Phoenix Found (Brothers of Fire #5)

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

“I had an accident with my flames,” Oliver said as a greeting to Dalmon. Oliver wasn’t skipping today’s lesson. Dalmon hadn’t been happy that he’d refused to go, but lying about what happened last night wasn’t going to help him in the long run.

Perrin’s words had hit home, and he spent much of the night lying awake thinking about what he’d said…as well as what they’d done. He had done all of this before. And would do so again. And all those memories existed; all those hopes and fears and dreams were a part of him.

Running away and rushing towards something achieved nothing because, in either this life or the next, he’d find both. That didn’t mean he wasn’t hungry to taste everything.

Dalmon crossed his arms. “What kind of accident?”

“The kind where my hand was on fire.” Oliver held up the hand which had betrayed him. He was sure he still felt Perrin’s cool touch on the back of his hand.

“You were able to put it out?”

“Yes. But I’m more worried about why it flared up in the first place. I was frustrated, and then…” He made a fist and let his fingers burst open.

“It happens. But you will also be able to control it enough to light a candle. For that, you can’t rely on your emotions. How did you put it out?”

“Err…” Oliver wasn’t ready to admit that.

Dalmon lifted both eyebrows.

“Calming thoughts?” He didn’t want his brothers to see him as magically reckless. Sure, he knew what he was—a phoenix, not a fire witch—but that didn’t make his magic any less dangerous. Especially not if he randomly burst into flames.

What happened if he lost control when Perrin was sucking his dick?

Although, to be fair, he hadn’t been thinking of anything but how good his mouth felt.

Dalmon shook his head, not believing the lie. “Did you put them out by yourself, or did you have help?”

Oliver sighed.

“I had help.” That broken tap was an excellent cover story. “My tap broke in the bath, and I called maintenance, and maybe I freaked out a little bit, and he reminded me that magic and emotions are linked and…” Oliver wrapped his other hand over the misbehaving one, mimicking what Perrin had done.

“Perrin?”

“Yes.” Please don’t ask any more questions. Although, if Perrin was his boyfriend, did it matter?

Dalmon studied him for so long that Oliver was sure Dalmon knew exactly what was going on between them. Finally, he spoke. “He’ll be taking you to your estate tomorrow.”

Oliver smiled. “I’m looking forward to seeing it.”

And being alone with Perrin.

“Let’s make sure you don’t burn it down. ”

Dalmon lifted his hand and created a single flame on the tip of his finger. “The easiest way to describe it is releasing a tiny amount of your shifting heat.”

“Then why did it happen when I was angry?” It hadn’t felt like escaped shifting heat.

Dalmon’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you were frustrated.”

“Same thing.”

“No, it’s not.” He walked around Oliver, his steps echoing in the stone cellar. “And you don’t use the wrong words.” He circled around and faced Oliver again. “Was Perrin hurt putting out the flame?”

“No. He did a partial shift.” Oliver wiggled his fingers.

“He’s a ghoul. They don’t shift.”

“It looked as though he did.”

“And you knew what he was before he did it. You’re not even questioning what a ghoul is.” Dalmon’s stare intensified. “You let him help you.”

Oliver gave what he hoped was a nonchalant shrug. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you don’t trust anyone. Even me.”

That was a fair point, and lying to the man who was the head of the Coven and had been a spy his entire life was not a smart move. He’d give Dalmon the very short version of events.

“After I shifted the first time, and you sent me off to the kitchen, he showed me where to find the food, and we talked.” Oliver lifted his chin. “Are you going to tell me who I can and can’t talk to? Perhaps you’d like to lock me in my rooms?”

Dalmon stepped back with a grunt as though Oliver had hit him. “That was not my intention.”

“No, you’re trying to make sure that I’m safe while I adapt. The thing is, that’s a lie. I can’t adapt and learn if I’m not allowed to do anything. I need to be allowed to make mistakes and ask for help if needed. It’s hard to breathe when I’m wrapped in your worry and fear for my safety.” He kept his voice level, but the frustration rose again, bubbling in his veins and making the ends of his fingers tingle.

“I understand?—”

“You can’t possibly understand.” And there went his control as both hands ignited. “Great.”

“Now you can learn how to extinguish them yourself.”

Oliver glared at his brother. “You changed the topic.”

“I don’t want to push you into the world unprepared.”

“I’m not in the world. I’m in the castle where everyone is vetted, and security is everywhere. Do you really think I’m in danger?”

Dalmon inclined his head at Oliver’s hands. “You will be the danger if you start burning things.”

Oliver snarled.

“What is it you want?”

Everything. He drew in a breath. “To be treated like everyone else, not a delicate creature made of glass. I’m not going to shatter.”

