Perfect Enough

Chapter Twenty-Four – Josh

Chapter Twenty-Four

JOSH

“Try to at least look like you’re not in a miserable mood, Josh,” Nate said as he handed me a beer bottle.

“I should have just stayed home. I didn’t want to come out in the first place.”

Nate sat next to me. “It’s Decker’s birthday.”

After taking a long pull from the beer bottle, I looked at my cousin. “It doesn’t feel right, out celebrating something when Granddad’s gone.”

“Josh, he wouldn’t want us sitting at home or pushing people away who care about us.”

I shot him a dirty look. “I should never have told you about Sophia.”

“You didn’t. I asked where she was and when you didn’t answer, I guessed what happened. I can’t help it if I figured it out.”

Taking another drink of my beer, I ignored him.

Two women walked up and asked us to dance. When I turned the one down, the other one looked at Nate with raised brows.

“Maybe next time, ladies,” Nate politely said as he flashed them a wide smile.

Nate turned and looked at me as the two women walked off.

“I’m not dancing with anyone.” I knew I was acting like a child, but dancing with someone other than Sophia didn’t feel right. A part of me wished I’d reached out to her and invited her to go out with me tonight. I had been even more miserable with her gone, and it was no one’s fault but my own.

“I didn’t say a damn thing,” Nate stated.

“Hey, Josh, how’s it going?”

Glancing up, I saw Lacey Milton standing there with a bright smile on her face. Her dark brown pixie cut was tousled, and her blue eyes sparkled as she looked between Nate and me. We’d gone to high school with her…and the number of times we’d both turned this woman down was insane.

“Lacey,” I replied with a slight nod of my head to her.

She sat down, and Nate and I exchanged looks.

“I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. My condolences to you both.”

“Thank you, Lacey,” Nate said before glancing over to the dance floor.

“Is there anything I can do for you, Josh?” Lacey asked, her hand moving to my leg under the table.

Reaching for her hand, I moved it. “Thank you, but no.”

She pouted, and Nate laughed. “You can come over to my side. I won’t say no.”

Lacey winked at him. “Have you guys ever thought about a threesome?”

Nate nearly spit out his beer. “That would be a hard pass. I’m not risking crossing swords with my cousin.”

Lacey glanced at me. “One of you could watch.”

I snarled my lip at her. “No, thanks.”

“Okay, well, my friend from New York City is here. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind getting to know you more, Nate.”

Another woman approached the table before we could tell Lacey to move on.

“Speak of the devil,” Lacey said with a laugh. “Laney, this is Josh and Nate Shaw. I was telling you about them.”

Laney took a seat as well, and I nearly groaned. It was turning out to be a really bad idea to come out tonight.

“Are you boys here with the rest of the cowboys?”

I glanced past her to see Decker returning to our large table. He’d already done his fair share of dancing and drinking.

“Boys?” Nate asked, his brows raised.

Laney and Lacey both laughed. “You know what I meant,” the former said.

Nate cleared his throat and had to speak up over the music. “Ladies, we appreciate your company, but tonight we’re just here to celebrate Decker’s birthday.”

“Speaking of!” Decker said, jumping up and downing his beer. “She’s here!”

We watched him walk through the crowd toward the bar’s entrance, and I longed to follow him so I could leave and head home.

“Who?” I asked.

Nate shrugged. “Some girl he met a few weeks ago. He’s done nothing but talk about her since they met.”

“Really?” I tried to see through the crowd, but Decker had vanished into the sea of people. “Good for him,” I said.

Again, Nate glanced at Lacey and Laney. “I don’t think you ladies are going to get what you’re looking for here.”

Lacey stood and attempted to sit on my lap. “Come on, Josh. I can make you feel better if you just let me.”

“That’s enough, Lacey.” I removed her from my lap. “I think you both need to go.”

Nate took one for the team. “Come dance with me, Lacey.”

She smiled and quickly made her way to the dance floor with Nate. Laney looked at me with a hopeful expression.

“Sorry. I’m not in the mood for dancing.”

Leaning toward me, she looked me over thoughtfully. “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, Josh. Lacey told me about your grandfather. The worst thing you can do is sit alone in the dark.”

I smiled slightly. “I’m not in the dark. There are lights everywhere.”

Standing, she reached for my hand. “Listen, I’m not sure why Lacey wants to hook up with you so badly, but I’m just in town on vacation. I’m not looking for anything but a chance to have a fun night. Dance with me. It’ll be good for you, and I can go back to New York and tell them I danced with a handsome cowboy.”

When she just waited patiently, and it was clear she wouldn’t give up, I stood with a sigh and followed her to the dance floor. It was a slow song, and I kept a reasonable distance between us.

“Have you thought about talking to someone about your grandfather’s death?”

“You mean a therapist?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you find it odd to talk to a stranger about going to counseling? You don’t even know me.”

She laughed. “I am a therapist, so I don’t find it strange. Moreover, I’m a grief therapist. Sometimes, talking to someone who doesn’t have a stake in your grief helps.”

“A stake in my grief?”

Nodding, she went on. “Your cousin Nate, for example. He’s grieving just like you are, so you’re not always able to talk to him about it because he’s going through the same thing. He might be handling it differently than you, but the fact is, he’s in the same spot. Same with your father or mother, depending on whose father it was. A best friend and or a girlfriend is also sometimes hard to speak to because they also have a stake in how this loss affects you. Yes, they’ll all insist you can come to them and talk about your grief, and I’m sure they’ll mean it sincerely…but what you might actually need is a stranger.”

Raising a brow, I asked, “Are you volunteering?”

She laughed. “I am not. This therapist is on vacation.”

