Perfect Enough

Chapter Ten – Sophia

Chapter Ten

SOPHIA

Josh smiled, but something about his facial expression was off when I thanked him for being a good friend.

That was what I had to keep telling myself. Josh was a friend—nothing more. He’d done me a favor by taking me to the wedding, and given the way Karen had treated me, and with my helicopter mother, it was all I could do not to crawl into a hole and stay there. A friend was exactly what I needed.

I sighed and glanced around the family room. A part of me wished I’d downed the whiskey and just dealt with the taste and the way it made my throat burn. Maybe it would have helped with these confusing emotions.

Taking in another deep breath, I let it out slowly. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I stay where I was and wait for him? Go choose a room to stay in? Or maybe I should leave? I was being a coward by staying here. Would my mother truly know if I had or not? No, she wouldn’t. I’d already taken up most of Josh’s night off. Was I really going to stay all night?

A thought occurred to me. What if Josh had plans for after the wedding? I placed a hand over the now-churning feeling in my stomach.

“I hope this works for you.”

Whipping my head around, I quickly asked, “Am I ruining any plans you had for this evening?”

Josh looked confused. “Plans?”

“Yes! I’m so sorry, Josh. I guess I didn’t think about whether you might have plans for later this evening. After the wedding.”

His sideways, boyish grin appeared, and now it was like a switch in my stomach flipped. I went from feeling sick to trying to ignore the pull of desire from that one smile. How many women had he smiled at exactly like that, and they simply fell to their knees in front of him?

“Soph, my only plan for tonight was to spend it with you.”

I knew he didn’t mean all night, but I still couldn’t help smiling. “I’m glad I didn’t mess anything up for you this evening.”

“I found these in one of the spare rooms. My sister stayed here for a few days and left some clothes. They’re clean.”

Taking them, I said, “Thank you so much.”

“Come on, I’ll show you which room you can sleep in.”

I followed Josh, struck by how he wasn’t taking advantage of the situation. He was a gentleman through and through.Why did that kind of disappoint me? I didn’t want him to make a move on me…but a part of me wondered why he wasn’t.

With a shake of my head, I internally sighed at myself.

He walked to the first spare bedroom he’d shown me earlier on our tour. It was the soft green bedroom. There was a sleigh bed with a white comforter that looked like it would be so cozy, especially in the dead of winter. A small dresser was on the other side of the room. A small writing desk under the large picture window.

“This room has a bathroom attached,” Josh stated as he walked toward it. “There’s a basket in the cabinet with a disposable toothbrush, some soap, and, I think, some little shampoos if you want them.”

I raised my brows, and he laughed.

“I have friends who stay over sometimes. My mother was the one who suggested the basket with items that people might need if they spend the night unplanned.”

“How smart of her,” I said as I approached the basket. I was curious if his mother had also put any female items in there. One quick peek proved she hadn’t. I wasn’t sure why that made me feel better.

“It’s still early. Would you like to watch a movie, maybe?”

There went that smile again. “I like the sound of that. Do you want to shower or anything?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m good. I’ll just change and meet you back in the family room.”

He gave me a nod. “Sounds good. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

I watched as he made his way out of the bedroom, softly shutting the door.

My eyes closed, and I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I looked around the room once more, then went and sat down on the bed.

“What are you doing, Sophia? You’ve gone off and started liking him.”

Dropping back onto the bed, I stared up at the ceiling. Who was I even kidding? I was pretty sure I liked Josh after that first day of texting.Meeting him and seeing what a great guy he was just made me like him more .

After a few minutes of lying there, I quickly changed into flannel pants and a long-sleeve T-shirt. Josh’s sister and I must be about the same size. He’d even given me a pair of fuzzy socks. When it came time to sleep, the borrowed clothes would have to go. I was a hot sleeper, and winter clothes in summer were a hard pass. I draped my dress over the desk chair before going to the bathroom. Reaching up, I pulled the pins out of my hair and let it fall around my shoulders. It felt so good to let it down. I often get a slight headache when I wear my hair up, but luckily, not this evening.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I drew in a deep breath and let it out.

“Friends, Sophia. Just friends .”

As I walked out of the bedroom and down the small hall toward the kitchen, I smelled popcorn and grinned. Standing in the kitchen, Josh was pouring popcorn into two bowls.He had changed and was wearing sweats and a light blue T-shirt. The man could make anything look GQ on him.

“I hope you like popcorn.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who doesn’t like popcorn,” I replied as I walked up and took a piece, popping it into my mouth.

“One of the other firefighters hates it.”

“What?!”

