Perfect (Love in Yorkshire #1)

Eleven

I exhaled heavily. There was a strange throbbing sensation inside me. My body was floaty and warm and the material of my dress felt cool against my skin, but I wasn’t that drunk. I was at that nice point where the alcohol relaxes you, but not so much that you make a complete tit of yourself. Natalie and Nate were pretty much three sheets to the wind and were now walking ahead of the group, swaying all over the place.

The nightclub ‘Josephine’s’ had a huge queue and as we approached the tall, glass-fronted building, we immediately drew attention. Two guys I recognised who had been watching us in the first bar jogged up to us, one bumming a light from Natalie. One of the bouncers was staring straight at me, he didn’t even attempt to hide his ogle. A pretty sleazy move considering he was supposed to be there for our protection?

I watched and listened in as Natalie spoke with the two younger guys in the queue whilst lighting ‘Mark’s cigarette. Yet another surprise, I hadn’t realised she smoked. She was probably giving them her number and telling them what slot they could have. Her outfit and her attitude screamed ‘get it here’. Slag.

Mark’s friend was speaking to me, asking my name, but just as I was about to reply, Ella grabbed my hand and tugged me along beside her. I couldn’t do anything but follow mid-sentence as I stumbled along, wobbling against the tarmac.

“We’ve got to go guys, places to be… people to see!” she yelled behind her, offering no apology for blatantly blowing them off.

The others fell in behind us and after a brief word in one of the burley bouncers’ ears, they let us straight in. It appeared Ella had contacts.

We all negotiated our way through the glass entrance into the club, our shoes clicking in succession against the flooring. We didn’t even need to pay an entry fee which was cool and I wasn’t asked for ID.

“Hey, where’s the fire?” I puffed as Ella dragged me along.

“Sorry, but I want to get to the bar before happy hour ends.”

I managed to stop myself from tripping over a variety of feet. Of course, ‘happy hour’, silly me! What the hell was ‘happy hour’ ?

The bar area was mashed and flustered staff were franticly taking orders.

It was a fairly classy-looking place. The floors were solid wood and the walls a mixture of mahogany panelling and maroon paint. The disco lights flashed in time to the music. There was a distinctive ‘the place to be’ vibe and I felt my stomach muscles relax. Especially after the news from the not-so-nice Natalie. I hoped she didn’t try and speak with me again; the Marks of this world were welcome to her. She’d wound me up that much, the thought of her and Connor together made me want to gouge her eyes out.

People were scattered across the dancefloor and were chatting in groups. Not many people were dancing at that point. Too early I imagined.

Ella ordered herself two drinks together and revealed that ‘happy hour’ was basically ‘buy one get one free’. Needing to reign myself in a bit, I opted for a mocktail. I eyed the tall glass of neon-coloured liquid suspiciously. Wondering how many calories I would be consuming.

I could feel appreciative eyes upon me from all directions and it felt good. I even allowed myself to return a few smiles.

As we approached the seating area, where the others were sat, a half-inebriated Nathan waved us towards two empty chairs. I was relieved as my feet were already killing me, the heat from the base of my foot threatening to melt the glue from the soles of my shoes.

Ella grabbed a chair and plonked herself in it, crossing her long legs, looking every bit at home. I still felt a bit conscious myself, considering my underage status. I looked fleetingly around for Natalie, who must have gone off with Mark, thank the stars. They were probably in a dark corner somewhere doing something seedy.

As I made myself more comfortable in my seat, Tom’s carefree blue eyes ran over me and I felt heat sting my cheeks again by his barefaced appraisal. He so needed to stop being so obvious. His attention was a little on the creepy side.

He pulled out the stool opposite and straddled it, leaning forward, resting his beer against one knee.

“So, are you enjoying yourself?” he began. He took a swig from the bottle, his eyes never leaving my face. Alcohol had obviously given him courage but Ella nipped that in the bud pretty quickly .

“OK Tom, give the girl some breathing room.”

Her comment embarrassed him and I felt a twinge of pity.

I bent forward carefully, not wanting to hit him with an abundance of cleavage and send the wrong message.

“I’m really enjoying it. It’s been a while since I’ve been out so, thank you for asking me.”

My words gave him back his glow and he grinned.

Scanning the room again for Connor, I dipped in and out of the conversation flowing around me.

“You won’t see him you know,” Ella’s voice bit into my thoughts.

