Perfect Enough

Chapter Eleven – Josh

Chapter Eleven

JOSH

It hadn’t taken Sophia long to cry herself to sleep in my arms. My heart broke for her, and I wanted to fix everything that made her so damn sad. It was clear she was still heavily grieving the loss of her father. Her mother’s hovering, however well-intended, wasn’t doing her any favors. And the way her cousin had treated her certainly hadn’t helped.

Standing, I carried Sophia to my bedroom and gently lay her on the bed. Covering her with a blanket from the closet, I kissed her lightly on the forehead and tried to ignore how a zip of electricity raced through my body.There had been a lot of emotions this evening, and I wasn’t about to read into any of my feelings right now.

Before I left, I turned and gave her one last look before I shut the door and headed to another room.

Stripping out of my clothes, I crawled under the covers and stared at the ceiling as I thought about Sophia in my bed, sleeping. The way she looked in that dress tonight, and then in the simplest of clothes… fuck , she was beautiful.

Closing my eyes, I pushed the sheets down, took myself in hand, and pictured Sophia. If I was being honest, it wasn’t the first time I’d thought of her while getting myself off. And it wouldn’t be the last. It didn’t take long for me to find my release, with Sophia’s whispered name on my lips as I came so hard, I swore the room spun.

After cleaning myself in the hall bathroom, I crawled back into bed and drifted into a deep sleep.

“Josh?”

I rolled over in bed and mumbled, “Sophia.”

“Josh?”

Her voice grew closer and closer, and it sounded like she was trying to find me.

“Josh? Where are you?”

Opening my eyes, I sat up in bed and quickly looked around. For a moment, I was confused about where I was, then I remembered I’d put Sophia in my room and slept in one of the guest rooms.

I pushed the covers off and swung my legs over the side of the bed. “Shit,” I said as I scrubbed my hands down my face and stood.I hadn’t slept that hard in a long time. I was about to stand when the door suddenly opened.

“Josh? Are you in here?”

Sophia let out a small scream, then covered her mouth with her hand. I blinked a few times to clear the sleep from my head and eyes.

When I stood, she let out another yelp and covered her eyes. “Josh, you’re, um…you’re not wearing any clothes.”

I glanced down, and my damn dick was jutting out like he was begging for the woman standing there to give him attention.

“Shit!” I said as I quickly reached down and grabbed my sweats, pulling them on.

“Oh my God! Oh. My. God . I’m sorry!” Sophia said as she turned one way, then another. Then she spun around and opened her fingers to see where she was, looking again at me.

“Soph, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were going to come into the room, and I just woke up and—”

She dropped her hands to her sides, and her face was beet red. “Please don’t apologize, Josh. I barged into the room as if I owned it. I wasn’t sure where you were, and when I woke up in your room, basically on top of the covers, I figured you must’ve slept somewhere else. I called out your name and…”

I pulled my T-shirt over my head and willed my dick to go down. “You fell asleep in my arms and my room was the closest. I came in here to sleep.”

A look of surprise crossed her face, and I swore I saw disappointment in her eyes for a second. What was that about?

Her gaze fell to my midsection as she asked, “You sleep naked?”

I tried to hide my smile as she kept staring. “I do. And I’m sorry about the situation down there.”

Her eyes snapped up, and there went the blush again. Her hands went to her cheeks. “Oh my God, I was staring. Oh, God!”

She spun around and fled so fast, I thought she’d trip over her own feet.

“Sophia!” I called out.

“I’m so embarrassed. Oh my God…I saw you, and I…I…”

Catching up to her, I grabbed her arm to stop her. “Hey,” I said with a laugh. “You didn’t know.”

She covered her face. “I was cock-gazing!”

I sputtered out another laugh. “I’m sorry… what ?”

Her face was still covered with her hands, and she was mumbling something about wanting to crawl under a rock.

I reached for her hands, lowered them, and bent slightly to look into her eyes. “Hey, it’s okay .”

She chewed nervously on her lower lip.

“It’s okay, alright?”

Nodding, she looked down, then quickly back up—and I couldn’t help but laugh again.

Grinning, I said, “Let’s just forget it, okay?”

Another nod.

“Can you form words?”

She shook her head.

Laughing harder, I asked, “Why?”

“Well, first I was staring, and then I admitted to staring, and then I…I…I…”

“You?”

“Do you know how…um… fit you are?”

It was my turn to blush. “Well, I work out a lot, and working on the ranch helps with that.”

“It shows. Abs…for days…and…if you looked up that little V thing women talk about, your picture would be next to it, not to mention you’re…”She closed her eyes and whispered, “Shut up, Sophia.”

“Well, now I want to know what you were going to say. I’m what?”

She frantically shook her head. “No. I can’t.”

