Perfect Enough

Chapter Twenty – Josh

Chapter Twenty

JOSH

“You look tired,” Larry said as he hit the side of my shoe before sitting on my bed.

“I am tired,” I said as I opened one eye and looked at my friend and fellow firefighter. “How are you not tired?”

“I live for this stuff.”

I huffed. “So do I, but that doesn’t mean I’m superhuman. This is two shifts in a row; I haven’t gotten any sleep.”

“Don’t say that, or another call will go off.”

Closing my eyes, I groaned.

“Shaw!”

The sound of our chief calling my name caused me to sit up.

“Where is your phone?”

“I haven’t lost it, if that’s what you mean,” I said with a half-smile. It faded when I saw the look on his face. I quickly stood. “What’s wrong?”

“Your sister has been trying to get a hold of you. You need to call her back as soon as you can.”

A chill ran down my spine as I looked at Larry, who stood. “I’ll leave you to call.”

Reaching for the side table, I grabbed my phone and saw I had ten missed calls from Rose and five from Nathan. Rose had also sent me two texts that said to call her right away, and Nate sent one, asking me to phone him when I got off the last call we were on.

I stared at my phone, unsure of who to call first. I hit my sister’s name and it went to voicemail and I left her a message that I was on my way home. I pulled up Nathan’s name and called. It instantly went to voicemail.

I felt a lump form in my throat as I grabbed my stuff and turned—only to find Sophia standing in the doorway of our living quarters.

“Sophia.”

Sophia looked down at the floor. My heart felt like it had stopped in my chest.

“What are you doing here?”

Sophia walked up, took my free hand in hers, and squeezed. She blinked back tears.

“Soph, what’s happening?”

She touched my face with her soft hand and said, “It’s your grandfather. He’s had a heart attack.”

Sophia’s words rattled around in my head as I stared at her. “Is he okay?”

“I’m not sure,” Sophia said softly. “Rose called me. Um, you gave her my number she said. She said to come to the station to drive you back to the ranch, to your grandparents’ house. She only told me it was about your grandfather.”

“Josh, do you need us to do anything?” I heard the chief say.

I shook my head and started for the exit. My steps started slow but picked up speed. I could hear Sophia rushing to keep up with me, and the faint sound of Larry telling her to let them know if they could do anything.

Once outside, I didn’t go to my truck; I walked to Sophia’s car. Dropping my bag into the back seat, I slipped into the passenger side and willed Sophia to hurry. She was only seconds behind me.

We drove in silence for the first few minutes before I spoke. Staring out the window, I said, “My granddad was the first person to take me hunting. It’s one of my favorite childhood memories. I shot my first eight-point buck with him. He had a deer blind, and I can remember freezing in it as we waited for what felt like forever. That was when he taught me the value of being patient. If you wanted something hard enough, you just had to say it aloud, believe it in your heart, and never give up.”

“I can’t wait to meet him,” Sophia said as we looked at one another.

“He’s going to love you. Probably tell me you’re the one, because I’ve never brought home a girl for my family to meet.”

She smiled and focused on the road again as she pressed harder on the gas pedal. “Did he teach you other things? Like to ride a horse?”

I shook my head. “Nah, that was my parents. I think they had me on a horse the moment I could sit up all by myself. They waited a few years to put me on a bull.”

Sophia choked. “They put you on a bull as a baby?”

Smiling, I said, “Most bulls are just babies when they’re back home and out to pasture. I’ll introduce you to a few.”

“Um…I’m not sure I’m ready to meet your bull friends just yet.”

I laughed lightly and was so grateful to her for distracting me from the reason she was racing toward my grandparents’ place.

She asked me about growing up on the ranch the rest of the way. I had already answered most of the questions early on in our friendship, but I didn’t mind answering them again. It kept my mind off of the uncertainty about my grandfather. If he was still home, then that was a good thing. At least…I hoped so. We weren’t heading to the hospital.

Sophia tapped in the gate code and drove forward. I told her where to turn to get to Grams and Granddad’s place.

Once we pulled up, I opened the car door and rushed up the steps. Realizing I’d left Sophia behind, I waited. She hurried up the steps, and I took her hand in mine. I opened the front door and found Nate standing in the foyer. He wore a solemn look—and I knew the news wasn’t good. Was Granddad on bed rest, forced to take it easy for the next few months? We could easily make sure he did that. Lots of rest and he’d be fine. He would be fine .

“Nate, how’s Granddad?”

His eyes filled with unshed tears. He looked at Sophia, who held my hand tighter, then back to me.

“He…he had a heart attack.”

I looked around. “But he’s okay? He’s home?”

Nathan slowly shook his head.

“He’s gone, Josh.”

Frowning, I asked, “What do you mean, he’s gone? Where is he? Granddad?” I called out as I walked farther into the house, pulling Sophia with me.

“Josh, Granddad is…he’s gone. He passed.”

I slowly shook my head. “What? No, you’re wrong, Nate. It’s Granddad . He’s not gone. He’s the strongest man we know. He’s still young! No, you’re wrong.”

Looking past him, I saw my mother standing there, tears streaming down her face—and the truth hit me.

“It can’t… No . I…I…I just spoke with him earlier today and he was fine! He was taking a walk…he was fine . We were going fishing this weekend. He wanted to meet Sophia. He needs to meet Sophia!”

“Josh,” Sophia softly whispered.

Turning to her, I said, “I told him all about you this morning. He wants to meet you.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she pressed her lips together tightly. “I’m so sorry, Josh.”

