Phoenix Found (Brothers of Fire #5)

Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Of course, now that Oliver had Perrin naked and in his rooms, he wasn’t exactly sure where to start. There were so many options. And he wanted all of them.

And Perrin seemed happy to go along with whatever he wanted.

He hung Perrin’s wet clothes over the warm towel rail, only taking a few peaks as the man undressed and slipped on the bathrobe. To his eyes, Perrin seemed human. Not that Oliver was an expert in humans or men.

Though he had seen more men than he had humans. Growing up, everyone around him had been a witch or a shifter. And while witches seemed to be human with magic, shifters were little more than animals. Or at least that’s what the Shadow Board had claimed. But he was a shifter, and he didn’t feel like an animal.

What did being an animal feel like?

What did being a ghoul feel like?

What did being a human feel like?

Had he asked himself all these questions centuries ago? Or in his last life? What had his previous life been like? Had he been alone for the whole thing, or treated badly? The thought was gut-wrenching.

“You suddenly look very serious,” Perrin said as if concerned about his mental state.

Everyone was so concerned. They all wanted the best for him, but at the same time, they wanted to protect him, which was how he’d been living but in a much bigger, prettier cage.

“Thinking.” He turned and leaned against the warm rail. While Perrin was all but naked, he was entirely dressed, having done up his jeans when he got out of the bath.

“I can go if you’ve changed your mind.”

“No.” He wanted Perrin to stop being so nice and so accommodating. “Can you just treat me like one of your other lovers?”

Perrin’s pale eyebrows drew together. “I don’t have other lovers. I have friends, or I have anonymous hookups. If you were the latter, we wouldn’t be talking, and with the former, we wouldn’t be fucking.”

“Oh. Then what is this?”

“I don’t know. I’m not used to having more. It’s a little hard to date, as I don’t eat like a human.”

What did he eat like? Was it rude to ask?

“And paranormals don’t like your kind.”

“Traditionally, no. Something about bad omens and sickness, but in truth, we don’t kill. We clean up the dead to prevent the spread of diseases.” Perrin glanced away as though he’d said too much. “We don’t hunt. We’re scavengers.”

“What do you look like? Can you show me?”

“No,” Perrin said sharply before softening his voice. “I don’t want to give you nightmares.”

Oliver’s lips curved. “I don’t think that’s possible. But I know what I’ll be dreaming about. ”

Perrin nodded, his gaze on Oliver in a way that he very much liked. “Same.”

His smile widened. “You do like me.”

“I like kissing you.”

“Same.” Oliver mimicked Perrin’s tone. “Can you tell me about it?”

“About what?”

“Hooking up and stuff. Quentin explained how to be careful and how to roll a condom on, but it was all super boring.”

“You don’t want to?—”

“Oh, I don’t. I don’t mind you touching me, but…sometimes other people become too much. Even now, as much as I want to touch you, I need this little space between us.”

Perrin tilted his head as if he didn’t understand.

Oliver huffed, not used to explaining himself. “It’s like my skin gets too sensitive. I wanted to keep kissing you in the bath, but your hand on my ass became too much even though I liked it. And your lips on mine was…” It was hard to explain. “I want it, but then…I want to push you away so I can breathe.”

A couple of days ago, he couldn’t have even rationalized it that well. He was so used to being on his own that being around other people overwhelmed him. People were noisy, and they demanded attention. And after having Quentin in his rooms for a couple of hours, he needed a lie down with a book and a cup of tea because it had been so exhausting. But it had also been fun, which was confusing.

“That’s why I moved to lick you. Because then you couldn’t touch me.”

Perrin studied him as if still confused. “You want to hear what it’s like to suck a dick through a hole in the wall? To meet someone to fuck with no need for names?”

“Yes?” At least he thought he did. “That doesn’t mean I want to, but I want to understand why you do. Don’t you want to have a boyfriend?”

Perrin lifted his eyebrows. “Are you volunteering?”

His pulse became heavy and far too loud. And for a moment, he couldn’t swallow. “Maybe? I’m not sure how that works, either.”

Perrin laughed and shook his head. “I know how it’s meant to work, in theory.”

