smile. “Everything legal, of course.”

“Good. She deserves that.” She looked at him. “I want to say working with my son-in-law could be awkward, only I’ve been working with Nick for years and it’s been fine. Excluding what happened with Dana, you and I have always gotten along.”

Axel had always been who she’d turned to when she had a difficult situation to deal with. She could trust him to do the hard stuff.

“About my job,” he said, only to stop talking when Dana hurried into the room.

“I woke up and you were...” Her voice trailed off as she glanced between them. “You two okay?”

Julie held open her good arm. “Hey, baby girl. I hear congratulations are in order.”

Dana looked at Axel. “You told her.”

“We needed to talk about some things.”

She swung her attention back to Julie, her expression tentative. “I know you don’t especially trust Axel, but it’s different this time.”

Julie hoped that was true. As a mother, she had her doubts and a burning need to punish, but this wasn’t the time. Honestly, there’d never been a good time and didn’t that suck.

“I love you,” Julie said, moving close and hugging her as best she could with her arm in a sling. “I want you and Axel to be happy together. Have a great marriage, and on your one-year anniversary, expect me to start bugging you about having kids.”

Dana held herself apart for about a second. Then she sagged against Julie, putting way too much pressure on the fracture, but she took it knowing the connection was more important than her pain.

“You’re really okay with this?” she asked hopefully as she took a step back. “You’re not mad?”

Julie smiled. “I could never be mad at you.”

Dana laughed. “We all know that’s not true, but I hope you’ll see this is different.”

Axel put his arm around Dana. “I’ll take care of her. You have my word.”

“My head accepts what you said. My heart is going to take a little longer to trust.” She smiled to take the sting out of the words. “Of course, if you give me grandchildren, then you’ll be my favorite.”

“Mom! Don’t you think it’s a little too soon?”

“Oh, please. As if you didn’t have sex at least twice last night.”

Dana flushed slightly. “We’re going to wait on the kid thing, but we’re thinking about getting married in April or May.”

“Pick a date and tell me how I can help. You know I’ll want to give you more advice than you want to hear, but we’ll get through it.” She smiled at her daughter. “I’m happy for you.” She slid her gaze to Axel. “For both of you.”

A generous, not-quite-true statement, but with a little time and a whole lot of work on Axel’s part, in a few months she might actually mean it. And for now, that was enough.

“I can feel you monitoring me,” Julie said, but there wasn’t much energy in her voice.

“I want to make sure you’re all right.”

She and Heath were in the dining room with dozens of shortbread cookies in need of yet more decorating. Tiffany, Dana, Nick and Blair had taken the kids out for sleigh rides down the hills to burn off post-breakfast energy. Gwen had gone into town for a little last-minute shopping, and Axel, Huxley and Paul were downstairs with Rufus, watching basketball.

“I’m a little overwhelmed,” she said, motioning to the cookies on the table. “The first couple of days everyone wants to help, but it gets old fast.”

He smiled at her. “Maybe if you didn’t pick a design that requires three different colors of icing, you’d get more help.”

“You’re right. I was too ambitious for the cookie exchange. It’s just Jackie across the street always has those damned multilayer cookies that look so fancy.” She sighed. “It’s not a competition, but sometimes it feels like one and I really hate not to win.”

“Jesus would be so proud.”

“Jesus would want me to kick Jackie’s butt in the cookie exchange.”

Heath laughed. “I’m sure He would.” His humor faded. “You okay otherwise?”

Julie tested the black frosting on a sheet of white paper. The first two tries had been too light, but this iteration was dark enough.

She’d cut out and baked basic five-pointed star shortbread cookies, using the shape to create her Santas. One point was his head, the other four were his feet and hands. The red had been applied a couple of days ago, along with the white for the trim and his beard. All that was left was a couple of tiny lines for eyes, mitten shapes for hands, a blob for feet and the belt across the middle. Julie figured she and Heath could knock out the decorations in about an hour.

