Out of Nowhere (Balls and Brawn Bodyguard #4)

23. Chapter Twenty-three Seo-jun

Chapter Twenty-three: Seo-jun

T he drive to San Francisco took just under four hours due to a traffic pile-up on I-58 West. When Seo-jun finally reached the Inner Sunset Area, located south of Golden Gate Park and bordering Inner Richmond, he drove along the foggy streets, which were a mixture of modernization and historic charm. He noticed a lot of new restaurants, boutiques, and health-conscious cafes than hadn’t been there ten years ago, as well as improved pedestrian and bicycle access. Back then, without telling Haru, he’d purchased an old bicycle and hidden it in the woods behind the house. He recalled having a tough time getting around on it in the traffic.

A major commuter route to downtown San Francisco as well as Ocean Beach, Judah Street was quaint yet lively with its pastel-colored businesses, modest apartment buildings, and San Francisco-style row houses. When he reached the latter, Seo-jun slowed the car, looking for the one he had lived in with Haru. And, suddenly, there it was: a cream-colored brick with a dark green roof and garage door, a good portion of the front of the house covered in dark pink bougainvillea. He drove a little farther down the street and found a parking space, then walked back to stand in front of the house, staring at it for a long time until he began to get odd looks from passersby and decided he’d better move on.

Rather than walk back to where he’d parked the rental car, Seo-jun headed on foot in the other direction, intending to visit the cafe where he used to like to get a sandwich when he was out riding the bike. When he got to the place were it had been, he found it was now a bakery. Entering, he ordered a couple of croissants and a coffee and went outside to sit at one of the tables along the wide sidewalk, surrounded by the perpetual fog that hung over the area. There, he people-watched while he ate, noting many more professionals than there had been when he’d lived there. Some buildings had been modernized, while colorful, culturally diverse murals had been added to the walls of others. The neighborhood had a clean, vibrant, interesting charm that Seo-jun found pleasing. He supposed it had been the same ten years ago, but he hadn’t noticed it then, too busy with daily life and his boyfriend.

Leaning back as he finished his coffee, Seo-jun stared into the distance, visions of that previous life flashing in his mind’s eye. Seo-jun had met Haru in a chat room for university students looking to make friends and discuss current events. Haru’s profile had said he was a non-traditional student at City College in San Francisco, studying for a degree in applied business, and Seo-jun was taking a couple of classes at a university in Seoul while still attending high school. Haru’s age wasn’t included, but Seo-jun assumed the term “non-traditional” implied Haru was older than college age. Seo-jun’s age—sixteen—was clearly stated in his profile.

After six months or so of casual chatting, Haru invited Seo-jun to share phone numbers, and their conversations gradually took a more personal turn. When they exchanged photos, Seo-jun was slightly shocked by the age difference between them, although not displeased with Haru’s appearance. His features were symmetrical and slightly sharp, his upper lip was fuller than his lower lip, his skin warm-toned and clear, and his eyes expressive and dark beneath heavy, straight black brows. A few inches taller than Seo-jun’s six foot frame, with a broader build that was muscular from weight-lifting, Haru was a handsome older man.

Haru listened to Seo-jun’s difficulties—he wasn’t happy in South Korea, he needed a change, his mother was involved with a man and starting a new life—and encouraged him to move to the United States, where things were so much better. Haru lived in an area that was welcoming to the LGBTQ community. There were many people from Southeast Asia in his neighborhood. Seo-jun should come live with him. At first, Seo-jun couldn’t imagine it, but by the time two years had passed, he couldn’t wait to do it.

After it was over, and Seo-jun eventually realized his relationship with Haru hadn’t been normal, he went to therapy and learned that what he went through with Haru was, in fact, abuse and that just because it hadn’t been illegal didn’t mean it hadn’t been wrong. Seo-jun had been taken from everyone and everything he knew and made to rely on a much older man while being groomed to essentially be everything that man wanted in a lover. It was sick.

Now, Seo-jun was falling for someone for real. Maybe it was that experience, rather than the visit to California, that was making him remember all these things. Now, looking around the Inner Sunset area, he couldn’t help but think what it would be like living there with Dex, both of them equals in every way. To sit where Seo-jun was sitting, sipping a coffee and enjoying just being there together. To make love and not have to make it something out of a porn production. He kind of wished he’d allowed Dex to come with him so he could replace some of the memories of Haru, not that he had ever sat with him outside a cafe for the pleasure of it.

When he finished his coffee, Seo-jun walked back to his car. As he passed the house again, he saw a family climbing the front steps. A man, woman, and two children. They appeared happy, their arms full of shopping bags. As they disappeared inside, Seo-jun was glad that he’d seen the current occupants of the house he’d once shared with Haru. Now he could let it go. Release it to the universe, as Colt would say.

He drove around for a while, sight-seeing parts of San Francisco he’d never been to when he’d lived there. He ate lunch at a funky little Turkish restaurant, people-watched some more, then headed back to Fresno.

He couldn’t wait to see Dex.