Shrugging my shoulders, I turned to her.

“I’m that easy to read?” I replied drily, no longer caring if I exposed how I felt about Connor. Ella appeared to be fairly astute when she’d been drinking and like a dog with a bone when it came to her bestie Connor.

She rolled her eyes in response.

“Maybe not to the others. But I’ve seen that look before.”

My focus was redirected as Kyle and Max started arguing. The banter between them was competitive but playful and fairly funny to watch. They definitely weren’t boyfriend material though, maybe in another ten years!

Smiling my understanding, I squeezed her knee in a supportive gesture. The girl also had boy demons to share.

After an hour or so, Ella and I went to dance. The guys joined in on and off, although Tom looked really uncomfortable, doing that one foot to the other thing like he needed the toilet. Kyle, Max, and Nathan just jumped around in a huddle to the music with their hands on each other’s shoulders. Unfortunately, Natalie and Mark joined us briefly. She was all over the place and danced like you did when you thought no one was looking. Mark just leered enthusiastically at her with a serious case of raper-face. I wondered if I needed to be worried but shook off the thought, the girl could probably take care of herself. I’d mention it to Ella, maybe she could ensure Natalie texted when she was safely home. I was momentarily amazed by my niceness, after the way the cow had spoken to me, I should get a medal .

The DJ bled slow music into one of the more kicking tunes, changing the atmosphere on the dance floor into more of a smooch zone and everyone in our group and some of the other clusters of people left to sit down.

I excused myself and went to get some water. The queue at the main bar was huge so I went through the back of the club and found an area that had a small, more intimate dancefloor and bar, which luckily only had one person waiting.

After quenching my thirst, I walked over to stand at the edge of the dancefloor and watched the people gathered there who were slow dancing. Couples, holding each other and swaying to the music and I wondered how it would feel to dance in Connor’s arms.

One of my favourite songs suddenly fed into the current track, it was Halo by Beyoncé. She was one of my favs.

I closed my eyes, allowing the music to wash over me. There were a few groups of guys and girls sitting around the edges of the floor at tables, but I didn’t care. I was too lost in the moment.

As I opened my eyes, my heart swelled against my ribcage and excitement licked up my spine.

Connor was at the other edge of the dancefloor, watching me intently; standing there like a Godly miracle. I wanted to run to him, but my legs wouldn’t move. I trembled, shocked into a trance by his presence, and my lower body started to pulsate.

I wanted to part the people on the dancefloor like Moses did the sea so I could see him fully.

I drank in the sight of him as he slowly started moving through the swaying couples, his expression forceful, and purposeful. His eyes remained connected to mine the whole time, almost like we were fused together.

Connor’s confident movement screamed that there was nothing he couldn’t do if he put his mind to it. Controlled and powerful. Very much the confident alpha male. The dancing people automatically moved out of his way, as if feeling his commanding presence.

As he came to stand in front of me so big and strong, I raised my head to retain eye contact, thoroughly alive with pleasure, my body was humming. His sensual lips curled at the edge in silent greeting and I could see he was pleased to see me. It was written on every part of his beautiful face. Connor had a smile that could melt stone and a gaze that could heat blood.

He motioned down towards his clothes with a flick of his wrists, as if asking for my approval. He looked amazing and I nodded with a grin, confirming how gorgeous he looked.

His eyes appraised my dress, arching one sexy eyebrow and I knew he too was pleased with what he saw. My heart began to thump irregularly again.

Connor wore black tailored trousers and a grey shirt which was open at the neck, exposing the strong line of his throat. I wanted to put my mouth there.

A jet of further excitement shot into me as he ran his hands across my shoulders and down my arms, entwining his fingers into mine before turning me and walking me backwards onto the dancefloor.

Following as he guided me, my breath caught in my throat as he lifted my arms and draped them around his neck which pushed my breasts against his rock-hard chest.

Pleasure was surely going to burst out of me due to the sweet contact of our bodies. He was so firm against my softness, the muscles of his abdomen a reminder of his strength. I had never felt so aroused.

Closing my eyes, I placed my head against his chest and felt his breath in my hair. He moved his hands down to my hips and we swayed slowly to the music.

Contentment throbbed inside me; I felt so safe. Protected, and cherished. My body was trembling and his fingers slid further around my waist, resting just above my backside.

At that moment my life was perfect, when I was near him, everything felt right. Meant to be. The scent of his body was making me light-headed and I clung to him.

