Only With You (Knights #2)

61

LANDON

“Hey, son, I’m glad you called. I hope you don’t mind Ashton tagged along.” John hikes a thumb over his shoulder at Ashton, who stands behind him.

He stares at me unenthusiastically, giving me a terse nod before he’s back to looking at his phone.

I shake my head, stepping back and opening the door wider to let them in.

I invited John over because I’m finally in a good headspace and feel like I can talk to him without feeling overwhelmed. This conversation has also been long overdue, but I’ve been putting it off because I thought pushing him away was what I needed to do, but I was wrong and Reid was right. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him how I feel.

He also said I need to allow myself to grieve the people I lost and not feel guilty. I’ve been working on it, opening up to Julianna about things I’ve never shared with anyone and it has definitely made a difference.

We had agreed it’d only be us. I invited him to the house because the guys aren’t here. We played in New York a few days ago and today in Charlotte for the Jumpman Invitational. As soon as we got home, they left to spend Christmas with their families. We have a few days before our next game, but that won’t be until the end of next week.

I should’ve known better. John does what he wants and I know this is another way of him trying to get Ashton and me to bond. As much as I hate that he’s here, it’s helped me finalise my decision.

“Will you be coming home for Christmas?” John asks as he and Ashton take a seat on the couch and I on the recliner next to it. “I know Lucy would love to see you. You won’t have to worry about your ticket. I’ll pay for it.”

I stare at them for a moment, thinking how much I once wanted to be the one sitting next to him. How many times I desperately wanted to be part of his life. How much I missed and needed him. How jealous I was because I wasn’t enough for him to stay, or enough to keep his promise to come back for me.

But that was all once a long time ago because now sitting here, staring at both of them, where pain and anger would usually reside, I feel nothing.

“I forgive you and I want to move on.”

I feel the biggest weight lift off my body and disappear. For the first time, I feel like I can breathe. It’s always been hard anytime I’m around them, but especially John. But now the noose of resentment that’s loosely been hanging around my neck vanishes like it’s never been there.

John’s eyes widen in disbelief, but his expression morphs into happiness. The smile on his face is the biggest I’ve ever seen.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I promise things will be better between us and?—”

“ I want to move on, and I need you to move on, too.”

His smile falls, forehead wrinkling. “Move on? But I thought you wanted to fix things?”

“Dad, I don’t know what you expect from Landon. He always does this shit. We’re wasting our time here.” Ashton scowls.

I stop myself from arguing because it’ll only hinder me from saying what I need to say.

“I do. I want to fix things, but we can’t if we don’t talk about them.”

He sits up straighter, staring at me, puzzled. “Son, I don’t understand.”

“For the longest time, I’ve held a grudge, but it’s been a pointless one because I’ve hated someone I don’t know.” He looks crestfallen, eyes glaze over with hurt, but still, I feel nothing. “I understand you fell out of love with Mum. I understand that her becoming an alcoholic wasn’t your fault. She chose liquor to fix her pain. She made that choice. And I get that, I really do, but you also had a choice to take me with you and you didn’t. You promised you’d come back and you didn’t and that hurt. You decided I was better with her, because you needed to work on yourself. I’m happy for you, glad that you got to figure it out. But while you were doing that, playing house with your new wife, raising someone else’s son, having a daughter, I was taking care of Mum. That wasn’t my job at seven, but I still did it. I didn’t understand it, but I figured it out until she…until she choked on her vomit and I watched it happen.”

Ashton grows unnaturally still, but his eyes leap between John and me, face ashen and brows knitted. I know he doesn’t know everything because John wants to keep the past in the past. He hates talking about it and whenever he does, it’s always vague. I know it’s because he wants to pretend like that part of his life didn’t exist. He fails to understand I’m part of that life.

“But I didn’t invite you over to rehash that part of your life. I know you want to move on from it and I do too. I’m ready to let it all go. I’m ready to finally start living, but I can’t do that if you continue to appear in my life when it’s convenient for you and act as if the past didn’t happen.”

He scoffs, blinking repeatedly. “That’s not true. I’ve tried so hard to be part of your life, but you don’t let me. I’m trying, Landon. I really am.”

