Perfect Enough

Chapter Twenty-Six – Sophia

Chapter Twenty-Six

SOPHIA

I dropped onto the sofa and looked at the boxes my mother had dropped off for me earlier today. While I was with Haven and the dogs, my mother had been busy planning her move and mine. I was glad I hadn’t renewed my lease, but at the same time, I only had two months to pack up my apartment, find a place to live, and somehow manage to move my entire life.

Closing my eyes, I felt myself drifting off to sleep. I hadn’t slept much last night after what happened at the bar in Hamilton. I knew I’d overreacted, but seeing Josh with another woman when he’d been avoiding me since I’d left his house hurt way more than I wanted to admit. And it was easier to be mad at him than be hurt by him.

My phone buzzed on the side table, and I reached for it, not bothering to check who was calling.

“Hello?”

“You sound tired.”

The familiar voice was that of Josh’s cousin, Nate. I sat up quickly. “Is Josh okay?”

He chuckled. “Yes. At least, I think he is. He’s elbow-deep in homemade pasta sauce, noodles, and cheese.”

My confusion caused me to be silent longer than I should have.

“You still there?”

Clearing my throat, I replied, “Yes. I’m here. What do you mean?”

“Listen, Sophia, I’m just going to be honest with you because I have no clue what to say to get you to his house. So here goes.”

I smiled as I waited.

“He’s cooking you a homemade meal. Grams gave him a recipe for fresh pasta sauce and dough. He asked me to find a way to get you there, preferably around seven, so he can surprise you with this dinner. I’m sure he plans on groveling—which I think he should—and trying to woo you with flowers, chocolate, and some weird cake he’s making. Honestly, I don’t know how he’ll even clean his kitchen before seven.”

My hand went to my stomach, which was currently flipping with pure delight. “He’s doing all that for me ?”

“He really does feel like an ass for how he treated you, Sophia. He wasn’t himself.”

“I know he wasn’t.”

“Then you forgive him?”

I drew my knees up, wrapped my arm around my legs, and said, “There isn’t really anything to forgive. I know he didn’t mean to say the things he did.”

“And last night, nothing happened. The lady he was dancing with was a therapist who was pretty persistent, but not how you think. She just wanted to convince Josh he needed to talk to someone. And he did. I think his talk with Grams today helped him a lot.”

“How is Stella, you, and the rest of the family doing?”

He sighed. “I think okay. Grams sent everyone home and said she needed some alone time. We try not to let her be alone for too long, though. Granddad was the rock of our family, so…” Nate’s voice trailed off.

“I understand. It’ll take time, and to be truthful, I don’t think the pain of missing loved ones ever goes away. We miss them so much because we loved them so much.”

“I like that. I like that a lot.”

We both remained silent for a few moments before Nate cleared his throat. “Okay, well, I told him I’d try to think of some way to lure you over here, but in the end, I decided the truth was the best way to go.”

“Thank you for calling me, Nate. Should I head on over now?”

He laughed. “Probably. Oh, and, Sophia?”

“Yeah?”

“You might want to drive through McDonald’s first and get something to eat. I’m not sure how good his lasagna’s going to be.”

I’d almost taken Nate’s advice about grabbing something to eat but put my faith in Josh’s cooking seeing as he’d made me breakfast on more than one occasion. After pulling up and parking, I reached for my overnight bag and purse and headed to the front door. Instead of ringing the bell, I tried the doorknob. Smiling when I found it unlocked, I walked in. The smell of rich sauce and bread filled the house, and I was instantly grateful I hadn’t stopped to eat.

Setting my bag down, I started for the kitchen. As I drew closer, I could hear the faint sound of music playing. I stopped and listened for a moment. Was that the beginning of “You Need to Calm Down”?

With a hand over my mouth, I slowly peeked around the corner to see Josh at the stove, stirring something while dancing. I was assaulted by even more smells, all of them delicious.

I leaned against the wall and watched him singing and dancing while he cooked. When he launched into the chorus, I had to cover my mouth with both hands to keep from laughing. It did my heart good to see him happier. The visit with his grandmother must have really been what he needed.

“You could be glaaaad—oh shit! The cake!”

Josh frantically looked for an oven mitt to remove the cake. When he took it out and set it on the stove, I strained up onto my toes to see what he’d made. It looked like a Bundt cake of some kind.

He turned—and came to an abrupt stop when he saw me.

“Soph! You’re…” He looked around the kitchen. “Early.”

“Well, when Nate called to tell me you were making me dinner, and it was all from scratch, I thought I should come see if I could help.”