He was silent as his body pushed against mine, the song playing all around us. This wasn’t just any song; this was our song.

I felt like I was floating and just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he curled his fingers around my wrists and gently pulled my arms to my sides. I raised my head and my eyes met his .

Connor’s hands moved to capture my face and he lowered his head to kiss me, at first placing small kisses at each corner of my mouth, before fully covering my lips with his own.

My eyes flared and I grabbed his biceps which flexed against my fingers.

The kiss was unreal, so much hotter than anything we had shared so far and that thin thread I had on my control split.

It was as if there were only the two of us, no music, no Natalie’s or Ella’s; no one but us.

He took my mouth with an uncompromising demand and I opened my lips as his tongue pushed inside. The kiss became quite fierce and I moaned into his mouth, excitement and need rushing into my body.

We must have remained joined together for minutes but it wasn’t enough. I wanted the kiss to never end.

Connor came to his senses before I did. I was dazed at the new level of intimacy we had just shared. He slowly pulled away and his hands curved around my jaw as he stared down into my eyes.

“I need to be inside you,” he whispered.

“You know I want that too, right?” I replied shyly.

He exhaled sharply and it sounded pained.

“We need to stop before this gets out of hand. Public place and all that,” he whispered directly in my ear in a gruff voice. I pursed my tingling lips and closed my eyes, feeling dreamy, revelling in the hottest sexual encounter I had experienced. My mouth throbbed with the need for more.

As I opened my eyes, Connor was watching me, desire evident in his sensual stare and he caught me by the elbows, gently shaking me from my passion-induced stupor.

“Harlow.Earth to Harlow.”

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him blissfully.

“And you can wipe the ‘silly girl been kissed for the first time’ look off your face. We’ve done this before,” he whispered, I could sense he was smiling.

My grin only became wider and he chuckled before tucking me into his side.

As Connor led me off the dancefloor by my hand, he stopped at the entrance into the main club and turned to me with a finger to his lips. I immediately knew what his silent message was. We were about to approach the others and they weren’t to know.

I felt slightly disappointed as I was actually now desperate for them to know. I hated cloak-and-dagger scenarios. Ella kind of already knew anyway and it wouldn’t hurt to break the news to the overly amorous Natalie if she wasn’t actually straddling Mark at that moment down some back alley. I thought I owed it to Tom too who was still a bit too keen.

Nodding my understanding, he released my hand. I felt like I imagined a drowning person felt without their life jacket.

We walked together over to our friends who were all pretty well smashed. It probably couldn’t get any messier. There were peanuts all over the floor and several bottles were strewn over the table.

Ella seemed the most coherent one and was sat with a bottle of beer in her hand, a glazed look on her face. Nathan was asleep with his head on her shoulder.

I took in the chaos and said with a grin. “How long was I gone?” Dragging up Ella’s attention. She didn’t seem surprised by Connor’s presence.

Connor instantly took control. His voice firm and clear over the music and chatter of the club. He checked the chunky watch on his wrist before announcing.

“It’s time to call it a night. Ella, wake dickless up.”

Relief pooled into Ella’s expression. I felt a twinge of annoyance, she was obviously relieved at Connor’s intervention. The girl must have some type of feeling for him, God only knew why she appeared to be hiding it from me. I’d rather her just say they were good friends or something. I obviously didn’t want her to confess the other thing. My insecurities about them having a past together was still rolling around inside me.

I helped to stand some of the bottles on the table and Ella nudged her shoulder to dislodge Nathan, telling him to wake the hell up.

He did and sat up glassy-eyed as he took in his surroundings. At least his chin was drool-free.

“Connor?” he cheered with a schoolboy type of glee like a fucking celebrity had just turned up. He was overly pleased to see him, the old tension between them now firmly in the past, it appeared .

“You need to get up man, Kyle and Max are taking a taxi. I suggest you share it.”

Kyle and Max appeared as if Connor had snapped his fingers and helped Nathan to his feet. He opened his mouth to refuse but Connor wouldn’t have it. “Go home hard-on, you’re done. I’ll drop Ella off on my way past.”

He looked almost ready to argue but then nodded, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

We all said our goodbyes and Connor and I waited by the door whilst Ella went to the cloakroom to fetch our jackets. There was no sign of Natalie which was a relief, the thought of her joining us in the car was not one I relished. She was probably giving out free blow-jobs at the back of the club.