I sigh. “You only came back into my life because you got the call that Mum died. You only ever show up when I ignore you for months. Or when I’m getting awarded for something. I could tell you every single time you’ve shown up and you know that I will. I’m choosing not to because I just don’t care anymore, John. I’m so ready to move on because I’m tired, and I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.” I exasperate, feeling exhausted. “I don’t want to look in the mirror and hate myself because I wasn’t Mum’s or your first choice. So please, just let go because I need you to. I’m begging you, please just move on.”

Pain etches his face, his jaw set, and knuckles stark white. “Landon, please, we can fix?—”

“Dad, listen to him.” Ashton intervenes this time, shocking me because it doesn’t sound or feel antagonising. “He wants you to let go. Listen to him.”

“Can we not talk about this?” he pleads, eyes shining with desperation.

“No, I invited you because I’m ready to say goodbye.” I stand, extending my hand to him. “Thanks for forcing me to move. It helped me find myself.” And the girl I plan to marry one day.

He hesitates, but when Ashton elbows him, he stands and takes my hand, shaking it. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” I retract my hand back and after a brief pause, I usher them to the door. John looks at me one last time. Remorse mars his face, but thankfully, he says nothing.

Ashton staggers at the door. His mouth parts, his eyes searching mine. “I’m s—I’ll see you on the court.”

With a short jerk to my head, I shut the door and exhale loudly, finally feeling free. I only let myself revel in the freedom for a second before I’m heading out the door.

It’s Julianna’s birthday today, and I’ve got something planned for her.

“Hey, how did it?—”

I cup her neck, my fingers weaving through the golden silky strands of her hair, my lips pressed against her frostbitten ones. She gasps into my mouth, but the faint sound gets drowned out as I kiss her. Her body collapses against mine, arms winding around my waist, and her tongue explores my mouth.

I lose myself in her, tasting the faint chocolate on her tongue, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume, feeling her smooth skin. I savour it all but not for long because we’re in the university’s library. There are cameras and a security guard roaming the floors.

“Happy birthday, Love,” I rasp against her now warm lips. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Thank you,” she breathlessly says and looks up at me. “I’ll only accept apologies with kisses like this from now on. But don’t apologize. I wasn’t waiting long.”

I grin, kissing her forehead before I let her go, take her hand in mine, and lead her to the elevator. “I’m still sorry. I hate that I’ve not seen you all day, but the game?—”

She snuffs a laugh. “You always make basketball sound like it’s an inconvenience.”

“It kind of is when I can’t see you. I’m ready for the season to be over.”

She laughs as if I’ve said a joke, but I’m serious. “Just a few more months and it’ll be over. Enjoy it, because this is your last time playing.”

I change the subject because this is her day and there are only a few minutes left before it’s over.

“Have you had a good birthday so far?”

“Oh, it’s been the best. I tried the tres leches cake and…” The buoyant lilt in her voice carries as she tells me about her day as we continue up the elevator until we’re on a familiar floor. She also tells me that her parents texted her, but she kept it brief, because she had a feeling it’d end with them trying to get her to go back to California.

I know she still feels guilty and sad about it, but she’s adamant on her decision. Especially since all they’ve done is shower her with gifts in hopes she’ll change her mind. It pisses me off. They don’t understand Julianna doesn’t want that, but I don’t ruminate on it. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure she always feels secure and loved.

“How did it go with John?”

She’s part of the reason I decided to talk to him, and Reid. Otherwise, the noose would still be around me and I’d be chained to the sinking ship.

Aside from asking Julianna to be mine, finally breaking ties with him has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

“Good, but let’s not talk about that right now,” I say as we stop in front of the room I record my music in. “Did you bring the iPad?”

She pats her bag. “What’s it for?”

I didn’t tell Lola what it was for, but I hired her to create something on the Procreate app because she’s fucking talented. If it hadn’t been for her, this wouldn’t have worked the way I wanted it to.

“There’s something special I want to share with you.”

JULIANNA

I skim the room, eyeing the piano against the wall and a guitar that looks like Landon’s.

He stands in front of me and appears almost nervous. “Remember when you told me you were curious about Haptic? Wondered what he looked like? Curious about his choice of songs recently?”

My cheeks flush. “Yeah, but I respect his privacy, so it’s okay if I never find out.”

Landon smirks, blowing out a breath. “Coming from you, he won’t mind.”

“I highly doubt that.”