I jerked my hand free of Sophia’s and started calling for Granddad, avoiding my mother when she tried to reach out for me.

“Granddad? Granddad?!”

When I stepped into the living room, I stopped abruptly at the sight before me. All of my uncles were seated around my grams, including Dirk. Her face was pale and she held a handkerchief at her mouth. A glance around the room told me the entire family was there. Avery was wiping her tears away as Beck held her close. He looked as if he’d been crying as well. Bryson held Rose as she buried her face into his shirt. I willed my sister to look at me.

My father was right next to Grams, his head hung low so I couldn’t see his face.

Pulling my eyes from my father, I saw that Blayze looked like someone had punched him in the gut, and Hunter was sitting next to Kipton, who was holding Callie.

When I caught Rose’s eye, I knew. She slowly shook her head, and it took everything I had not to let my legs buckle out from under me.

“No,” I whispered, taking a few steps back and bumping into someone. When I looked over my shoulder and saw Sophia, I immediately turned toward her, into her arms, and let the truth spill over me.

Granddad was gone.

I opted to stay at my parents’ house for the next few days, as did Rose and Bryson with the baby. On two occasions, I found my father in the barn, sitting up in the hayloft with a few beers. I let him have his space the first time, but the second, I joined him.

“Mind if I join you?” I asked before taking the seat he gestured to with his hand.

“I’d love to have you join me.”

I sat and took the beer he offered.

“How’re you doing, Dad?”

He shrugged. “I guess okay. It’s hard to believe he’s gone. I feel lucky to have had him as long as we did, especially knowing Dirk’s father passed away without ever being able to see Dirk happy and a father.” Turning to look at me, he said, “He was really excited to meet Sophia. He told me he thought she had to be the one, since you were bringing her to meet the family.”

I took a long drink of my beer.

“Is she?”

“The one?” I asked. “We’ve only just started dating, but I feel something for her that I’ve never felt for anyone else.”

He nodded. “That’s good, Josh. She seems like a very lovely girl.”

Pulling another long drink of the beer, I set it down next to me. “This wasn’t how I wanted to introduce her to the family.”

“I know, but I’m glad you have her by your side. Your mother worries about Rose, but Bryson assured her that she and the baby are both fine.”

Staring out across the ranch, I took a deep breath. “Things aren’t going to be the same without him here, Dad. Nothing feels…right.”

He exhaled. “I know.”

Our grandfather wanted a private, family-only funeral, and if the family chose to have a memorial or celebration of life, that was fine. The funeral had been yesterday, and the memorial was today at the community center. It had been the hardest day of my life, but having Sophia by my side had been a lifesaver.

“How is Grams holding up?” I asked. “Sophia and I visited her this morning, and she seemed to be okay. I know she’s keeping busy with everything, but Sophia thinks once the memorial is over, Grams will need us more than ever.”

“I’ve already spoken to your uncles about that. We have no intention of leaving her alone. She’ll have plenty of people to stay with her. Your mother thought maybe we should just pack up and stay at the house for a bit. I think that might be a good idea.”

All I could do was nod. We sat there for another ten minutes in silence before my father finally said, “We need to get ready for the memorial service.”

He stood, and I remained seated.

“Josh?”

“I talked to him not even an hour before it happened, Dad. He was fine. He was coming back from his daily walk, and he sounded great. We were going fishing, and he was going to meet Sophia. I wanted him to meet her…” I said, my voice cracking from holding back my tears.

He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “He would have adored her, Josh.”

I wiped angrily at a tear and stood. “I guess I’ll never know.”

Before I could walk off, my father took my arm and brought me to a stop. “I know how close you and your grandfather were, Josh. He loved every one of you kids, but I know you spoke with him every single day. You confided in him, and I love that you had a close relationship. But you and I both know he would want you to let go of this anger.”

I jerked my arm free. “Let it go? I can’t let it go. Granddad got to see everyone find love, get married and have kids. What about me and Nate? We won’t get to see his face when we tell him we’re getting married or having a child. We won’t ever see him holding our kids and loving them like he has everyone else’s. How is that fair?”

“Life isn’t fair, Josh.”

I pushed my father, causing him to stumble back. “How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true!” he shouted. “Do you think I’m not angry? That was my father . The man I went to for everything my entire life. Do you think I don’t hate that he isn’t going to be here to see Rose’s baby next spring, or see you settled and having a family of your own? It fucking pisses me off to no end! But at the same time, I’m so thankful to have had him for as long as we have.”

Shaking my head, I turned away and asked brokenly, “Did he die alone?”

I hadn’t asked anyone about where Granddad was when he had the heart attack, and I hadn’t planned on asking…but now, the words just slipped out.

“No. He’d just come in from his walk and was in the kitchen making a snack. Mom heard a loud clatter and rushed in to find him on the floor. She called nine-one-one, but he was gone by the time they got there. Lincoln was visiting at the time, and she called Brock. Lincoln was doing CPR when he got there, and Brock took over. But…”

His words faded.

“If I’d been there, I might have been able to save him. Instead, I was trying to extinguish a fire some stupid kids started. I wasn’t there for him like I should have been.”

“Don’t do that, Josh. Don’t put that on yourself.” After a few more moments of silence, he cleared his throat. “Let’s go get ready for the memorial, son.”

Turning, I followed my father out of the barn and back to the house. I had hoped as the days went on, the heaviness in my chest would start to ease just a bit, but it only grew worse. Maybe after the memorial. Perhaps then, my heart wouldn’t feel so broken.