We stood in silence. I did feel slightly woolly-headed, but not a total lost cause.

“I take it dad sent you to get me?” I questioned breezily.

“No, not this time. I offered actually.”

I lit up at his words and grinned but he shot me a look of warning before glancing to look for Ella’s approach.

“Behave,” he instructed in a warm voice and I held my hands up in mock surrender.

Ella joined us, muttering something about her jacket smelling like fags and we all left the club together. As we set off out into the street, I was dying to hold hands with Connor, but of course, I couldn’t.

I was just about to mention Natalie when Ella said she’d received a text from Noah, Natalie’s brother to say she’d arrived home safe but was shit-faced and covered in sick. Nice, classy. She was probably covered in other bodily fluids but I decided not to go there.

In the Ranger on the journey back to the farm, Ella chuntered about this and that. She put in a bit about boys and why they were all a nightmare which again didn’t suggest her ‘complication’ would be connected to Connor. Part of me wanted to interrogate him about both Ella and Natalie when she left the car but I felt so sleepy. The alcohol had left my body feeling heavy.

I dozed off with my hand on Connor’s strong warm thigh, replaying our kiss over and over until the nothingness kicked in .

The next morning, I woke up in bed, fully dressed. I hazily remembered Connor carrying me upstairs and me making jokes about him tucking me in and that was about it. I didn’t feel embarrassed though. After what we had shared, I felt confident in his company. His appearance at the club and behaviour proved that the guy at least felt something, even if it was just plain old lust.

It was Saturday morning and Connor had gone into the village or so dad explained over breakfast.

As I was reading my Kindle, Tom texted to say that they usually went to the pub for the quiz on a Saturday and did I want to go. Ha ha! So, there was a quiz in the pub, I knew it!

I thought about it for a while and then decided why not. Connor had been a no-show all day and he hadn’t even attempted to text me. I knew he had my number. I appeared to have spent the entire day pining after him like a lost puppy. Did last night even mean anything? Had I again, misjudged it due to the booze?

*****

It appeared I was turning into a bit of a party animal, going out two nights in a row but it was just the local pub and a quiz at that.

While I was getting ready, I still hadn’t seen or heard anything from Connor and I continued to feel annoyed. Like I was being ignored again, or was I just the neediest bitch on the planet?

Clothing-wise, I’d chosen tight black jeans with rips in the knees, a pale pink tee, and flat strappy sandals. I left my hair loose as usual.

A definite dress-down occasion, nice and casual.

The alarm went off on my iPhone to notify me of the time. Tom had said he’d pick me up and he was due to arrive any minute. I grabbed my clutch, pulled on my cropped leather jacket and set off downstairs. As I rounded the corner in the hallway, I met Dad as he was going into his study.

He did a double-take.

“Wowzer! Where are you going? You look amazing, again,” he announced proudly and I blushed. He looked me up and down with an appreciative grin. “My God you’re growing up fast. And two nights on the trot,” he pointed out through raised eyebrows.

“Thanks, dad, I’m going to the pub for drinks with Tom.”

He seemed pleased by my answer and nodded. “I see, well enjoy yourself.” I knew he approved of Tom, a chap who was ‘going places’ as he’d said before.

I smiled reassuringly.

“Will do.” I batted off the need to ask about Connor. I realised that a bit of space was probably for the best. Considering I hadn’t got that much longer before I’d have to go home. That thought hung like a heavy chain around my neck, dragging my mood down.

He pulled me in for a hug.

“Do you have enough money?”

“Yes, thanks. I’ve got a tenner. That will do,” I replied.

Lights came in through the window as a car pulled up, which I guessed would be my ride.

“Have a good time then. Back by 11pm, please. Rachel and I are also out tonight but Connor should be back. Do you have your phone and key just in case?”

I nodded about both and brushed past him to open the front door.

As I left the house, I was pleased I’d chosen to wear my jacket, as it was much colder than it had been earlier.

I was in the process of double-checking I had my phone and keys when what I had thought was Tom appeared in front of me. I looked up, all smiles. Of course, it wasn’t Tom, it was Connor.

I closed my clutch bag and looked up at him, thoughts of my phone forgotten. He held that brooding expression that I knew so well and it made my heart swell in my chest.

He wore a hoody and jogging pants and his hair was wet. From the bag he carried, I surmised he’d been to the gym. The thought of that body working out made my tummy somersault in a frenzy.

