Perfect Enough

Chapter Twenty–Two – Josh

Chapter Twenty-Two

JOSH

The sounds of morning filtered through the closed windows, and I slowly opened one eye to see sunlight pouring into my bedroom. When I opened the other eye, I groaned.

“Fuck, how much did I drink?”

Taking it very slow, I sat up and looked around the room, then at the empty, obviously undisturbed spot beside me in the bed.

The memories from last night came rushing back…and all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and go back to sleep.

I had been cruel to Sophia—and I hated myself for it. I wanted to forget the last week had even existed. My eyes closed, and I felt myself drift off to sleep again. If I slept, I wouldn’t have to think about anything. Sophia, my job, my family. Losing Granddad. All of it would fade away, and I would have a few moments of peace.

A soft knock on my door caused me to lift my head and curse. “Go away, Nate.”

When I heard the knob turning, I sat up, ready to tell him to fuck off. The room tilted wildly, and I had to close my eyes to make the spinning stop.

“Go bother someone else, would you, Nate?”

A soft voice cleared. “It’s me, not Nate.”

My eyes snapped open to see Sophia standing there, a tray in her hand. “I made you some breakfast and Chloe’s famous hangover remedy.”

I raised a brow. “She has her own hangover remedy?”

Smiling slightly, she made her way inside. “She didn’t come up with it, but we’ve used it a lot in the past.”

Sitting up straighter in bed, I wanted to tell her I wasn’t hungry, but after the way I’d treated her last night, I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

“I hope your stomach feels okay. I made scrambled eggs, bacon, and some toast.”

The smell of bacon reached me, and my stomach growled. I wasn’t even sure when the last time I ate might’ve been.

“When was the last time you ate?” Sophia asked, reading my mind as she set the tray down on the bed.

“I didn’t even know I had a table for breakfast in bed.”

She grinned. “I hope you don’t mind. I was looking through your butler’s pantry and found it. Your mom and sister made sure you had everything.”

I nodded. “That doesn’t surprise me.” Picking up the drink, I smelled it. “What is this again?”

“Hangover cure. It’s actually called The Corpse Reviver, and I was honestly surprised you had everything for it, even the absinthe.”

My head whipped up to look at her, making me dizzy again. “Why in the hell would you put that in a hangover drink?”

“You just coat the glass with it. It has dry gin, Lillet Blanc, orange liqueur, and fresh lemon juice.”

When I looked at her skeptically, she giggled lightly. “Trust me. Eat first to get something in your stomach, then drink it.”

There was a strange energy between us, and I didn’t like it, but I knew it was from last night. Should I bring it up or simply ignore it?

Sophia bent down and picked up some clothes from the floor. I must have just stripped out of them and crashed last night.

“Have you eaten yet?”

She walked into the bathroom and put the clothes in the hamper, or so I assumed. When she returned to the room, she smiled.

“I have. Nate stopped by earlier, and we had some eggs and bacon.”

Frowning, I asked, “You ate breakfast with Nate?”

Sophia nodded. “I forgot your water; let me go grab it.”

“Wait—while I was sleeping, you had a cozy breakfast with my cousin?”

Looking confused, Sophia replied, “It was just breakfast, Josh. He stopped by to see you, and I said you were still sleeping. I was about to make breakfast for myself anyway, so I asked if he wanted to join me. I wasn’t sure when you’d be waking up.”

I was surprised to feel an insane amount of jealousy racing through my body. “Well, I’m glad you had company for breakfast then.”

Her brow furrowed. “Are you upset?”

“No, Sophia. I enjoy hearing my girlfriend would rather have breakfast with my cousin than me.”

“You were sleeping, Josh,” she said gently.

“Don’t treat me like a child.”

She drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I was going to run to the grocery store, get some things to make lunch and dinner. Is there anything you want me to pick up or that you’re in the mood for?”

“When are you heading home?”

My question seemed to take her by surprise. “I was going to stay here with you.”

I took a bite of the eggs. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Believe it or not, I simply wanted to be with you, Josh. I know what you’re going through.”

“I’m not in the mood for company.”

I could feel her eyes on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I didn’t want to be mean, but all I wanted to do was be alone.

“Then you can ignore me, because I’m not leaving.”

My eyes lifted then, and I found her standing at the foot of my bed with her arms folded across her chest. “You don’t have classes you need to teach?”

She shook her head.

“I thought you were meeting with Haven again.”

“I am meeting with Haven. Tomorrow morning.”

Going back to eating, I finished everything and picked up the hangover drink. I took a quick whiff and was surprised to find that it smelled good. I downed it before picking up the water and drinking all of that as well.

“Okay, well, that’s one way to drink it,” she said, taking the tray and stepping back. “Do you want me to get you anything else?”

“I’m not sick, damn it! I’m just fucking tired and want to be left alone.”

Sophia’s jaw clenched, but she didn’t say anything else. Instead, she turned and walked out of the room, softly shutting the door behind her.

I swung my feet around and stood. At least I wasn’t dizzy anymore. My hand scrubbed down my face as I made my way into the bathroom. I turned on the hot water, took off my boxers, and stepped under the spray. It felt good when my muscles finally started to relax. I wasn’t sure if it was the food, drink, or hot water, but I slowly began to feel like myself.