“I know how it works in books, though in the ones I read, it was a boyfriend and girlfriend, not boyfriend and boyfriend. And there’s usually dragons and swords and magic involved.”

“We’ve got phoenixes, ghouls, and magic.”

“There’s a sword in the storage room. Apparently, it’s mine. And I hear there is a dragon shifter staying in the castle.” It was kind of like what he’d read.

“What happens next in your books?”

“A quest or a curse or an arranged marriage.”

Perrin grunted. “I have the latter.”

“Oh, so I’m saving you from marrying the wrong person. Wait, who are you meant to marry?”

“A ghoulish woman, it’s a survival of the species thing,” Perrin said lightly as though it didn’t matter, but the pain in his eyes suggested otherwise.

“That’s kind of serious.” And the kind of thing he shouldn’t be meddling in by doing stuff with Perrin.

“I don’t want to marry any woman, so I’m trying to sort it out.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s not, but it’s not your problem to solve.”

“It is if you’re my boyfriend.” Oliver smiled.

Perrin rolled his eyes. “Why don’t I distract you with glory hole tales?”

“I’ll make tea. ”

“Sure… though most people would drink some kind of alcohol when telling these kinds of stories.”

“I’ve never drunk alcohol.” Dalmon said it would be better to learn to control his shifting before he started drinking. Though he wasn’t sure why he’d want to drink something that would make him careless.

Perrin smiled. “Tea will be fine.”

Oliver peeled himself off the warm towel rail and closed the gap between them. He placed his hand on Perrin’s chest and pressed his lips to Perrin’s.

“If you keep kissing me, you’ll end up naked, too,” Perrin murmured against his lips.

“Not much of a threat.”

“It’s all new and exciting, and I understand that?—”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. And I could tell you about what can happen if you are a little too eager and willing, but I don’t want to scare you.”

Oliver stared at him. “Was that you?”

Perrin nodded. “I was sneaking around because I didn’t want my parents to know, so all I had was gossip and porn.”

“Porn?”

“Videos of people having sex.”

That was a thing? No wonder he hadn’t been allowed TV—not that he’d known what one was. “Real people?”

“Actors…but it’s about as real as your fantasy books.” Perrin gave Oliver’s ass cheek a squeeze, pulling him closer for a moment.

Oliver squeaked, and Perrin let go as if burned.

“That was surprise, not stop.”

“But I didn’t know that, and I don’t want to push,” Perrin said, not grabbing hold again.

“No one wants to push. They’re all waiting for me to break.” He snapped. He wasn’t made of glass. He was free, and he wanted to experience that freedom.

“To be overwhelmed,” Perrin countered.

Oliver bit back a snarl of frustration. “I am, but I need to do things myself. I’m not a child?—”

“But you have the experience of one. You need to learn how to cross a busy road, how to?—”

“I feel more trapped now than I did before. Before, I didn’t realize I was imprisoned. Now I do and—” He snarled, unable to hold it back. Flames danced over the back of the hand resting on Perrin’s chest.

Oliver watched them as they danced all red and gold. They didn’t hurt, and he didn’t want to shift.

“You might want to put them out; otherwise, things are going to catch fire.”

“I can’t.” Great, he’d been ranting about how he was an adult, and how he wanted to live his own life instead of being coddled, and he couldn’t control his own magic.

Perrin grabbed his wrist so Oliver was no longer touching the bathrobe. “Keep it there. Magic is linked to emotions. You’re frustrated because you want to live. I felt the same at sixteen. Thought I knew everything.” Perrin’s gaze flicked between the flames that crawled over Oliver’s hand and his face.

“I’m twenty-six.”

“Going on sixteen, or sixteen thousand…you’ve done all of this before. The good, the bad, and the terrifying. You’ve seen it all. Hell, you’ve had more lovers than I’ll have heartbeats in my one and only life. Now imagine how annoyed you’ll be if you rush and die. You’ll have to start all over.”

Oliver exhaled. “That’s my soul bruise. I have this urge to make up for lost centuries.”

“But you’ll have so many more. Enjoy being safe and looked after because the alternative is much worse.” He wrapped his hand around Oliver’s, forcing him to make a fist. Perrin winced, and the flames went out.