“Harlow,” he began in a quiet voice, his eyes running over me.

“Connor. ”

He dropped the gym bag he’d been holding at his feet and motioned to my attire with one hand.

“Off out again?”

I pursed my lips before replying. “Yes, just the pub though. I’m waiting for Tom.”

Connor’s mouth hardened.

Why did it feel wrong to say Tom’s name? I suddenly felt guilty.

I wasn’t sure what emotions flickered across my face but Connor seemed to be absorbing them all. He didn’t press the matter.

“You look nice.”

My mouth fell open and I almost stuttered. ‘Where the heck have you been all day?’ Instead, I blurted. “I do?”

His mouth twisted and he cocked an eyebrow. “You know you do.”

Did I though? I must say I’d never felt as unsure in my own skin, especially around this particular guy. Nothing ever seemed to be straightforward between us.

I paused before replying, wondering whether now was the right time to speak about last night and what it was that we were actually doing.

“Connor, I think…”

Again, the bloody burr of an engine cut me off as Tom drew into the yard.

I exhaled sharply. Now was obviously not the time. Would that day ever come? “I’d better go, I’ll see you later.”

He turned his head to take in the approaching vehicle.

“Which pub?” he asked. This time his voice was soft.

“The Crown, in the village. You should come, it isn’t a date or anything. We’re doing the quiz. I know it’s not your thing but you might enjoy it?” I added.

His frown told me he wasn’t on board with that suggestion. He took a moment to answer before retrieving his bag and brushing past me.

“We’ll see, enjoy yourself.”

I felt torn. I so wanted to talk about what was going on between us but Tom had already ejected himself out of the car.

He looked smart in black jeans and a button down top.

“Everything OK?” he began as he warily watched Connor leave. “He didn’t look too impressed. ”

I rolled my eyes in a God give me strength manner before reassuring him.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.”

Tom pursed his lips, looking me up and down appreciatively.

“You look stunning as usual. Shall we go?”

We walked to the car with Tom shadowing me and then helping me into the vehicle like I was a member of the royal family. I sure hoped Connor wasn’t watching from the house, no doubt he’d find Tom’s chivalrous behaviour totally unnecessary.

I settled myself into the seat and put my belt on with a gargantuan lump in my throat, not really clear as to why I suddenly felt so sad.

Tom climbed in beside me and I tilted my head and asked.

“What did you mean that Connor didn’t look impressed?”

After starting the engine, he reversed the car.

“I’m not sure, maybe he’s just had a bad day as I have spoken to him about us. Well, not that there is an ‘us’, but I told him I like you and wanted to see if there was anything in it. I hope you don’t mind. He didn’t really say much, just that if I hurt you, he’d break my legs. Anyway, I’ve decided to make my move in spite of his warning. I’m a good guy after all and so I imagine my ability to walk will remain intact.”

Digesting his words, I felt a bit annoyed and not necessarily at Tom. Connor had kissed me and yet was giving other guys the green light? What the actual fuck? My usual calm attitude started to bubble to boiling point.

What was it with bloody boys and their mixed messages?

I cocked an eyebrow. “So, you taking me to the pub is ‘making your move’ right?” I said in a light tone.

Tom beamed at me, thoroughly proud of himself.

“That’s right. And I think I did the right thing by checking with Connor as he did warn us off you in the beginning. I imagined the warning was because he wanted you himself. But of course, he’d never do anything about it, you’re his stepsister, it’s against the code.”

If only he knew.

Popping the bait on my rod and flicking the line into the water, I fished like I have never fished before.

“So, you think Connor fancies me or fancied me?”

Tom changed gear, flicking me a knowing look.

“Of course. The jealousy he’d shown at Nate’s was textbook stuff and he’d have to be blind not to fancy you.”

Although I’d encouraged it, the smoke he blew up my arse felt great.

Pushing my hair back behind my ear, I released the breath that I had been holding. So, Tom held the belief that Connor would never make a serious move? Maybe he was right and the yo-yoing behaviour of ‘he loves me’, ‘he loves me not’ was all it would ever be? The thought made me want to start biting my nails. Maybe that’s what this lifestyle did to all girls. Ella’s fingers were pretty much fucked.

Not meaning to be disrespectful to Tom, I decided to encourage more conversation about Connor. My aim was to try and establish some more details about his dark past. Especially the situation with his dad, who must definitely be the reason behind his split personality.