He smiles and cups my jaw. His eyes bore into mine. “What if I told you he’s here?”

My heart skips a beat. “Here? That’s not possible. He’s private and…and…” I step back, eyes darting back to the instruments and to Landon, who stares at me like he knows something I don’t. “He’s here? Where?”

“Standing right in front of you actually.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “I love you and your tenacity to show me how much you care about?—”

“Julianna, do I lie?”

“Not unless necessary, but—” The rest of my words get caught in the back of my throat. “No way. Say you’re kidding right now? Landon, please don’t joke with me right now.”

“Happy birthday, my Love,” he tenderly says.

I step back when he takes a step closer. I shake my head in disbelief because there’s no way that Landon Taylor—my boyfriend—is Haptic.

But as I really look at him, take in the serious expression on his face, I realize he’s being one-hundred percent honest. Not that he’d ever lie to me, but this just seems unreal.

Holy shit!

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my…” I chant, doing my best to control the roller coasters of emotions going haywire in my head. But they’re nothing but a jumbled mess of excitement, confusion, questions, and excitement.

I cover my mouth, taking another step back before I lose my shit in front of him, but when I flick my attention to his guitar, I lose it.

“All this time, it was you!” I gasp, staring wide-eyed. “Itwasyou. Allthistimeitwasyou. OhmyGod! Holyshityou’rehim! He’syou! I’mdatingHaptic! MyboyfriendisHaptic! Thisisunreal.” The words fall rapidly from my mouth. I’m sure they don’t make sense, but I can’t bring myself to care.

He deeply chuckles—no, it’s not just a chuckle. He throws his head back and a hearty laugh, one that I’ve never heard slips past his lips. I’m stunned at how carefree he looks and amazed and immersed at how good it sounds.

Until he stands in front of me again and hugs me. “Now you know where all of my money comes from.”

“Oh my,” is all that I manage to say, struggling and too stunned to think properly. “So all this time…it was…you? Oh my God.” I shakily breathe. “What made you want to tell me?”

“Hoping I’d see you freak out.” A smug grin curves his lips, but it softens a second later. “It’s your birthday. I wanted to do something special, share what makes me feel free with someone who makes me feel every-fucking-thing.”

My heart hammers at a velocity I wasn’t sure was possible. “Me?” I uncontrollably giggle.

“ You , but if you need me to be more specific. My muse, my inspiration, my catalyst.”

My breath hitches, feeling at a loss for words, but then it dawns on me. The song “Amen” and it must be written all over my face because he swallows and glances away.

“I was in a really dark place. I promise I’ll answer all of your questions, but right now, I just want to celebrate you.”

“We’ll talk about it whenever you’re ready.” I smile at him. “Wait, you sang in Spanish? I didn’t know you spoke another language.”

“I speak five actually.”

I gape at him. “That’s it. I’m really changing your name to Princess.”

He laughs, his dimples indenting on his cheeks. “I wrote something for you.”

I get giddy again, unable to stay still. I’m practically bouncing on my spot.

Oh my God, chill out. Play it cool.

“For me?” I squeak and clear my throat. “You wrote me something?” My body vibrates with excitement.

“Yeah, and if you go to the Procreate app, you’ll find a folder with all the songs I’ve composed and the colours I see when I hear them. Just don’t tell Lola, because she helped me make it since I didn’t know how.”

I quickly log into the app and click on the folder. The first song is titled “Clarity” followed by others.

“Landon,” I say breathlessly. When I tap on the title, an aurora of blue and white slowly moves. They swirl, mix, and sometimes separate but eventually come back together. “Whoa. This is what you see? It’s mesmerizing.”

“Every time you speak, it’s what I see,” he speaks gently.

My head snaps up, and I stare at him in awe. My eyes prick with tears and my nose stings. “Are you saying my voice inspired this song?”

“A little, yeah, but it’s really about the clarity you brought to my life.” He takes me in his arms, his eyes the lightest shade of gray I’ve ever seen, and the sweetest smile dances on his face. “Thank you for helping me see the light again.”

I bite my wobbly lip, but he uses his thumb and tugs on my chin to release it. He leans down and brushes his lips to mine.

Fireworks set off all over my body, every inch of me feeling warm and fuzzy. “Thank you for making me feel safe in the darkness. I’m so happy to call you my home.”