Josh’s eyes went everywhere, and mine followed. I’d never seen such a messy kitchen in my life.

“Do you have every single kitchen item out?” I asked as I made my way to the island. I couldn’t believe the amount of stuff on that island: a pasta maker, flour, sugar, about six bowls—all of which had something in them—measuring cups and spoons. And the centerpiece of it all, a mixer that appeared to have more cake batter in the bowl.

Josh let out a nervous laugh. “I might have bitten off more than I could chew. The upside-down Bundt pan pineapple cake might be a little overdone.”

My heart jumped in my chest. “You made my favorite dessert?”

He wore a sheepish smile. “I tried. I remembered you had mentioned in one of our texts. And when Grams was telling me how to make the pasta dough, it sounded so simple. It was making the noodles themselves that turned out to be a problem. I ended up having to ask my mom to bring me a box of noodles from home. She took one look at the kitchen and ran.”

Laughing, I picked up the bowl with the cake batter in it, dipped my finger in, and raised my brows. “I can’t say I blame her. It smells good, though. Did you make bread, also?”

“Grams did. She makes the best bread.”

Gathering up some dirty dishes, I placed them by the sink. When I turned back to get more, Josh was standing in front of me.

“Soph, I’m so sorry for the things I said and how I acted. I hope you know that I—”

Without giving him a chance to say anything else, I reached up, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him. He pulled my body closer and deepened the kiss. He tasted like sauce, wine, and, oddly enough, pineapple. It felt wonderful to be back in his arms.

I slid my hands into his soft hair and groaned when his hands cupped my ass, drawing me even closer.

Josh broke the kiss first, and I laughed when I glanced over his shoulder at the island. “Josh, this place is a mess!”

Dropping his head, he groaned. “I know! I’m never making homemade pasta, or sauce, again.” He looked back over his shoulder and sighed. “We could just go out to eat.”

“No, absolutely not. Everything smells wonderful. Well, except for something burning.”

“No! The sauce for the cake!” Josh cried as he spun around and ran back to the stove.

Sauce for the cake? What in the world had he made? “Sauce?” I asked.

“Yeah, I googled to see what you put on an upside-down pineapple cake and found a glaze recipe. Shit! It’s burnt now, though,” he said, as he made his way to the trash can and dumped the contents of the saucepan inside.

“That’s okay. I’d rather have it the way it is.”

He smiled. “I have cherries for it, though.”

I bit my lower lip to keep from laughing. He was trying so hard, and the last thing I wanted to do was make him feel bad. “I love cherries.”

He nodded. “I know! I remember you telling me.”

After rinsing the pot and setting it with the other dishes, he returned to the stove. “Okay, lasagna has about forty minutes or so.”

“You go make yourself a drink, and I’ll go ahead and start cleaning.”

“No way am I leaving you with this mess. How about if we both clean while we wait for my Italian masterpiece to be done.”

The fight to not laugh was lost, and Josh sighed before he joined in on the laughter.

He took my hand, brought it to his mouth, and gently kissed the back. “I’m so sorry, Soph. I don’t even know how to explain the headspace I was in…that I’m still in, if I’m being honest. I feel this war going on inside me.”

I raised my brows in question. “What do you mean?”

“It’s like I’m fighting between feeling utterly heartbroken and guilty.”

“Guilty? Why in the world would you feel that way?”

Josh shrugged. “I wasn’t here. I know it sounds crazy, but I keep thinking if I’d been working on the ranch that day, maybe I could have gotten to him. I know Lincoln started CPR, and Uncle Brock took over until the paramedics got there, but I didn’t even notice the call come over.”

“Weren’t you fighting a fire at the time, Josh? How in the world would you have known?”

He scrubbed his hand down his face. “I know it doesn’t make sense. But I can’t help how I feel.”

“And that’s okay,” I said, taking both of his hands in mine. “You’re allowed to feel the feelings you have, Josh. There is no right or wrong way. But I need you to know that it wasn’t your fault. I understand it’s hard to think that way, trust me. I sat alone for a few weeks in my apartment and wondered what I’d done wrong after my dad left us. What had I missed? Why wasn’t his love for me enough to keep him here? But no matter how many times I went over and over it in my head…the outcome never changed. I had to get to the point where it was either move on with my life, or suffocate in my grief.”

He nodded. “I made an appointment with a grief counselor earlier today. Grams is going, too.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.”

