Perfect Enough

Chapter Twenty-One – Sophia

Chapter Twenty-One

SOPHIA

I paused when I stepped into Josh’s bedroom in his parents’ house. He was staring out the window.

“Need help with your tie?” I asked softly.

He turned and smiled slightly. It was the first smile I’d seen in the last few days. I’d stayed at Josh’s house while he stayed with his family. His mom, Kaylee, had also offered for me to stay, but it didn’t feel right. My mother had taken care of my classes, and I’d gone to the station to let them know what was happening and when the memorial would be for Ty Sr. Josh hadn’t taken any phone calls, not even from the guys at work. I’d asked Kaylee if I should go and fill them in, and she’d agreed that I should, grateful for the help.

Josh walked over to a mirror. “I hate ties.”

I smiled as I walked over and stood in front of him. “So did my father. I used to do all of his for him.”

He looked down at me, and I could practically feel the sadness flowing from him. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet him. He would have loved you.”

After straightening his tie, I patted his chest. “I’m sure I would have loved him as well. I’ve heard lots of stories the last few days.”

Josh smiled again, but it was forced. “Thank you for staying. I think I’ll go home tonight so we can be together.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying there alone. Although, it’s a little scary just because it’s so dark and quiet. I’m glad you showed me how to set the alarm.”

“Yeah, I’m ready to be back in my bed and out of my old high school room that I swear my mother has left as a shrine.”

I laughed lightly as I glanced around the room. When I looked back at Josh, the sadness had returned.

“We should probably head down now. I’m sure everyone is waiting on me and that’s why they sent you up here.”

“I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t true.”

Josh took my hand and we made our way back downstairs to meet his family. The memorial was being held in Hamilton at the community center founded by Josh’s uncle Brock.

Josh accepted a hug from his sister, and as we all walked toward the door, Kaylee took my hand and held me back.

“Sophia, sweetheart, I wanted to talk to you quickly.”

Glancing back to Josh, making his way out, I nodded and focused on his mother. Everyone in his family had been so kind to me, introducing themselves the night Ty passed. At first I’d felt like an outsider, intruding on an intensely personal moment, but that changed quickly when Kaylee and Lincoln both took charge of making me feel welcome. I would forever be grateful to them for that.

“Is everything okay, Mrs. Shaw?”

With a soft smile, she squeezed my hand. “Please call me Kaylee.”

I nodded.

Her eyes darted past me for the briefest of moments. “Over the last few days, you’ve seen how close the kids were with their grandfather. Nate and Josh, being the youngest, were both exceptionally close to him. They spent a great deal of time with Ty Senior, and Josh spoke to him daily.”

“Yes, I knew even before all this that Josh was close with his grandfather. He spoke of him and Stella several times.”

Kaylee nodded and exhaled. “He’ll try to act like he’s okay, but I don’t think he’s handling this well. Call it a mother’s intuition.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“Let’s start walking out; they’re looking back at us.”

We both started to walk slowly, and I waited as Kaylee shut and locked the door.

“If he’s anything like his father, he’s going to push everyone away, just like Ty’s done in the past. I need you to not let him push you away for good. No matter what he says in the upcoming days or weeks, please do not give up on him. Don’t let him take his frustrations out on you, but please don’t let him force you away.”

I was stunned by this revelation. I wanted to ask her why in the world she thought Josh would push anyone away. He loved his family more than anything.

“Why would he do that?” I asked quietly as we drew closer to the cars. Josh glanced at me with his mother, and he smiled softly.

Kaylee took my hands and brought me to a stop once again. “He told his father earlier that he blames himself for not being here to save Ty. I’m just worried. His father was so much like him when he was younger, and I just don’t want you to be hurt if Josh should say something I know he’ll regret later.”

I shook my head. “Kaylee, I can’t imagine him ever saying a hurtful thing to me.”

She smiled, but it was barely there. “Just remember what I’m telling you, okay? Grief can make people do things they wouldn’t normally do.”

My father popped into my mind, and I nodded. “That, I have experience with.”

Kaylee looked intrigued, so I guessed Josh had never mentioned my father taking his own life.

