Out of Nowhere (Balls and Brawn Bodyguard #4)

22. Chapter Twenty-two Seo-jun

Chapter Twenty-two: Seo-jun

S eo-jun couldn’t just sit there and listen to Dex’s sister disparage him. Hell, she was two seconds away from blackmailing Dex, Seo-jun was sure of it. I won’t tell Mom that you’re gay if you get me out of this place and find me an apartment somewhere. And Dex probably would do it for her. Not because he was weak, but because, like most closeted men, he was desperate not to lose his family over who he was.

Seo-jun saw Anna as someone devious and not above using her brother’s vulnerability to get what she wanted. No doubt about it, she put herself first. Dex wasn’t like that and maybe he couldn’t see it. Seo-jun wouldn’t be surprised if at that moment Dex was blaming himself for Anna’s ill feelings toward him.

Unlike Dex, Seo-jun had met Anna’s type before. Hell, he had lived with someone like her for five years, and, in Dex, he recognized the person he used to be, before Haru. And there was no way in hell Seo-jun was going to let Anna run roughshod over her brother and kill Dex’s trusting nature.

On the way back to the hotel, Dex thanked Seo-jun for standing up for him. When they went to bed tht night, Dex got into the bed next to Seo-jun’s. He seemed lost in thought, so Seo-jun didn’t suggested sharing. All night, he lay listening to Dex tossing and turning until, sometime around three a.m., Seo-jun finally got up and joined Dex, pulling him into his arms. Dex slept better after that, but the following morning he was too nervous to eat breakfast before leaving to see his sister again.

Seo-jun was relieved when Dex returned hours later looking much more relaxed. He’d been afraid Anna would have been even more caustic with Seo-jun not there.

“She was much calmer,” Dex told Seo-jun as they sat by the hotel pool that afternoon. “She even apologized to me for yesterday, saying she’d been under a lot of stress lately. And she promised she wouldn’t tell our mother that I’m gay.”

“That’s good,” Seo-jun said. “Because it isn’t her right, and she shouldn’t be using it to hold over your head to get what she wants.”

Dex looked pained. “She’s had it rough.”

Seo-jun didn’t say what was on his mind—that everyone had it rough and that didn’t give them the right to do exactly as they pleased, no matter the damage to others because he knew Dex loved his sister and was worried about her. Seo-jun had made the trip with him to support him, not to lecture him.

Dex sighed, eyes closed behind his sunglasses and face tilted toward the sun. “I have these daydreams where I tell my mom, and she smiles and hugs me. But I know that won’t be her real reaction.”

“Do what’s best for you,” Seo-jun said. “If it will give you peace to keep her in the dark about your love life, then do that.”

“I called her after I left Anna today. I hadn’t told her about my trip, and I thought I should. She was happy I’d checked on Anna—I think mostly because she didn’t want to do it herself— but as soon as that conversation was out of the way, she started in on me about calling the woman she wants me to ask out. It get exhausting avoiding the issue.”

“What did you tell her?” Seo-jun asked.

“I thought about lying—telling her that I had met someone. I even thought about going so far as asking Kasey to be my beard.”

“She’d probably do that for you,” Seo-jun said, not liking the idea at all but understanding why Dex was considering it.

Raising his head from the lounge chair, Dex regarded Seo-jun from behind his sunglasses. “Does your mother know that you’re bi?”

“My mother and I never had those types of conversations. By the time I was old enough to be interested in sex, my father had become embroiled in politics and our family was in danger. After he was arrested and Mom and I escaped, our lives were all about fitting in in South Korea. While she made a new life, I became immersed in an online relationship with Haru. I began working after school, saving money to move here to be with him. These days, my mother and I talk maybe once a year.”

“Did she know you left Korea to be with a man in America?” Dex asked.

“I think she knew or figured it out eventually, but then she chose to ignore it. We never spoke about it, even after I moved to New York.”

Dex reached between the lounge chairs and briefly touched Seo-jun’s hand before withdrawing. Like it was Seo-jun who needed comforting rather than himself. The gesture made Seo-jun’s heart constrict.

Clearing his throat, he changed the subject. “Have you solidified your plans with your friends to meet in Yosemite?”

“Yes. The day after tomorrow I’m meeting them at the Park. They’ve been camping there the last couple of nights and called me this morning when they were in an area that had good phone service. Are you sure you don’t want to go climbing with us? You don’t have to actually climb. You could just enjoy the scenery.”

Seo-jun had considered it, but he wanted Dex to have a good time with his friends and not have to be worried that Seo-jun wasn’t enjoying himself. He also wasn’t sure he wanted to watch Dex climb a mountain—just the thought of it made him anxious. And there was one more reason he wasn’t going to go with them.

“I’ve been rethinking what you said about closure. I think I’ll rent a car and drive to San Francisco for the day.”

“Oh, okay. But it won’t be necessary for you to rent a car. You can drop me off at one of the entrances to the Park and I’ll take the shuttle to El Capitan.”

“Are you sure?” Seo-jun asked. “What about getting back? Will you be able to let me know when you need to be picked up? Will there be service where you’ll be?”

“No problem. Dave and Milo can drop me off at the hotel that night when they head home.” He smiled at me. “I’m proud of you for taking steps to put all that to rest. I kind of wish I could go with you, though. For support.”

There goes my heart again , Seo-jun thought.

“I appreciate it. But I want you to have fun with your friends, and I probably need to be alone for this anyway.”

That settled, Seo-jun felt a little better.