The pain in my chest hadn’t eased any, though, and I fought to keep myself from punching the tile wall. It wasn’t fair that he was gone. There were so many things we still needed to do. The old car Granddad wanted to get and restore. That was still on our list. A camping trip with me and Nate was planned for next month. We couldn’t wait to fish and just hang out with him.

He was going to meet Sophia. I’d told him I was falling in love with her the very morning he passed away.

Resting my hand on the cold tile wall, I hung my head and let the tears fall. He’d never meet Sophia, hold my kids, or tell me how much they reminded him of me. We’d never hear him go on and on about how he didn’t like game night, knowing that he secretly loved it. I’d never see his smile again.

The feeling of grief swept over me harder than ever before. I dropped my hand, clenched my fists together and let out a frustrated “fuck!” so loud, I was sure Sophia heard me.

Lifting my head, I stared up at the ceiling and yelled, “Why did you take him from us? Why? I hate you! I hate you! ”

When my body sagged against the shower wall, I slowly slid down and sat on the floor. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there as the hot water slowly turned ice cold.

I walked into the kitchen and found no signs of Sophia. After checking the guest room where she was staying, I sighed inwardly when I saw her things still there. I’d told her to leave but hadn’t truly wanted her to go. I just needed some time to myself.

“Sophia?” I called out as I opened the back door and looked to see if she was in the yard. When I couldn’t find her anywhere, I finally looked out front to see her car was gone.

My phone rang, and I picked it up to see the captain calling me. I sent it to voicemail. It had been a week since I’d gotten that call from my sister to come home. It felt like an eternity. The planning for the funeral, then the funeral itself, had been difficult enough. But seeing my grandmother and everyone else so brokenhearted, then the memorial last night…

I was glad it was all over. The constant reminders of him being gone were too much to handle. The stories initially made me smile and comforted me, but they only made me angrier as the days went on.

A text came through, and I looked down to see it was Eric.

Cap: I wanted to see how you were doing, Josh. I want you to know you can take as much time as you need before returning to the station.

Staring at his text, I was reminded that if I’d been here on the ranch that day, I might have been able to save Granddad’s life. Instead, I was working a fire.

Closing my eyes, I recalled the day I’d told Granddad I wouldn’t be working on the ranch full time anymore. He’d been so supportive, but I could see it in his face—he was also slightly disappointed. He would never say it, but I knew.

I glanced around the house and almost laughed. This was what I’d said I wanted, wasn’t it? To be alone. Now I was, and the silence was almost too much to take.

I headed back to my room and changed. I needed fresh air, and being on the back of a horse would do the trick.

After changing, I made my way to my truck in time to see Sophia pulling up. She got out of her car and walked over.

“Your mother wanted me to come and pick up a lasagna and some salad that was brought over. She said they have too much food.” When I said nothing, she looked me up and down and asked, “Are you going somewhere?”

“Riding. I need to clear my head and get some fresh air.”

Nodding, she chewed on her lower lip. “Would you like the lasagna for lunch?”

I shook my head. “I think I’ll go see Grams after, so I’ll just have lunch there.”

“Oh, okay, that sounds good.”

I was so confused. When I was alone, I didn’t want to be, but seeing Sophia only made me think about last night, and that made me feel even more shitty. “You don’t have to stay here, Sophia. You can go home.”

“So you’ve told me.”

I kicked at nothing on the ground. “Truth be told, Soph, I’d like you to just leave me be for a few days.” The hurt in her eyes about dropped me to my knees. When she said nothing, I added, “I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

Sophia looked down at the ground and drew in a deep breath. When she looked back up at me, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll leave you be…but, Josh, pushing away people who love you isn’t going to help you feel any better. Trust me. I speak from experience.”

I blinked. “People who love me?”

“ Yes !” she nearly shouted. “I’m falling in love with you, Josh. Hell, I might have fallen a while ago, but…I also care about you, and I won’t let you just shove me to the side. I want to be here for you. Why won’t you let me?”

“I’m not shoving you anywhere , Sophia. Fuck! I’m simply asking for you to leave me the hell alone. I don’t want you here, do you understand that? I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to have lunch. I want you to go , and I don’t know any other way to say it.”

She took a step back. “I promised your mother I wouldn’t abandon you, and I won’t. But you don’t get to talk to me that way. I know you’re hurting, and you want to lash out, but I’m not a punching bag, Josh.”

I opened the door to my truck and got in. “I’ll talk to you later, Sophia.”

I shut the door and started the truck. When I started down the drive, I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw Sophia wipe away a tear.

Hitting the steering wheel, I cursed. “Fucking hell! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” The look of hurt on her face was one I would never forget for as long as I lived.

I’d make it up to her when I got back from riding. The fresh air and time alone would help me clear my head, and I’d apologize to her after lunch.

The second I saw Sophia’s car was gone my heart started to race. She had mentioned going to the grocery store, so I told myself that was where she was.

After parking, I made my way into the house and straight to the guest bedroom. I paused at the door, closed my eyes, and squeezed them shut, hoping that when I opened them, I would find her things still in the room.

Slowly taking another look I walked in and sat down on the bed. My head fell as I let the tears fall freely.

Sophia had left. Just like I had told her to do.

I stood and made my way out of the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Leaning against it, I closed my eyes as I felt the first tear fall.