“My arm’s fine,” she said absently, handing him one of the piping bags. “As long as I remember to hold it still.” And the sling helped with that.

“I wasn’t talking about your arm. Are you okay with Axel and Dana getting married?”

“Oh, that.” She took one of the cookies and carefully squeezed on the black icing. When she was done, she studied her work before nodding. “I like it. So use this one as your template.” She reached for another cookie.

“I don’t know how I feel,” she admitted, returning to his question. “Surprised, I guess. Maybe resigned. He’s the guy Dana couldn’t get over, so if he’s now willing to stop leaving, there’s no way she wouldn’t take him back.”

“He’s going to be your son-in-law. You’ll be seeing a lot more of him.”

“You forget I see him nearly every day at work.” She put down the piping bag. “Except for how he hurt my daughter, I actually like him. He doesn’t take a lot of crap from other people. When we hire someone new, I nearly always put them with Axel to learn how we do things. He shows up on time, doesn’t take unnecessary risks.” She grinned. “He laughs at my jokes, so we know he’s not a fool.”

“Just checking. It’s an unexpected development.”

“It is. Like I said, my concern is Dana. But he’s who she wants, and that makes it okay for me. I’ll enjoy helping with another wedding.”

He held up the Santa he’d finished. “Victory worthy?”

She smiled. “Jackie will have to up her game to beat us.”

“The Christmas spirit is alive and well in the cookie competition.”

“You know it.”

Blair helped Madeline and Wyatt take off all the layers going outside required. They were cold but happy, and hopefully a little of the Christmas Eve day energy had burned off.

“That was fun!” Wyatt tugged off his snow boots. “I’m hungry. Can I have a cookie?”

“It’s only an hour until lunch,” Blair pointed out. “Let’s wait on the cookies.”

“But I’m hungry now!”

Tiffany shook her head. “Remember what we talked about this morning? I know you’re excited, but you’re still expected to behave. Let’s rein in those impulses.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” Madeline said, her tone superior.

“Let’s get out the racetrack and race cars,” Nick suggested. “Madeline, you should play with us, too.”

“I did win last time.”

Madeline and Wyatt ran downstairs, yelling for Paul and Huxley as they went.

Tiffany smiled at Nick. “I owe you.”

“Happy to help.” He paused to glance at Blair. “You okay?”

It was the question he always asked. She knew she’d been distracted while they’d been sledding, and had let him assume it was because her stomach was bugging her. She didn’t want to tell him otherwise until she had information to share.

“I’m good. I’m going upstairs for a little bit. Julie and Heath are probably still working on the cookies. Tiffany, want to join me in the kitchen in half an hour so we can take care of lunch?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

Blair walked through the main level and up the stairs as calmly as she could. While she wanted to race, she didn’t want anyone wondering what she was up to.

For the past couple of days, she’d told herself and told herself there was no way she was pregnant. Her period was erratic—it always had been. But Julie’s words had unnerved her, and hearing her mother point out the fallacies of their birth control system had made her nervous to the point where all she could think about was the possibility of being pregnant. Which she wasn’t.

Blair reached the landing and crossed to her mother’s closed door. She knocked.

Gwen opened it almost immediately. “I got the test.”

“No one saw you?”

Gwen smiled. “No. When I got back, Paul said he would have taken me into town, but that was it.” She handed over a small shopping bag. “For whenever you want.”

Blair took it. “I don’t know if I want to take it.”

“That’s up to you. It’s here. You can do it now or when you get home.”

She’d thought her mother might pressure her more, but Gwen didn’t say anything else.

“I appreciate you getting it, Mom. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Gwen sat on the edge of her bed. “I think I’ll read for a little while. I need to finish my book, or I’ll be up all night.”

Blair smiled. “Page-turner?”

“Hard to put down.”

Blair went into her bedroom, where she carefully closed and locked the door. She got out the pregnancy test and stared at the box. She wasn’t. She shouldn’t be. The timing was all off. Nick was going to buy Paul’s business, so they would be busy with that. In a year was better for them. Of course her scheduling concerns didn’t really affect reality. Either she was or she wasn’t, and there was only one way to find out.