Oliver stamped his foot and stared at the ceiling, blinking because he refused to cry about anything…about everything. “I know all of this, and yet, it’s like a rope chafing on a wound.”

“I’m no expert in that stuff. You’ll need to talk to your brothers.”

“I don’t want to.” He was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it.

“Can I hug you?”

“Yes.” Oliver nodded, and Perrin put his arms around him and held him close. Oliver closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have vented.”

“Everyone needs to, and you have a lot going on.”

“It feels like I have nothing going on.” Every time he wanted to do something, he found another barrier.

Magic or some other sensation chilled his back through his shirt. He glanced in the mirror to see Perrin’s fingers lengthening and claws forming. Then, as quickly as it had happened, they shrank and returned to how they usually appeared. For a couple of seconds, he wasn’t sure what he’d seen. But he remembered the cool press of Perrin’s fingers on his ass cheek. His hand had seemed too big.

Now he knew why.

“Are you okay? Did I burn you?” Oliver drew back, and for a heartbeat, he could see the shadows in Perrin’s eyes as if he were trying to find the right lie to tell.

Perrin lifted his hand. The skin on his palm was pink and new. “You saw that.”

Oliver nodded. “I didn’t mean to. Is that why you hugged me? To hide it? ”

“No. You looked like you needed a hug, and I took the opportunity. I should have waited until I was alone.”

“You should’ve said you were hurt.” He brought Perrin’s hand to his lips and kissed his palm.

“I didn’t want you to feel guilty.”

“I do anyway.” His magic hurt people. He hurt people.

“I chose to touch you. I knew the risk, but also that I’d be able to heal as long as it wasn’t too bad.” Perrin cupped his face, his palm cool against Oliver’s cheek. “Don’t feel guilty about my choices because I don’t regret it, and I’d do it again if it helped you.” His thumb swiped over Oliver’s cheek.

Damnit, a stupid tear had managed to escape. “It’s much easier to read about all these things.”

“Yeah. If I could go back, I’d tell my sixteen-year-old self to slow down, to wait until I had someone I trusted instead of drinking underage and letting things go too far.”

“Is that why you hook up? To be in control?”

Perrin huffed out a breath. “Probably. But also, because I didn’t want to hurt someone when I did the right thing and got married.”

“Yet here you are with a boyfriend, being my someone I can trust.”

Perrin’s eyes widened. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“But it did. Unless you’ve changed your mind?”

“I haven’t.” Perrin held his gaze. “But I should go because you need to untangle some shit, and so do I.”

“I’m sorry about burning you.” He shouldn’t have snapped. If he hadn’t, they’d be in bed or something. Instead, Perrin was making excuses to leave because he’d burned him.

“I’m fine, and that’s not why I’m leaving.”

Oliver nodded, his teeth pressing into his lower lip. “Do I need to break another tap for you to come over?”

“No. And I’ll give you my room number. ”

“So I can come over?” Was that an invitation?

“My rooms aren’t this nice, but sure. We can watch TV and see what happens…nothing needs to happen.”

“I hear what you’re saying, and even though I get all touched out, I still want to touch you.”

Perrin snorted with laughter. “I’ll make you a glory hole.”

“Tell me what that is first.”

“A hole in the wall where you stick your dick through and someone on the other side sucks it or fucks it.”

“Ohhhh. And you usually suck.”

“Yes…I’m sure I’m going to regret this conversation at some point.”

“Do you ever…” Oliver licked his lower lip. “Do you…”

Perrin lifted his eyebrows. “If you can’t say it, you’re definitely not ready for it.”

“Are you a top or a bottom?” They were the words Quentin had used.

“Why does that matter when you haven’t figured out what you like? There is so much other stuff to do, and you may decide you’d rather have a girlfriend.”

“Maybe.” Oliver was sure he had in the past and would again in a future life. But at the moment, all he wanted was Perrin. From the moment he’d seen him, there’d been something about him. His pale green eyes and light blond hair, the way he his energy was calm to touch, like stepping into a cool shower. Other people’s energy was erratic and jumpy, but not Perrin’s. “But not today, and not tomorrow.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.” Perrin kissed his cheek. “Now I’m going to dress, and you’re going to grab some paper to write down my number.”