Guilt instantly slammed against my chest as I thought about Sophia. “I have a girlfriend, but I haven’t acted much like a boyfriend the last few days. I shouldn’t be dancing with you.”

“Why not? We’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just a dance, Josh.”

I thought about how I had reacted to Sophia having breakfast with Nate.

Shrugging, I said, “I pushed her away. I’ve just wanted to be alone. I’ve got some things I need to decide.”

“And you don’t think she’d want to be part of those decisions?”

“I need to decide them on my own.”

Laney nodded and looked around the dance floor. “So why come out tonight, if it’s clear you’d rather sit alone with your thoughts?”

“I was forced to.”

She laughed again. “Somehow, Josh, I can’t imagine anyone forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. Try again.”

“I think you’re wearing your therapist hat, Laney. Weren’t you the one who told me you were on vacation?”

“You’re right. I did. Let’s just enjoy our dance then, shall we?”

Before I could reply, the strangest sensation washed over me. I looked beyond Laney, over to the table where our group had been sitting—and came to an abrupt halt.

Sophia was standing at the table, next to another woman with blonde hair who was talking to Decker. She was staring at me and Laney.

“Sophia.”

“Who?” Laney asked as she glanced around. She must have seen where I was looking. “Is that your girlfriend?”

Without answering her, I started making my way through the crowd. I lost sight of Sophia and felt my heartbeat picking up. I knew what she was most likely thinking. Pushing through the last of the dancers, I looked around when I got to the table.

“Where did she go?” I asked.

The other woman looked at me. “Josh? I’m Chloe, Sophia’s best friend.” She looked to my right…and frowned.

When I glanced back, Laney was standing there.

Chloe’s eyes darted to mine, and she slowly shook her head. “I had to beg her to come with me because she’s been so upset, and here you are, out having a grand ol’ time.”

“It’s not what you think,” I quickly said, looking around for Sophia. “Where did she go?”

“She left,” Chloe said bluntly, her hands on her hips and a look of pure anger on her face.

My gaze snapped back to Decker and Chloe. “What do you mean, she left? Didn’t you just get here?”

When Chloe said nothing, just continued to glare, I turned and started for the exit. Nate and Lacey were walking off the dance floor, and I bumped into him as I tried to get by.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Sophia was here, and she saw me dancing with Laney,” I said, as I struggled to get through the crowd. The DJ was taking a break, and everyone was trying to leave the dance floor.

“Wait, what do you mean Sophia was here? Did you invite her?” Nate called out to me as he followed behind.

“No!” I shouted over my shoulder. “She showed up with the girl Decker likes.”

Nate grabbed my arm, bringing me to a stop. “ What ? She knows Decker’s girl?”

“It’s Chloe, her best friend.”

Nate’s expression went from confused to shocked. “She’s the same Chloe? Holy shit, I had no idea, Josh.”

“I need to get to her before she leaves.” I turned and continued toward the door. Once I reached it, I slammed it open and jogged outside.

Scanning the parking lot, I didn’t see Sophia anywhere.

“Shit!”

Nate exited moments after I did. “What kind of car does she drive?”

A movement to my left caught my eye. “There she is. Sophia! Sophia!”

Without so much as looking back at me, Sophia started to walk faster.

“Don’t just stand here. Go get her!” Nate said, giving me a shove.

I took off running and got to her right as she opened her car door. “Soph, wait!”

“Just go back inside, Josh.”

“Wait! Will you stop for a moment so we can talk?”

Turning to face me, she narrowed her eyes. “ Now you want to talk? You seemed to be enjoying your talk with the woman you were dancing with. Why don’t you go back inside and chat with her ? I don’t want to hear anything you have to say right now.”

I grabbed the door. “Sophia, please wait.”

“Why? You asked for space, and I gave it to you. You told me to leave your home, and I did. I’ve reached out to you, and you’ve ignored me. Why should I keep waiting? Clearly, you’ve moved past the stage of wanting to be alone, since you’re here tonight…but I wasn’t the person you wanted to be with.”

“That’s not true.”

She placed her hands on my chest and pushed me away from the car. “I’m going home. I should never have come out tonight,” she said.

“Come back to my house, please?”

Sophia slowly turned to look at me. “Why?”

Confused, I replied, “What do you mean, why?”

“Why do you want me to come back with you, Josh? Is it because you feel guilty for something?”

“I didn’t do anything wrong. It was just a dance.”

She nodded. “Maybe so. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that you’ve been ignoring me. I know the pain you’re feeling. Trust me. But I would never treat you the way you’ve treated me, not in a million years.”

I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry, Sophia.”

When she said nothing, I opened my eyes to find hers filled with tears. My heart, or what was left of it, shattered.

“I’ve got an early morning tomorrow. Good night, Josh.”

I placed my hand on her arm and said, “ Please , Sophia. Don’t leave.”

She drew in a deep breath and slowly let out. Gripping the door harder, she kept her face away from me as she spoke. “You’ve ignored all my texts. The only reason you’re even talking to me right now is because you think I’m upset about seeing you with another woman. And you’re right, I am.” Her eyes met mine. “And I’m sure it was innocent, the dance you had with her, and whoever else you might’ve danced with tonight.”

“No one else. And I only danced with her because she wouldn’t stop hounding me.”

“Yes,” she said softly. “It looked like you were having a miserable time.”

I closed my eyes again, briefly, then looked at her. “Sophia, she was talking to me about grief and how I needed to talk to a therapist. She’s a grief counselor herself, here on vacation from New York. It was just…different talking to her.”

“Well, don’t let me keep you from returning to your conversation.”

“Sophia,” I said as she slipped into the car and shut the door. “Please… please don’t do this.”

The car started, and she began to back up.

“Sophia!”

Without so much as giving me a backward glance, she drove off.