Tom was saying something about Connor’s family.

My ears pricked up.

“Do you think his parents screwed him up?”

Tom steered the car into the road slowly, he really did drive like an old lady. He’d also overdone it with the aftershave again, you could almost taste it.

“To be honest, I was going to tell you the other night, but I thought it best to talk in person. I don’t trust text messages; they always get into the wrong hands.”

“OK.” Butterflies started fluttering in my tummy as I waited for him to spill it.

I felt a frisson of frustration as he took an age to answer and I wanted to physically shake it from him.

“Look, you’re not telling me anything which is going to come as a total shock. I know Connor has issues with his father,” I said twisting toward him.

My words had the desired effect and seemed to reassure him. What he said of course was much worse than I had anticipated.

“So, after Connor’s behaviour at the party and our text conversation about his medication I spoke to Ella,” Tom began, darting me a difficult look before turning back to the road. “I told her I thought he’d stopped taking his meds and she said she’d speak to him. After I pushed her, she actually opened up about what she knew. Ella has been withdrawn and cagey since she came back from America, so I was surprised by her reaction, to be honest.”

Pursing my lips, I recalled what Anna had said about Ella’s trip to America and the alleged pregnancy scare, which I now wasn’t sure I believed.

“So, something has been going on with her and she got to the point where she needed to share or she’d explode,” I suggested, eyeing Tom.

He nodded his head. “Something like that.”

“So, what did she say?”

After another boy-time beat of silence, he at last put me out of my misery.

“Connor was abused by his dad.”

I felt like I’d been shot in the stomach.

The worry I’d experienced after leaving Connor at the house intensified in my chest and I thought I was going to be sick. I inhaled and tried to ward of the churning feeling before I puked in Tom’s fucking Volvo. My guess had been wife beating, not child beating.

Of course, the two things were both horrendous, but in my mind, the latter felt much worse. How could a parent put their hands on their own child in anger?

My throat felt tight and I prompted.

“As in, like, physical abuse?” Another jet of horror shot into me like an arrow as my mind raced. Don’t jump to conclusions, do NOT jump to conclusions.

Tom paused before he replied.

“Yeah. Fucked up, isn’t it? I was shocked myself.”

“That’s awful. What else did she say?” I asked in a shaky voice. It was impossible to consider a guy like Connor to be a victim of physical abuse on any level. He was so tough and macho-looking. But of course, he wouldn’t always have been that way.

“And how come Ella knows all this?”

Tom pursed his lips before shooting me a look. “He confided in her one night. They were both pissed at the time. He probably doesn’t even remember.”

I tried to digest everything he was saying without losing my shit in front of him and demanding he take me back .

“Well, it kind of explains a lot. His mood swings and that. After something like that, you’d surely have a variety of issues.” I swallowed hard, so hoping I didn’t cry.

He nodded. “Absolutely and Ella wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

I paused with a painful feeling in my chest. It felt like a fist was crushing my heart. The fact that Connor had confided in Ella fricking Wade and not me also stung, like really stung.

A thought occurred to me. “I wonder if my dad knows. Connor alluded that he does.”

“I would imagine he does. Even if Connor doesn’t easily speak about it. Rachel would have told him surely?”

Pausing for thought, I realised that I agreed with him.

“Well, you’d think so. Dad never said anything to me though. Just that Rachel’s ex isn’t allowed anywhere near her. I thought he was spouting jealous boyfriend stuff. I remember him mentioning him before they were married.”

We were in the village now and I could see the sign for The Crown and knowing that we wouldn’t be able to continue the conversation in public, I hurried him up, thinking back to my earlier concern about the type of abuse.

“Is that all, do you know anything else? Was it just physical as in beatings? Please tell me Ella didn’t say anything about the sexual type of shit.” The very thought made me even more sick to my stomach.

He shot me a cornered look.

“Ella didn’t say it was sexual abuse. She said it was more messed up than just beatings though, more sophisticated. If you can use that word to describe what that sick fuck did. For instance, have you noticed that there are no TVs in your house?” he began.

My eyes narrowed, but I didn’t need to think about my answer. I’d established there were no TVs on day one.

“So? What’s that got to do with anything?”

Tom pulled the Volvo into the car park. “Ella said that his dad used to turn the volume up on the TV full blast and hold Connor’s head against the speaker when he was a kid, as a punishment. ”

I screwed up my face in disgust as the impact of his comment hit me. “That’s twisted. How old was he?”