Josh took a step closer to me. “What I need right now, though, is to know that I didn’t mess things up with us . And I need you to know I was miserable at the bar. I let Nate talk me into going because it was our friend’s birthday, and that Laney girl hounded me to dance. And the entire dance, she hounded me to seek therapy. There wasn’t anything more to it.”

Pressing my finger to his mouth, I said, “I know. Nate told me everything. And I’m sorry about the night of the memorial…that I turned you down.”

“You were right. I was trying to find a way to forget everything. It wasn’t fair for me to put that on you. But, with that said, I still want to make love to you, Soph. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I want you to be my first…and my last.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I threw myself at him. Josh held onto me tightly. The feel of his body against mine was heaven. Pulling his head back, he kissed me before I could say anything else.

It started off slow, and I moaned into his mouth. Josh moved his hands over my body, and I suddenly needed more. So much more.

When I dropped my head back, Josh kissed my neck, jawline, and down to the exposed part of my chest. “Josh,” I whispered, my breath growing heavier as he palmed my breast.

“God, I want you, Sophia. Now.”

My head bobbed up and down in agreement as he lifted my shirt over my head. He pulled my bra down, exposing a nipple, and took it into his mouth. A rush of tingles filled my entire body and settled in my core. I was throbbing, and the only thing that would ease it was Josh’s touch.

“What about,” I panted, “the food?”

Josh eased his mouth back from where he was sucking and biting my nipple and glanced at how much time was left. “I don’t want our first time to be rushed.”

“Honestly, Josh, you could take me right here, and I would be the happiest woman in the world.”

He smiled. “It is my first time. I probably won’t last five seconds.”

“Don’t talk like that!” I said, playfully hitting him on the chest.

Josh took my hand and we nearly ran through the house to his room. “I need to make sure you come first,” he said with a rawness in his voice I’d never heard before. It turned me on even more, if that was possible.

We quickly undressed one another and before I knew it, I was on the bed, Josh’s face between my legs, and I was screaming out his name.

When I finally drifted down from my orgasm, I felt Josh placing soft kisses up my body. He spent time on each nipple before settling himself between my legs. The feel of his heaviness pressing against the core of my body nearly had me coming again. The idea that he’d waited, and I was the one he’d chosen to give himself to, almost had me crying.

Lacing one of his hands in mine, my legs locked around him, Josh looked at me. Our eyes met, and he slowly pushed inside me. I’d thought Josh was handsome, but seeing him like this, moving his body inch by inch into mine so reverently, I was struck by just how beautiful this man was.

Josh suddenly stilled, closed his eyes, and drew in a few deep breaths.

“Are you okay?” I stroked his hair as I waited for him to answer.

“I am, but I just realized I’m not wearing a condom…and I don’t have any, for obvious reasons.”

I laughed, and he moaned.

“Don’t laugh! You squeeze around me, and I’m not even all the way in and I already feel like I’m about to lose control.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I stifled another laugh. “I’m on the pill.”

Josh’s head dropped as he said a muffled, “Thank the heavens above.”

He looked up, and our eyes caught again. He pushed in farther when he lowered to kiss me. He paused, drew another deep breath as he let go of my hand, cupped my face, and said, “I love you, Sophia.”

“Oh, Josh,” I said, bringing his mouth to mine and kissing him. He pushed all the way in and held there as we kissed each other like it was our last chance.

I ripped my mouth from his and gasped for air. “Josh! Are you going to move? I need you to move.”

“I can’t. It feels so damn good, I swear I can’t move.”

My fingers clutched the hair at his neck as I smiled.

“What if I suck?”

I laughed, and his entire body jerked. “Sorry! Sorry! And you’re not going to suck.” I could feel the tension in his body, see the sweat gathered at his temples. With my hand on the side of his face, I reached up and kissed his nose. “By the way…I love you, too.”

A brilliant smile spread across his face, and his muscles finally relaxed.

He started to move, slowly at first, and did it feel heavenly. I hadn’t been with many guys, two, actually, and neither compared to Josh. He was so gentle, whispering my name as he showered me with attention from his mouth and hands while moving in and out of my body, feeding another build-up with each stroke.

“Oh, God,” I whispered as the familiar feeling started. “Don’t stop what you’re doing!”

When he moved faster and slid his hands under my ass, the angle changed—and I exploded. Grabbing the bed sheets, I cried out, my body arching with the pleasure of my release.

“Sophia!” Josh gasped as he thrust faster and harder inside of me. The moment was beautiful, and I felt my emotions taking over. I was his first…and I knew with my heart of hearts, I was absolutely going to be his last.