One pee and several agonizing minutes later, Blair stared at the lines on the pregnancy stick. The message was very clear. She was going to have a baby.

She stood there, her heart pounding, her breathing shallow. She and Nick were pregnant. It was real.

Almost real, she amended. Because she didn’t feel any different than she had ten minutes ago. With her stomach issues, it would be difficult to know what was feeling off and what was her normal why-doesn’t-my-stomach-behave?

A bubbly sensation started inside of her. She felt herself smiling. Pregnant! She was pregnant!

She touched her belly. “Hi, little one. It’s me. Your mom.”

Oh, wow. She was going to be a mother.

A thousand emotions flooded her. Happiness, mild concern, a determination not to act like her mother had. She thought briefly of the medications she took to control her IBS. Her first instinct was to dump them all, for the sake of the baby. Only she knew her GI doctor had coordinated with her ob-gyn to find her the right combination that helped control her symptoms without putting any pregnancy at risk.

“I’m going to do this right,” she whispered. “I’m going to take care of you before you’re born. Your dad will be just as attentive, I promise.”

Nick! She had to tell him.

She started for the door, then stopped. No way she could go grab him from whatever he was doing. There were too many people around to ask questions. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text.

Can you come to our room for a second? I’m fine. I just need your help with something.

Seconds later, she saw the thumbs-up emoji. She unlocked the door and waited.

Less than a minute later, Nick walked in. His brows were pulled together as he hurried to her side.

“What’s up? You all right?”

“I’m fine.” She took his hands in hers. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what your mom blurted out a couple days ago. About me being pregnant. I asked my mom to get me a pregnancy test and I just took it. I’m pregnant!”

He stared at her, his expression blank. She waited, knowing the meaning of her words would sink in eventually. Then his eyes widened, and he grinned and grabbed her, pulling her close.

“You sure?” he asked, then whooped as he spun her around. “For real?”

“Yes. We’re having a baby.”

He set her down and reverently touched her belly. “How do you feel? How far along? Holy crap! We’re going to be parents!”

“We are.” She put her hands on his upper arms and stared into his eyes. “I know this wasn’t the plan, but—”

“I don’t care about the plan! We’re having a baby.” He hugged her. “I love you so much, Blair. This is what we wanted. As for the timing, we’ll make it work.” He released her and smiled. “Now I’m even more motivated to go into business with Paul. I can have regular hours and be home every night with you and the baby.”

“Plus holidays off,” she said, watching him. “Nick, I need you to be sure about leaving your mom’s business.”

“I’m sure. I never had her enthusiasm. Your uncle is giving us a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I want to jump on it. I want us to be happy.”

His happiness, his plans for their future, only added to her joy. This was right, she thought. Them together, the baby.

“When do you want to tell everyone?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Not right now. I need a minute to let it all sink in.” She paused. “I need to say something to my mom. She was really good about getting the pregnancy test and leaving me alone to take it. Not letting her know the outcome seems mean-spirited.”

He kissed her. “I’ll do whatever you want. You’re in charge.”

She grinned. “If only that were true.”

“It is.” He looked at her. “Are you feeling all right? Is your stomach...?”

“I’m fine. I feel good.” She thought about the queasiness and the way smells affected her. “I’ll always have issues, but the chance of me getting pregnant is why I’ve never taken the superstrong drugs. I can stay on what I’m on now and the baby will be safe. Once we’ve had our family, I’ll try some of the others available.”

“Then we have a plan. And a baby.”

She touched her still-flat belly. “Well, right now we have a rice grain, but in about seven or eight months, we’ll have something a little more tangible.” Although she knew for her, the baby had already crept into her heart, where it would be forever.

She pointed to the door. “You need to get downstairs before people start wondering about us, and I need to go talk to my mom.”