“I’d have said the same about Everest six months ago…”

Oliver swallowed. He was the reason Everest was broken. Though it had been Everest’s choice, not his. He hadn’t known there was anything wrong with his life. He’d believed in the protection of the Shadow Board because they never trained him to use his magic.

Never told him anything besides how dangerous his magic was.

He watched the flames on his skin, but he was seeing Everest the day he was rescued. The crown of flames and his hair pulled up in horns, the way he laughed as he fought to hold the Shadow Board witches back, as though the fire in the smoke didn’t bother him.

He needed to gain control of his magic so he didn’t become that monster.

“My mind is fine. But I will not become a danger the way the Shadow Board said I was. I need the lessons I should have had at sixteen. And I also need the freedoms I should have had at sixteen.”

The corner of Dalmon’s lips quirked up. “And the groundings as well?”

“I’ve spent my entire life being grounded…I want to learn to fly.”

“But are you ready for the inevitable falls? The scrapes and the bruises?”

He didn’t know what to expect or how much it might hurt, but he answered, “I guess I’ll find out.”

“And that’s what I’m worried about. If you aren’t ready, you might be hurt and become scared and retreat. Most children learn as they grow up, teenagers rebel and experiment, but they are aware of the rules and expectations. You aren’t.”

“I can’t read about the world forever. I need to experience it.” He needed to live. He sensed the flames in his hair as the long strands lifted on the air currents his flames were creating.

“And you will. Small steps, Oliver. Even a child learns to crawl before walking and running…and shifting. Have you considered being happy that you even have that chance?”

Oliver wanted to cross his arms and mirror Dalmon’s pose, but he didn’t want his clothes to catch on fire. “I am grateful, but I didn’t realize there was anything wrong with my life before. I was content.”

But lonely. He wouldn’t have said he was happy. Not knowing any different had made things easy.

“Let’s work on the magic today.”

Oliver nodded, not wanting the flames to spread any further.

“You need to pull your shifting heat back inside you to put the flames out.”

Oliver turned his hand over. “I didn’t let it out in the first place.”

“You did, but you didn’t realize.” Dalmon took a step closer. “What did Perrin do?”

“Put his hand over mine, so I made a fist.” Amongst other things.

“So try that.”

Oliver made two fists. The flames remained on his skin.

“Now draw your shifting heat deeper inside you.”

Oliver scowled as he concentrated. “I can’t even find my shifting heat.”

“Okay, find that first. It should be something that you’re aware of without giving it too much attention.” Dalmon touched beneath his ribs. “I feel mine here, and it ebbs and flows, and yes, it does swell when I get angry or experience other spikes of emotion, but it doesn’t escape. The more I need to shift, the more it pushes for release. But if you ask ten shifters the same question, they will all give you a different answer. Find your shifting heat.”

He scowled. When he’d worn the magic dampening cuffs, the shifting heat had been an itch beneath his skin. Something he couldn’t quite reach but became unbearable before a witch bled it off.

Maybe that’s how shifting felt for him.

So where was the itch?

He closed his eyes, enjoying the caress of the flames as they licked at his skin. He liked the way they danced. That was the itch he hadn’t been able to scratch.

It should exist within him, and if he wanted to, he should be able to shift. Then he sensed the tickle sliding through his blood. The one that made him scratch at the cuffs until he bled, until he begged them to take his magic.

All that magic had rushed to his hands and head, needing an escape…because he needed an escape. To taste the freedom that was now his.

He pulled it back, letting the heat flow through his blood, then sighed and opened his eyes.

“Good. Now create a flame.” Dalmon said as if Oliver hadn’t just achieved extinguishing his own fire.

“What? Why?”

“Because that’s part of controlling it. Trust me, you don’t want to set fire to your bed as you climax.”

Oliver’s eyes widened, and his cheeks heated…though no flames appeared, which was unfortunate as he’d be able to ignore Dalmon while he put them out. “That’s a thing?”

“Yes. Am I wrong to assume you’ve already been experimenting?”

He swallowed and wondered if he should shift to avoid this conversation. No, Dalmon would sit and wait for him. “A little…”

Was Dalmon going to warn him away from Perrin? Give him a lesson on ghouls?

“The removal of the dampening cuffs not only freed your shifting heat but your desire for intimacy. The two can be very similar.”

He’d felt lust before, but not the same way he experienced it now. He’d thought the difference was because he’d been alone. “He’s not in trouble?”

He’d promised Perrin that his brothers wouldn’t come after him.

“Only if he hurts you.”

Oliver shook his head. “I hurt him with the flames.”

“All the more reason to practice. Light up.”