Giving her hands a reassuring squeeze, I said, “I promise I won’t let him push me away.”

With a look of relief on her face, we started toward everyone. “Who’s going to drive with us?” Kaylee asked.

“I think Sophia and I will take my truck, if that’s okay with you, Mom?”

Kaylee placed her hand on Josh’s arm. “Of course it is.”

Josh opened the door to his truck for me, and I slipped in. He hugged his mother and sister and then joined me. The ride into town was quiet, and I let Josh be alone with his thoughts. I was intimately familiar with what he was going through, and sometimes, you needed silence to clear your head.

When we pulled up and parked, I knew Josh was hanging on by a thin thread. I took his hand in mine, and when he looked at me, tears building in his eyes, my heart almost shattered.

“I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “Thank you, Soph.”

After the memorial, family and close friends returned to Stella and Ty’s house for a small dinner. Laughter and tears filled the rooms as people shared memories of Ty Sr. I smiled a lot, and fought back tears even more. Josh sat in the living room, a beer in his hand that he nursed the entire time his cousins talked about their favorite memories of their grandfather.

Sitting in the dining room, I had a clear view of him. He would smile when the occasion called for it, and even laugh at times, but I could tell he was slipping increasingly into a dark place. I stood and made my way over to Kaylee and Ty Jr.

“Sophia, sweetheart,” Kaylee said as she took my hands and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you so much for being here for Josh.”

“Of course,” I replied. “Um, speaking of Josh, I think maybe I should drive him home.”

Josh’s father turned to look at his son. “Has he drank too much?”

“No, not at all. I think he’s been nursing that same beer all night. He just seems to be…somewhere else, if that makes sense. I know after my father passed, during his memorial, it got to a point where I wanted to scream for everyone to leave and I just wanted to be alone.”

They both looked at him again and nodded.

“I agree,” Kaylee said. “We’ll stay with Stella for the next few nights, maybe longer. If you need anything, let us know?”

“Yes, of course I will.”

After hugging them both, and saying my goodbyes to Stella and a few others, I made my way to Josh, who was now standing at a window looking out into the darkness.

I gently placed my hand on his arm. “Would you like to head home now?”

He closed his eyes and nodded. “More than anything.” Turning to face me, he asked, “Can you drive? I’ve only had a couple beers, but I’d like to close my eyes. My head is pounding.”

“Of course I can.”

When we got to Josh’s house, he changed and showered in his en suite bathroom. I leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the night while waiting for him. Fall was right around the corner, and the temperatures were dropping more and more each night, but tonight, the slight chill in the air felt good, so I kept the French doors open.

I could feel Josh before he even touched me. “Are you hot?” he asked, before he kissed the side of my neck.

“Not at all; as a matter of fact, I’m kind of chilly.”

“Why are you standing here with the door open then?”

Turning in his arms, I replied, “The air feels crisp and clean.”

He drew me into the room and shut the door. Cupping my face with his hands, he lowered his mouth and kissed me. It was slow and sweet, and I could feel myself melting into his body.

“I want you, Sophia.”

My eyes snapped open, and I drew back. “What?”

He ran his nose along my jawline before capturing my mouth once again. The kiss was becoming more passionate, and if I didn’t stop kissing him back, I would lose all control and do whatever Josh wanted.

With my hand on his chest, I pushed him back slightly. “Josh,” I said between gasps of air.

“Tell me you’ll let me make you mine tonight.”

“Tonight?” I asked, shocked that he would even suggest it. “I…I…I’m not sure tonight is a good idea. You need to make sure this is something you want.”

He frowned. “You don’t think I know what I want?”

“Of course not, it’s just…”

Josh took a step back. “It’s just what?”

My hands twisted together as I stood before him, trying to figure out how to word my thoughts carefully. “Your emotions are most likely all over the place tonight, and you might think this is something you want to do now , but…it might not be for the right reasons.”

He stared at me for the longest time, then let out a bitter laugh. “I’ve waited my entire life for you, want to give myself to you, and you’re turning me down?”