Narrowing my eyes at her, I said, “I dare you to say it.”

A disbelieving chuckle slipped from her lips. “I’m sorry. Did you just dare me?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I nodded. “What were you going to say?”

For a few seconds there, I thought she would try and run away from me again.

“I didn’t take you for someone who wouldn’t say what she was thinking.”

Suddenly, she lifted her chin and looked directly into my eyes. “You’re large , both in length and girth.”

My eyes went wide. “Um…thank you?” I wasn’t sure why that came out sounding like a question.

She fought to keep my gaze, but I knew she wanted to look away. “I’m sure that’s not the first time you’ve heard that, though.”

“You may find this hard to believe, but you’re the first woman to…”It was my turn to let my voice trail off.

Her interest piqued, she asked, “The first woman to what?”

Turning abruptly and heading into the kitchen, I asked, “What would you like for breakfast?”

“Oh, no, Josh. You don’t get to walk away like that. You have to tell me what you were about to say. It’s only fair after I word vomited. I mean, I told you I was cock-gazing!”

Laughing, I looked at her. “Where in the hell did you come up with that?”

She shrugged. “My best friend is kind of…” She looked up in thought. “No, she is the female version of a man whore.”

My eyes went wide again. “Chloe?”

“Yes. I think I’ve told you about some of the guys she’s, um…dated.”

I chuckled. “Yes, you have. Eggs? I also have some fruit.”

“Scrambled eggs and toast sound good. Fruit does as well, but let me help you.”

Motioning around the kitchen, I said, “Make yourself at home.”

Sophia did just that, and we worked together in silence until she said, “I’m the first woman to what?”

I sighed. “You’re not going to give this up, are you?”

She shook her head as she cut some strawberries. “Nope!”

“Fine. You’re the first woman to see me completely naked.”

The knife in her hand clattered to the cutting board. She slowly turned and looked at me. “How is that possible?”

I gave a one-shoulder shrug.

“Do you have some kink about keeping your clothes on when you have sex?”

When I shook my head, she tilted her head and studied me. She picked the knife up and started cutting the fruit again. After slicing two strawberries, she looked back at me.

“Josh…are you gay?”

I nearly choked on my tongue.

“I mean, I don’t care at all. It would be sad for all females because you have a nice…well, you know. But I won’t judge you at all if you like men.”

“I’m not gay, Sophia.”

Her face pulled into a confused expression. “But how has a woman not ever seen you naked? Do you keep the lights off? Because I’m here to tell you that you do not need to be shy with that body. Any woman would love to see and explore it. I mean, I’m saying that strictly as an observation, of course.”

I stirred the eggs and popped bread into the toaster. I glanced at Sophia, who was now studying me like I was some kind of new species she had to examine under a microscope. I focused back on the eggs as I let out a groan and willed my hard-on to go back down.

“I know you don’t have a problem with the little guy getting um…well…hard.”

Turning, I stared at her. “Little guy?”

She laughed. “Well, whatever you want to call him. That is, if you have a name for him. Oh! If you don’t have a name for him, we can come up with one!”

I raised a brow. “Do you have a name for her ?” I asked as I jerked my chin to indicate her lower body.

Glancing down, she shook her head. “No, I never thought about naming her.”

When she looked back up at me, and I knew she was being serious, I laughed.

“Good God, you are unlike any other woman I have ever met.”

“Is that a bad thing?” she asked with a smile.

I stared at her mouth for too long before I dragged my gaze back to the eggs. “Not at all. It’s refreshing.”

The toast popped up, and Sophia grabbed it. “How much butter on your toast?”

I shrugged. “I guess the normal amount.”

“I like a lot of butter, so I’ll do a bit less for you. I like my toast mushy.”

“That’s gross. Why toast it then?”

“It’s not that mushy, just soft. Yeah, soft is a better word. I love soft.” Then she mumbled, “Not to describe other things, though.”

I shook my head and turned back to the eggs. “I’ll take just a little bit of butter. There’s jelly in there as well if you want any.”

“I don’t, do you?”

“No, thanks.”

I turned off the burner, slid the eggs onto our plates, and then returned the hot pan to the stove. I grabbed the salt and pepper grinders and placed them on the island.

“Wow, I didn’t realize how hungry I was,” Sophia said as she peppered her eggs.

“Me, too. Do you want some orange juice?”

“Oh, yes, that sounds good.”

It was strange how natural this felt, as if we had shared space in this kitchen countless times.

“Glasses?” Sophia asked.

Pointing to a cabinet, I replied, “That one right there.”

She grabbed two glasses, and I poured as I asked, “Do you want to eat here on the island or the back porch? It might be a bit chilly out.”

“I think here is okay.”

Sliding onto a stool, I shoved a forkful of eggs into my mouth.