He kissed her once more before heading for the hallway. She followed him onto the landing, then knocked on her mom’s closed door. Gwen opened it and immediately stepped back.

Blair thought she might ask about the test, but her mother stayed quiet, only watching her.

“We’re not telling anyone just yet,” Blair began. “I need to catch my breath.” She smiled. “But I’m pregnant.”

Her mother pressed a hand to her chest, then reached for her. Blair was so surprised, she didn’t have time to move forward, step back or react at all. As Gwen held her tightly, Blair tried to remember the last time they’d been this close or she’d felt her mother’s embrace. It had been years. Possibly decades.

The contact felt strange. Not exactly unwelcome but certainly unfamiliar. Yet a part of her remembered what it had been like to get mommy hugs. Sense memories filled her mind. Of being on her mother’s lap, of being told she was a sweet, sweet girl who would be loved forever.

“I’m so happy,” her mother murmured. “Thank you for telling me.”

Blair started to speak, only to find she couldn’t. Everything hurt and her throat was tight. From nowhere came a loud, unexpected sob.

“Blair?”

She tried to say she was fine, that she wasn’t crying, only she was and she couldn’t seem to stop. Instead of letting go, her mother held on more tightly.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Oh, Blair, I’m so sorry. I hurt you so much. I was selfish and wrong. Worse, once I was able to see what I’d done, I was too ashamed to be around you, let alone talk to you about it. All these years wasted. All the memories lost. I hurt you. My only daughter. I hurt you so much.”

Blair continued to sob. Gwen guided her to a chair and had her sit, then collected a box of tissues. Blair struggled to get control, but it was several minutes until she could catch her breath and the tears began to slow. Her mother stayed next to her, lightly stroking her back.

Finally she was able to take a breath without crying. She felt drained and yet oddly light.

“I don’t know what that was,” she said, then blew her nose. “Pregnancy hormones, I guess.”

Her mother sat on the bench at the foot of the bed. “Maybe it was a little more than that.”

Blair thought about the hug. “Maybe it was.”

Gwen drew in a breath. “I meant what I said. I’ve been awful and I know that. I want to change. I want to be in your life and not because you feel duty bound to look out for me. I want to be there because you actually like me. You’re having a baby. My first grandchild. I want to be there for you, however you need me.”

“You want us to be family,” Blair whispered.

Her mother’s eyes filled with tears. “Is that even possible?”

A week ago Blair would have said absolutely not. Just being around Gwen was depressing and a burden, but now she was less sure of her feelings. Some of the anger had faded. There was still resentment and wariness, but also hope.

“I don’t think we’re ready for family,” she said. “But maybe we could start by trying to be friends.”

Gwen nodded. “I’d like that. It’s less fraught.”

“I think we need to see a therapist to help us navigate our past. A lot happened and we have to work through it. Otherwise, we’ll just keep reacting, rather than figuring out how to move forward.”

She braced herself for outrage or rejection, but her mother only smiled.

“I was thinking the same thing. I know therapy helped me in the past. I’m grateful you’re open to that. When we get back to Seattle, I’ll start looking for someone. Once I have a few names, you can vet them and pick the one you’d like best.” She paused. “If that works for you.”

Tears burned again, but this time they were the happy kind. “Thanks, Mom. I think that would be great.”

Her mother got up and pulled a small bag out of her nightstand drawer. “Not to be presumptuous, but I got these at the drugstore. When I was buying the pregnancy test.” She handed the bag to Blair. “In case you want to tell everyone tomorrow at dinner or something.”

Blair opened the small bag and saw a pair of tiny, yellow bootees. She touched the soft knit, then stood and hugged her mom.

“Thank you. They’re perfect. I wasn’t sure what to say and these are exactly right.”

Her mother held her tightly, hugging her back. This time was less unfamiliar and more right. They still had a long way to go, but they’d started down the path to finding each other again. It was going to take a lot of work on both their parts, but Blair found herself looking forward to the journey. And to having a mother again.