“No!” I quickly said, taking a step toward him. My hand reached for him, but he backed away from me. “Josh, I want you more than anything. But I know what this means to you, and I just don’t want you to have any regrets.”

He turned away and headed over to the bar. “Too late for that.”

I jerked back like he’d slapped me. “What does that mean?”

Josh shrugged as he opened the whiskey and drank straight from the bottle.

“Josh, let me pour you a proper glass.”

He dropped the bottle to his side, and I was momentarily worried that he would let it fall to the floor. “What you can do for me is leave,” he said.

Raising my brows, I said, “I’m sorry? You want me to leave because I won’t have sex with you on the day of your grandfather’s memorial?”

It was his turn to flinch. “I want to be alone.”

I crossed my arms and said, “That’s funny. Not two minutes ago, you wanted me to sleep with you, and now you want to be alone.”

“Yes, Sophia, I want to be alone. I thought maybe you could help me forget, but clearly you’re not interested in that.”

Anger was starting to threaten to boil over. “No, Josh. Because you know what will happen after we have sex?”

He sneered at me. “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“Yes, I am. You’ll be exactly where you are now—still grieving. And then what should have been our most special moment ever, won’t be so special at all. I’m not doing that to you or to me. Hate me all you want right now, but you’ll thank me in the end.”

He pushed off the bar and drank more whiskey. “I’m going to bed, so you can just leave. I don’t need you here.”

When he walked past me, I had to force myself not to reach out for him. I instantly thought about what Kaylee had said to me earlier. My goodness, mother’s intuition, indeed. He was hurting, and I knew that. But if he thought he could push me away, he had another thing coming.

I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. I’d been staying in the guest bedroom, not wanting to sleep in Josh’s bed without him, and was grateful for that decision now. It meant I didn’t have to go into Josh’s room to get my things. Picking up my phone from the coffee table, I saw I had a text from my mother.

Mom: How is everyone? How’s Josh?

Me: He’s hurt and angry. He tried pushing me away, but I’m not leaving.

Mom: Smart of you. Give him time and space, but let him know you’re there for him when he needs you.

Me: How did the meeting go with the real estate guy?

I watched as the dots moved on my screen for what felt like a lifetime before her text came through.

Mom: He already has an interested buyer. We might be selling faster than I thought. I emailed all our students to let them know that classes will end in the next two weeks.

Two weeks?!

Me: Why so quickly?

Mom: I needed to let them know there’s a potential buyer and that they may not want to teach what we currently do. I told them as soon as we know, they’ll know.

I let out a breath and dropped onto the sofa. My life was changing so fast, and a part of me was excited, but the other part was in freak-out mode.

Me: I guess I might be helping Haven sooner than I thought!

Mom: Maybe! It’s been a long day, I’m sure for you as well. ’Night, sweetheart.

Me: ’Night. Talk to you tomorrow.

I sat on the couch for nearly an hour, thinking of Josh, my mom, and my future, before I decided to head to bed. I stopped by Josh’s room first and knocked lightly on the door. It wasn’t shut, so I pushed the door open slightly and found Josh lying face-down on the bed, that stupid whiskey bottle still in his hand slung over the side of the bed.

I entered the room, took the bottle, and set it on the dresser. I removed Josh’s shoes and socks and carefully crawled onto the bed. Rolling him over, I unbuttoned his pants and worked at getting them off.

“My God, how much did you drink?” I huffed as I attempted to remove the pants while Josh slept like a log. He must have had more than I thought.

Unbuttoning his shirt, I somehow managed to roll him onto one side, then the other, to remove the shirt. I left his boxers on and woke him up enough to get him to move under the covers. Leaning down, I kissed his lips softly.

“Please don’t push me away,” I whispered, sighing as I looked over his handsome face.

He let out a moan and rolled to his side.

That was my cue to leave. Grabbing the whiskey bottle, I headed to the door. Before I walked through it, I stopped and glanced over my shoulder.

My heart hurt for Josh and his whole family. I wanted desperately to tell him I loved him, but I knew it was too soon. And I had a feeling the next few days would be a true test for both of us.