“Why has no woman ever seen you naked?”

Rolling my eyes as I thought we’d left that discussion behind, I sighed. “A woman has seen my junk before. Happy now?”

She tilted her head slightly. “Just one woman? And just your…I wouldn’t use the word ‘junk’ to describe your penis.”

“Please don’t call it a penis. That’s what my mother called it when she was teaching me all the proper names of the body.”

“But that’s what it is. Would you rather I call it your dick? Cock? Pecker? Prick? Shaft? Stick? Winky? Warrior King?”

I choked. “Warrior King?”

She smiled. “You like that one, huh?”

Shaking my head, I said, “Just call it my dick. Wait, why are we even calling it anything?”

Tilting her head, she said, “I like Warrior King or Piston. Are you a fast lover? Like to pound it hard and fast?”

“Oh my God, you did not just ask me that.”

“We won’t go with Piston then. I heard a guy in high school once refer to his as a bald-headed giggle stick.”

“Sophia…please stop.”

She pressed her lips together into a tight line, and for a few moments, I thought we were done.

“So no one but me has seen you completely naked?”

“Yes. No. I mean, no one has seen me completely naked except you.”

“But why ?”

Sighing, I felt my shoulders drop. There was no way she was going to let it go. I could lie or simply tell her the truth.

Drawing in a deep breath, I let out a defeated sigh. “I’m, um…I’ve never had sexual intercourse with a woman. I’ve had women give me hand jobs, and I’ve returned the favor with my hand. But I’ve never slept with a woman, or given or received oral sex.”

Her fork dropped to her plate. I looked up at her and grimaced. Her mouth was hanging open…with eggs in it.

“Soph, your mouth is full of eggs. Could you please close it?”

She snapped it shut and slowly shook her head. She chewed and swallowed and then reached for the orange juice. When she gently placed the glass on the counter, she cleared her throat.

“Again—why?”

“Why?” I repeated.

Her mouth opened, closed, opened again, then closed. With a slight shake of her head, she asked, “Why haven’t you slept with anyone? You don’t have to answer that if it’s too personal of a question. I guess I’m just…shocked.”

“Why are you shocked? Would you be shocked if you were speaking to another woman who’d said she was a virgin?”

Sophia blinked a few times. “You’re right. I wouldn’t be shocked. What a sexist way for me to think. You have every right to save yourself for someone…if that’s what you’re doing.” When I said nothing, she asked, “ Is that what you’re doing?”

I put my fork down and looked at her. “Yes. Call me old-fashioned, but I think if you’re going to share something so intimate with anyone, it should be with someone you truly love.”

“Have you not had girlfriends?”

I nodded. “I have. And I’ve pleasured them and never asked for anything in return. Some offered, some didn’t.” I took a bite of my toast as Sophia looked at me, still in obvious disbelief.

“And did you tell them you were saving yourself?”

Finished chewing, I replied, “No. It never came up. I haven’t dated anyone seriously enough to have the conversation.”

“Wow…I’m just at a loss for words.”

“Is it that hard to believe that a man could be a virgin?”

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry I pressured you into sharing that. I honestly didn’t think that was what you were going to say, but I don’t judge you at all, Josh. As a matter of fact, I think it’s romantic that you’re waiting. I wish I would have, if I’m being completely honest.”

I watched her as she stared at her plate, moving her eggs around with her fork.

“Did you love the person you were with for your first time?” I asked.

A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. “I thought I did. In truth, I was too young to even know what love was.” Her eyes lifted and met mine. “I envy you, Josh.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you know your worth, and the worth of that moment when two people come together. I wish I would have known my own worth. I didn’t.” She shrugged. “Or maybe I did, and I just fancied myself in love.” She looked up and asked, “Have you ever felt like you were in love?”

I thought about her question before slowly shaking my head. “No, I haven’t. I’ve felt desire, and there’s been a time or two when I almost gave in to it. But something always held me back. No, not something; I know what held me back. I couldn’t picture my future with that person, and if I couldn’t picture myself with them for the rest of my life, then I knew I wasn’t in love with them.”

“But do you think you gave the relationship, or relationships, enough time to discover if you could fall in love?”

“I’d like to think I did. Although, to be honest, most women I’ve dated have been after one of two things.”

“Which are?”

“They assume I have money because of who my family is, or they simply like the fact that I’m a firefighter. I want to meet a woman I can just sit and have a real conversation with. Someone who’ll ask me how my day has been or knows that something’s off simply by looking into my eyes. I want a connection .”

“Do you believe in soul mates?” she asked.

My eyes met hers, and something clicked between us. I wasn’t sure what it was, but the way her eyes darkened, I knew she felt it, too.

“Do I believe there’s one person out there for everyone? Yes. I do.”