Tom parked the car and turned off the ignition.

“I don’t know exactly, but young like a toddler, I think. As he got older, his dad also used to smack him around the head. That’s why he struggles with his hearing in one of his ears and why your dad must know, otherwise why no TVs?”

The comment about Connor’s hearing made me sit up straight in my seat

“What do you mean he struggles with his hearing ?” I blasted.

“Ella reckons it’s due to eardrum damage caused by his dad’s attacks. You must have noticed?” He shot me a searching look before he reached around to grab his jacket off the back seat.

I so didn’t want to be at the pub at that point but knew I’d have to ride it out, at least for an hour. I could then try and deal with the thoughts overloading my head before I saw Connor.

Realising Tom was still waiting for my confession that I had been totally ignorant of Connor’s ear issue, I shook my head. “Not really, I just put it down to him being ignorant. I’m such a blind idiot.”

I tried to recall all the instances when I’d spoken and he’d either blanked me or misheard what I’d said and another flood of emotion surged through me. I had been such an oblivious bitch.

“This is majorly messed up. I’ve probably said stuff I shouldn’t have, but how the hell was I to know?” I confessed. “He doesn’t wear a hearing aid or anything?”

Tom slipped his coat on.

“I know. It’s obviously not that bad but he does ask you to repeat stuff quite a lot. Please don’t blame yourself, how the hell could you have known? Connor is so guarded and of course, why wouldn’t he be? I’d have severe trust issues too if I’d been through half of what he has.”

I folded my arms across my chest and pursed my lips. It was a struggle to digest everything he was saying. I closed my eyes and pushed my head back against the headrest.

“God, this is a shit storm isn’t it. Now I understand Nate’s cruel comment about his ‘good ear’.”

Tom twisted towards me.

“I know, ballsy right? Talk about taunting the tiger, I’m surprised Connor didn’t spark him out there and then.”

Silence fell between us as we contemplated the horrible secrets which sat between us. The atmosphere in the car was heavy with the unpalatable revelation that was the darkness of Connor’s tortured past.

We sat there for a while, looking out of the windscreen, sharing a moment’s contemplation before Tom eventually put in. “Anyway, I thought you should know. And that’s only part of the abuse, as he got older and started to retaliate, it got a lot worse so I heard. Ella didn’t tell me everything. You probably haven’t even noticed his scars?”

My brow creased again. I’d seen quite a bit of Connor’s body and had never noticed any obvious marks or anything.

“Scars?” Could this shit get any worse?

Tom nodded. “That’s why he has all those tattoos, to cover the scars on his arm.”

I blew out a breath and unclipped my seatbelt.

Tom shot me a pained expression before saying. “They’re burns I think, on his arm with the tats. Scalds or something. You can see the skin is fucked if you look closely.”

I almost put my hands over my ears to muffle out what I was hearing.

That’s why the skin on that arm was a lot rougher than the other. I’d noticed it in the barn that night.

My mind was a maze of thoughts and then Ella’s face swam in there.

That niggling feeling that Connor had confided in her about his past and said nothing to me rose to the surface again.

It was all so messed up in my head, why couldn’t it have been more straightforward? Fair?

I exhaled sharply and shot Tom a bleak look. “Thanks for telling me. I appreciate it but maybe we should leave it there. He wouldn’t be happy if he knew we’d been talking about him.”

Tom looked relieved at my words and pushed his door open.

“I agree. I imagine you’re not in the mood for a quiz now but perhaps we should go in for a bit, take our minds off it. There’s nothing we can do about it now. ”

I too exited the vehicle, walking around the back to join him.

“I’m going to speak to my dad about it. He should have told me really.”

Tom fell in beside me as we made our way to the entrance of the pub. The car park was busy. “Yes, you should. But don’t tell him I told you though, Ella said no one is to know.”

“I won’t mention you when I speak to my dad.”

Tom started to pull the main door into the pub open but stopped when I threw him another question. “Where do you think his dad is now?”

He shrugged. “No idea. I think Rachel has some type of restraining order against him so that he’s not legally allowed anywhere near them.”

I pondered his reply, worrying my lip.

“Shit.” I blew out a breath suddenly feeling numb.

I pulled myself together quickly saying. “Anyway, quiz time. You’d better be good Wade, as with most things in life recently, I’m useless . Especially when it comes to getting the right answers it appears.”