He laughed. “I know. We all tell him he’s weird. He can’t even stand the smell of it. I think he has some sort of PTSD, and popcorn is the trigger.”

“That’s so sad. I wonder what happens when he walks into a movie theater.”

Josh handed me a bowl. “He doesn’t go to them.”

My mouth fell open. “That’s even sadder.”

“Did you need more water, or would you like something else?”

I chewed on my lower lip and tried to decide if I should ask if he had any wine.

“By that look on your face, you want something else.”

“This might sound weird, but do you have any wine?”

“Red or white?”

“Which do you think would go better with popcorn?”

Josh looked up as if giving my question a great deal of thought. “I’m going to go with red.”

I smiled. “Any red will do!”

We walked into the family room and set the popcorn down. Josh crossed to the bar and grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“The remote is right there on the side table.”

Grabbing it, I turned on the TV and promptly started to look for something to watch.

Josh handed me the glass of wine, and I pulled my legs up onto the comfortable leather sofa.

“I’ve never sat on a couch that was so comfortable.”

He smiled. “I can’t take the credit. My sister Rose picked it out. She pretty much picked out everything in this house.”

I glanced around. “She really did a beautiful job.”

“You’d like Rose. I’ll have to introduce you guys sometimes. She lives closer to Stevensville, and I think you’d get along great.”

“Really?” I replied, trying not to read into that too much. He could have simply meant it exactly as it sounded. That we’d get along as friends.“I’d like that,” I finally said after way too long of a pause.

“What do you want to watch?”

I shrugged. “It’s your house, you pick.”

“You’re the guest.”

“By force!” I said with a small laugh.

“Not by force at all. This is a great way to get to know each other even more. How much do you know about me after a month of texting?”

“I know a lot about you.”

He raised a brow. “Really? Tell me what you know.”

I settled in more and smiled. “First off, you’re a firefighter and a cowboy, a very sexy combination for any red-blooded single woman.”

That made him laugh, and his cheeks turned pink.

“You don’t like avocado, which is still really weird.”

“Why is that so weird?”

“Because I love it.”

He winked, and my stomach flipped.

“You haven’t dated anyone seriously in about eight months, which is also weird.”

“Why?” he asked, the corners of his mouth twitching with a hidden smile.

“You’re hot.”My cheeks instantly grew hot and I slammed my eyes shut. “I’m so sorry; I did not mean to say that out loud.”

He bumped my knee. “You’re hot, too, Soph. It’s okay.”

I opened my eyes and pressed my lips together, trying not to preen under his compliment. I drew in a breath and said, “I meant to say, you’re kind and a gentleman, which is rare these days. Really rare. Trust me, I know.”

“That’s kind of you to say.”

“It’s true.” I studied the ceiling and tapped a finger on my chin. “You come from a large family. You love horses and bulls, but your true passion, I think, is being a firefighter. The way you talk about it, even through texts, shows how passionate you are about it.”

He grinned but didn’t say anything.

“You kick ass at Putt-Putt golf.”

That made him laugh, and I couldn’t help it; I joined in.

“Okay, so you know a little bit about me. You haven’t told me very much about you. Besides you love to ride horses, you hate the color purple, you love Italian food, and your mother is trying to control your life.”

My smile faded as I looked down at my glass of wine. “You can probably deduce I haven’t had much luck with men. The one man I loved the most didn’t love me enough to stick around.”

Josh reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine. “Don’t say that, Soph.”

I chewed on my lower lip. “It’s true. He knew how much he meant to me. I was closer to him than I am to my mother. That might sound strange, but my mom was always in my business. Not as much as she is now, but still a lot. I often found myself telling my father things that I’d never consider telling my mother. He never judged me, ever. Then he left this earth without so much as leaving me a note, telling me why I wasn’t good enough for him to stay. Why neither of us were good enough.”

My words faded as I turned my head and wiped away a few tears.

“I’m sorry. I feel like such a baby.”

Tightening his grip on my hand, he softly whispered my name. “Sophia.”

When I looked at him, my breath caught as his eyes met mine. For an insane moment, I thought about leaning in and kissing him.But then he spoke, and the spell was broken.

“You were good enough for him to stay. Something darker took him from you. Something he couldn’t fight any longer.”

I didn’t even bother trying to hide my tears. “Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he try, Josh?”

The next thing I knew, I was in his lap, and his arms held me tightly. I buried my face in his shoulder and cried.

I’d cried plenty since my father passed away, but this was something completely different. Sobs racked my body. And the entire time, I felt Josh’s hands on my back, lightly moving up and down, until I felt myself relaxing, melting…and then complete blackness.